15: Scars

"DINNERS ALMOST READY!" someone shouted from down the hallway.

"Ooh, yay! I'm starving!" I said excitedly to Yami. We had been cuddled up for the last hour, just enjoying each other's company.

His arm wrapped around me while I laid my head on his chest. He was shirtless but had thrown on a pair of sweats, while I wore an oversized shirt of his and only underwear. It felt so comfortable and natural being with him like this.

I let it sink in that we had finally given ourselves fully to each other. It wasn't my first time, and it was far from his, but it had felt so different from any other encounter. I only hoped he felt the same way... that he meant what he said.

This was special.

"So," he said while rubbing my arm softly. "You love me, huh?"

"Trust me, I'm as shocked as you are," I teased before lifting up my head to look at him. "But yes, I really do."

He grabbed a cigarette off the night stand, lighting it and taking a drag before responding, "Good, because I love you too."

I smiled while I rested my head back on his chest, closing my eyes peacefully.

"Y/n," he called before hesitating. "your scars..." it was all he managed to say, but I knew what he was getting at.

I sighed, "yea, I've got a lot of em..."

"They all from those shitty people who raised you?"

I chuckled softly, "mhmm."

"Some of them, the ones on your side, are they cigarette burns?"

Ok, so I guess he wants to know everything...

"Yup.. The ones across my back are whips. And I've got that scar on my chest from being stabbed. I think that one was meant to kill me, but I had just learned to heal myself."

He was quiet, just listening.

"I've gotten a lot better at healing myself since then. I don't really scar anymore, but that one was pretty much an experiment so it's pretty gnarly."

Still just silence... I hate how awkward this is.

"Luckily, they're only in the middle of my body, so even some of my shorter shirts don't show them. And you..." I looked up, "What's this tattoo for?"

I touched the shield imprinted on his chest over his heart. It had a small, decorative crest on it. A symbol of some sort.

He puffed out smoke, "It's for a friend who passed. Reminds me who I'm fighting for— the people around me. the people who go into battle with me."

I smiled lightly, "You're kind of soft, you know that?"

He grunted, "whatever. Tell anyone and you're dead."

I chuckled, "Hey, I have a tattoo too. Want to see?"

A smiled curled up on his face, "Absolutely."

I sat up and slowly pulled up my shirt, letting my back face him. I had a moon tattooed in the center of my back. No one ever saw it since it was always covered by my shirt and my bra.

Plus, I never showed anyone because it was right in the center of some of my gnarliest scars, which I desperately tried to hide from anyone and everyone.

As my shirt lifted and it came into view, Yami sat up too. I flinched as his hands trailed softly over my mangled and tattered skin.

"Y/n," he whispered. I knew he was referring to my scars, but I only wanted to talk about the tattoo. A pleasant memory in the midst of all that horror.

"Pretty cool, right?" I said, desperately trying to change the subject.

He chuckled, "Yea. Beautiful."

I felt him shuffle behind me, spreading his legs about around me and letting his arms wrap around my waist, hugging me from behind.

Slowly, he kissed my neck and began to kiss me softly on my back.

"I-I got it because..." I started in a low voice, "Because the moon has always saved me. More times than I can count. Her light led the way to my escape. It brought me hope in the darkest of times..."

I trailed off, smiling to myself. I had a deep connection to the moon, a soulful joining. I didn't expect anyone to understand, but it was part of me.

"Didn't know you were such a poet," he teased.

"I guess there's still a lot we have to learn about each other," I said while putting my shirt back down before turning my head around to kiss him.

I leaned back in his arms, resting peacefully.

"Are they still alive?" he asked, his cigarette still in his teeth.

"Hell if I know. My parents sold me to them when I was 7. I was with them until I was 15, and when I finally escaped, I never took a second to look back."

"Damn, that's one hell of a story... They sold you?" he trailed off, asking more in disbelief than for more details. "15, huh? So what you been up to these last 5 years?"

