May 9th 2016

Unedited. But kinda cute!

Sarah xx

~*~*~

"I think Nola hates me."

"Me too."

"Is this because of Alfie?"

"Good guess."

"Hm... well, tough. She can hate me because there's no way she was having our dog."

"God, we're so mean. Depriving a seven year old of a dog."

"I'd like to say that I feel guilty, but I don't. Not even in the slightest."

"Me neither."

"She'll get over it, won't she?"

"Probably. Elias made the fatal error of promising to get her a puppy, so... I think she'll survive not having Alfie in her life."

"God, I'd rather die than have a puppy. They're so naughty. At least Alfie was trained before coming home."

"True. Talking of homes, will I be staying at yours during my stay for Emma's wedding?"

"That depends."

"On?"

"Are you going to make more perverted comments about you, me and the possibility of having sex?"

"Wait, having sex was a possibility?"

"No! Get your head out of the gutter, Daniel. Honestly. You're an Earl, for Christ's sake!"

"What's that got to do with it? I'm a man. We have urges."

"Well, keep your urges in check."

"Easier said than done."

"So I've noticed."

"Ok, I'll stop with the perverted comments."

"Good."

"As long as you tell me what you're wearing."

"..."

"Well?"

"I'll go one better. I'll send you a photo."

"Kinky."

"..."

"..."

"Ok, I'm sending it."

"Can't wait."

"What do you think?"

"Not exactly what I was expecting, but... It's an improvement on what you usually look like."

"Well, look who'll be sleeping on the couch."

"The couch?"

"Yes."

"Your couch?"

"Yes."

"In your house?"

"Yes."

"I can make that work. It's a step closer to the bedroom than if I were to say in a hotel."

"Daniel, don't make me regret allowing you to stay at my place, ok? I could easily banish you to that dreaded hotel."

"Ok, ok. Gee, don't get your knickers in a twist."

"I'm not wearing any knickers."

"..."

"..."

"You're not?"

"I don't know, Daniel. Am I?"

"Come, now, Sophie. Don't talk dirty to me while you're half way across the world."

"I wouldn't dream of talking dirty to you even if we weren't half a world away from each other."

"You break my heart, Soph."

"..."

"I mean, Sophie."

"It's ok. You can call me 'Soph.'"

"I can?"

"Sure, why not."

"Soph. Soph. Soph."

"That's my name, don't wear it out."

"Whoa, I feel like I was just transported back in time to the nineties. Who says that these days?"

"Me, because I'm cool like that. Anyway, the nineties are making a comeback."

"They are?"

"In fashion terms, yeah, kinda."

"But why? The nineties were awful the first time around. No one wants to live through that again, especially those of us that have alraeady lived through it once."

"The nineties were cool!"

"They weren't."

"Yeah they were. We even had the whole Cool Britannia movement during that time. Cool Britannia."

"No."

"No?"

"No, they weren't cool."

"You're just jealous that you weren't cool during that time."

"Oh, and you were?"

"Hey, I've always been cool."

"Bullshit."

"... Excuse me?"

"I said, 'bullshit.'"

"No, I heard you. I just... since when do you talk like that? What have I done to you?"

"Well, to begin with, you've made a certain part of my body-"

"LAA, LAA, LAA! DO NOT FINISH THAT SENTENCE! LAA, LAA, LAA."

"Oh, Soph, you really are easy to wind up. And I thought you were the open-minded one in this relationship."

"Relationship?"

"Partnership?"

"Partnership?"

"In this Danphie-ship?"

"Haha! That's hilarious! Danphie-ship."

"Whatever. Anyway, you're the prude in this... thing."

"I am not a prude!"

"No, you're right. You're just all talk and no action."

"No action?"

"Not that way. God, now whose head is in the gutter? I just meant to say that, back when we started talking, you were rather open and honest, but now you're completely the opposite."

"Yeah, well... I don't want you to think that I'm... you know."

"Right, because I can read minds!"

"I don't want you to think that I'm easy."

"What. The. Hell? Easy? Where did that come from?"

"It's no secret that I was a flirt and that I've had more boyfriends than I've had hot dinners-"

"That's not you speaking, Soph. Who told you that?"

"No one."

"Who. Told. You. That?"

"Kathleen."

"Who the fuck is Kathleen?"

"Kathleen O'Keefe. You met her at Church on Easter Sunday, remember?"

"No... wait! Yes, I do! Her son was the wanker that fucked you about."

"Your vocabulary is very colourful these days, Whitaker."

"Side effect of being pissed off. So, she's the one that's got you thinking that you're easy?"

"Maybe."

"Ok, then may I be the first to say this- who gives a flying fuck what that Catholic whore has to say?!"

"Daniel! You can't say stuff like that!"

"And she can't say stuff like that about you. Quid pro quo."

"Still, you can't say that."

"You said 'hell' in Church."

"..."

"Did I win that argument?"

"Whatever."

"I totally won that argument."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"So... this silence is awkward."

"Daniel?"

"Yeah, Soph?"

"You're an idiot."

"Charming."

"But you're my idiot."

"Really?"

"We're in a Danphie-ship, aren't we?"

"In that case, I am totally your idiot."

"Haha, good."

"I get the feeling as if you're about to hang up on me."

"Um, yeah... I kinda am."

"Fine."

"Sorry."

"It's cool, 'gator."

"Thanks, baboon."

"No worries."

"..."

"..."

"Daniel?"

"Mhm?"

"Love you, bye."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"Love you, bye."

"Idiot."

~*~*~

A/N

I totally ship Danphie more than Manah #sorrynotsorry #danphie-ship #DGAF

Yeah... that's about it! Love you, bye!

Sarah, xx