20 | hell of a week

some time later..

"this is nationals we're talking about people!" coach yelled at us. "you need to be on your Ps and Qs!"

we all nodded.

she continued going up to everyone and telling them what division they'll be competing in.. if they're even competing.

"saylor," she approached me. "you're good. you're always placing. i want you to compete in a pair this time with mark. i think you two would be excellent together."

"okay," i nodded as i looked at mark. "thank you."

"you ever performed in a pair?" mark approached me.

"it's been awhile but i think i can handle it," i told him.

-

"so he's gonna throw you into the air and you'll do an axel jump," coach told me.

my eyes slightly lit up. "got it."

mark and i were practicing our routine and it's pretty good, we're confident in it. there are many tricks, lifts, and spins, along with some other difficult skating techniques but nothing we can't do.

i just hope when the time comes, we execute like i know we can.

i've been super stressed out lately for many reasons including nationals. if i place top 3, i could literally be considered for the olympics.

that's kind of like my dream.

"lift her up!" coach yelled as mark and i practiced our routine. "yes! good!"

once we finished rehearsing, i went and sat down so i could pour my entire water bottle down my throat.

"you guys look so good out there," harley said as she came and sat by me.

"thanks but our fucking routine is so complex," i breathed heavily.

"yeah but like you're nailing it," she told me. "look i literally took a picture from one of you guys' lifts."

harley then pulled out her phone and showed me a picture she took while mark and i were rehearsing.

"dear god," i laughed. "send that to billie."

-

"hey," billie said to me as i walked inside the house.

"hi," i sighed as i walked past her.

she turned to me and squinted. "um.. you good?"

"yeah just tired," i said. "long practice today."

"yeah harley sent me that lift you did," she smiled as she approached me. "it looked really good.. and scary."

"yeah it is scary," i said as i sat on the bed.

she tilted her head with confusion. "what's wrong?"

"hmm? oh. nothing," i shook my head.

"saylor cmon," she started. "you've been acting different since yesterday."

"im just stressed out," i looked at billie. "you know nationals is a big deal."

"is that all it is though?" she furrowed her eyebrows. "a competition isn't gonna make you act like this."

"but it is though," i said with an attitude.

billie blinked, kinda offended? "look im just trying to check on you."

"well im fine," i said and got up, walking into the bathroom and closing the door behind me.

i took a deep breath and started the shower. i was in there for awhile, drowning in my own negative thoughts.

once i got out and put my pajamas on, i walked back into the bedroom and got in the bed where billie was laying under the covers already.

it was silent for about 2 minutes.

then she spoke.

"you know," she started. "you don't have to act like that with me. i know why you're stressed and i wish you'd just talk to me."

i just looked at her.

"we're gonna act like this isn't about paige getting released next week?" she tilted her head.

"it's not," i shook my head, getting annoyed.

"saylor oh my god," she rolled her eyes. "okay fine, whatever. i won't force you to talk. i just beg of you to please not shut me out like you're doing."

i just stared ahead.

"hello?" billie looked at me, trying to get me to say anything.

"i just wanna sleep b," i turned over and closed my eyes.

- a week later -

"how are you guys now?" harley asked.

"better than last week i guess," i told her. "i planned on going and getting her some flowers because i know i was mean to her."

"maybe you should get her more than flowers," harley chuckled as she scrolled through her phone.

"yeah i could cook some dinner too or maybe like-"

"oh my god," she said as she stared at her phone, her eyes getting wide. "oh my god."

"what?" i snatched her phone. then my eyes got wide. "what the fuck?"

- billie's pov -

"what the fuckkkkkk?" i dragged as i was standing in my kitchen, on the phone with tatum.

"i know i know. moony's gonna kill me," she told me.

"like how could you literally go out of town right before nationals?" i asked. "the competition is tomorrow. you couldn't wait?"

"nooo," she told me. "this was the only time my family could get their schedules together so that we could all be together."

"ughhh," i groaned.

"moony will be fine. she knows i've been missing my family since they moved out of cali," tate said.

"yeah she'll understand," i nodded.

"isn't she performing to your song with labrinth?"

"yeah," i cheesed. "her and her partner's routine is to Never Felt So Alone."

"that's gonna be so cute," tate squealed.