"Travelled mostly. Around 18, I heard of some Blood Magic users and went searching for them. I spent the last two years in the Neutral Territory, training."

He nodded at my words. I knew how many holes I was leaving, but I didn't care. It wasn't a story you tell in a single setting.

"Your turn," I called.

He told me about being from a foreign land, washing up on shore. How fitting in here sucked, but how he still trained hard and received a grimoire. He told me about meeting Julius and joining the Knights.

"Wow. I had no idea..." I mumbled in awe. "You're really quite remarkable, you know that?"

"Yea, yea. Keep it in your pants," he teased. "You know, I fought a Blood Magic user once."

"Oh, yea? Tell me that story!"

"Well, it was in the Witch's Forest. The Witch Queen uses Blood Magic. I actually met Vanessa there, too."

"Oh, that's right, I did hear that she uses Blood Magic. So, was she impressive?"

He laughed loudly, "Not even close."

"Mmm, bummer. Glad I didn't go to her as my trainer then..."

"So who did train you?"

Suddenly, a loud chime went off announcing the food was finally ready.

I hopped out of the bed, "Guess you'll have to find out next time! Let's eat!"

I was throwing on my clothes when Yami started to rub his neck nervously.

"What's up?" I asked.

"It's just... I'm still not ready for everyone to know. Is that ok?"

Ouch... I guess I wasn't really expecting that now that we've had sex and he said he loved me.

I tried to hide the disappointment in my voice, "Yea, that's fine. I'll just head down first."

I went to leave when he grabbed my arm gently. I turned to look at his regret-filled face. "I really am sorry, Y/n. Please know I really mean it when I say I love you."

I didn't know why, but tears were starting to well up. Oi, fucking get it together.

"Yea, sure," I said annoyed before yanking my arm out from his grasp and racing out the door. I really hope he didn't see me being a little bitch.

I flew down the stairs frantically, and as I entered the dining room, I ran into Finral. He was carrying some dishes which dropped and shattered across the floor.

He grabbed my shoulders as he noticed the wild look in my eyes, "Hey, Y/n, you ok? You look like you've seen a ghost or something..."

"Oh, uh, yea... I just woke up pretty rough from my nap. I guess I was really exhausted." I rubbed the back of my neck.

He brought me gently into a hug, "Hey, it's ok." He whispered, "You're safe."

"What's all the racket?" Yami groaned.

I pushed away from Finral.

"Uh, it's nothing..." he said still staring at me while I quickly wiped away the lingering tears.

He put his arm back on me, "Are you sure you're ok? You're crying." He whispered it, but I knew Yami was close enough to hear.

"I-I'm fine. I just want to eat," I said in a low voice while pushing past him.

I didn't know why I was crying... Yami explained himself. I just didn't know if I believed him. What if he was ashamed to be with me? What if he felt embarrassed to have feelings for me?

I grabbed food and sat alone, mindlessly eating.

Finral sat next to me after cleaning up the broken glass and grabbing his own food.

"I'm really sorry about that," I mumbled.

"It's ok, Y/n." he scooted closer and put his arm around me. "You know I'm always here for you right?"

I rested my head on his shoulder, "Thanks Fin. I'm lucky to have you."

Yami came and plopped down in front of us, causing us both to jump, "Am I interrupting?"

We both snapped back to attention, pulling a part from our contact.

Great. I really wasn't trying to make him jealous, but he probably won't believe me.

"Nope, not at all, sir." Fin said.

I kept my eyes locked onto Yami's, "Fin was just trying to comfort me."

"Comfort you from what?" Yami's eyes were piercing into me.

"Yea, what's been going on, Y/n?" Finral said with such genuine care and concern it made my heart melt.

I sighed, "Just feelin pretty worthless. Pretty unwanted." I kept my eyes on Yami as I quickly got up from my seat, and then walked away.

Finral called after me, but that wasn't the voice I was hoping to hear, so I locked myself back in my bedroom.

There were a few soft knocks during the evening, but I pretended to be asleep. I felt so drained and so confused.

This was all moving way too quickly...