28

"IF I DUNKED my pancake into the coffee, do you think I'll get a pancake flavored coffee?" Lucas wonders out loud.

"No, you'll get a soggy pancake," Blake mutters. "Lucas, where the hell do you get all of these ideas from?"

"Ah-ah," Lucas leans back. "A magician never reveals his tricks."

Blake grumbles something under his breath and chugs at his coffee. "You're insane."

"Brilliant," he corrects, then looks at Lila for help like a lost puppy. "Right, Lila?"

I suppress a snort and sneak a glance at Lila, who's waffles are disappearing so fast I'm convinced Casper the ghost is stealing them. A corner of her lips are twitching into what I recognize could be another smile.

Lucas and Blake's arguments, I mentally add to the What Makes Lila Smile list. Though if we're being honest, Lucas and Blake's arguments are entertaining enough to make just about anyone smile.

"Maybe," she says finally, reaching for a slice of my bacon. I let her take it, mostly because of the small smile that plays on her lips as she successfully snatches it away.

Lucas gasps like he's in a soap opera. "Just maybe? How could you-"

Blake smacks the back of his head. "Shut up, Lucas."

He pouts and crosses his arms. "Your opinion is irrelevant, anyway," Lucas says, recovering from Blake's slap. "You haven't even watched American Horror story." Blake actually nods in agreement, for once.

Lila groans. "I thought we were over that conversation."

Lucas places a hand over his heart. "Over that conversation? American Horror story is the greatest, most amazing, marvelous-"

Lila raises a brow at him, "I've never seen him so serious. It's like a puppy playing with the grown up dogs."

Lucas glares.

I look over at Lila, but I find her already staring at me, and all at once we burst into laughter.

"Alright, alright, I get it," she mutters once she's settled down, just as the doorbell jingles. We all turn instinctively towards the sound and a red-haired dude in a varsity jacket stands in the doorway. Kell Daniels, as I recognize him to be.

"Daniels!" Lucas calls, smushing Blake against the wall as he squeezes himself to make space. "Here! Tell Chase and Lila that American Horror story is the-"

"Hey," he greets, sliding into the booth. Blake looks mildly annoyed to be squished so tightly, while Lucas looks like a hyperactive kid on Christmas morning. Which is his usual. "Chase." He nods to me.

Beside me, Lila smiles at him and uses her bacon-free hand to wave. I grab her hand as it drops back under the table, running my thumb over her knuckles reassuringly and the tension at her shoulders loosen a bit.

"To what do we owe your company, Daniels?" Lucas asks, taking another bite of his pancake.

Kell shifts around in his seat, an uncomfortable silence blanketing our table.

"You all ready for the game tonight?" he asks finally, and Lucas nods enthusiastically.

"I've been dreaming about facing Pallener since the first time he decked me," he raves on and on, referring to the knucklehead running back of East Flynnell. Even Blake looks somewhat excited at his words.

As Kell nods along, I prop my head up with my remaining hand and stare at Lila. She's still glancing down at her plate like it's the love of her life, a strand of hair falling in her eyes as she does. My hands itch to remove it from her face.

"You're coming tonight, right?" I whisper, brushing the strand out of her face.

"Um." Her lips set into a line and a sheepish expression twists her features. "Right..."

Disappointment leaks into me, despite how hard I try to stop it. She can't be there, I try to tell myself. Not everyone has time for sports. "Oh." I nod and try to keep my voice even. "It's okay, Matthews."

She studies me suspiciously. "Really?"

I smile, but it feels wobbly. "Really, Matthews."

"Lovebirds!" Lucas claps his hands in front of us, a grin on his face. "Whatcha talking about?"

"Nothing," we say in unison, and she gives me a little smile that almost makes everything better.

But it's stil extremely awkward, considering my arm is still hanging around her shoulder, but I don't move it, afraid it'll just make things even worse.

By the time we've finished up at the diner, Lucas has headed home and Kell has just left, leaving us alone again.

I look over at Lila as we exit the diner and make our way to my car and debate saying something to her.

She's got this look on her face, like she's lost in thought about something, and with her it could be an endless list of things.

The drive home is even more awkward, there's nothing filling the painful silence as I drive up her front yard, and once I park, she turns to me and smiles.

"Best of luck at your game," she says, then opens the door and waves me goodbye.

I don't know what's worse, her leaving, or the fact that she seems so casual about leaving.

Meanwhile I feel like a complete idiot for even thinking she would be there tonight.

I nod back to her and watch as she runs up the steps and open the door, not even glancing back at me.

She told me she wanted to be there tonight, didn't she? Or did I take it the wrong way?

Maybe she meant she would come to one of my games, not a specific one.

I shake my head, or maybe I'm just an idiot in love with someone that doesn't feel so strongly about me.

I pause.

Hand on the wheel, my eyes begin to widen.

Holy fuck.

I'm in love with Lila Matthews.

Like actually in love.

I blink, trying to see if it's just my mind playing tricks on me, but nope.

I'm in love.

I didn't think the day would come, and now that it's here, I kind of want to drive off the edge of a cliff.

How the hell are you supposed to be in love with someone that isn't in love with you?

