Class ended exactly at noon. There wasnât even a closing homeroom session. I stuffed the worksheets we had used into my bag. As soon as the lesson ended, the students, who had been packing their bags as if possessed, rushed out like water draining into a sewer.
Theyâd still have to go to cram school after leaving like that anyway. I didnât get what they were so eager about.
I zipped up my bag and slung it over my shoulder when Go Yohan, who had been waiting beside me, sneered.
"Our Jun is so slow."
"If I rush, Iâll get stuck in that crowd. Iâd rather take my time."
"Hmm, you have a point."
Go Yohan nodded with his hands shoved into his pockets. That wasnât the attitude of someone scolding me for being slow.
He hadnât even properly slung his bag over both shouldersâhe had it hanging off just one.
"At least wear your bag properly."
"Why are you picking a fight?"
"I'm not."
Go Yohan tapped my collarbone lightly with the back of his hand, and I pretended to stumble back.
But I couldnât stop my lips from twitching upward.
Before I knew it, laughter slipped out of me, unbidden.
Shit.
I hurriedly shut my mouth.
What was I even doing?
A vague sense of unease crept in, like I was walking down a road that would completely fuck up my life if I wasnât careful.
I tried not to look at Go Yohan.
"It is picking a fight. Why bring up my bag out of nowhere?"
"You started it by calling me slow."
Go Yohan didnât respond.
Whenever he didnât want to answer something, he just stood there, staring blankly with an unreadable expression.
He only said what he wanted to say. He only answered what he wanted to answer.
At some point, I had gotten used to this way of talking when hanging around him.
And as always, he changed the topic out of nowhere.
"You copied me again, didnât you?"
"What?"
"Your bangs look longer."
"You think youâre the only one whose hair grows?"
When I took a step back, Go Yohan took a step forward.
I couldnât bring myself to meet his gaze, so I just stared at his approaching feet.
It wouldâve been weird to suddenly make a sour face in this atmosphere, so I forced a smile and walked backward toward the door.
"Liar."
I took another step back.
Go Yohan took another step forward.
Before I knew it, I had reached the classroom door.
I stepped onto the white threshold, the boundary between the classroom and the hallway.
I quickly blurted out,
"I didnât copy you. Iâm going to cut it."
"When? Where? Give me a proper answer first."
"Ugh. Fine. Today. Iâll cut it today. So stop getting so damn close to me."
I planted my foot on the threshold and reached out to stop him.
But then, a familiar voice came from beside me.
"Uh, umâ¦"
Startled, I grabbed the door and turned to look.
On the other side of the threshold, outside the back door, stood Han Taesan.
I stepped back slightly, looking down at him. He was a full head shorter than me.
I gave him a questioning lookâWhat are you doing here?
When our eyes met, he hesitated for a moment before showing me a key.
"I-Iâm the class duty officer todayâ¦"
"Ah."
So, because I wasnât leaving, Han Taesan couldnât leave either.
"Sorry, we werenât paying attention."
"N-no, itâs fineâ¦"
"What? Youâre the duty officer today?"
Suddenly, the scent of soap washed over me like a wave.
Go Yohan had casually slung his arm over my shoulder.
My body tensed up.
Before I realized it, he had pressed lightly against my back.
And with that, my brain completely shut down.
Everything in my head went blank.
Even swallowing didnât come naturally.
I forced myself to gulp down the saliva that had thickened in my throat like waterlogged cotton.
"You shouldâve said something earlier if you were the duty officer. What were you doing lurking around here?"
He bent his arm and loosely wrapped it around my neck.
Since I had fallen silent, Han Taesan shifted his gaze between me and Go Yohan.
He was observing us.
A chill ran down my spine.
I knew that look.
It was the same way I used to observe Han Junwoo and Han Taesanâs interactions.
I took in a sharp breath of the cold air and hastily yanked Go Yohanâs arm off me.
Then I quickly changed the subject.
"So, uh⦠howâs your grandmother doing lately?"
"Oh, um. Th-the surgery went well. Her condition has gotten much better."
