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Mehrbano.
Her personality matches her beautiful name. Her name is like a symphony that touches one's heart. It touched the firm walls of my heart long ago even when I didn't not want to involve myself emotionally with her.
Mehrbano means loving and compassionate.
She is indeed a very loving and kind woman. She is a lovely soul. A sweet sophisticated lady. I had seen nothing but kindness in her in the two years I have spent with her.
She is nothing but pure.
And I myself had been nothing but cold to her.
Deep down in my heart I always knew something was wrong in our relationship, something was missing from my side but I never let it come into my consciousness. I always pushed it back, never took notice of it. If only I had looked at it, my life today would have been different.
I hurt her.
For two damn years I was cold to her just to maintain walls around my heart to protect myself from getting hurt, but from who? A kind soul like her.
What danger I had from her. She could never hurt me in any way. She has always been different. She did everything to make me happy. She took care of me and loved me even when her feelings weren't reciprocated.
Now when I look back, I just hate myself for hurting her so badly. Two long years are between us. The years that aren't gonna come again. I couldn't change the past which I am hating right now.
How hurt she must have felt throughout these two years. Similar to what I am feeling now or maybe worse than this because I am hurt at my own actions and she just suffered on my hands without any mistake.
What the hell I have done.
I wanted to scream loudly to vent the anger, hopelessness, guilt and suffocation building inside me
I have just left her place empty handed. She didn't give me a chance to speak. She spoke today and her words ripped apart my heart. It shattered my existence into pieces. Her tears, pain in her voice and her agony shook my inner self.
"Why do you come here again and again?" She asked sternly when I stepped inside the little annex that was her home once.
I really want to know her history now but unfortunately I have wasted the time when she could have opened her heart to me willingly, now she just despises me for hurting her again and again.
"For you" I said to her sadly.
"Why?" She asked monotonously.
"I have sent you the footage. Nothing happened between me and her. She was just framing me. I have always been faithful to you!" I told her.
"Okay" She nodded.
"You do believe me. Right!!!" I asked her happily.
"I believe you Ehan! In my heart I couldn't believe that you could have cheated on me. After living with you for two years I knew you weren't like that" Her words smoothed my burning soul.
She believes me. She does. Oh my God.
"I could never do this to us Mehr!" I took a step toward her and she took one back, maintaining the distance between us.
"But that doesn't changes the reality of our relationship" I heard her saying hurtfully.
"I-I don't understand" I was able to realize what went wrong but I needed a reality check from her.
"I don't want you in my life anymore. Can't you understand that?" She yelled in low voice. Her eyes filled with anger as if she was mad at herself for lashing out at me. Her personality was soft as a cotton. The sternness she was showing wasn't a part of her but something only given by me.
"I can't leave you" I whispered hurtfully.
"But I can" She emphasized fearlessly.
"Don't say that. I can't live without you" My voice was hollow.
"Why are you even interested in me now when for two long years you have taken me for granted?" She shrugged her shoulders, holding her tears back.
"It's not like that" I replied weakly.
I didn't know how to defend myself. Could I even defend myself after hurting her for two years? Definitely no!
"Then what it is. You don't have any idea how you have treated me for two years!" She said sadly this time, tears flowing on to her cheeks.
"Don't cry please!" I took a step towards her quickly and tried to wipe her tears.
"I have done nothing other than crying when I was with you" She pushed my hands away.
She didn't let me touch her and I was dying to feel her.
"You used to lash out at me without any reason. You used to despise me. Your every action showed me how much you hated me. You never wanted me in your life, i know but was it necessary to hurt me so much that I started hated my own existence.
You never let me come near to you. Never gave me right to behave as a wife. Never let me share my feelings to you. You never truly made me your wife.
For you..I am just a bed warmer" She started sobbing at the end.
"No, no, it's not true. I never hated you Mehr! I never considered you as my..bed warmer.." I held her crying figure in my arms, to soothe her.
But I didn't know that her burning soul couldn't be soothed my words now. My actions have spoken louder.
"I just to cry all the time on your ignorance" She removed my hands again from her body as if my touch burned her more.
I shook my head.
"You used to stay out for longer times. Most of the time you used to forget asking me if I had my dinner. I used to wait for you but...you never came to me except for using me" She covered her face with her hands.
"It's not like that. I don't know how to prove myself...I know I was wrong to you. I mistreated you..but don't say I used you. I never did that!" I put my fingers through her hair, my other hand tried to remove her hands from her face.
"You used my body but didn't let me find comfort in you when I needed" She said.
"I was wrong all along" I mumbled.
"Thank God you realized it" She smiled sadly.
"I never had bad intentions" I whispered hurtfully.
"I am so sorry for doing this to you. I accept that I have hurt you a lot in the past. Nothing can change that. I am so sorry for that. Please forgive me. I promise our future will be different. I won't behave like I used to.." I begged to her.
"No" She whispered getting out of my hands.
"I don't want to live with you again!" Her words hurt me a lot.
"No please don't do that" I panicked at her seriousness.
"It's over Ehan! I don't want to repeat the same mistake my mother did. She was left empty handed at the end. I don't want to be another Sehrbano" Her eyes had a different shade when she mentioned her mother.
I don't know her mother's history but in the way she mentioned it I am afraid it's more painful than I have imagined it.
"Please give me one chance. Please!" I asked her.
"You can leave now!" She took a step away from me, turning her face to the other side.
She asked me to leave her alone, to get out of her life.
"I don't want you in my life anymore. I want to move on from the pain you have given me!"
Her words pierced through my heart like a thin needle. I felt my heart constricting in pain that I never thought I would ever feel.
My Mehr wasn't mine anymore.
Hold your horses. Mehrbano isn't going to forgive him.
I am asking you to review your choice of continuing this book if you want something very fictional. I have tried portraying reality in this book and I will continue with it. Always remember life isn't a bed of roses!
Those who understand the characters can only enjoy the book otherwise there is no point of reading it. I have already asked you to not being biased and read carefully.
I have narrated every part in the story. It's readers thing to understand that. Writers can't leave notes about their characters behaviors. There is no point of writing then. It's a book not an essay!
Your answers lies in the book only. Read the book again carefully. Hope you will find what is needed!
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