𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 24

Life goes on.

Time doesn't stop for anyone but it certainly takes something from you that defines you. From me, it took my calmness and my ability to trust others.

The past few years have changed me completely into a different person. I have lost my calmness. I developed trust and anger management issues. I never used to get angry easily but now it's different and it's certainly bothers me sometime.

One more influential thing happened to me that I started distancing myself from people. I am not what I used to be around people. I am still friends with my old friends but I try not to indulge myself with new people. I just can't be nice to new people like I used to be in old times. I started living in my safe circle, not able to trust the people.

I started enjoying my company more than anything. I found peace in the darkness of the room. You can never go wrong with yourself. Right?

I lost myself in the professional duties and the pieces of my broken trust that never enabled me to trust someone again. People just play with you like you are a toy and don't have emotions.

Once I was hurt badly and that ach in my heart stayed with me, forever. It made me more silent and alone. I drifted myself away from the world and it's happiness.

"I think you should get married now" Papa talked to me when I visited them on weekend. For my work, I used to live in the nearby city.

I nodded my head silently.

"You like someone?" He asked me.

I shook my head.

Does it matter if I liked anyone? Does my feelings mattered at all? I don't think so.

"Then I think you won't have any problem with the girl we chose for you" He said further.

"I won't" I said.

"We both like a girl named, Mehrbano for you. She is a wonderful girl, Talha's eldest daughter" He kept on telling me about her.

"Okay" I nodded.

The next day, I went to Uncle Talha's place with my parents where I saw her after years. She looked different. I saw her previously when I was in my graduation. Long time ago.

She seemed to be a simple and elegant young woman. I could sense her nervousness. She was fidgeting with her dupatta. I didn't stare at her. I just observed her in one look.

Our father were friends. There was no point of any difference. After a short period, I got married to her and my life changed completely.

Before getting married, I thought it wouldn't be a much change to my life but I was wrong. So wrong.

Marriage completely changed my life.

•

My room seemed so different to me on my wedding night. It felt as I was in someone else's room. There was my bride sitting on my bed, waiting for me.

She quickly averted her eyes from me. I caressed the nape of my neck. I was getting uncomfortable in her presence. I didn't know her. We never talked. How am I supposed to share my everything with her?

It was awkward and I was cursing myself for putting myself into this mess.

I sat next to her on the bed and asked her about my expectations from this marriage. What else I could say to a woman I was meeting for the first time. I wasn't the same calm man I was once. It was difficult for me to initiate a conversation with her and said whatever came into my mind.

I didn't realize my tone was way more serious than it should have sounded. Long ago I stopped caring about it. It didn't matter to me what people think of me. They can think anyways.

"I will try not to disappoint you!" And then she replied to me.

I heard her sweet voice. It would be unfair to not accept that her voice did something to me. I felt as if her simple words touched my heart.

I was lying in my place, thinking about my future with her. I got married to her with my own will. My parents could never force me for such an important decision of life. They weren't controlling and ignorant.

I had to get married one day so I did but now I was getting confused. It wasn't easy for a lonely person like me to live with an unknown person. I realized that unknown person was an important figure in my life but still I was getting second thoughts.

I didn't know what to do. How to treat her. I have lost this ability to bond with anyone nor I had any desires left in me to bond with her.

Does bonding even matters? People still crush you under their feet after bonding with you. I wasn't ready to get hurt once again. I could live without such nonsense things.

She was just my wife. There was no need to indulge myself deeper with her. I could sustain this relationship without it. I would fulfill all my responsibilities towards her and be loyal to her. That would be enough for me and for her.

I had made my decision.

I instantly noticed her presence when she laid beside me on the bed. I moved closer to her and touched her arm. My fungers caressed her bare arms.

She didn't flinch.

She was so close to me that I could hear her breathing. It wasn't pitch dark in the room. I could look at her face but she wasn't looking into my eyes. Our close proximity resulted in her rapid breathing.

There was no reluctance from her side my hand travelled to the knot of her nightgown. She was looking beautiful in that silk gown. I undid the knot and felt her creamy skin with my finger tips.

In the next few seconds I discarded her clothes. Now she was bare under me. My eyes were charmed by her beauty and my heart raced with nervousness.

I flipped her on the bed and touched her between her legs. I felt her getting tensed for a moment. I tried to stimulate her as best as I could. It was our first time and I knew it wasn't going to be any better.

I just lowered my trousers and didn't remove my clothes. It would be too much for me and I wasn't comfortable with that.

I took her from behind. This position was awkward but still way better than the traditional one. I couldn't look into her eyes or her face. It was just too intimate, more awkward.

"Pl-Please be gentle"  The moment I entered her, she muffled in distress.

"Relax your body" I muttered. I was already nervous and her response made me more anxious. I stopped moving for a bit to give her time to adjust.

I didn't know what to say. I wanted to say something but my tongue didn't utter a single word.

I cursed myself for initiating it. I thought I had to do it after a few days or weeks so why not tonight when she herself didn't mind it. I wanted to get done with all the responsibilities I had towards her but I was caught in a mess.

After getting my release I quickly moved back, wiped myself and laid beside her on the bed turning my back towards her. I behaved as if I sinned.

My heart was racing.

I didn't know what I did but the feeling of being inside of her was very strange and overwhelming.

It was consensual but he was a complete jerk to her which was wrong at all levels.

I hope things are getting cleared through his point of view.

I want you guys to understand the story without being biased and tell me moral of the story when we reach at the last chapter.