"There havenât been any problems?"
"Huh? Oh, um, no. No problems."
Thankfully, Han Taesan took the bait easily.
He scratched his neck with thin fingers against his plump cheeks.
"Thanks to you, s-schoolâs been much easier for me lately."
"I didnât really do anything for youâ¦"
"N-no."
Han Taesan cut me off with an unexpectedly firm voice.
"You⦠you did a lot for me."
What?
What the hell did I ever do for him?
No matter how hard I thought about it, I couldnât come up with anything that would make him feel that way.
At best, I had only ever interrupted Han Junwooâs bullying.
And that was just because I was jealous of him.
"â¦Really?"
I didnât get it.
But I wasnât curious either.
So I just responded for the sake of it.
I made it clear that I wanted the conversation to end.
But Han Taesan, oblivious as always, didnât take the hint.@@novelbin@@
Instead, he fidgeted like he was preparing to say something else.
"Uh, Taesan. Can I go now? Do you want to lock up?"
I just wanted to get out of this uncomfortable situation.
My hurried words seemed to force his decision, and at last, he opened his mouth hastily.
"Um⦠w-when no one would talk to me, you talked to me first.
When Junwoo bullied me, you stopped him.
You always told me the homework assignments.
And when I was struggling, you⦠gave me a place to escape to.
Everything⦠everything was because of you."
"â¦â¦."
"â¦I really wanted to say thank you."
The sound of Han Taesan swallowing echoed in the hallway.
He took a deep breath and rubbed his chest.
Behind me, I heard a soft humming noise.
"Hah. F-finally, I said it.
Iâve been holding that in for so long."
So, he had been staring at me all weird just to say this?
He just wanted to tell me thank you?
He couldâve just sent a text or called.
Did he really have to do it face-to-face?
I couldnât comprehend it.
I let out a dumbfounded sigh.
"Oh⦠yeahâ¦"
As soon as I answered, another heavy arm landed on my shoulder.
My breath hitched.
Go Yohan, completely oblivious to the fact that I couldnât even breathe properly, pressed his finger against my chest and slowly traced over it.
His middle finger passed over my right pec, then lightly brushed my left shoulder.
Unconsciously, I clenched my fists and bit my lip.
Damn it.
I had to act like nothing was wrong.
My nerves were eating me alive.
Did Go Yohan just think I was startled?
His snake-like hand curled around my neck as he said,
"You know⦠Jun really likes you."
"â¦Huh?"
"His expression is totally different from usual."
Han Taesanâs eyes wavered.
The hand sliding up my neck reached my ear.
Go Yohanâs cold fingers toyed with it.
I lost my words.
And froze.
"Uh, uh⦠yeah?"
"I've been curious for a while nowâwhy do you always steal glances at Jun?"
Fuck.
This crazy bastard.
He actually said it out loud.
Just like Han Taesan, I was equally flustered.
I couldn't see Go Yohan's face, so I had no idea what kind of expression he was making or what his intentions were.
"Iâ¦."
But Han Taesan's gaze stayed fixed on me.
It was suffocating.
"Th-thatâsâ¦."
"Enough, Taesan. You donât have to answer. Heâs just messing with you to get a reaction."
I wasnât interested in hearing his answer anyway.
I tapped Han Taesanâs forearm lightly, drawing his attention away. He looked down at his arm, running his palm over the spot I had touched.
"But it is interesting."
A quiet chuckle escaped from Go Yohan.
The subtle movement of his body rubbed against my back.
Shit.
"â¦â¦."
"Cut it out."
I smacked away Go Yohanâs hand from my ear.
Thatâs when I noticed the small rosary dangling from his wrist.
A nightmare resurfaced.
Noâmemories. Horrible ones.
His unreadable actions and cryptic reasoning plunged my mind into darkness.
I couldnât figure out what he was thinking.
Go Yohan's behavior was impossible to predictâhe would openly expose his own weaknesses, lie without hesitation, and sometimes, spit out uncomfortable truths that threw people off guard.
