Chapter 84

20 minutes or 2 hours.

I couldn't even tell anymore as the minutes blurred together. Or, perhaps, it was my eyes blurring the events with the tears.

We had been sat in silence for too long, that was all I knew. The only sounds were the sound of Maya sobbing as she lay head against Negus's chest.

I didn't make a move to look around at anyone else; I didn't have the strength to, so I just eyed the father and daughter numbly.

He was gone.

Negus was gone and I couldn't believe him. I had tried to heal him after, but the red powder wouldn't seep into his form and I realised then that it only travelled into living things.

I had retreated after that, feeling selfish for having stolen his last moments from Maya. She didn't seem to notice at all, too engrossed in her woe and she screamed until she began to cough violently. She resorted to just sobbing now and I looked down in despair. Not long back, I was thinking if the powdered colour was washable yet now when my dress was splattered with blood, I knew I had my answer. No amount of water could wash away this.

"We're done."

My head snapped up at Maya's words as did everyone else's. She didn't spare us a glance, her tear-stained eyes glancing to Negus.

No one spoke, letting her vent as she stood up abruptly, her cheek stained red from the blood and tears streaking down her face.

"I'm through with this, we're finished!" She sobbed, her voice croaky from having cried so much and Emut leaned off the wall, his jaw clenched.

"We can't finish this after what they did" He ground out, but she shook her head anxiously, her lip quivering.

"I mean it, Emut, I don't think I can take any more pain! It's bad enough it was one of our own!" She spat out and I could feel the tension that wafted into the room at her words.

Arun.

The delicate and whimsical flower who had, in reality, turned out to be a thorn in our side. No one had dared bring up his name in the aftermath in fear that it would make it true yet now it was said and it couldn't be taken back.

Arun had betrayed us.

"That's how the Bakenanouke found us to take the weapons." Ayla whispered in shock, her petite hand against her mouth and her eyes glassy. In response, Abrax placed a hand against her shoulder, but his eyes were deep in thought.

"I don't care about that anymore! Thinking about the past won't bring him back!" Maya cried back harshly, falling to her knees and Demir si from where he was stood near the window.

"What matters now is gutting that fool." He ground out, his eyes glowing and I stilled at the malice in his voice, even more so when Emut nodded, his hands clenched to his side.

"We need to find him for that." He answered with indifference when usually Emut would only speak well of the group. This group was his family and, now, he had to kill one of his own.

Maya shook her head, her eyes fixed to the floor and I watched as teardrops fell across the marble.

"No, I said, I can't take this anymore. We're leaving this right now" She muttered out in a weak whisper and Ayla sighed slightly.

"But, Maya-"She was cut off with a tearful glare from Maya, but not the usual playful one.

"I said, no and I meant it! I can't take it!" She screamed out harshly and the room fell into silence at her words.

I felt my heart thudding in my throat, but spoke what I felt was right despite the ache I felt.

"Yeah, because that's what Negus would have wanted." I uttered back weakly to which all eyes snapped to me and Maya scowled maliciously.

"Hanna, you d-"She began, her voice full of coldness and emotion, but I interrupted her, hoping to explain.

"No, you listen to me." I began, my voice choked up as I glanced sorrowfully into her eyes and she said nothing, so I took it as a cue to continue, looking around as I did.

"Negus dedicated his whole life to us- watching us grow and training us. But, for what? So, one day he could view a peaceful Aaru. Not so we can give up and admit defeat. I, for one, am not going to disappoint him. I know, by the stars, he is watching us and I will not give him anymore grief. He needs the peace just as much as we do." I said, my voice wavering with the threat of fresh tears and I swallowed hard as Maya broke eye contact, choosing to look at the floor.

"I agree with you."I turned in surprise to Abrax who gave me a small encouraging nod, but at best it was forced. Nevertheless, I nodded back, glad that someone agreed. Ayla moved in towards me then, placing a hand on my arm with a shaky smile.

"I'm with you." She muttered quietly, tearing streaking down her slender face and I nodded with a smile before walking towards Maya. Her eyes were fixed to the ground and so I placed my hands on her cheeks, pulling her to look at me which she did reluctantly. I scanned her face as I spoke.

"I'm sorry, Maya, for going against you. But, we're doing this for Negus. We're doing this for the man we considered a father." I whispered to only her and a steely look passed her eyes before her lip trembled.

