20

THE SUN IS what wakes me first.

And even after I manage to fall asleep again, the loud sound of a yelp is what wakes me the second time.

I slowly lift my head from the incredibly cloud-like pillow and groggily rub my eyes.

The room is bright, and it makes me pause because what room is this?

I don't recognize any of the cleanly and expensive looking decorations on the wall, but what I do recognize is the brown-haired girl rubbing her head on the ground.

"Lila?" My voice is gravelly from sleep.

Her hand falls away from her head and she looks up at me. "Sorry," she cringes. "I didn't mean to wake you."

I shake my head, "What happened?"

She looks down at the floor and says, "I slipped on the blanket and hurt my head—I swear my brain can't catch a break."

I screw my eyes closed, laughing a little, "I meant, what happened as in where am I?"

Her face changes, "Oh. Right. Uh, last night you got drunk, and Blake told me to take you upstairs. This is one of Lucas's guest rooms," she smiles hesitantly.

I look at her, she's fully clothed. I look at myself, and so am I. I cant help the relief I feel about this.

Having drunk sex with Lila isn't something I ever want to do.

Not that there would be any other kind of sex between us. Ever.

I groan, rubbing at my eyes, "I remember." Then something occurs to me. "I asked you to dance with me," I blurt.

Her cheeks redden, and she glances away.

I tilt my head to the side, "And you agreed?"

She clears her throat, "I was tipsy, okay? Let's not discuss it anymore. It happened, it's over."

Something in my chest crumbles a little, but I smirk instead, "Embarrassed?"

She glares. "More like annoyed."

Knowing her, probably both.

I push the comforter off of me, wincing at the fact that my shoes are still on. And that my breath is probably the equivalent of a dead cow.

I ignore this, at least until I reach down and help Lila up.

She coughs to cover up her blush, "Thanks."

I grin at her, "Anytime."

She tucks her hands into the back pockets of her jeans, "You asked me not leave."

My brows dip down.

"Last night. You asked me not to leave you," she shrugs.

My heart is beating fast enough I think I might have a heart attack. "So you stayed?"

She gives me a funny look, "I'm here, aren't I?"

Yes, she is.

And I'm almost too glad of that.

"Anyway, we should probably head home now..." she suggests. "I've already texted my mom, but I smell like beer," she grimaces.

I can smell it too. Though I think the majority of it is coming from me. How much did I drink last night?

I clear my throat, "Come on, let's check on everyone and make sure the house is still intact."

That pulls a barely-there smile out of her.

"What? It's your first Sato party—if you thought this was bad you should have seen Lucas' eighteenth," I shrug, opening the door and trying my best to ignore the creak.

My mind travels to that night. I remember getting so drunk I woke up the next morning and could feel the alcohol sloshing in my stomach.

Not a fun time. And thankfully, I now know I couldn't have drank that much last night.

We tip-toe down the stairs, Lila saying something so low I can't hear her.

"Why are you whispering?" I whisper.

She glares at me, "Why are you whispering?"

Touché.

I shake my head, "When one whispers, the other tends to whisper too."

"Round of a applause for our very own Shakespeare," she hisses sarcastically.

I fight to control a grin on my lips.

My grin easily slips once we hear a booming voice. "Just do it!"

I grab hold of Lila's hand, ushering toward the ledge so we can't be seen.

"When did you turn into a walking Nike advertisement," someone shoots back.

I instantly recognize the first voice to be Lucas. Though the other is unfamiliar to my ears.

"First of all, that was low," Lucas grumbles. "Second of all, we all know if I were a walking advertisement, it would be for Oreos."

"I'm not even gonna..." the other person trails off and two seconds later Lucas yelps.

I take this as the right moment to waltz into the living room, not needing to look back to know Lila is trailing behind me.

"Hey..." the words die down in my throat as I take in the sight before me.

Lucas is clutching his arm, and there's a girl with pink hair standing beside him with aggravated look on her face.

The girl's head shoots up, and she gazes between Lila and I. "Great. We have more company."

She doesn't seemed thrilled in the slightest.

Lucas lets his arm drop, looking at us. "Oh. Hey guys," he grins easily.

Lila clears her throat, "What are you doing there?"

He looks down at the couch, "Trying to wake...what was his name? Jason?"

Pink Hair rolls his eyes, "Lincoln."

"Oh," he states dumbly. "Close enough."

"Lincoln doesn't even start with a j!" she yells.

"Would you stop badgering me? I have a horrible headache right now and your loud voice isn't helping," Lucas grumbles, rubbing his temples.

Pink Hair huffs, but lays off him.

"I'm sorry," I interject. "Who is Lincoln and why are we waking him up?"

"No one knows who the fuck Lincoln is. But we have to wake him up before my parents get home. Otherwise Nina and I are dead."

Lila snorts from beside me, "Looks like you've got yourself in a sticky situation."

She looks over at me and I know instantly we're both fighting off the urge to laugh.

"Lila, please," Lucas holds up a hand. "There is no glue around, alright?"

I give him a curious look. What the hell is he talking about?

I take closer steps to inspect the situation, Lila following behind me. Lincoln, a blonde haired boy is completely out of it, his mouth hanging ajar as he snores.

I grab the nearest item, which to my luck, happens to be a bottle of water, and I pour it over his head.

He shoots off the couch, looking around frantically. "Mom?"

I hand the bottle to Lucas, "Your mom is at home, probably worrying about you. You should go and see her," I encourage.

