Chapter 24 - Baby Steps & Cold Truths (Faith POV)

I do want to answer a few questions that I've seen, this can be read as a standalone, if you're reading the comments and seeing other people saying things and you're like "WTF?" that's okay. You don't have to read the other stories I've written to understand THIS ONE, but those people reading the other ones, are reading this one because it fits into those other stories...

understand?

Someone said that there are too many people for you to follow... wow. just... I'm not sure how to make that better for you really... I mean there are only literally two families.

The Conrad's and the Rosario's. That's it. Then there is Faith.

There's Walsh, Patricia and Dmitri and Nova the therapist and that leaves the arsonist.

So yeah... I'm not sure what confuses you... I mean there's a character key of the children... but I'm sorry that you're confused...

anyways... three minutes left so I'm just going to post this so you guys can read lol before it doesn't let me.

Chapter 24 - Baby Steps & Cold Truths (Faith POV)

Waking up, I was groggy and unsettled, my gaze slowly ran over the side table, my desk, the door and the couch from left to right.

I could remember clearly what had happened, the words Devin said "fire starter," it just didn't make any sense for me to be the one to start the fire - not with all the items I lost. But then I remembered the anger, slightly bothering rage in Kalenah's eyes. I slowly start to take account of my body, searching for injuries that I might have endured when I just went into complete apathy although... that was only a mask.

Inside I was completely aware - almost like a fly on the wall as Kalenah informed me that Samson would be carrying me. Aware that she didn't seem to be yelling or showing me great interest or any type of malicious intent in my incapacitated state - still after I faded she could have done something. Very much lethargic I could remember Samson laying me down on the bed, before he turned my music on, playing it low and soft in the background. The music had both lulled me out of my apathy but into a peaceful, like the dead sleep.

Still in the same clothes, I stretched out slowly, when nothing other than my arm stung. Sitting up I glanced around the room, looking for anything out of place and found nothing. Getting a drink I swallowed my pain meds, wrapping up my arm, I turned the shower on, leaving the water only slightly warm as my head began to swim. I had normally loved my showers, baths and all but lately, with all the migraines, headaches and injuries I was resigned to standing still while the water prickled at different areas of my body.

The early morning sun was just creeping into the room and wanting to follow Nova's advice I walked to the large oval like the bathtub. Filling it with warmer slightly warmer until it was at the top, the lovely lavender bath beads I had purchased like Dmitri had once given me for my fifteenth birthday, melting at the bottom.

After a nice shower, I sank down into the still warm water, the warmth easing away all my stress. I had stopped taking baths like this. The type where I closed my eyes, rested by head back and just relaxed, but after locking the bedroom door, then the bathroom door and placing my chair to block the entrance as well, I could enjoy this once again. Careful not to put my sore arm under the warm water, the heat only enflamed the already scorching type feeling I had where I was burned.

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Dressed and feeling much refreshed after my soak, but so hungry my stomach felt as though it were clawing in on itself I take one of the easy mix oatmeal cinnamon cups I had left heading down the stairs. I wasn't sure what I had done to make Kalenah angry, but I slowly went down, aware that it was only six am on a Saturday. I had been here for nearly two months and knew that on a Saturday, the house didn't become active until it was nearly nine am on a good day.

Nova was now always on my mind, she had told me that she would be intensive with me, she would try to help me with various things, and one was my rational fear of fire. Knowing from Kalenah that I had the fear even from the first session, Nova had a poster of flames in her office. Now nearly five sessions in one week, the framed picture no longer bothers me. On Friday, she had added two more, one behind me and the other two across form each other.

So when I go downstairs and find Kalenah, stirring something on the stove, the bluish red flames at the bottom hold me in my place, frozen. I gasp, and feel my vision blur, but painfully so and moving quickly, Kalenah comes to stand in from of the stove blocking my view of the fire completely. "You're okay Faith, it won't hurt you," I hear while I try to calm my racing heart. Until I have to close my hands, my hands fisted around the small containers - "Oh you must be hungry dear," Kalenah continues speaking but I'm very much aware that she didn't turn the stove off. I would've heard the three clicks it made when being turned off and on.

When I exhale and lick my lips, and my breathing isn't harsh, painful gasps, I open my eyes, "Yeah, I'm famished," I answer carefully. Apologize! Apologize! My mind tells me, shouting, directing and reminding me of the many mistakes I made the night before.