I nearly broke as I saw the tears cascading down her eyes, making her look like a young girl that lost her parents at a supermarket. Pulling her into a hug, we held each other tightly before she moved back and fixed her teary gaze with mine, looking to me for support. In turn, I turned my eyes to look at Emut who ran a hand through his colour-stained hair, a cold look in his otherwise sun-lit eyes as he looked out the window.

"We need to take the fight to them." He said simply, a dead look in his eyes and Abrax made a small noise at the command.

"It's too dangerous." He urged out to which Emut's jaw clenched, in annoyance or anger, I couldn't tell but it concerned me. He turned his gaze to Abrax for a moment before looking back to the window.

"In three days time, we'll depart for Althueben. Till then, we train until we bleed." He commanded, ignoring Abrax's warning. His voice carried a depth that I hadn't heard before and I longed to hear the warmth in it again.

He moved away then, nudging past Abrax who tried to place a hand on his arm in comfort. It was silent for a moment before Demir got up and I turned to see him head for the door.

"Demir." I muttered, watching as he halted. From this position, I could see only his back.

"Don't go." I continued in a whisper, not even attempting to sound less pathetic. With the loss we had just experienced and now Emut leaving, I felt as though if Demir left also, there would be no beacon of reassurance. They were, in all senses, the pyramid that held the group.

He gave no reaction to my words; none that I could see anyways and I sniffed sadly as he walked away without a word.

Turning back, I saw as Abrax was tending to Negus with Maya in tow and turned around abruptly.

I couldn't see it.

Walking out hurriedly, I followed after where I could see Emut walking to the hall.

"Emut!" I called out to him yet his steps didn't slow in the slightest even at this. We neared the entrance of the training hall and I sighed in frustration as he banged open the door before kicking over the weapons shelf with a loud clang.

"Emut!" I shouted in shock to which he stopped suddenly, turning to look at me.

"What?!" He called out in irritation. I would usually be shocked at the foreign expression on his face, but there was too much going on to even think properly.

I ran towards his angry form as he glared at me until my face was buried in his chest. He struggled then to push me off, but when he heard my sniffles, he stopped, his arms falling limp to his side.

"I can't do this, Hanna." Emut admitted, a defeated essence to his tone and I tightened my hold on him at his words. He was the hope of the group.

"Yes, you can." I cried out, my voice muffled by his chest as I clung to the hope that he was. But, he wouldn't allow it and he let out a huff of frustration before pushing me off him and holding me by at arms length.

"No, I can't. It's my fault that he's gone. I had to be vigilant. That was my job." He explained roughly and I could tell he was beating himself up over it.

Shaking my head anxiously, I placed my hand against his arm in comfort.

"No one could have known that would have happened. Negus had recruited him and wasn't even aware. Please, don't blame yourself." I pleaded, wanting the strength that he gave to the group. He dropped his hands at this, brushing a hand through his hair roughly.

"I'm not fit to be a leader if I can't take care of those who look to me." He finished and I opened my mouth to speak, but Emut continued, ducking to look me in the eyes.

"I've learnt a hard lesson, Hanna and I'll make sure I protect everyone this time. I'll lay down my life for it." He vowed, his eyes fixing me in place and he lifted himself up, his gaze not leaving mine.

"I won't let anything hurt you." He promised and I nodded numbly at his words.

"Emut, I-" I began, but he wasn't paying attention as he moved past me, calling to Abrax to meet him in the training hall.

I let out a breath I didn't know I was even holding then, walking out and towards the stairs. I was numb and broken, not even gazing at where my feet were taking me.

It was only when I was outside Arun's door that I took a deep breath before opening the door with a slow creak.

The room was just as I had remembered it from my last visit with Arun to make medicine. He had played with my hair then and we had joked for a while, even jumping on his bed.

I made my way over to the desk where there were various papers and fountain pens, but now I was looking at it in a different light. At first, it was merely the room of an innocent broken boy who I had the joy of befriending. Now, it was the tattered remnants of what could have been and the small shadowed clues into a downward spiral.

I stilled when my eyes landed on the sketch stuck to his wall- of Ayla and I. Something about it caused my heart to lurch in my chest as I remembered his words.

"I missed you a great deal over the weeks. I even drew a sketch of you and Ayla."

Lifting it tentatively, I brought it forward to see the small concentrated sketch lines of Ayla and I smiling. After all, we had all laughed together many a time.

