Chapter Fifteen

ELLIE

I looked at my reflection in the bedroom mirror, disgust etched on my face. I despised what I’d become. Not just because I’d killed my mate and lost my wolf, as if that wasn't bad enough.

No, it was more than that. I’d become what I hated most: a weakling.

I was never one to cry. But now, it took all my strength to hold back the tears. All because of this ridiculous mate bond.

I gazed out the window at the moon, muttering curses at the moon goddess. I wanted to yell at the moon, to question the moon goddess about why I deserved this.

Everyone else was asleep, though. They wouldn't appreciate being woken up by the odd wolf-less hybrid in the middle of the night.

Just because I couldn't sleep didn't mean everyone else had to suffer too.

If it was just insomnia, I could have handled it. But it wasn't.

Every night, I’d wake up in a cold sweat, haunted by dreams of Elijah.

Not the Elijah I’d killed near Sammy’s grave. This was much worse.

I’d be back in my dad's old pack. Sitting on the floor, laughing with a young Elijah. Then something would happen, and I’d kill him with a knife. Everyone would point and glare at me, including my dad.

The same nightmare, every single night.

I clenched my fists, wishing my claws would miraculously extend. Physical pain seemed better than this heartache.

I’d survived the horrors of the punishment block in the human camps. I’d survived Zagan’s dungeon and the loss of my best friend. I’d even survived five years in the mountains with my emotionless grandfather.

So why couldn't I survive the loss of a man I barely knew?

The man I’d killed was nothing like the Elijah I’d known as a child. That Elijah was sweet and kind. He was my friend.

I clenched my jaw and swallowed the lump forming in my throat. Taking a deep breath, I blinked back the tears threatening to fall.

I couldn't do this. I couldn't stay here.

I loved my dad, I really did, but I didn't belong here anymore.

Dad had tried to get me to attend the war briefings with him again. I’d declined. I couldn't handle all the talk about engaging the enemy, the warrior training, and patrols.

Not when any chance of me being involved vanished the moment I plunged the silver knife into Elijah’s chest.

I’d told Dad I wasn't up for it. I think he believed me—it’d only been a week since I left the hospital. Vanessa had made me stay there for two weeks.

I think she was hoping my wolf would come back. But I knew that wasn't going to happen.

When I lost her the last time, I could still vaguely sense her, like she was sleeping. This time, I felt nothing.

Neither did anyone else in the pack. I knew that because I’d overheard Vanessa talking to Clayton about it when they thought I was asleep.

I lifted my shirt and looked at the scar running from my ribcage to my hip. A constant reminder of how much my mate despised me.

Maybe it would have been better for everyone if I had died in that cave when I first arrived here. If I’d died, maybe Sammy would still be alive.

I sighed, letting my shirt fall back into place.

If I was going to leave, now was the time.

I pulled the letter from my pocket and left it on my pillow. My dad would find it in the morning. If I told him my plan, he would try to stop me.

I walked over to the window. The last time I’d tried to run from him, I’d used the front door. But I was older and wiser now.

I quietly lifted the window sash, grateful for once that our house was only one level.

I silently climbed through the window and landed on the grass, then turned back to the place I’d called home for the past three years.

“I’m sorry, Daddy,” I whispered. “I love you.”

By my estimation, I could reach the dock on foot in about three hours. If I could shift, it would take about one. My dad usually woke around seven, but he wouldn't check on me until around nine.

It was one o’clock now. That gave me plenty of time to get to the dock, steal a boat, and head for my brother’s place.

I wished I still had the knife he had given me, but Clayton hadn't returned it. Maybe he’d taken my grandfather’s words more seriously than I’d thought.

Thankfully, the old man had returned to the mountains. I knew that both Dad and Seth were angry at him.

I was useless to him now. As soon as he realized I couldn't provide him with a royal heir, he discarded me like trash.

I’d thought he might stay to help with the war, but he preferred to let others do his dirty work.

