Chapter Fifteen

Monday’s task at work was simple: Father Xavier wanted me to organize his books while he was attending a meeting. He wouldn’t be gone long, but it would give me something to do since I’d been so productive with last week’s filing. The first thing I did once left unattended in the office was to crane my neck in search of a camera. I tried to be inconspicuous about it, making it look like I was stretching my neck. Thankfully, there wasn’t one so I didn’t look too ridiculous. Foolish man.

His books jutted out of the bookcase in double, sometimes triple stacks, placed haphazardly onto each shelf. A new, empty bookcase rested beside the cluttered one. I shook my head, believing that the two still would not have enough space to neatly contain the first’s books. I pulled books off the shelves and organized them as religious, academic, personal, and miscellaneous.

As I cleared the last shelf, one book that had been behind two rows of books caught my eye. It was threadbare in areas and Songs of the Earth was chicken scratched across the mostly lime green cover. The first page was signed by Sigmund Dietrich and contained a finish date of 1961. I wondered if this was the original that was rumored to be in Father Xavier’s possession.

I hadn’t believed the priest to have anything of the founder’s other than his kooky beliefs. Why would he have it and not the original church or Dietrich’s family? Regardless, the book looked significant and I did what was logical to me. I deposited it into my backpack, hiding it in a zippered pocket to study later. It would probably be the only time I’d ever read it of my own volition. I placed the books onto their shelves, having to double stack on some of the shelves.

What to do now? Keeping an eye out for the priest, I turned to his desk. I flipped through his Rolodex and scanned the desk calendar for anything suspicious. The file drawers in the desk were locked, so I walked over to his file cabinet and smiled as the drawer opened.

“What are you doing, Lily?” Father Xavier asked as my skin began to crawl.

“Oh, I saw these binders on the cabinet and thought they belonged on the shelves.” I eased the drawer shut, hoping he hadn’t noticed. His eyes pinched to slits. “I’m sorry. I just noticed them over here and thought they looked like something that might belong in the bookcase. Sorry if I intruded.”

His eyes returned to their normal black bead appearance. “That’s okay. But next time, do only what you’re told. I should have clarified it. You’re already finished?”

“I just finished.” I lied, eager to segue into more comfortable conversational territory. “Let me show you how they’re organized.”

Right after that, Father Xavier asked me to deliver a package to Mr. Brown. When I agreed to it, he dismissed me for the day, telling me that I had easily accomplished eight hours of work in the time he’d been gone. I didn’t dispute it.

“So when am I going to meet your guy?” Rosie whined as my hand twisted the doorknob to leave for Jack’s. “You know damn well I wouldn’t have made you wait so long to meet a boyfriend of mine.”

Why did she have to behave this way? She stood next to me with her bottom lip bulging in a pout. “You’re an open book. I like to keep things more private.”

“If I’m an open book, you’re a frickin’ lock-and-key diary with its entries written in invisible ink.” She slugged my arm. “That tells me you’re hiding something. You never used to be this private.” She lifted her fingers in air quotes for emphasis then folded her arms to her chest.

“You’re so frickin’ annoying,” I muttered. “Look, I want to surprise him. I’m never home this early and we have a lot to talk about.”

“Things aren’t working out?” Her shoulders lowered and her head cocked to the right. She was too eager; this was her ploy to weasel her way into going with me. We both knew it.

“No, just the opposite. I’ve been working on a project and want to fill him in on my progress.”

Rosie was silent, contemplating my words as I drank some Dr. Pepper. Her eyes widened with surprise as she came to her conclusion. “You’d tell me if you were pregnant, right?”

Dr. Pepper sprayed from my mouth and nose. “Rose, I’m not pregnant, but I think you’d know before I knew if that were the case. I swear you have pregdar.” I took another sip and watched her expression change from whiney to proud. It didn’t last long.

“Okay, then you’re hiding something else. It’s not like you to be all ‘I’m private with my love life.’ I remember when you were dating Eric. You told me ‘everything’ and then some.” She made a vomiting noise. “I know you better than that and I’ll get to the bottom of it with or without your help. Your choice.”