"And you said no one likes my story-telling, basket-head." He mocked and we both laughed at her glare to which I pulled the basket down further over her face, making Arun laugh harder as he lay flat against the bundle of hay.

"If we want to call Ayla hideous, you know we have to wait until after she's left the room." I finished, letting out an amused shriek as Ayla ran towards me. I ran towards Arun then as he grabbed hold of my hand and we ran around the fountain, Ayla following behind.

"You're both dead!" She shouted from behind us and I let out a breathless laugh as I ran.

I felt another pair of arms surround us and I looked up at Arun who had joined in.

"Now, how is a hug complete without me, my aljuniyat?" He laughed softly.

"Guys?" Arun's musical voice rung out and I turned to see him lying on his stomach by the fountain side, a book in his hand. He raised himself slowly and unsurely first, but when his eyes processed the sight, he got abruptly.

He turned to look at Ayla and I. We smiled at him as he moved to us and pulled us into his embrace.

"I missed you dearly, my aljuniyat!" He said softly into our hold and I giggled at his words before moving back.

"We all missed you too." I muttered out.

I scowled at the last memory, knowing that even now, I missed him.

I missed him dearly and he had ruined everything. My heart ached at his absence and for all that could have been. My eyes welled up with the sadness of the betrayal. Without a second thought, I began ripping at the sketch, my mind flitting to the memories of his shadowed expressions and vague words.

"Whatever it is, different or not, we will fight it together. Only if we trust in each other, can we succeed." I ground out and Arun placed his slender hand in mine.

I relaxed at this, turning to the ceiling and Arun let out a deep sigh before speaking.

"If only that were the case."

"I'm glad Negus found you." He smiled sweetly at my words before speaking.

"No, I'm glad he found you. For, without you, I wouldn't be here."

"Put your trust in me, Hanna."

The tears fell at the mere thought. I had trusted him and he had lied about his love for us. It was all too much and I sunk down at the thought, my eyes blurry with the tears.

I flinched slightly when I saw the blonde hair come beside me, thinking it to be the one who I yearned to reassure me, but relaxed when I felt Ayla's slender hair touch my shoulder as she sunk to sit next to me. Her eyes were glassy in understanding and I clung to her then as she cried for the loss we had endured.

No, the losses.

*****************

I numbly made my way to the terrace where I knew he would be. The rest were preparing, other than him and, so, I stepped tepidly into the open air, gazing to his form. He was stood as he usually would be, but I knew with Demir that looks could he deceptive. There was a turmoil within.

"You should come in. It's cold outside today." I suggested sadly, my eyes aching, but Demir didn't even spare me a glance or a word, his back rigid and I moved closer, my footsteps loud against the terse silence.

"Demir, we need you inside." I implored, waiting for his response, but he chose to ignore my words again and I moved to lean against the railing to look at his face.

"Don't close off on me." I urged again and Demir closed his eyes for a moment, his jaw clenched. I could tell he was upset about what had happened, but facing it alone wouldn't help. They had all lost someone who- for them- was a father figure. I had been so emotional about Faridha's death when I had known her for a few weeks; I couldn't begin to understand how they must have felt.

When there was only silence again, I took the opportunity to speak again. My throat ached from sobbing so much, but I ignored it.

"Why do you do this?! Why do you shut me out?!" I cried out, knowing I looked pathetic as my lip trembled with the threat of unshed tears. He kept his gaze on the landscape, the tick in his jaw the only show that he was listening.

"Why separate yourself when we need you the most?! It's too much for me to handle!" I sobbed out, seeking support and then he turned to me, his eyes flashing against the dark night.

"Can you just leave me alone?" He bit out in frustration, his cold gaze making me falter, but the sadness had desensitised my fear. Nevertheless, I knew not to test his patience, so I retreated numbly towards the terrace entrance. I only looked back when I reached the end, watching him look to the sky.

"I'm sorry" I said simply, choosing to leave it at that as I walked away. I didn't focus much on his harsh words.

No, instead I focused on the feel; the need for avenging. Negus had well and truly been added to the list of those who I would fight for.

I could hear the shouts and commands downstairs as they trained and my hands clenched together in determination.

Friend or not, he had crossed a big line and- with that- he had severed the ties. Whatever happened next, I would feel no remorse. I just knew that I had a goal, one of which started with the death of the fire baken.

And Arun was next.