January 1st, 2016

"Hello?"

"You cheated on me? I mean, I know you're a cold hearted bitch on a good day, but this? You fucked my brother. Jesus."

"Your brother's name is Jesus?"

"What? Are you trying to be funny?"

"Not really. Look, you have the wrong number."

"Excuse me?"

"I'm not your girlfriend. I'm not anyone's girlfriend. Piece of advice, you may want to think about making your girlfriend your ex-girlfriend."

"Really? You don't say! Now, why hadn't I already thought of that? Oh, no wait, I already did."

"Your sarcasm is not appreciated when I'm only trying to be helpful. Whatever. If this is your attitude day-to-day, I'm honestly not surprised your girlfriend cheated. This conversation is over, Brother of Jesus. Happy New Year, arsehole."