The problem was that she was right. We knew each other too well, and neither of us would back down when it came to the other. When Rosie knew I was keeping a secret, she was on it. She was a pit bull digging for bones, and would easily find a skeleton or three. I had to consider my options and weigh the consequences.

I sighed and a smile crept onto her face. “I’ll let you meet him, but you can’t stay long, and you can’t embarrass me,” I added at the last second. “We’ll drive separately because I might stay overnight.”

She grabbed her purse and practically skipped to her car. I climbed into mine, immediately dialing Jack’s number to forewarn him about her, but the phone clicked to voicemail each time. He didn’t have to work today and he’d said this morning that he didn’t have plans to go anywhere, so I drove onward to his house.

I rapped at the door for several minutes before he came to the door slightly disheveled. He wasn’t happy to see me. A beat too late, he asked me inside then realized that another person was with me. He smoothed down his hair and said, “You must be Rose. Lily’s spoken much about you.” His voice was heavy and his demeanor frosty.

“That’s interesting. I’ve barely heard anything about you.” She shifted uncomfortably and her tone was unimpressed.

Appalled by how horribly this was going, I glared at her. I had specifically asked her not to embarrass me, yet here she was. And Jack. I had no idea what the heck was under his skin. But something definitely was.

Rosie turned her attention to me with a look that made it clear we also had much to discuss. “Well, I wanted to meet Jack, and now I have. I’ll see you at home.” She was pissed and the only thing I could hope for was that she wouldn’t tell our parents before having it out with me.

“Looking forward to it.”

When Rosie drove away, her tires squealing against the pavement, Jack said, “I wasn’t expecting you so early. I thought we were keeping our relationship quiet for a little while longer.”

Unable to control it, I scoffed. “Do you honestly believe that my sister wouldn’t notice when I left at night and didn’t come back until the next morning?” I lowered my overnight bag to the floor. “She wanted to meet you and I didn’t see any harm in it. Apparently I was wrong. I’m sorry for wanting to see you.”

I started to step away from him, but couldn’t walk away. Not like this. I wrapped my arms around him, but he bristled at my touch. Confusion set in and I pulled away from him. He wasn’t going to see me cry. I reached down for my bag, and thumbed my key, the lock chirping in the parking lot.

“I apologize,” he said, tugging my arm before I reached my car. “You don’t deserve this. I’ve been on the phone for a few hours trying to resolve some issues I’m having with a student. I’m sorry, Lily.” He pulled me into a hug, but it wasn’t the warmth I was accustomed to.

My hair stood on end as I considered the possibilities of what could have him ruffled. “Has someone accused you of something?”

Or slept with you? We’d spent so much time together that it was difficult to imagine him cheating on me, but the opportunity was there. He had been willing to sleep with me. Why not others? I tried to shake off the doubts, but I knew that girls were constantly throwing themselves at him. “A student gained access to some confidential documents through my office. I should have been more cautious and not assumed that I could leave my records there for the taking. I’ll get it straightened out, but it won’t be easy.” He took a deep breath. “Your sister probably hates me.”

“Right now, I’d say she’s not very happy with me, and she’s probably on the phone with Mom or Dad.” I shook my head in disgust.

“How much does she know about us?” He said it in a tone that poured ice down my back. Clearly I was the security breach in this relationship.

“She doesn’t know squat about you. She figured out that I had a boyfriend and has been pestering me to meet you. So, what does she know about us? She knows your name, your face, where you live, and she’s probably figured out that you were my professor. She knows that I beam when I’m talking about you. Other than that, nothing. I brought her over here because I was afraid that she’d dig for more. Stupid thing to do, but I thought her curiosity would be stanched. For the record, I tried repeatedly to call you.”

“I understand, but next time don’t invite someone to my house without my permission. I don’t like surprises.”

He invited me inside, but the rest of the night was another first in our relationship, a little bit chilly for the end of May.

*                                    *                                    *

“Well, now I understand all the secrecy regarding your boyfriend,” Rosie huffed as soon as she came into the apartment wearing her uniform with a fair amount of soup splattered down the skirt.

“Rough day at work?” I asked, trying not to laugh at her. That would be a quick descent into conversation hell.

