Chapter 42

Dahyun hasn't spoken to Sana for like a week. Sana kept calling and showing up at her place but with no response. Surprisingly Dahyun called Sana herself today, saying that she wants to come over and talk. Sana is really hoping that the younger girl won't break up with her.

"Oh Dahyun-ie, come in." Sana said as she opened the front door and saw her girlfriend in front of her.

"I'm glad you came." Sana smiled weakly when they both got inside and sat down.

"I'm sorry I didn't answer your calls." Dahyun started.

"That's okay, I understand." The Japanese woman lied. To be truthful, she doesn't understand why Dahyun is so mad at all. She and Y/N have been over for like two years. Why is Dahyun so mad over something that happened in the past?

"I'm sorry Dahyun-ah. I know I should've told you. But I promise there's nothing going on between Y/N and I. We ended things 2 years ago and our feelings for each other have disappeared. I only have feelings for you and I love you." Sana said sincerely. She really does mean that she loves Dahyun.

"I know you do, unnie. And I know that you guys don't love each other like that anymore but I just can't understand why you didn't tell me when there is nothing going on."

"I don't know. I just didn't think it was that important for you to know. I didn't want to make things awkward and I thought it would disturb you if you knew about us. I was just scared that you wouldn't be with me because I dated your friend while she was my student." Sana explained.

"Besides when we started dating Y/N wasn't even around so I didn't even think about it."

"Then what about when she came back?" Dahyun asked curiously.

"You were already mad with Y/N for suddenly leaving like that and for hurting Nayeon unnie. I didn't want to add up on to that." Dahyun nodded at Sana's explanation. She can see why Sana hid it from her but she still wishes the older girl hadn't.

"Dahyun-ah, please forgive me. I don't want to lose you." Sana looked down. She loves Dahyun too much to let her go. She loves her so much that she decided to date her while being a gangster, which is really fucking dangerous.

"Unnie, trust is the most important thing in a relationship. I don't know how I'm going to trust you again, especially around Y/N. But I also don't want to break up with you over this, so please just don't do this anymore. Please don't lie to me or hide things from me. I want our relationship to be build up on trust. So if there's anything else that I should know, tell me now." Sana's heart stopped beating for a moment. How is she going to tell her that she's a gangster? She can't tell her even if she wants to.

"There's nothing else. I promise." Sana lied. She feels bad for lying, but she has no other choice. She needs to do what will keep Dahyun safe.

"Okay." Dahyun said. She trusted Sana with all her heart, but now at this point she doesn't know if she should. Only the future will tell if she made the right choice by forgiving Sana.

"So are we okay now? I really fucking missed you." Sana smiled weakly.

"I missed you too unnie."

"Come here, babe." Sana gestured for Dahyun to come closer and put her lips onto the younger ones. She missed Dahyun's lips. Luckily, the two made up but how long will this relationship, that's based on a huge secret, last?

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Just like how Y/N promised Nayeon that she would, she went to get the keys from the owner and  now she's in front of Nayeon's apartment.

"Ah, Y/N. You're here. Come in."

"Here are they keys that I should have given you yesterday. I'm sorry about that again." Y/N said showing the keys.

"Stop apologizing." Nayeon is annoyed with the amount of times Y/N has apologized already.

"So when are you planning to move in?"

"Next weekend I think. It's gonna be hard though, since I have a lot of stuff." Nayeon sighed. It's going to take a lot of time and energy to move everything.

"Don't worry about that, I will help you. I'm sure the girls would also love to help." Y/N smiled.

"Thank you. I would appreciate that."

"No problem. I should go now since I already gave you the keys." Y/N said.

"I was just about to eat. Join me?" Nayeon asked hopefully. She likes spending time with Y/N a bit too much.

"Uhmm..." The younger girl hesitated.

"Just join me, asshole." Nayeon suddenly pulled Y/N by her arm to the dining table. Y/N was surprised by the sudden action.

"Yah, why are you calling me an asshole? What did I do?" Y/N is actually worried right now. No one has called her an asshole in a pretty long time.

"No reason. It's because you hesitated." Nayeon lied. She called her an asshole because the younger girl makes her feel things that she doesn't want to feel. At least not anymore. She doesn't want to fall for Y/N again, but here she is falling for her even harder than before.

