six: we bought Target

I woke up in agony. My whole leg was on fire.

"Jeb?" I struggled to get up on the crutches and landed face down in the carpet. "Jeb?!"

The bedroom door swung up and he raced to my side. "What...ah..." With an exasperated grunt, he lifted me into his arms bridal style and carried me out to the couch.

"Meds," I gasped, pressing the heels of my hands into my thigh like I could stop the pain from reaching the rest of me.

He brought me a pill and a glass of water. I was shaking as I took them. Jeb tossed a gray fleece blanket over me. I sat, shivering and counting up and down to 10 until the pain started to slip away.

"Thank you." My whole body unclenched, bit by bit. My heart stopped thudding like a woodpecker.

"It shouldn't hurt like this," Jeb shook his head.

"Dude! Big scary spider! More poisonous than a rattlesnake!"

"Yeah, I know. I been bit a few times myself. In construction, we get all kinds."

"You've been through this more than once?"

Jeb nodded as he pulled out his phone. "Worst of it is always over in maybe 4-8 hours. I don't like this."

"Uh, me either."

He grabbed his phone and flipped to  FaceTime. It only rang once before being answered. "JJ, she's not better," Jeb said to his screen.

"Let me see."

Jeb brought his iPhone over to the couch and I smiled at Dr. Scott before Jeb aimed the camera at my foot. I winced but followed orders in turning it around for him.

"Jeb, is that reddish-blue?"

"The mark? Yes," he touched it lightly. "It's hard, a bit raised. Maybe turning into a blister."

"Thanks. Alice, this looks like what we expect. A second or third wave of pain, even worse than the original bite, is not uncommon. I'm concerned by the delay, though. Do you have a rash anywhere else?"

I shook my head. "Not that I've seen."

"Jeb, can you take her temperature?"

He nodded and got an electronic stick that Bluetooth connected with his phone. I was surprised when it turned out to be the thermometer. "99.1, Jay."

"Right. The clinic is closed until 8AM but I want to check to make sure she isn't having a systemic reaction. How soon can you get to the hospital? I'll call ahead."

"We'll leave in 30 minutes."

"Excellent. Jeb? You know Queenie's in labor?"

"WHAT?"

"On and off all night."

"But she was on duty!"

"My wife's a badass, what else do you need to know? The contractions have become steady so it will probably be soon. And that said, uh...she was on the phone with Maggie and..."

"Oh, shit."

"There's your head's up."

"Seriously, what was..."

"In. Labor."

"Fine," Jeb hung up angrily.

"What's going on?"

"Nothing to worry about. Let's get you to the hospital."

"Not until I've showered and dressed," I said firmly.

"I thought you were in agony?"

"Pain killer is helping. And it's a special kind of pain that puts me out in public in my pajamas."

"But not a muddy dress?"

"Are you going to help?"

"I am," he sighed. "We've got a lot to do and you seem stubborn."

"Determined," I corrected him. "The proper nomenclature is determined."

He rolled his eyes but got me to the bathroom and even brought a plastic stool for me to sit on in the shower. I was able to rinse off the worst of the day before and check for any other rashes. I didn't see anything. After I got dressed, Jeb helped me back into the truck. I got the fizzles again but I hid it better than I had before.

"Tell me about today's plan," I stressed the word.

"As long as they say you're OK, the plan is to get the house ready for Levi," he navigated us out to the road. "Furniture. A second car seat for your car. Actually, if you could help make a list, that would help."

"Easy enough. I'd also like to hit the bank. I got Finn a debit card on my account."

Jeb groaned. "For crying...Alice, seriously? And it's Sunday, no banks open."

"Right," I rubbed my face.

"Report it stolen online. Then go in tomorrow and straighten it out. And tell me everything else you did for him, OK? Let's just deal with it all."

My heart squeezed at his saying 'let's'.

We parked at the hospital and Jeb got me a wheelchair and took me to the lab. They got a few tubes of blood from me and then we grabbed a late breakfast at the cafeteria. One of his worker buddies met us there.

"¿Qué huele?" the guy slapped Jeb's back.

"¿Qué huele?"

I raised my hand. "Longtime listener, first-time caller here. Did you just ask each other...what smells?"

"It's our way of saying 'What's up'," Jeb shrugged. "Rafael this is Alice. Alice, this is my partner in the business - Rafe."

I waved.

"Dude, I need a favor. Alice's car is parked in a garage downtown but she won't be able to drive for a few days. Could you grab it and bring it to the house?"

"It's this pendejo, si?"

I raised my hand again.

"He means Finn. I told him what was going on."

"It's a bad word," I guessed.

"Good assumption. Give him your keys."

I handed over my set. "Uh, so Finn has a spare set, too. The sooner you could move it where he can't find it, the better for me. It's a lime green Kia Soul. In Parking area F and space 20."

"She's got a picture of it with the plates; I'm forwarding it to you now," Jeb told him.

Rafe looked at the picture and recoiled. "It's a square car?"

I grimaced with embarrassment. "It was a gift, OK?"

"Who would give this as a gift? Did they hate you? Did you kill their dog?"

"Noooo. It belonged to one of my half-brothers but then he wasn't into Minecraft anymore so..."