"I'm sorry about-" I'm not even sure what I'm apologizing for and stumble moving onto what I could apologize for. "I - I'm sorry about the soup I left in the microwave," I felt oddly proud of myself. But Kalenah just looked on with a very thoughtful, perplexed look on her face. I hear the sizzle of the bacon cooking on the flat burner, and the light popping of the oil. Kalenah turns around, and I hear two sets of three clicks, before she's watching me again. Going to the fridge and placing a bowl on the counter she opens the seal bottle, pouring it into the bowl, my eyes watching her every move.

Until she waits for me to bring my seal cup and my feet are shuffling forward and opening the container pouring the contents into the bowl and gazing attentively as she places it on the counter to the microwave. "I just wanted to make sure you were all right after your shutting down yesterday..." she calls it shutting down as well. "I didn't know that Devin was making it hard for you to feel comfortable here," my eyes widened in uncertainty. "I'm not - I wasn't bothered by what Devin said, I didn't start the fire - I wasn't even - it's not possible, I can't be in two places at once-"

"Then what happened last night do you mind telling me?" I looked away; she wanted me to remind her of my crimes, that I didn't know I did so that she could punish me. I shook that thought away instantly because it didn't make sense.

I shrugged pulling out one of the stools carefully not wanting to have it make any strange noise against the floor, the scraping sound it would make sending shivers down my back without it even being made, "You were angry, and I thought - well I think I was scared so I just..." I could see when understanding dawned on her face.

Gazing at me sadly, "I'm so sorry Faith," Kalenah whispered.

With a slow head shake, "I wasn't upset with you I was burning inside because of what those two girls had been saying," I nodded slowly.

Why would she be upset over that? I thought silently as she gave me a lopsided sad smile, "You don't understand why I would be angry over their words?" she eventually said my oatmeal beeping, announcing its completion. My stomach once again making itself known, she doesn't answer her own question, instead reaching for a spoon and for my oatmeal, placing them in front of me before walking to the cabinet and grabbing something, before placing a small package near my spoon.

Cinnamon sugar.

When I don't make a move even to use it, Kalenah pours herself a cup of coffee, comes over with another packet and placed them side-by-side. Dipping her head in a 'you pick,' gesture, like how Samson does with me, I sigh in relief, ticking yet another one of my promises from my list: trying something new.

Ripping the packet slower than Kalenah I watch as she dumps hers in, then getting two more packets in her coffee before being satisfied. Moaning as she takes the first sip, I look on amazed at this little moment. "I love my coffee this way, the way you love your tea with milk before bed," and the comparison she's given makes so much sense.

I smile down at my oatmeal, and Kalenah resumes speaking.

"As I was saying, I told you that you would be safe in my home, that this was your home, where you could stay as long as you wanted. But most importantly, I don't find it a safe, healthy place if someone else I've welcomed as a guest, makes you feel inferior in your home."

"Seeing as you would most likely have said nothing, and you did no such thing," she shrugged while looking almost pouty, "not to mention all those lies about Taylor and Samson," I looked down at my oatmeal, stuffing my mouth, his letter on my mind now.

"He's free to speak and hang out with anyone he wants, I do hope that he has good judgment in those he chooses to spend his time with, but as of yet, there is no one that Samson has been spending time that either Ansel or I feel am a bad influence, or not worthy of spending time with him."

Was she saying this for me? For my benefit?

"Did something happen Faith?" Kalenah asks after a while, and I'm very disappointed that I can't use my food as an excuse not to speak since I only have a few bites left. I look up the picture of innocence not understanding her question, but already thinking of where it could go.

She sips her coffee, her eyes penetrating mine when I look up, and I can't look away.

"What I mean is, you and Samson had been spending time together, did - was there a reason you two - or you decided to put a stop to that? Had Devin or Taylor... maybe Brennan said anything to you?" I shook my head unable to find my voice.

But when I realized I was lying, I stopped mid shake, "Devin told me that Taylor and Samson belonged together, that I should stay away because I was his project..." I tampered off when her eyes widened, and that same hint of rage filtered through but Kalenah just shook her head closing her eyes, "that girl," she muttered.

Then she chuckled, "Project?" she says the word with disdain, "I can't even make Samson learn to cook a meal, or wash my car, I hardly think he would pick up an extra project," she snorts just like I've seen Talia do and just like with her daughter I have no reply, so I use one of my bites as a pass of silence.

"If he's offering you friendship - and you want it," she points her eyes on me until I nod. I did like being his friend, "It wasn't about Devin," I revealed honestly interjecting.