"I didn't hesitate. I was just thinking." Y/N tried to defend.

"Thinking about what?" Nayeon asked putting some ramyeon on both of their plates.

"I was planning to go to Irene unnie, but guess I'll just go tomorrow." Nayeon's expression changed at the mention of Irene's name. Irene told Y/N the other day how Nayeon gets jealous whenever she's around her, but Y/N didn't believe her. Now seeing Nayeon's expression of change she's starting to think that it might be true, which obviously does make her happy.

"Did you hear that Sana and Dahyun made up today?"

"Oh they did?" Y/N didn't know about this yet.

"Yeah. I'm worried about Dahyun. Sana is hiding a big ass secret from her. What's going to happen when she finds out?" Nayeon tried many times to convince Sana to tell Dahyun about her secret, but Sana just won't listen.

"I'm worried too, to be honest. I keep telling Sana unnie to tell her but she just won't. I mean she's a gangster after all, she won't listen to anyone." Y/N sighed. Sana never ever listens to anyone.

"Maybe we should tell Dahyun?" Nayeon suggested but Y/N shook her head.

"Sana unnie will literally kill us and I'm not joking. You haven't seen the bad side of her, unnie. If we tell Dahyun, her bad side is going to come out and I'm 100% sure you'll regret doing that."

"I'm curious about how Sana is when she's not with us. It's like she has two sides to her but me and Jihyo have only seen one. Even though we both know she's a gangster, she hasn't shown that other side to us." Nayeon has been curious about this ever since she found out about Sana. It was hard to believe that Sana is a gangster since she's so nice and bright.

"I don't think she ever will. Sana unnie thinks it's very important to keep her gangster life apart from her private life. But I can say that she's a pretty good gangster. There aren't many females in the gang as far as I know, but she's definitely a known gangster. A lot of people are scared of her and she has close ties to my dad. My dad barely knows any of his gang members, but he does know Sana unnie and that says a lot." Y/N explained. Sana is one of the top members of the gang.

"Has she hurt many people?" The older girl asked and Y/N chuckled.

"Of course she has. It's her job after all."

"Why is she even in that gang? I know her family are all gangsters but it doesn't mean she should be one too. Does she actually enjoy being one?" Nayeon really doesn't understand why someone like Sana is a gangster.

"She does. From what I know, she didn't want to be in the gang at first. There's a reason why she joined eventually, but I can't tell you that. You should ask her yourself." Y/N has all the answers to Nayeon's questions, but it's not her place to talk about Sana's personal life.

"You should eat. It's getting cold." Nayeon suggested and Y/N did what she was told.

"I guess you're eating well now, huh?" Nayeon asked when she saw Y/N eating. The younger girl eats a lot more than she used to and she obviously gained some weight. Y/N was pretty thin back in the day because she barely ate due to the lack of money so Nayeon is glad to see Y/N eating well now.

"Ah yes. Now that I work I'm able to spend more money on food."

"I see. Have you been working out? You look fit." Nayeon remembered how Y/N has abs now, so she decided to ask about it.

"Ah yes. I started working out when I was at the farm. Is it obvious that I do?" Y/N slurped her ramyeon.

"Yeah, it is." Nayeon smiled. Y/N always had broad shoulders but now that she works out it's even broader, which Nayeon finds very hot.

"Do you want to watch a movie maybe, before you leave?" Nayeon asked when they both finished eating.

"S-sure." Y/N stuttered. She doesn't really get why Nayeon would ask her that, but she's not complaining.

An hour has passed in the movie but they both got pretty bored with it. They both didn't say anything though, because they thought that the other one was enjoying it.

"Is it just me or is this movie pretty boring?" Nayeon asked eventually. She's almost falling asleep because it's just so boring.

"It actually really is." Y/N chuckled and Nayeon is glad that Y/N thinks the same way so she just stopped the movie.

"Yah, why didn't you say anything? We literally watched this for an hour for nothing." The older girl asked.

"I thought you were enjoying it." Y/N answered.

"That's very considerate of you but you should tell me if you don't like something even if you think I do." Of course Y/N would be considerate of her ex-girlfriend.