"i know right," i smiled. "im so excited."

"me too. oh and im gonna give you some roses to give to her," she said.

"yeah that'll be cool. just um let me know what-"

then my front door opened very quickly, kind of scaring me.

"you fucking liar!" saylor came rushing to me.

"woah what?" i looked at her with my eyes now wide.

then tatum hung up the phone.

"i fucking knew it!" saylor exclaimed. "i swear to god."

"what are you talking about?" i furrowed my eyebrows.

then she showed me her phone.

it was a photo of quinn and i from my grammy after party. she posted it on her instagram story.

(yes imagine that that's billie and quinn for the sake of the position they're in thx)

my eyes shot wide.

i remember that picture being taken but i was too in the moment to even fuss about it. we were all just having fun.

that picture is also very innocent. i told yall she was all over me at one point but like as soon as she got right there, i held her for that second cause we were laughing and let go as soon as the photo was taken and moved away.

but i know how it looks.

"you told me you weren't even around quinn at the party," saylor looked at me like i was crazy. "but this bitch was all over you!"

"i know but-"

"and you clearly liked the shit!" she continued to yell.

"saylor please just listen-"

"fuck you!" she spat.

i can 100% understand her anger. the picture looks bad considering that quinn wants me. i started to feel really bad as i could see the hurt in my baby's eyes.

"saylor baby i swear i would never cheat on you," i said with the saddest look on my face. "you mean everything to me."

"but i asked you to stay away from her billie," she looked at me with hurt. "because she does shit like that, she will literally throw herself on you. trust me, i know."

"i see that now. and im sorry," i looked down.

saylor scoffed. "i- i can't," she scratched her forehead as she turned to walk away.

"where're you going?" i furrowed my eyebrows.

"somewhere," she shrugged. "i don't know."

"but i thought-"

"thought what? just cause you apologize that ima be okay with it?" she rose her voice. "no! maybe you didn't cheat but damn you fucking lied about being around her and that makes me suspicious. cause what did you have to lie for?!"

"cause i knew you'd be upset," i explained. "i just didn't wanna start anything. i had no idea she'd post that."

"of course you didn't," saylor shook her head. "cause you don't fucking listen. i tried to warn you about her and you just ignored it. like how dumb can you be," she said lowly.

"excuse me?" i furrowed my eyebrows. "the fuck is your issue?"

"how are you gonna ask me what's my issue?!" she began to yell. "you are! you're my issue!"

"you're doing all this over quinn?" i exclaimed. "it's not that deep moony."

"alright eilish," she said like she just didn't give a fuck anymore.

"like i don't understand why you're being so jealous over her anyway," i continued.

"oh i could never be jealous of a girl i used to fuck," she shrugged.

i paused.

because what????

"h- huh?"

"what?" saylor tilted her head at me. "you think you're the only girl i cheated on paige with? you're not fucking special."

ouch.

"you- you don't mean that," i shook my head.

"yeah okay," she began to walk off.

"fuck you!" i spat. "you're doing all this because you're so fucking worried about paige getting out tomorrow. you're letting this shit get to your head and it's gonna fucking cost you."

"cost me what, billie?!" she exclaimed. "what, you gonna break up with me? you think you can hurt me?" she scoffed.

i looked at her with confusion. "saylor listen to yourself, you sound just like paige."

"no the fuck i don't," she shook her head as she walked back towards me. "don't you ever say that again."

"yes you do!" i insisted. "and you're acting just like her."

i could see the hurt and anger in her and i just couldn't stop myself.

"you're turning into paige, saylor."

"stop!"

then suddenly, saylor grabbed a glass that was sitting on my counter and she launched it at my head.

i-

i moved my head so fast as a reflex and the glass hit the wall behind me and shattered everywhere.

it's like in that moment, saylor snapped back to reality. back to herself. her face was nothing but regret and shock. her mouth and eyes wide as she couldn't believe what she had just done.

me, i was speechless as well. all i could do was blink. because no way she just did that.

i was so hurt.

and i could see she was too.

but it's too late for that.

"billie," saylor started very softly. "i- i- im-"

"get out," i said lowly without looking at her.

she paused. "billie-"

"get out!" i screamed. "get the fuck out!"

she flinched and began to backup, now scared.

she walked to my door and turned around to face me, both our eyes filled with tears. saylor then looked down and walked out my house, closing the door.

and i broke down, crying my eyes out.