I tilt my head back feeling sweat drip down my back as I wait for the whistle again. It's a home game, so the crowd chants and cheers for us. I try to convince myself Lila is somewhere in there too, watching me.

It's fucking pathetic, I know. But is it so bad to pretend that the girl I'm crazy about is out there right now, cheering my name?

Coach calls my name and I jerk my head to look at him, nodding along to whatever he's saying.

Out of the corner of my eye, I see the scoreboard with the big red letters. We're down by three, and there's only two minutes left.

The shrill whistle sounds and I toss the ball to Blake immediately, then turn and block a player from the other team. I could practically hear Coach yelling at me already about injuries and college and how I should've just walked off, but I can't muster anything except a shake of my head.

The whistle sounds again and as the players stop yelling, I scan the crowds for the second time tonight, waiting for the knot of disappointment at the pit of my stomach to expand.

But it doesn't, because when my eyes latch onto the front row and I sitting right there is Lila, holding a huge sign with GO KNIGHTS on it.

My eyes nearly bulge out of my head, and I blink,, trying to figure out if this is an elaborate joke or not.

Never in a million years did I think Lila Matthews would show some school spirit. Especially not for me.

But I almost laugh, because the Lila I know definitely wouldn't be caught dead as a front row football groupie, but my jersey is unmistakable. RHODES 11. As if she senses my stare, her eyes jerk towards mine and she gives me a thumbs up. Or, I think it's a thumbs up. I can't really tell with the gaggle of students surrounding her.

Even though she can't see, I wink, a smile spreading on my lips. My cheeks almost hurt from how hard I'm grinning.

"Chase!" Blake gripes, and I snap out of my Lila haze to jog back to my spot. "Jesus, what's so special about the stands?"

"Lila," I say, nodding towards her. "She's here." My voice sounds mesmerized even to my own ears, but I couldn't care less.

"You didn't see earlier?" He gives me a look. And when I shake my head, he grins. "That girl has got you wrapped around her finger."

I don't even try to deny it.

"Blow her a kiss or something," he concedes.

I snort. "She'd kill me."

"Or kiss you," he suggests, and I guess with Lila you never really do know. I move to smack him but the whistle blows, and with one last glance at Lila, I lose myself to the game.

"We won!" Lucas cheers, wrapping an arm around my shoulder. "Thank god! I think I broke all the bones in my arm after Pallener nearly ki-"

Blake snorts. "Pallener shoved you once, Lucas."

He rubs a spot on his arm. "But still..."

Although part of my mind is buzzing with the win, the other part is sifting through the groups of people that leave the stands in clumps, looking for Lila.

"Hi," a voice says behind me, and I turn around to find her with the sign and a nervous expression. "I don't usu-"

I grab her face and press my lips onto hers, not caring who sees, or in our case, who doesn't. I feel her smile against my lips. 'You came," I say in awe when I finally pull back, still trying to process that. "You really came." I crush her in a hug.

She laughs into my shoulder, and it's the best sound I've ever heard. "I think we've established that."

"Thank you," I whisper, cupping her face. "Thank you, Lila."

She shakes her head, "Sorry for lying, but y'know," she lifts a shoulder. "Had to surprise you one last time."

I lean in for another kiss, my hands slipping behind her back, urging her closer.

"Best surprise ever," I whisper.

Her eyes look hopeful, "Really?"

I nod, "Really."

"Are you sure? Because I didn't even do that face paint stuff everyone else was wearing, but I didn't have enough time because of the poster and then-"

I place my hand on her mouth, my eyes lowering to hers, "You done?"

She licks my hand and I yank it back, "That's payback," she tells me, and I'm reminded of that first day of our tutoring sessions when we were just meeting each other.

I grin down at her, "I don't think I'm supposed to find payback enjoyable."

She inhales a deep breath, "I can never win with you."

"You already have me. I'd say thats a solid gift," I tuck a strand of her hair away from her face.

She just shakes her head, but she can't keep a grin off her face and somehow that makes me grin even harder.

It's funny how seeing the person—sometimes even your person—happy can make you unbelievably happy.

Even if Lila doesn't love me, I cant say I'd mind, because I'd still choose to spend my time around her, just to see her smile at me, or laugh at my awful jokes.

Somewhere along this incredibly weird timeline of pretending, I've stopped doing my one job of it.

And I don't think I want to start again.

I hug Lila closer to me, wrapping my arms firmly around her, pressing a kiss to the side of her head.

She pulls back slightly, "What's that for?"

I love you, I think it. But I don't say it.

Not yet.

I shrug, "I cant kiss my fake girlfriend's head?"

She smirks, "Not unless you want to."

"I want you—" I cringe. "I mean to. I want to."

She snorts out a laugh and pats my shoulder, "Keep wanting, Rhodes."

"Rhodes!" Someone calls out, and we both turn our heads to look at Lucas. "Party at my place!"

I sigh, nodding back to him and I look at Lila.

"What do you say? Think we should check it out. For old time's sake?"

She places her hand in mine, and grins.

"Why not?"

— — —

i've been in such a bad writing slump these past few weeks but i am determined to get this book done soon.

ALSO, huge shout out to chrysxlistic i love uuuuu

that's all for now, see ya later <3