“Yeah, but don’t change the subject on me, Miss ‘We Met in Sociology Class,’” she said, using those annoying air quotes once again. “Why didn’t you say, ‘Oh, Rosie, I’m fucking my professor?’” Her voice resembled the whistle of a teapot as she kicked off her tennis shoes, crashing them against the wall and leaving some residue of whatever food she was wearing. “You know why you didn’t tell me? Because I would have told you that it was a bad idea. Stupid! You’re going to screw up your future because of this. Pretty sad when I’m the reasonable one.” She gave me the stank-eye. She was only warming up.

“Rosie. He was my professor. Was as in the past tense. He hasn’t been my professor for over six months and nothing inappropriate happened while I was his student.” I looked over to the smudge of food on the wall, hoping that she would take note and clean it up. “I’m not stupid enough to mess up my future.”

“He’s not right for you. And he’s got to be, what, forty-five?”

“Thirty-eight. And he treats me like a queen.”

“I didn’t see him treating you like a queen last night,” she countered. “By the way, usually ‘secrecy’ involves a wife and children being hurt. He was anything but friendly. To me or you. He was probably ushering someone out the backdoor.”

“He didn’t like that I brought you over unannounced and he’d had a stressful day,” I explained.

“It’s still no excuse for poor manners. I stand by what I just said. I don’t trust him. He’s hot and all, but Lucifer was supposedly the most beautiful angel and look how he turned out.” She grabbed a paper towel and wiped clean the wall.

“So now he’s too gorgeous for me, and since he’s so gorgeous, he must be the devil?” I should have refrained from rolling my eyes but couldn’t stop myself.

“No, I’m saying that he’s using you and you’re so head-over-heels in love with him that you’re blind to it. He has an agenda and once he gets what he wants, he’s going to break your heart, and that makes him the devil.”

She stalked off down the hallway, but I also went for the jugular. “Just because that happened to you, doesn’t mean it’ll happen to me.”

Angry with Rosie and annoyed with Jack, I drove off to cool my temper. I ended up in Brown County, walking the trails of the state park and ignoring the different ringtones of the cell phone as nature’s songs washed away the last twenty-four hours. Day approached dusk and I reversed course on the trail, winded at the now uphill hike through the rolling hills. I heard laughter and rushed uncomfortably past a couple canoodling several yards away from the trail.

When I reached my car, I wasn’t ready to go home and had no desire to see Jack. I drove past the numerous antique shops to the only motel with a vacancy. It was rundown and the middle-aged man at the desk was hesitant to rent out his last room to a twenty-one-year old. After several reassurances that I was here alone, not going to do drugs, and had no intention of damaging the room in anyway, he finally accepted my credit card and handed me a key.

The room was cheaply furnished, full of stains, and had cigarette burns singed into the bed’s comforter. The bathtub had ants crawling around the drain, and rust stains ringed the toilet. I sent both Jack and Rosie texts saying that I was okay and just taking some me time and then switched the phone off before sitting on the bed.

I reached into the top drawer of the rickety nightstand, pausing at the Gideon Bible, but passing it in favor of a pen and paper with the motel’s name printed at the bottom. I walked over to the desk and plopped myself onto the chair before I removed the Songs of the Earth book from my bag. I flipped through it and decided that it looked more legit with each page.

I had planned to show it to Jack, but his demeanor had nixed that idea. A part of me regretted that I’d been stubborn that way. Another part thought it was for the best.

I sat there trying to connect the dots between Father Xavier’s goose chase, his job offer, and the notes I’d read about my Rebirth. But the only thing I could think about was my relationship with Jack. I loved him, but maybe our relationship had run its course. Maybe it was time for me to walk away from both him and the Order.

It took until the wee hours of the night for me to make a decision. My time with the church was going to come to an end. I was going to take matters into my own hands and not spend the entire summer being misled. Another week and I would be done, come Hell or high water.

When it came to Jack, I wasn’t so sure. I loved him and wanted desperately for things to work out, but not to the point of reducing myself to psychopathological measures. I could only hope that his heart was true to me and that Rosie had only spoken out of anger.