nineteen: the confession, I like you

They sent us to the pediatric unit. A nurse met us at the security station and brought us directly to Levi, who was crying on a bed. Two of the church helpers were squatting by the side of the bed trying to calm him but quickly moved away for us.

"Levi fell," the doctor explained. "His grandmother was holding him when she fainted. He has a greenstick fracture of the left ulna. That means that the bone is partially broken so we will put it in a cast to heal. He also has quite a bump on his head and may have a concussion. We're going to do a CT scan to check for bleeding."

Levi was screaming and coughing on his own snot.

"Is he in danger?"

"We'd like to do a few more tests just to be sure. If you could sign the consent forms?"

"Oh, of course," Jeb rubbed Levi's toes and then went off to deal with the paperwork.

I stayed behind and tried to comfort him. "Is Mrs. Burgess all right?" I asked the ladies.

"She's still in the Emergency Department with someone else from our church," one of the church ladies told me. "Her sister was left at the apartment. We should really go back and take care of her."

"Of course!" I thanked them both for their help and their care. What if they hadn't been there?

The whole time, I kept my hand on Levi's leg and whispering that everything was going to be all right. He slowly began to relax the tension in his body. I pulled out my phone and put on Bubble Guppies and held it for him to watch. Levi reached out and rested his unhurt hand on my wrist, as though he got comfort from my skin.

Jeb came back and handed me a card. "Health Insurance?"

"Yeah. I put you and Levi on my plan. I just got the extra card."

I stared at it. "Jeb..." I whispered. My chest felt tight. I hadn't thought about what had happened to my insurance when I graduated. I probably should have asked Ari or the school or something.

Jeb moved in to take my place holding the phone for Levi. I got into a chair and tucked my new card into my wallet.

"They're going to do the CT scan and then cast the arm."

"Can't they give him Motrin or something for the pain?"

"No," Jeb sighed, patting Levi's chest. "Not until after the scan, they said."

"Do you want me to check on Mrs. Burgess?"

"Would you?" he looked at me over his shoulder. "Get a sticker pass as you're leaving, so you can get back in."

As I stood up to go, Jeb grabbed my hand and squeezed it. "I'm glad you're here," he said softly.

I bit my lip, "Me, too."

It was a long, long day. The CT scan showed no bleeding in Levi's brain, which was a relief. The doctors were less cheery and said that concussions don't always show up on scans right away - if at all. We were given pages of things to watch for.

The cast on his arm was bright red, which he liked.

Mrs. Burgess had HBG - high blood glucose. She'd over-medicated with insulin trying to manage it herself. They admitted her to a ward and her sister had been brought in to sit with her. A middle-aged woman who was related to Mrs. Burgess through her sister showed up and created some drama but eventually took control of the two women.

At 8PM, we were finally allowed to take Levi home. He was asleep in Jeb's arms as we carried him over to Mrs. Burgess' room.

"There's my baby," she cried.

"I do not know what you two were thinking leaving that child..."

"Shhh, Lavonia," Mrs. Burgess told her. Jeb sat down next to her and Mrs. Burgess stroked Levi's curls gently. "The baby's all right?"

"He'll be fine."

"Good, then," her voice was gruff.

"We'll be back for another visit next month, as long as you're well."

"I'll be fine," she promised.

We got back on the road just before Arby's closed. Jeb bought us some food and then got us on the highway. In the small back seat of the cab, Levi was back asleep in his booster seat. Snoring.

My hand was on the bench seat between us and Jeb reached out and took it. He sifted his fingers between mine.

I felt the shock of it and inhaled quickly.

He glanced at me and then back at the road. "Why don't you pick some music?"

With my free hand, I turned on the radio and fiddled to find a local station.

I watched out the window. I-75 was a hilly divided highway with nothing much to look at except the lights up ahead.

Eventually, he tightened his grip for a second and then let go. He reached to the cup holder and took a long sip of his pop. "I'm exhausted. Talk to me."

"About what?"

"Anything."

"So, was that a date? Because it was all planned..."

"It wasn't, really. I was just going with the flow. Living in the moment," Jeb sighed. "You couldn't have picked another topic?"

My heart flipped. "You said anything. So...what about Kyra?"

"Jesus, Alice..." he groaned. "Kyra...is Kyra. You know that old toddler mantra? 'What's mine is mine. If it looks like mine, it's mine. If I want it, it's mine'?"