I was starting to think he only cared about humans because his mate had been one. If she hadn't been, he probably wouldn't have cared about the humans at all.

I sighed. What did I know? Besides, this wasn't getting me to the dock.

I started walking. I could have tried to run, but I wasn't in any condition to be running around. Everything had healed, but three weeks of lying around had made me soft.

Maybe I wouldn't have felt so sorry for myself if my dad had suggested some light training, but he hadn't. In fact, no one had. Who would want a weak human training with the warriors anyway?

I kept my eyes open for patrols. It would have been easier with my wolf’s senses, but I didn't have those anymore. So I had to rely on my human senses.

Since I wasn't close to the border, I didn't see any patrols. The last thing I needed was a patrol reporting back to Dad. If he knew what I was doing, he would try to stop me.

I wasn't sure anyone could stop me. I was an adult now, after all. Still, I wasn't sure about the pack rules if someone just decided to leave. No one I knew had ever done it.

My grandfather didn't count, because he never actually left the territory. He just lived up in the mountains.

When I finally reached the shoreline, I was farther from the dock than I’d planned. I guessed my sense of direction was another thing I’d lost without my wolf to guide me.

Or was it?

Suddenly, I recognized this stretch of the beach. It was the same spot where Nix had made me shift for the first time. I fell to my knees, a sob breaking free from my chest.

This was the reason I had to leave. There were too many reminders here of what I’d lost. Of who I used to be, and who I could never be again.

I was so lost in my thoughts that I didn’t notice anyone coming. Not until they spoke.

“Isn’t it a little late for a walk?”

I quickly wiped my eyes with the back of my hand, not wanting anyone to see my tears. Especially not him. Not Seth.

I turned to look at him, unable to decipher if his expression was one of sympathy or pity.

I stood up, sighing heavily as I turned my back to him, looking out over the lake.

“Just leave me alone,” I muttered.

I knew he could hear me, but I still heard his footsteps crunching towards me.

“I can’t do that, Ellie,” he said, his hands gently resting on my shoulders. “I want to help you.”

I shook my head, closing my eyes to try and stop the tears.

“You can’t,” I whispered. “No one can.”

Seth turned me around to face him. I immediately looked down.

But he wouldn’t let me. His fingers gripped my chin, tilting my head back up. A lone tear slipped down my cheek, and he brushed it away with his thumb.

“Talk to me, Ellie. You’ve been silent. Tell me what happened.”

I pushed against his chest, and he let go.

Once again, I turned away from him, staring out at the water.

“He rejected me, then tried to kill me. I stabbed him in the heart with a silver blade. What else is there to say?” I said, my voice devoid of emotion.

I heard him sigh.

“Ellie, did you accept his rejection?”

I spun around to look at him, shocked.

“Accept it?!” I yelled.

I pounded my fists into Seth’s chest.

“I ~begged~ him. Even after he called me worthless and a mongrel. Why would anyone ~accept~ being rejected?”

I broke down sobbing. “He was supposed to be my mate. My other half. He was supposed to complete me.”

Seth wrapped his arms around me, pulling me into his chest. I tried to pull away, but he held me tight.

His hand cradled the back of my head, pressing it into his chest, as my angry tears turned into tears of sadness and pain.

“I’m so sorry, Ellie,” Seth whispered. “I’m sorry I didn’t stop your grandfather from taking you to the mountain. Sorry I didn’t tell you why I was avoiding you, that you had to face this alone.”

I felt his lips gently kiss the top of my head. His fingers ran through my hair, then tightened, tilting my head back.

“The moment I kissed you on that dock, I knew you were mine, mate or not. Elijah didn’t deserve you. If you hadn’t killed him, I would have. You belong to me...you always have.”

Then Seth’s lips crashed into mine. I gasped, and his tongue swept into my mouth.

That was all I needed. I kissed him back just as fiercely, our tongues exploring, tasting each other.

I knew he wouldn’t let me go now, and deep down, a part of me didn’t want him to.

But would this be enough? Enough for me, and enough for him?

Only time would tell.