- saylor's pov -

"saylor please," harley said as she knocked on the bedroom door.

billie kicked me out yesterday, rightfully so. so now im back in the guest room of tatum's house. and she's out of town for awhile so it's just gone be me for awhile.

it's the day of nationals though and i decided not to go. i can't focus. the only thing replaying in my head is me throwing a fucking glass at the person i love the most.

i don't know what happened. i just snapped. blacked out. it's like i wasn't even there.

billie was right, it is all the stress im under. but that's not an excuse for anything that i said or did to her.

but i don't know how i could ever get her to forgive me.

sigh..

"moony cmon," harley knocked on the door.

but i stayed silent.

then all i could hear was the lock of the bedroom door rattling and suddenly the door opened.

this hoe just picked the lock.

harley walked in and i immediately rolled my eyes and turned over.

"moony you were supposed to be at the competition an hour ago," she sat on the bed. "you need to get there and rehearse. coach will kill you."

"i deserve to be killed," i said. "should've just let paige do it a long time ago."

"okay don't ever say that again," she slapped my leg.

"ow!" i groaned.

"cmon," she said as she grabbed my legs and began to pull me out of bed.

"no," i said, trying to resist.

"come on!"

she eventually got me out of bed and i hurried to get dressed, do my hair and makeup, and get my mind as together as i could.

instead of me driving my own car, harley insisted on me riding with her so that's what i did. she drove so fast to that competition, i was genuinely concerned for my life.

once we made it there, we both ran in and all my teammates were looking at me like i was crazy.

"are you insane? where the fuck have you been?" coach mickie fussed at me.

"im sorry im sorry ill explain later," i told her. "cmon let's practice the routine right quick," i told mark.

we practiced the routine and it went well. but of course, with people arriving and stuff, we had to practice back stage on regular floors without the skates so i just hope we do well on ice like we have been.

i won't let my fight with billie ruin this for me.

-

it was almost our turn to perform and i kept looking in the audience for a certain someone.. but jokes on me. why should i expect her to show up? i don't deserve her support.

"do you see her?" harley asked me.

i just shook my head, now sad and disappointed.

"im sorry moony," she rubbed my back. "maybe she's running late. she wouldn't miss this."

"yeah, yeah she would." i just shrugged. "it's whatever."

"now welcoming our next competitors!" the mc announced. "saylor monroe and mark levito!"

i placed my hand in mark's, took a deep breath, and nodded.

i got this.

mark and i skated out to the center of the rink and got in our starting position.

mark squinted at me. he could see the look in my eyes.

"hey," he whispered. "whatever's bothering you, let it all out in this routine. don't let it consume you, this is your moment."

i nodded and tried my best to push everything with billie and i to the back of my head.

then our music came on, we started moving, and suddenly i felt myself escape to a happy place like i always do when skating.

Never Felt So Alone was playing and though billie and i aren't on good terms, the euphoric tune of the music guided me through the routine.

our tricks and everything were going good so far. and it felt so good to have the air hitting my face as we skated.

mark and i were skating side by side, smiling as we went. i looked in the crowd, seeing all the faces. but then i looked at the door of the entry. and i noticed a girl.

that girl was paige.

what.

in that moment, time seemed to have stop.

my brain went blank.

it caused me to kind of stumble on a part of the routine and mark noticed but he played it off. he took my hand and we continued on.

but my mind was suddenly replaying every bad memory of paige that i have, which is a lot. and i just kept wondering, why is she here?

it was now time for another trick. mark lifted me up and threw me out to do the axel jump. once he threw me, it seemed like i was in the air forever. but i did the spin correctly.

but when i landed on the floor, something snapped and i fell.

and yelped out in pain.

suddenly, everyone was running and skating to me on the ice.

"moony oh my god," harley exclaimed in worry, getting my attention as she came and kneeled to me. "it's gonna be okay, im right here."

there were so many people hovered over me. i couldnt even see what was happening.

all i could hear was..

"get her shoes off, now!"

"saylor are you okay?"

"everyone back up!"

"just a moment ladies and gentlemen."

and as i looked in the distance at the entrance of the building, i saw paige walking out.