Chapter 30 - Facing Consequences (Faith Ashlynn POV)Pt.1

Chapter 30 - Facing Consequences (Faith Ashlynn POV) Pt.1

"Faith, can I come in?" Kalenah asked two hours after we had gotten home from Nova's. We hadn't spoken on the way home, I was still very much conflicted with everything Nova and I had discussed so after swiftly completing a few homework assignments, I pulled out the dress I was rushing to make for Samantha, already completing the princess dress for Amy.

With Kalenah coming to the door now, I hurriedly placed the dress away, leaving all other supplies as they were before scurrying to the door. Opening and letting Kalenah in, I stood aside, closing the door almost and sitting on the bed while she sat on the chair. Looking around at the supplies, the mess in the room, I wondered if she'd be upset at the chaos she saw.

"You really like sewing and crafts huh?" I shrugged because it had started as a way to make my clothes or alter the ones that were too small but I loved wearing.

I nodded, "Yes, it's calming."

"Are you feeling better?" she prodded.

Sighing I was still troubled but not badly so.

"Yes... Nova helps."

Kalenah nodded, a small smile on her face, "You worried everyone," my eyes widened.

"The kids weren't sure where you were since you didn't attend class with them, and then your school called me before Nova had the chance too since you missed your second and third classes." I hadn't meant to bother or worry, but I wasn't accustomed to it either.

"Can you tell me why you left school?"

"Well... I didn't want to have a panic attack, although I did, and then I couldn't concentrate on anything and needed some fresh air so I left."

"And you ended up by Nova?"

"I wasn't going to run into the woods, but by the time I noticed where I was heading, I was jogging and needed to talk to someone," the explanation feeble.

Kalenah gazed at me with the same kind eyes that Nova had during the session, "It's good that you decided to head over to Nova's but Faith, do you understand that you shouldn't have just run out the way you did. That it's not safe?"

I almost snorted. Almost. Kalenah was warning me about the dangers of the world? Sure she had to see the irony in that statement.

Her face grew to a smirk, "You think it's ironic I'm warning you?" not hiding my opinion I nodded.

"I know you worry about everyone and everything, second guessing yourself at all times, but it's not safe to just go off on your own, something could've happened to you, and we wouldn't have known if you were gone until it was too late."

"I'm aware that it's new to you, but it's the same as you knowing Talia went to take a nap back at the dorm house Faith," my eyes snapped to hers, focused understanding it when she worded it the way she was.

"You didn't think it was the same thing, even notice that it did you?" her words whispered a bit pained, sadness in her eyes. Not knowing what to answer, I remained silent, I hadn't thought of it that way at all. Kalenah knows that now too.

"Faith, if Talia hadn't told you that she was going into that house, no one would've known that she was even in that place. It would've been much too late, but she told you, and because of that - because she took a few seconds to say that, when you saw the fire, when that other resident adviser said no one was inside, you knew better."

It is hard to wrap my mind around what she was saying, but it was refreshing as it was confusing. "Dmitri never used to tell me where he was going when he left, he'd tell me when he came back... although," I shrug.

"Those were all lies..."

"I know this - I don't know how difficult this situation is for you." She stumbled, "but I can only imagine it's difficult, but I also know as well how hard you're trying to adapt so I know there are going to be bumps, but please don't just run off Faith, it's not safe."

"I know you think that you're aware of the dangers, but you don't have to face them alone. You don't have to be this island all on your own... we aren't expecting you to miraculously change overnight, know that." I nod.

"But we would all like you to feel safe here, with us, around us, to come to any one of us if you need or want something-"

"I won't run off again," I interjected before the tears in her eyes fell, my words holding some small promise. But surprising me, Kalenah shook her head, "that's just it Faith... you may very well run off again when you feel similar to how you did today. All I'm hoping is that if or when it does happen, you give some sort of indication to someone... tell someone something."

"I will."

"You'll try," Kalenah corrected with a small smile, but I knew what she was trying to do. She wasn't going to let me set myself up to fail. I had to admit... it was quite strange.

"Now," she cocked her head to the side. "Normally there would be consequences for running off and skipping school, from Ansel and I, but seeing as you cut school and ended up in therapy with Nova... we have no punishment for you, but the school isn't as understanding," I nodded.

I had read the school conduct book. I knew that missing so many classes unexcused was going to get me expelled.

"They are going to give you some leeway Faith, you have one week of detention and all assignments for this week will be completed, but you'll only get half credit for it."