Jeb and Rafael were staring at me like I was an alien.

"My family is strange?" I shrugged.

"You said it, not me," Rafael grabbed the keys. "I got some things to do. Probably get it to yours around lunch. You tell anyone I drove this thing and we're through."

"I hear you," Jeb stood and they did a quick 1-armed pound hug. "Thanks, man."

After he left, I looked at Jeb thoughtfully. "You're being really nice to me."

"You're being really nice to me," he shrugged. "I give as I get. And speaking of -  how are you with diapers? Because Levi isn't all the way potty trained."

"Are you kidding?" I laughed. "I can diaper two at a time. No lie. Remember - my youngest sibling is, like, not that much older than Levi."

"Then let's go buy some diapers."

We bought everything. Two full carts at Target plus we had to drive around back and pick up the convertible crib and high chair. I think we wiped out their safety gate inventory entirely.

"What didn't we buy?" I wondered.

"Well, that's the everything on the list you made and the list Queenie put together. Levi's grandmother has all his clothes and his favorite toys and stuffed animals and I think some of the plastic sippy cups and stuff. The crib and car seats she has are outdated and not up to safety code."

His phone rang through the truck. He glanced at the screen and winced. "Uh, let me just apologize before I take this..."

"¿Quieres bronca o qué?!" The angry voice echoed through the cab.

"Hermano tranquilo. Marco, chill," Jeb answered, flipping between Spanish and English while turning onto the state road.

"¡No tranquilo! ¿Has perdido la cabeza?"

"Marco, Alice is in the car and you're on speaker," Jeb navigated another turn. "Alice, I apologize. This is my brother-in-law, Marco. He is from the mean barrios of New Haven, Connecticut."

"Yes, pardon me. Hello, Alice." Marco had a deep, authoritative voice even over the radio speakers.

"Hola, Marco," I chirped, trying to break the tension.

"So what's the problem?" Jeb asked.

"There are two problems. The first is that you seem to be marrying a stranger tomorrow. The second is that, because of this insanity, my family is getting on a plane tonight."

"Come on, you couldn't stop that?"

"Maybe, just maybe, if you had let me know ahead of time I could have come up with some kind of defensive play. But as I speak to you, she and the twins are already at the airport and my choices are binary."

"It all came together yesterday."

"Well, you can tell me all about it later. Get the farmhouse ready, she's decided we should stay there. We land at 6PM; I'm renting a car."

"Ok-"

Marco had already hung up on him.

"Um, well, that sounds serious."

"Marco was born a general in search of war, I kid you not. There's only one thing in the world he slows down for and that's Maggie. And that's only because she does as she pleases no matter what he says. 99% of the time it falls in his favor anyway. Then there's..."

"You getting married on no notice?"

"Yeah," he agreed.

"If Maggie's coming then my younger sister Laurie won't be far behind," he sighed.

"Who are the twins?"

"My nephews. Identical and about Levi's age. The farmhouse will need to be cleaned."

I could see him grinding his teeth. Suddenly, he flipped on his blinkers and I realized we were in his driveway. "Alice, we need to make a decision. Well, a few. I have no problem marrying on paper because that's what it is - paperwork. But my sister isn't going to see it that way. Maggie is... well.. Maggie isn't just a regular sister to me. I'm saying this wrong..."

"She really matters to you, I can tell."

"Yeah. And she's gonna make a deal of this thing tomorrow. That's how Maggie does. Now, I'm never going to ask you ever to lie or pretend. I don't go for that. But I envisioned a DMV-style procedure tomorrow and, now?  With Maggie on board? There's probably gonna be some wedding-ish shit."

"You're asking if I'm OK with that?"

Jeb nodded, almost holding his breath.

"I think...I mean, I was trying to tell myself this wasn't a wedding and...this is going to make it harder. But the reality underneath hasn't changed. You and I are on the same page. But I'm not inviting my family."

"No, of course not."

"That's not what I meant...it's a long story," I winced.

"We don't have time," Jeb sifted his hand through his curly hair. "Shit, I wish I had time to hit the barber. Uh, if you are still in, then I got to make some phone calls."

"I'm still in."

Within the hour, Jeb had a crew at the farmhouse. Rafe plus the other two guys and a college student that Jeb had already hired on as a part-time babysitter. A cleaning service showed up and began working.

The babysitter stepped out of the farmhouse and waved us down. She had blue hair and a tongue piercing. "This house is baby-proofed as best I could."

"Gate at top and bottom of stairs?"

She nodded.

"Thanks, Gayle. Now can you do it again at my house? You've got the door code. All the stuff should be in Levi's bedroom."

"Sure thing, Jeb," She sauntered off to her own pick-up and drove off.

"Rafe, while she's doing that can you and the guys set up the crib and the high chair back at my place? They're flat-packed. Gayle knows how it should go."

"No problem. Hey, is she seeing anyone? Do you know?"

"Gayle? Sorry, man. Practically married to her girlfriend."

"Damn. Danny thinks he's in love."

Jeb actually laughed. Then he slung an arm around me and began helping me back to the truck. Fizzles.

"Where now?"

"If we rush, we can get you a dress then we need to get to the grocery store. We're running out of time."

I gulped.