He complicated everything.
I had no clue what he wanted.
"Taesan, if you keep acting so shady, a lot of people are going to have a hard time."
Go Yohanâs hand left my ear and grabbed my shoulder.
"Ahâ¦."
It hurt.
But Go Yohan didnât seem to care.
His grip only tightened.
Damn it, my eyes were starting to burn.
"That includes Jun too, you know. You remember the fight between me and Han Junwoo, right?"
"â¦â¦."
"Iâm saying this for your sake."
At the very least, Go Yohan was on my side.
For now, anyway.
I repeated that to myself over and over.
Han Taesanâs eyes widened in shock. Flustered, he waved his hands.
"Th-thatâs not it, Kang Jun! D-donât misunderstand! Itâs nothing weird! I-I justâ¦"
I didnât even want to hear the rest.
I forced an awkward smile and lowered my gaze to the hallway floor.
"Yeah. I know."
"Itâs really not what you think! I just⦠I just wanted to be like youâ¦."
Han Taesan kept talking.
His eyes flickered between mine and Go Yohanâs, full of hesitation.
Like a helpless prey animal, caged in.
Even Han Junwoo hadnât been able to completely break Han Taesan.
Could he really stand up to Go Yohan?
Unable to finish his sentence, Han Taesanâs face turned beet red.
Instead of continuing, he spun around.
He silently placed the key onto the windowsill after finishing his duty.
Then, before leaving, he turned back to glance at me and Go Yohan.
Pulling at the stiff collar of his uniform, he walked down the hallâpractically fleeing.
"â¦â¦."
I stood frozen, unable to make sense of any of it.
The silence was broken by Go Yohanâs voiceâlow, almost sinking into the floor.
"âWants to be like youâ⦠what a fucking joke."
His fingers scratched at my shoulder.
The fabric of my uniform crumpled into his grip.
Han Taesan's footsteps echoed down the stairs, fading into the distance.
Go Yohan, staring after him, muttered,
"Know your place."
There was no trace of his usual mocking tone.
No hidden laughter.
He wasnât even trying to mask his feelings anymoreâjust letting them spill out.
Then he stood beside me.
For the first time, it looked like we were actually walking side by side, shoulder to shoulder.
I finally raised my head and looked at Go Yohanâs profile.
His eyes had no focus.
He was impossible to keep up with.
That was Go Yohan.
From the beginning, he had always been harder to understand than Han Junwoo.
****
Unfortunately, I never managed to completely shake off Go Yohan's arm from my shoulders. I managed to slip out of it once in front of the shoe lockers, using discomfort as an excuse, but as soon as we left the school, he grabbed me again.
Complete failure.
Still, at least this time, he didnât touch my arms, my ears, or trace his fingers near my chest.
More importantlyâhe didnât say anything.
Yeah. This should be fine.
Iâd have to push him away again eventually, but I didnât want to lose a friend over something like this. I didnât want the mood to turn sour on our way home.
And most of all, I didnât want to get on bad terms with Go Yohan again because of Han Taesan.
Go Yohan was someone essential to a smooth high school life.
â¦So why did I feel like I was just making excuses?
Inside, I felt so uneasy I thought I might go crazy.
"Hah. Fucking hell."
And thenâ
Han Junwoo really was crazy about Han Taesan.
Otherwise, why the hell would he be waiting in front of the school gate like that?
Wearing casual clothes, Han Junwoo was kicking the dirt with the toe of his sneaker, arms still crossed arrogantly. His smug face, bathed in the weak winter sunlight, was just as insufferable as ever.
Whiiiuâ
Out of nowhere, a whistle sounded beside me.
Obvious.
Go Yohan mustâve seen him.
Following his gaze, I looked ahead.
Han Junwoo hadnât noticed us yet.
"Isnât that a little creepy?"
Go Yohan chuckled and lightly smacked my chest with his arm.
The small, but overwhelming jolt to my heart made my breath catch.
My head spun.
I couldn't stop focusing on where he had touched me, and my breathing started to go completely haywire.