That was a bit disappointing, it wasn't a big deal I suppose, but inside, I had never been to school. There were no grades, and I wasn't competing with anyone. Here even though I had missed actually going to school, all my assignments had gotten perfect marks. I had completed extra credit so that on the school ranking, I was number three, a girl named Imogen was first, and Samson was second.

It was silly caring about that ranking, but it pleased me. That ranking, it was a small reminder that I was still standing even when I felt like the ground below me was weakening, my legs wobbling, I was still standing.

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After speaking with Kalenah, I returned to the dresses, my stomach in knots over Samson. I had avoided him when I arrived. Now I could not stop thinking of his words. When it was nearing ten, I cleaned up, showering and opened up my laptop. I had come to understand you could find a wealth of information online. Since getting a computer of my own, it had come in handy if I had a question. Instead of humiliating myself with asking, I just looked it up.

I wasn't completely sheltered, but as I continued reading about girlfriends and relationships online all I could do was sigh because it felt like there as too much information to me and even with that I wasn't getting my answers. Frustrated I closed the computer, throwing on a sweater over my pajamas I decided to go speak to Samson.

Nova was right, I didn't have enough information, Samson had only said one word, he hadn't said anything about me wanting to be his girlfriend, and I was the one that jumped to that. There was no way to make come to any decision because it hit me that I didn't have a question.

Squaring my shoulders, I went down the stairs, stopping outside of the door I knew was Samson's' my legs feeling weak, my stomach fluttering. My chest pounding, I lifted my hand knocking softly. Taking a step back, Samson opened his door, his eyes surprised but his face transformed into a careful smile.

"Can we talk?" I asked when we both had spent time just looking at one another. Nodding furiously, he stepped aside and let me "take a seat..." he waved around his room. A large black framed bed set against the windows with satin looking dark forest green current, the sage walls matching nicely with a few pictures hung about.

Going to the black leather couch in his room, I sit facing the door, and Samson comes parking his self as well, body turned to me, tense and waiting. Suddenly all the words I had planned which wasn't much to begin with are gone, poof.

"I'm sorry for telling you how I felt in school," Samson finally says sighing loudly. Listening carefully, I turn his words over in my head, processing them. 'In school' he said. He does not regret what he said, just location? "I'm not sorry for putting my feelings out there, but I'm ashamed to admit I didn't think of how you would react, especially in school. I just... I guess I was suffering from teenage boy syndrome," he snorts, and I'm sure this is a joke at his expense. "I freaked you out, and I'm-"

"You - you didn't," I stop licking my lips and looking away, "I what Fatima?" and there he goes using my name again, and I like it. I like when he calls my name, I like that he's the only one that does it. I like when we sit just him and me, talking or sitting silently drinking tea on the back porch.

"You didn't really tell me how you felt or wanted, you just hinted at it, and I still freaked out..." I look at his eyes, the blues so blue, and the grays of his eyes smaller now.

He blinks before straightening out again, "Well... you know I think you're beautiful," the tops of his ears start going red, but he continues, "I find you lovely, smart, kind, caring, very thoughtful..." each word sends my heart into a frenzy.

"You're different. And I know part of that has to do with how you grew up, but another part has to do with how brave and strong I think you are. Fatima, you're funny, and you don't try to be. You're honest, and I think that's what I like the most about you."

He sighs. "No..." he shakes his head, and the smile that was on his face seems to drop. Fade just a bit, "I think what I like most is that I can share Silas with you. I can tell you about him, mention all the ways we were different, and your responses are always comforting. You never apologize for his death, you just listen, and I haven't had that for two years."

"I don't feel alone when I'm with you, even if it's just us sitting quietly, I feel at peace. I know that you're next to me because you want to be, and I don't have to pretend to be something or someone I'm not when I'm with you... I want more of that."

"Too honest?" he asks after a few moments when I haven't so much as blinked.

"No I like when you're honest and precise," I said watching my words ease him. His shoulders that had tensed, became rigid in appearance slightly seem to deflate, and he rests his side against his couch. I take a minute to make sense of what he said and understanding them, regarding what they meant to me. About me... of course, it makes sense what he said, I mean I knew and understood that you must like different things about the person you're interested in if you saw them in a romantic light. But for some reason, I couldn't confirm his response to what he wanted exactly.

"What are you thinking?" the question comes after a few more moments of silence.

"I looked up online how to be a girlfriend," I blurted out, "I'm trying to figure out how what you said goes with what I read."

His eyes go to the size of quarters and I follow the tip of his tongue when it darts out licking his bottom lip. "You - you went online to search how to be a girlfriend?" his head cocked to the side, a smile playing on his mouth.