"I mean even if he was offering me friendship, it's different in this world, you can have many friends, he could be friends with Taylor and I both," I tell her and she purses her lips but says nothing letting me finish, "I didn't - I thought maybe he would - Dmitri didn't kidnap me and tell me those stories," I whispered and a slight creak on the stairs makes me stop speaking, whirling my head around to see who was there.

Ansel. With kind eyes, "Good morning Faith," he chimed coming around the corner, kissing the side of Kalenah's head and walking to the cabinet getting his cup of coffee, reaching into that same packaged sugar stash and emptying two sugar packets. Shoveling the last two bites of food into my mouth, I hope down from the stool rushing to wash up after myself, but Kalenah with so many questions in her eyes waves me off.

"You're welcome to attend the older party tonight if you'd like... we can see about getting you a costume-" I'm sure my grimace and shock of how horrible an idea that would be shut her up right then an there because she just shook her head, "too much?" I nodded gratefully that she understood.

Looking around and knowing the house would be filled with more children today, all getting ready I snapped up three apples, two banana's, two tangerines and some grapes all in a bowl before nodding and darting back up to my room with my stash for the day. I knew I wouldn't be able to hide out for very long because I had to go to school after this weekend - or I was allowed too.

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I was left alone all day Saturday - actually that wasn't exactly true; Amy had come to visit with me for a brief time - and spent my time working on two dresses, studying for a quiz I knew, from Harleigh, would be given on Monday.

I told myself that I wouldn't think of spending time with the family on Sunday until at least around noon. I simultaneously did that and still spent each moment trying to focus on my activities failing each time until I was in a ball of nerves. The biggest worry was that unlike all the other weeks, maybe this Sunday after dinner, Kalenah wouldn't come up and ask me if I wanted to join. Had I missed my opportunity?

Which sent me into a new set of worries, although again if I went with what Nova had tried to explain, if things were going to go horribly wrong, it probably would have when I was burnt in the hospital, or so sick and hallucinating. Then if Samson was going to hurt me, he would've done so when he made me dinner or tea... or better yet when we went hiking in the Hot Springs. Or curses to my traitorous mind, and Nova's explanation of the whole picture - the big picture - the perfect time for him to have hurt me was when he lied and said he hadn't found me in the cave.

So for each negative thought I had, I remembered one good positive thing that helped keep the rational for now - to me - delusions away.

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I had noticed that Kalenah comes to my room around six on Sundays to ask if I wanted to join so when the clock was at five, I sat back, on the couch waiting, for the knock to come and when it did, I stood ready. In running sweats, a sweater, my I.D. and Samson's note in a wallet like clip in my pocket in case I needed to run, I opened the door with a private smile on my face.

Kalenah was before me, confused, "Oh were you going out for a walk?" she glanced behind me eyeing the window and the darkness outside. "No," I replied waiting for her to ask me to join, which she didn't disappoint. Taking a deep breath when she asked, I nodded, "Sure what are you guys doing tonight?" I replied watched as her eyes widened and she shook her head before speaking.

"Well we're just going to watch a movie, after the parties this weekend, everyone's tired..." I nodded, a movie... I could do that. So primed and ready, I followed Kalenah down, "We're all going to be in the theater," she said stopping in the kitchen for one of two trays. With nearly eight bowls of various sizes, she sent me ahead, but I shook my head, picking up the other tray with cups, I follow Kalenah.

"Thank you," she murmurs over her shoulder. A small smile on her face she looks at my profile, her smile growing. Not understanding, I follow her and learn we're watching some Disney movie, "Wanna share a spot with me?" Amy came forward with a juice box from on the tray I carried into the room. I glance around and note that Brennan and Samson aren't in the room, and I'm a bit disappointed that Samson isn't there.

Ansel is doing something with two remotes and the large nearly 70-inch screen behind me comes on, the woman on the screen; her head is as big as - as my whole body. Her name below her face, the volume not loud but catches my attention.

"Good evening, this is Carmen Nola from CBS World News," I hadn't particularly enjoyed watching the new so, for the most part, I tended to avoid the television outside of movies played on a DVD.

"Reporting from the studio, on the chemical spill near L.A.X. - Death tolls have now increased and believed to be in the near thousands. All flights have been grounded, and this is occurring just one month shy of the explosion that took the lives of nearly two hundred last year."

