Take Me as I Am

They showered together. Lucas made it a point to make Layla’s comfort a priority. He watched the blood seep down her inner thighs, and he was angry with himself.

“Lucas, it was rough and I wanted it rough,” Layla kept reassuring him.

Lucas knew she wasn’t lying, but what had they done? What threshold had they crossed over?

Layla reached for the bottle of soap, but Lucas intercepted.

“Let me.” Lucas took the soap, lathered up his loofah, and proceeded to wash Layla’s delicate skin, making sure to take extra care of her core.

She winced when he neared it, but she tried to hide her discomfort.

“Layla…”

“We’ll just take it easy for a few days,” she said, always the optimist.

Lucas bit his tongue. Just watching the water cascade over Layla’s body sent him over the edge. He’d have to keep her safe—even from dangers like himself.

Maybe this wasn’t a good idea. What was he doing with this sweet, innocent woman who wanted to be near him? Who gave herself to him—gave him her all?

“I don’t want to ever hurt you like this,” Lucas said as she held on to him.

Layla placed her head on his shoulder. “Then just hold me.”

Lucas froze.

She wrapped her arms around his waist and melted into his wet body, waiting for his embrace.

“I’m not good at this shit.”

“Holding women?”

“Holding you.”

Layla’s body jiggled in his arms as she laughed. “I wouldn’t ask you to hold me if I didn’t like it.”

“There’s so many ways I could hurt you,” Lucas said as he pulled her into him.

“You haven’t hurt me.”

Lucas sighed. She didn’t know what he could do—what he was capable of. She hadn’t the slightest idea of what he’d seen or done in his life up to that point.

Little snippets of the awful man he was had already shown up, but she refused to believe how bad he was.

“I don’t care what you want to make me believe, Lucas,” Layla said. “I’ve seen other sides of you.”

That’s what he was afraid of. His fucking vulnerability was showing and that wasn’t going to do. Perhaps he should distance himself from the little hippie.

But how could he when she was his weakness?

Lucas scowled. His weakness…

Peeling her away, they finished showering and he helped her to the truck.

“I’ve got a blanket if you need to have more cushion,” he offered gently.

Layla nodded. “That’d be great.” She shifted in the seat. “I wish I hadn’t worn jeans now.”

“Your place or mine?”

Layla smiled. “I’ll go back to yours.”

Lucas was elated, but he should have taken her home. He was getting too caught up in this girl.

“You’re a beautiful woman, Layla,” Lucas blurted out as if he had all of the gall in the world. “One day you’ll find a man who’s going to treat you like a queen, the way you should be treated.”

Layla blushed. “I would love that. I always wanted to get married and…”

Her voice hitched and she bit her bottom lip, staring blankly at the scenery passing them by.

Lucas knew what Layla longed for, and it angered him that she couldn’t have what she craved.

“Paul told me he didn’t care that I couldn’t have children.” Layla’s shoulders shook as she tried not to cry. “But he changed his tune once his parents wanted grandchildren.”

Lucas hated Paul with every fiber of his life. This was just one more aspect of him that forced his loathing for the man out into the abyss. The universe could feel his anger, and so could Layla.

“I’m sorry,” she said. “I shouldn’t really talk about my problems.”

“What are your night terrors all about?” Lucas asked suddenly.

Startled, Layla glared at him. “Did I have one in front of you?”

“Yes.” Lucas nodded. “What goes on when that happens?”

Layla sighed. “You tell me something,” she said, turning to him. “Why does your family dislike you? Or so you say?”

Lucas huffed. She could play the damn game. “The truth? They didn’t want their nephew.”

“Their what?”

Lucas pulled into his driveway, but he didn’t cut the engine.

“Liam and my sister, Lois, are actually my cousins. My real parents are dead.”

Lucas looked down at her as her shocked face peered up at him.

“My uncle Larry was my mother’s brother. My folks were coming home one night and a truck plowed into them. I was about twelve or something like that.

“My mom and Larry didn’t get along, but Larry was my closest relative. I hated living there. I could have survived on my own. When I say parents or guardians, I mean them, and I’m sorry if there was any confusion.”

Layla took her fingers and stroked Lucas’s arm. “They shouldn’t have treated you that way.”

Lucas pursed his lips together. “I could never measure up to Liam or Lois, no matter what I did. Because of their attitude towards me, I became the black sheep.”

Layla placed her head on his shoulder. “I’m sorry,” she whispered.

“They hated that I joined the military, hated Lucy, hated all of me because their perfect little life didn’t go as planned. I was no trouble until they turned me into something bad.”

“You’re not bad, Lucas.”

He slammed his fists on the dash, startling Layla.

“I fucking am! I’ve killed people! I’ve watched people die! I’ve done everything to blacken out my memories of this fucking life!

“What good is it?! I couldn’t save my comrades! I couldn’t save my wife!” Lucas roared, slamming the brakes on and pulling over. “And I won’t save you. I’ll ruin you! I’ll—”

Suddenly, Layla’s small, delicate hands cupped his face and she pulled herself into him, kissing his delicious lips so sweetly that Lucas’s rant came to such an abrupt end that he wasn’t sure what he was getting mad about.

When she finally pulled away, Lucas realized he was still holding her. “How do you do that?”

“You said you liked it when we kissed. I figured it would calm you down.”

“How can you still be here with me?”

Layla smiled, her lips still so close to Lucas’s that they touched when she spoke. “You make me smile, and you take me as I am.”

Lucas chuckled. “I should be saying that to you, Little Hippie.” He brushed a few strands of hair out of her face. “Liam is coming to visit next weekend, and I want you here.”

Layla smiled. “If that’s what you need.”

Lucas wanted her again, but there was no way her body could take him—not until she healed.

He felt himself getting aroused, but his stomach was in knots and his heart was pounding so fast that he just knew she could hear it thumping away.

“You’re more addictive than any drug or drink I’ve ever had, Layla. I’m unbelievably consumed by you.”