Nodding I couldn't help but return the smile he had, "So you - you do see me... that way?" his ears red and as I think it can't get any more, I notice his cheeks are flaming too.

"Which way?"

"You like me, as more than just a friend? Like more than you like Brennan or Thaddeus-"

"I don't spend time with Brennan or Thaddeus, I wouldn't be able to compare you to them," I interjected.

"I just - I just want to spend more time with you, I want to do more with you, share more things with you, Fatima," he sighed. "I want to hold your hand a lot more, go on more picnics with you, I enjoy your company," he shrugs.

"Do you like those things or want more of this stuff with me? Because I do... and if you do... we won't have to change anything." He promises. I trust it which is more surprising. "I just - I know you said you can't be a girlfriend, but at least you know how I feel, what I want, and if you feel the same then we go from there, go really slow..."

"I like spending time with you..." I offered still unsure but wanting to say at least that I did enjoy time with Samson. I liked being around him, I didn't feel different or weird, or like I had to always keep my guard up, even though it might bring trouble later.

I liked holding his hand, being close to him like when we watched the movies or went hiking.

"You make me nervous," his eyes widened.

"I would never hurt you Fatima," a whispered promise.

"No." I shook my head for added measure. "My stomach is in knots when I'm around you. I'm happy, but my heart is beating really fast, and-" I stop when he smiles widely, teeth showing, Samson takes my hand slowly, bringing it up to his chest, laying my hand palm down against his chest. His heart beating, pounding quickly beneath his skin, closing my eyes I take a moment to compare it to my own racing heart.

It's the same.

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I leave Samson's room that night, nearly three hours later, after talking about our project, we watched a short movie on his couch, and he walked me to my room. I wasn't sure if I was his girlfriend after that because he didn't say anything nor did I, but the way we left things was enough for me.

The following day, with my stomach in tumbles, I walked down the stairs, the nerves back, but much to my surprise nothing had changed. It was as he said, he wasn't like Thaddeus and Harleigh who were kissing each other at the table, but he gave me a secret knowing smile and made my heart race all over again like last night. He drove me to school, holding my hand, walking with me to my locker, and entering the first period with me, a smile on his face the whole way.

"Round two?" Thaddeus asked when he came in, sitting next to me.

Unsure what he meant I ignored him, the school day passing by and when it was time for lunch, Samson was at my locker waiting with a large square type bag. "Want to have lunch with me?" I was starting to shake my head, I didn't enjoy going to the lunchroom, too many people, not enough escape routes.

"Privately somewhere... we can eat in my car... it's not very nice out..." his eyes darted to the glass behind me where it was apparently flurrying. "What do you have?" I asked eyeing his bag, just as my stomach growled loudly.

"Well I'm sure I have something to feed the beast taking up residence in your belly," he teased offering me his hand. Glancing between the bag, and his hand I took it, the two of us heading out to his car. As the door opened, the colder than when we left home air whipped around my face, nearly burning and making my eyes water. My entire self-shaking as we settled in and Samson turned the heat on full blast.

"I think- I think - I - need warmer - warmer clothes," I mumbled.

"It's only November, wait till mid-December." His words distracted as he opened the bag pulling out two thermoses, "One has coffee, and one has tea," he held the two silver cylinders in front of me to choose as he always does.

"I made them from home, before you worry, I'm sure they're still hot, even from the outside their warm," but I had to wonder where he got them from.

"I didn't see you carry this out to the car," I replied suspiciously and with a shy smile, he replied.

"I had made everything before you came down, and I had it in the back of the car, wanted to surprise you." He shrugged like it was nothing but I knew better. So with cold hands, I reached for the one that was tea, my cold hands instantly loving, appreciating the warmth of the thermos.

"I know you probably wouldn't eat much so I thought we could share a sandwich too?" he put his thermos down, picking up another container, removing the lid and showing me a sandwich cut down the middle. Again knowing it would ease my worries if I saw him eating the same thing and so with warm hands and a small thankful smile I took half, taking a bit and moaning as I chewed.

Resting back now warm from the heat and tea, I ate my piece of sandwich slowly, enjoying all the different tastes, the meat and tomatoes, and the hint of vinegar on my tongue. "You have detention today?" Samson asked as my mouth was full, turning towards him, I nodded.

"I'm sorry..." he said apologetically, "I just saw an opportunity and didn't want to let it pass not being honest with you, it's my fault."

"You're right," I replied - nodding - sipping my tea, while inside I was already giggling. Samson's frown deepened until I couldn't hold my straight face any longer and started laughing out loud shaking my head and he pouted like Simon.

Which only added to the giggles.

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