I lifted my gaze.
We were getting closer to that unpleasant bastard, Han Junwoo.
Unlike my unsteady breathing, my steps remained measuredâpracticed, calculated.
Just enough to mask my emotions, but not enough to look unnatural.
Occasionally, I swayed a little, nudged by Go Yohanâs erratic stride, but it wouldnât seem strange to an outsider.
I planned to just walk straight past the gate.
I hated Han Junwoo, but dealing with him was a hassle.
As long as I didnât speak to him or look at him, nothing would happen.
But Go Yohan always chose the dangerous route.
"Oh? Long time no see."
I froze.
I hadnât expected him to casually greet Han Junwooâlet alone so cheerfully.
Like they had never fought in the first place.
Like they were old friends.
Han Junwooâs crossed arms tightened as his expression twisted.
I felt my own face do the same.
"Shut up and keep walking."
For the first time, I agreed with Han Junwoo.
But Go Yohan ignored his warning, pretending to be intimidated in an exaggerated way.
"What, I just said hi. Since when did the world become so cold?"
"We arenât the kind of people who greet each other."
"Then are we the kind who donât?"
"â¦Fucking lunatic."
I discreetly grabbed Go Yohanâs sleeve and gave it a slight tug, shaking my head.
Thankfully, he shrugged once and closed his mouth.
I let out an internal sigh of relief.
Crisis averted.
Or so I thought.
When I glanced at Han Junwoo, his face was even more contorted than beforeâworse than when Go Yohan first greeted him.
What now?
"Han Taesan."
"What?"
"Did he come to school today?"
Was he seriously asking me that?
I nearly let my disbelief show on my face.
Barely managing to suppress it, I covered my mouth with a fake cough, then composed myself before lowering my hand.
Keeping my expression as neutral as possible, I answered,
"He did."
"Then why hasnât he come out?"
"How the fuck should I know? Why are you asking me?"
Was he insane?
Why was he questioning me about Han Taesan?
I already knew Han Junwooâs obsession with Han Taesan was well beyond reason, but this?
This was insane.
He was clawing at rock bottom.
I smirked at him, amused.
Han Junwoo smirked right back, mocking.
"Watch your mouth."
"What?"
He looked at me with the same condescending gaze he always used for losers beneath him.
The smirk on my face disappeared in an instant.
"Acting all high and mighty just because you've got someone backing you now. Filthy little rat."
"Hey. Han Junwoo."
I was so dumbfounded I couldnât even come up with a retort.
This asshole.
My hand trembled in anger, gripping onto whatever fabric I could grab.
"Junwoo."
Suddenly, Go Yohan called his name.
Han Junwoo frowned, as if bracing himself for more bullshit.
And as expected, Go Yohan spat out something ridiculous.
"You know, you can talk all you want, but can you do it without flaring your nostrils? Itâs kinda gross."
"What, you son of a bâ"
"And donât you think itâs a little embarrassing to say shit like that? 'Acting all high and mighty with someone behind you'â I mean, what the hell is that?"
Go Yohan had a way of getting under people's skinâstraddling the line between logic and nonsense, poking at the cracks.
It was infuriating.
He could make people feel like complete jokes.
When he was on my side, it felt reassuring.
But imagining myself on the receiving end of itâ¦
That was unsettling.
Han Junwooâs face twisted like a crumpled newspaper.
Thinking about it, Han Junwoo was kind of a coward too.
He had tormented me relentlessly in the past, but he rarely went after Go Yohan directly.
Was it because he had already been put in his place once?
Or did Go Yohan have some kind of dirt on him?
I had weaknesses too.
Maybe Han Junwoo thought Go Yohan wouldnât bring mine up.
But what if he did?
I scowled at Han Junwoo, and just then, our eyes met.
Of course, his fucking ego wouldnât let him back down.
He sneered.
"So I was right after all."
"I know exactly what youâre thinking, and youâre wrong. Even Go Yohan said so."
I clenched my teeth as I shot back.
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