"I know that's Levi's motto, I wasn't aware it was universal."

"Absolutely," his lips tugged into a quick smile. "Well, that is Kyra's mantra when it comes to people. She collects and never lets go. In one way, you know, it's good. She'll always be there for you. In another way, it sucks. Because there's no prioritization other than hers. And her boundaries are really...uh...fluid."

"For some reason, that really reminds me..."

"Shay. Yeah. They're kind of cousins."

"What?"

"That's how I met her. She tags in on our 3-on-3 games."

"WHAT?"

"Oh, she could kill you at 94 feet. No lie. She throws floaters - these high tosses over everyone's heads? Right in the net, every time."

"So if she sticks around..."

"On her terms," Jeb repeated. "And she's just not into kids."

"So are you together or...because you seemed pretty together at the food court."

"I know you were hurt by that."

"I was hurt you said one thing and did another."

"Fair. But it was unfinished, you know? Then again, Kyra doesn't finish so...I don't know what I was expecting."

"If you knew that, then why did you meet her?"

"It felt...ahhhhhh shit, you know, it was Jay's idea and it sounded right. Closure. Whatever. But nothing got settled. I'm sorry, Alice. I know you want me to say something else."

"Hey," I sat up. "Don't put this on me."

"I wouldn't be talking about this if it wasn't you."

"Excuse me?" I sat up straighter.

"I didn't mean it like that. Call it God or fate or happy coincidence, but if you hadn't ended up on my porch that day then my life would be fucked. I would have had to blow off the Catskills build, which would have been a nightmare. You have no idea how well this came together for me. Completely out of the damn blue."

"Me, too. I'm glad you sent the spider to hell and all but I have stopped and thought - what if I'd never met you? What if I'd never gotten to be with Levi? What if I hadn't had the cabin?"

"You would have been fine, Alice. There's no comparison...you've made everything possible for me. Not just the Catskills build but even just becoming a dad in stages. I don't even know if I can parent for 24/7. I get on that plane on back to New York and I'm practically crying with relief. No lie, Alice. I'm freaking out about what happens when I'm home all the time."

"It's hard right now," I agreed. "But it gets better."

"Huh."

"Seriously. Look, I was 10 when my mom had her first baby with Garth. Then came another pretty much every 18 months for years and years. It can get crushing but it absolutely does become normal and even fun. Trust me."

"I do. Even though you make some questionable decisions at times, I do trust you."

"Thank you, I think?"

"You're welcome. You know, the guys warned me that once you marry someone, a kind of feeling kicks in."

"A kind of feeling?"

"Protective? Connected?"

"But they were probably talking about women they loved already."

"Maybe. But..."

"You're saying you feel that way about me?"

Jeb stared off at the road and didn't say anything for a long time.

"Jeb?"

"Yeah."

"Yeah you heard me or..."

"Yeah. Yeah, I feel something. Yeah, I think I like you."

Whoa.

"I just don't know how real it is," he added.

"Well, if you're feeling it - it's real for you?"

"Is it real for you?"

My whole body was on fire. "I think so."

"But it's a trick of our circumstances, right?"

Like waves, the tension kept building in my skin. "So you're saying that your emotions are being manipulated by...proximity? Gratitude?"

"Don't you think?"

"I'm not that deep, Jeb. I feel something so I just...feel it. And, you know, I had proximity with Lonnie and never felt a single thing for him."

"Yeah, right. But Lonnie is a creep."

"Yeah."

I could hear myself breathing. Had I always breathed so loud? I fiddled with my pop and watched the lights ahead. Leaned back and checked on Levi.

"We're getting divorced, Alice. I'm adopting Levi by myself."

"I know."

"But...."

"Yeah?"

"I don't know. Would you want to?"

"Want to...what?"

"Date. Just, you know...go on a date? Or would that make things weird? That would probably make things weird. I like having you around and I don't want to screw with that."

I nodded and watched the road ahead. The Joel Adams song, Please Don't Go, came on the radio.

"You didn't answer."

"You took back the question."

"No, I asked. I'm asking."

"You're asking me out?"

Jeb leaned his head back and laughed out loud. I jumped with surprise and turned to him. "The hell with it. Yes, Alice, my wife. I'm asking you out on a date."

"Well, then, Jeb, my husband...yes."