Chapter Thirty-Four

Ellie

Shifting was a pain. It wasn’t that I didn’t like being a wolf, or even letting Nix take the reins. In fact, seeing the world through a wolf’s eyes was kind of cool.

But the actual process—the bone-cracking, muscle-morphing, claw-emerging ordeal—was a nightmare. No matter how many times I did it, it hurt like a bitch.

I tried to shift at least once a week, for Nix’s sake. She needed to run. It wasn’t fair to keep her trapped inside me. We were supposed to be partners.

We were partners, but that didn’t mean I had to enjoy the process. Maybe it was because my first shift was so traumatic. Maybe it was all in my head. I remembered it hurting, so it did.

That’s why Clayton’s suggestion of me training with Murdoch in wolf form didn’t sit well with me. Especially when Murdoch decided that once I’d mastered the basics, I should practice an advanced shift.

That meant fighting in human form, then shifting without a second thought. I could do it, no problem. I’d let Nix take over, and she’d handle it. But it still hurt like a bitch.

My once-a-week shift had turned into shifting three or four times in a few hours. The result was me ending the training session sore and down in the dumps.

Today had been especially tough. Murdoch had been relentless. I knew he was doing it for my own good, but that didn’t make me feel any better.

Instead of heading back to the pack-house after training, I went off on my own.

I wasn’t sure why, but I found myself at the edge of the lake, where Nix had brought me when we first shifted.

It was peaceful and quiet, the only sound was the water gently lapping at the shore. It allowed me to forget about everything.

I sat on the pebbly beach, hugging my knees to my chest, resting my chin on my knees. I closed my eyes.

No one ever came here. It was far enough away from Zagan’s border for the patrols not to go there, and the human border was way across the other side of the expanse of water.

I sat there feeling sorry for myself. Half wishing I could trade places with Olivia. The only thing she had to worry about was finding her mate.

She didn’t have to stress about warrior training, or visiting the human side of the border. She probably didn’t even know that we might be going to war any day.

I let out a heavy sigh when I heard the mind-link coming through—Clayton.

“Ellie, where the hell are you? Training finished over an hour ago.”

I huffed through the mind-link.

“I just need some space, ok?”

My response was met with silence, which I was thankful for. My gratitude was short-lived, though.

The next voice I heard was Seth’s.

“Where are you?”

I rolled my eyes. So much for giving me space.

I didn’t reply.

“If I have to send my trackers to find you, there will be trouble.”

I closed my eyes and shook my head.

“I’ll be back before nightfall.”

“Not good enough!” Seth snapped.

I lifted my head and rolled my shoulders. I didn’t reply.

Let him send his trackers, see if I cared.

I’d been staring out across the lake, at the land on the other side. It had been about an hour since Seth had mind-linked me.

I heard footsteps on the pebbly beach behind me. I didn’t look round. I didn’t need to. I recognized the scent immediately.

He sat down beside me and wrapped an arm around me.

“So, pickle. Are you going to tell me what’s the matter?”

I let out a heavy sigh and leaned into daddy’s shoulder.

“It’s not fair, daddy. It hurts so bad. Why does it have to be me?”

Daddy wrapped his arms around me and pulled me into his chest.

“You know the answer to that already. It’s your destiny, Ellie. As for the hurting, I guess you’re talking about the shifting?”

I nodded silently.

He hummed.

“The more often you do it, the easier it will get. I’m guessing you haven’t shifted too much?”

I shook my head.

“After the first time, I was so scared. I only shift occasionally to let Nix out for a run.”

Daddy frowned.

“I missed your first shift, I’m sorry for that. How old were you?”

I swallowed nervously. I hated even remembering.

“Ten...I think. I’d just said goodbye to Sammy. Nix asked if I would give her control, so I did. Then she shifted, and just ran. I think she was upset.”

Daddy kissed the top of my head.

“Oh pickle, that should never have happened. You were far too young.”

He took my face gently in his hands and looked me in the eyes.

“And this week you’ve been shifting a lot, haven’t you?”

I nodded.

He kissed my forehead.

“I’ll speak with Murdoch. You need to shift more regularly, so your body becomes accustomed to it. You shouldn’t be speed shifting like that yet. Didn’t you tell him?”

I shook my head.

“I didn’t…,” I hesitated, “I didn’t want to let you down.”

Daddy closed his eyes and took a deep breath.

When he opened them again, they were glistening with unshed tears.

“Ellie, you’ll never know how proud you make me, every single day,” he whispered, his voice cracking slightly.

He stood up and held out his hand.

“Come on, let’s get back, before Seth sends out a search party.”

I frowned.

“Is he angry?”

Daddy looked at me and chuckled.

“I don’t think Seth could ever be angry with you. No Pickle, he’s just worried about you.”

I didn’t say anything, but I was pretty sure that Daddy was wrong. Seth had sounded really cross through the mind-link earlier, and the fact that I had ignored him, well he wasn’t going to be happy.

Of course Daddy was right. Seth didn’t seem angry at all. He was waiting on the steps of the pack-house, concern on his face.

I had this gut feeling that Dad had used the mind-link to tell him we were on our way.

“Why don’t you join Seth for a bite to eat, then I think it’s time for a bath and an early night for you,” Dad suggested, “After that, I’ll have a chat with Clayton and Murdoch.”

I nodded in agreement, then made my way over to where Seth was standing.

Seth gently placed his hand on my shoulder, guiding me into the pack-house.

“Feel like talking about it?” He asked.

I just shrugged.

“I’m just beat and aching,” I mumbled.

Seth led me into the kitchen, pointing to one of the stools. Dinner had ended a while ago, but he’d warmed up some food for me.

He set it on the counter in front of me and gave me a smile.

“I remember doing this once before,” he said with a smirk, handing me the silverware.

I couldn’t help but return his smile.

“I remember...then you tossed me in the cells,” I retorted.

Seth rolled his eyes, then just stared at me.

I chose to ignore his gaze and started eating.

“So,” he started, “want to tell me what went down today?”

I let out a heavy sigh, meeting his eyes.

“I hate it. I know I shouldn’t, but I do. It hurts so much.”

I looked away, focusing on the plate in front of me.

“Who needs a werewolf queen who doesn’t even want to shift,” I grumbled.

I felt Seth’s hand on my cheek.

“Hey,” he gently scolded, “you’re more than just that. That’s your grandfather talking.”

I glanced up at him and he smiled.

“Thanks, but it doesn’t change the fact that I’m probably the only werewolf who doesn’t like to shift.”

Seth chuckled, then gave me a soft smile.

“You had a rough time during your first shift. You were too young. Did your grandfather help you when you shifted the second time?”

I frowned.

“What do you mean? He was with me while I shifted.”

Seth rolled his eyes.

“I knew I should have fought harder to keep you here. He didn’t mind-link you, while you were shifting?”

I stared at Seth, puzzled, and shook my head.

Seth shook his head too.

“And everyone assumed, including me, that you were okay with shifting. I’m sorry, Ellie. Starting tomorrow, I’ll help you.”

I frowned again.

“Help me? How?”

“There are ways to lessen the pain. When a pup shifts for the first time, their family guides them, supports them through the mind-link. It seems like your grandfather failed to do that.

“Now finish your food, take a hot bath, and get some rest. Can I trust you to do that without wandering off somewhere?”

I nodded, a grin spreading across my face.

“Good, I’ll see you in the morning. I’ll let Murdoch know you won’t be training with him tomorrow.”

I watched as Seth exited the kitchen, leaving me alone to finish my meal. I was still puzzled as to why he never seemed to get mad at me. He was the Beta, after all.

Wasn’t it his job to keep the young ones in check?