A Curse So Dark and Lonely: Chapter 43

Jake gives Lawrence’s men the necklaces. He says the gold bars and coins would invite too much question, but the necklaces can be explained away.

We’re safe. For the time being.

An ambulance comes to take Mom’s body away. I feel an emptiness when I watch the paramedics load her body onto a stretcher and zip a nylon bag closed around her.

I eventually succumb to exhaustion. I sleep fitfully at first, then wake late in the morning. So late that it’s almost lunchtime.

I’ve grown so used to my room in the castle, to late-night chats with Zo, to the warmth of Rhen’s body in bed beside me—that waking in a cold twin bed alone is jarring.

I don’t want to be here. Jake doesn’t want me here. I don’t know why I came back.

For Mom.

I couldn’t save her. I don’t even think I gave her any peace.

I’ve told Jake everything. After the paramedics were gone, after Lawrence’s men were gone, we sat in the living room and I laid it all out.

He doesn’t believe a word of it. And seriously, who could blame him.

Then I said, “Why don’t you go see Noah. Ask him what he thinks.”

He froze. I think I actually saw the blood drain from his face. “Noah who?”

“God, Jake. You know I know.” I hesitated. “I told you about the pictures on your phone. I told you about the curse.” I shrugged. “I just didn’t understand why you never told me.”

He looked at his hands then. “I wanted something Dad’s mess couldn’t ruin.”

I understand that. So I left it alone.

Grey is returning tonight. I thought I’d be uncertain about returning to Emberfall, that somehow my family would anchor me here, that I was obligated to play a role in their drama. I don’t think I ever realized that I’m not trapped by their choices, any more than they’re trapped by mine.

I am going to miss Jake. We’re not close now—not like we were—but we could be again.

Once he believes the whole princess thing.

This afternoon, I pull on jeans and a long-sleeved shirt and head out for a walk. I’m sure there’s some law against the concealed knives on my wrists, but I wear them anyway. I want to head toward Dupont Circle, where the sidewalks will be thicker with tourists and hipsters, but I end up heading south instead. Clouds cover the sun, the concrete buildings matching the sky overhead.

I remember hiding in doorways, so afraid someone would hassle me while I waited for Jake to keep us safe.

I’m not afraid now. I can keep myself safe.

I stay out all afternoon, buying dinner from a food truck, remembering the city that once felt too large to be comfortable. I walk along the dusk-darkened streets, my foot scraping lightly against the pavement because I’m tired, and think, I’m ready to go home.

Home doesn’t mean here.

Home means Emberfall.