The camera panned back and focused on a man as well, David O'Neill the name says below him. "Yes Carmen, viewers at home may remember that terrible explosion, where among those perished, it is believed that Gabriel Gavino, his grandfather and traveling mate Chelsea Hobbs-" the sound in the room, tripled, became so loud I doubled over with a groan holding onto my head.

"Dmitri who are the leaders of the Independents?" he looked at me indulgently a smirk on his face. "You're older now, you tell me who the leaders of the Independents are Faith," I giggled happily, nodding because it was true, I remembered everything now, but I just liked Dmitri to tell me.

Still, I begin telling him, "The leader of the independents are Chelsea - she's pretty too," the younger I tells him, but he just rolls his eyes, "I'm sure she didn't become the leader because of her prettiness," he jokes, and so I start again.

"She's the leader because she's special, she has all the people's best interest at heart, she cares about everyone, not just the Independents, she's going to save all the people," I babbled.

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Samson POV

"You don't have to mope around us," Brennan had entered my room a week back. "Why don't you join Devin, Taylor, Caterina, Paige and I out at bowling?" I grumbled.

"What Devin not going to put out unless you convince me to get with Taylor?" I asked not in the mood for Devin herself fueled his antics that I was sure. He blanched entering my room, closing the door behind him. "Talk to me Samson," his voice had been serious, no joking, just caring and open.

"Are you, are you hanging out with Fatima because you like her or is it that you feel guilty about how you first treated her?" he asked point blank, and that was what made me turn to face him completely, sighing heavily. I wasn't normally a talker, but I needed to talk to someone. I couldn't turn to my parents; I didn't - I knew they worried about me, but I didn't want to hurt them by talking about this, about something that even after two years, was still very raw.

"I don't spend time with Fatima because I feel guilty, she's special Brennan, so different than anyone I've met and I just - when I'm with her, I'm so - she reminds me of Silas," I whispered as though it's something I should be ashamed of.

I wasn't trying to replace Silas, that could never happen, but with Fatima, I felt less empty.

But could someone besides Silas made me feel less lonely, less... empty.

"What about Taylor?" I rolled my eyes at him, "I'm not like you and Devin, Taylor, and I aren't like you two, I'm not into her, I won't be into her and just think... how would you feel if I kept pushing Taylor or Harleigh onto you?" I watched as his face turned ashen, his lips pinched and nose is crinkling up in displeasure.

I had laughed, until my stomach hurt, until I finally croaked out, "Well that's how I feel about Taylor, and I want to kiss her as much as I want to kiss you or Harleigh or - Devin."

We spoke about the last two years, and how I felt since Silas died.

I had opened up to Brennan, told him how I felt, explained as much as I could, asking him not to tell anyone, not even Devin. All I wanted was for him to just get her to back down, to let this new interest Taylor had in me die down, before it ruined everyone's relationship. It didn't matter who I spent time with, as long as it wasn't Taylor, Devin and Taylor herself would never be happy. It didn't matter that I spent time with Fatima, or Danielle from school, or her sister, anyone but Taylor and Devin wouldn't be happy.

I guess though it was worse because Fatima lived in the house and they assumed more about the relationship I had with her but nonetheless I had spoken to my brother. I kept my distance from Taylor and Devin since then, until what happened at the lunch table, then in Physic's class.

Now - after Brennan had obviously spilled his guts out to Devin - I was avoiding the family a bit just needing time to myself. I hadn't gone to the party on Saturday, I didn't have meals with them, and I sure as hell wasn't spending time with Brennan. Although it was only a matter of time, we lived in the same house.

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Monday morning, my stomach rolling in circles, anxious for Fatima who was going back to school today, and actually knowing I would have to stomach Brennan, Devin and Taylor. Putting on my bravest face, which was the blank stare I had mastered over the years, I went down the kitchen, while everyone glanced between Brennan and I, wondering what was up.

Grabbing a sandwich to go, I left the house stopping to get a cup of coffee before heading to campus, to my locker and groaning internally when I spotted Taylor standing nervously waiting for me. With her looking downward, just waiting, I had just enough time to avoid my locker and head in the opposite direction.

But I needed my textbook so sighing, I continued forward wondering what she wanted now?

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© 2016 roxann_season All Rights Reserved

So... yeah... I just did that up there... tell me what you think?

Are more pieces falling together?

So now we know what Samson said to Brennan, do you guys still think Brennan is in the wrong?

Someone asked how many more chapters will this story have? Well... I have 57 chapters in the outline.