He doesn't move.

"Alright, buddy. Get the fuck out, please," I gesture toward the door and he swallows before slowly making his way toward the entrance.

"Well," Pink Hair sighs. "If you'd told me we had Chase who could scare the guy toward disappearance, we could have been done with this by now."

Lucas laughs, "What? Our Chasey over here? Yeah, right."

I glare at him, though I'm not really offended. I don't think I like the sound of being scary.

Maybe I should have softened the blow.

I did say please, that has to count for something, I'm sure.

Lila tugs on my shirt, "Stop that."

I look at her, "Stop what?"

"To quote you, don't even think about it, Rhodes," she mimics, rolling her eyes.

I grin at her, "Wow. If I'd known you remember everything I say I would speak a lot more."

She raises a brow, "You mean your constant chatter isn't enough now?"

I poke her side, "Hey, we can't all be anti-social grumps."

She glares, "I am not a grump."

"Okay," I drag the word out. "Keep telling yourself that."

"I came to a party, didn't I? Two to be exact," she scoffs.

I near her, "Yes, you did."

"See," she emphasizes. "Do grumps go to parties? I don't think so."

"You were right," Pink Hair says from behind me. "This is entertaining."

"Told you," Lucas whispers. "It's like watching TV, except with no screen, or channels, or a remote, or wires or—okay, it's not a TV. But it's fun as hell to watch."

I give Lucas and Pink Hair a look and he scratches the back of his neck, "Oh look Mel, is that my phone?" I don't point out the fact that his phone is in his back pocket.

She barely has time to answer when he's dragging her to the kitchen.

I turn back to Lila, "As surprising as it may seem, I actually am proud of you for the parties," I inform her.

She looks up at me, "Thank you," she mumbles.

"Mhm," I hum, taking a step closer.

"Wait—no. Take that back. You called me a grump," she points an accusing finger at me.

"You are a grump," I say, no hesitation. "But don't worry, you're my favorite one."

She rolls her eyes, "Gee, thank you so much." The sarcasm in her voice is evident.

"You're welcome," I reply instantly.

"I don't like you," she says, lifting her chin.

I meet her eyes, leaning forward slowly "No? Then why do you get so nervous when I'm around?"

She swallows, "Because you annoy the shit out of me."

I take another step, close enough that I can feel the heat radiating from her. "Sure," I whisper. "Let's go with that!"

She spins away from me, leaving me to smile like an idiot and follow her lead to the kitchen.

It seems that wherever she goes, I now follow. And vice-versa.

"Oh look, they've decided to be graced by our presence again," Lucas exclaims once we've walked into the kitchen.

I take a look at everything, cringing. There are solo cups strewn about everywhere. Bottles of beer, and other liquids I'm not sure I want to know of. Random litters of food and snacks are tossed everywhere.

It's a wreck.

"Luc, what the hell are you gonna do about this?" I mutter, spinning in my place.

He sighs, rubbing at his eye. "Clean it, obviously."

I groan, "Okay, yes. But when exactly?"

"Don't worry yourself about it, man," Lucas says easily, clapping his hand against my back. "You should go home."

I was about to roll my eyes, but then I realized something.

Home.

Maya and Grace were home. They were home alone.

Ms. Limbrey was surely watching them, yes, but by now she'd probably retired to her own house.

And I was here. In Lucas's kitchen, with a horrible hangover. Just relaxing.

While my sisters were home alone probably scared half to death.

I suck in a breath, "Shit, shit, shit!" I spin on my heels, ignoring their confused gazes.

I need to see them.

I cant think as I round into the hallway. "Chase!" Lila yells from behind me. Though I'm not even sure if I'm hearing that right.

You abandoned them, you piece of shit, I think to myself. I promised myself I would never do this them. I couldn't make them live through something I tried so hard to forget.

"Chase, stop!" Lila shouts.

I don't stop. I cant stop.

I'm breathing heavily when I make it outside, my eyes scanning the front yard quickly to find my car.

"Chase," her voice is closer. But I ignore it anyway.

"Go back inside, Lila," I don't recognize my own voice over the rush of blood in my ears.

"No," she says. "No, tell me what happened?"

I spin around, "I just need to get home okay?"

"I'll come with you," she insists.

I shake my head, "Not right now."

She looks away from me, heat blooming across her face.

I pinch the bridge of my nose, "Go back inside, Lila."

She shakes her head almost immediately, "Let me come with you. Let me help."

"You can't," I say, my voice hoarse.

"I get it, Chase, I do—"

I laugh but it lacks any trace of humor, "You do, do you? No. You don't. You have no idea what it's like."

She closes her mouth almost instantly, and for a second I regret my words almost as much as I've regretted so many horrible things in my life.

But I don't have time for regret. I walk away from her.

I don't remember getting in my car, or driving, but once I'm on the road I realize Lila didn't follow me.

And I realize I'm relieved she didn't.

She's invaded my senses, and my mind. When I wake up first thing in the morning, she's the only thing on my mind.

When I see something that reminds me of her, I just have to convince myself I had a need for it, even when I know there isn't one.

And when I fall asleep at night, I dream of her.

No matter how much I try to ignore it, Lila Matthews is the only person that's keeping me on my feet.

The only person that my heart speeds up for.

I'm afraid she's becoming the only person I need.

And it's true, I do need her.

But sometimes it feels like I'm always needing something.

And I don't want to need Lila.

I want to want her.

I just don't know how to tell her that.