"I like everything you like so it's not a problem for me." Even if Y/N doesn't like something that Nayeon likes, seeing how Nayeon likes it makes her like it too. That's how whipped she is for the teacher.

"Yah, don't be so cheesy." Nayeon hit Y/N's shoulder. By this action Y/N can tell that Nayeon is starting to get more comfortable around her again.

"It's true though." Y/N laughed.

"Yeah, whatever. Can I ask you a question?" Nayeon suddenly faced Y/N.

"Sure. Go ahead."

"The other day, you said that there's something you want to do. And I'm just curious about what it is."

"Unnie, I told you that I would tell you if it's really happening. " Y/N just doesn't want to tell anyone yet, because she's not sure if she will be able to do what she's planning to do.

"Yah, I'm curious. Why won't you tell me?" Nayeon pouted. Fucking cute, Y/N thought to herself.

"Because I don't know if it's gonna happen yet."

"How can you not know if it's gonna happen?" Nayeon really hates this secretive side of Y/N sometimes.

"Because I have to wait for something." Y/N admitted.

"Wait for what?"

"Scholarship." Y/N sighed. Nayeon is going to keep asking until she tells her so it's best if she just tells her right now.

"S-scholarship?" Nayeon widened her eyes. She didn't expect this at all. She thought Y/N was planning to change her job or something or move out. She never would've thought that Y/N is planning to go to college.

"Are you going to college?"

"Yes. I mean kinda. I applied to the police academy." Other than Irene and Tiffany no one knows about this.

"Police academy? Wait, what, why?" Nayeon is even more confused now.

"Yes. Police academy. Do you remember when we were dating you asked me what my dream was and I told you that I didn't have a dream. That I just wanted to survive and make some more money. But when I went to the farm I started to think about that question more deeply. The first thing that came to mind was to get justice for my mom's death and the second thing that came to mind was being nothing like my dad. I thought about what I could do, to make these two things come true." Y/N started to explain and Nayeon listened very carefully.

"I accepted the fact that I will never be able to get justice for my mom's death. There's no way I can proof that he killed my mom, but I can prevent other people from getting away with it. Every day innocent people are being killed by gangsters, by the mafia or just by crazy people and most of the time they get away it. I don't want that to happen, I want to prevent that. That's why I decided to apply to the police academy. There's no better way to make this dream come true. Besides when I become a police officer, I will be nothing like my dad. He kills people, while I will try to save people and put people like him in jail." Y/N nodded at her own explanation.

"Why didn't you tell me this before, Y/N?" Nayeon asked weakly. Y/N has grown so much, that it's making Nayeon emotional. The way she talks and the way she thinks are so much different from the way she used to.

"Because I'm waiting for the scholarship. I actually passed all the tests, the only thing I'm waiting for is to get a scholarship. If I don't get it, then there's no way I can go."

"I'm sure you'll get in Y/N." Nayeon assured her.

"How are you so sure?"

"Because you have potential. You're smart and you're literally good at everything. There's no way you won't get it." The teacher shook her head.

"Unnie, you're forgetting that I got expelled for hitting a teacher." Y/N reminded her.

"Who cares. That was in the past." Nayeon shrugged and a silence followed afterwards. Y/N didn't expect for Nayeon to say this.

"I'm so fucking proud of you, you have no idea." Nayeon confessed. How can she not be proud of her? This was the exact reason why Nayeon broke up with her. For her to get better and for her to find herself. It seems like Y/N has done these two things. Y/N didn't even know why she was living in the past, but now she has a dream and a reason to live.

"Thank you. It's all thanks to you. If you had never came into my life, I probably would have turned out like my dad and my life would have been one big mess. But you made me see and notice many things that I didn't before. So thank you. I owe it all to you. Even if I don't get the scholarship now, I will fight for it again next year. I won't stop until I get it." Y/N looked Nayeon in the eyes. She can see how Nayeon really meant what she said. Y/N will forever be thankful for Nayeon coming into her life. She really did save her life.

"What about your friends that are in the gang and Sana? Won't they be disappointed if they hear this?"

"They most definitely will be. They're gonna feel like I'm betraying them, but they need to understand that I'm doing this for my mom." Taehyung and Sana will definitely scold her a lot.

"I'm sure she's very proud of you Y/N." Nayeon caressed the younger's arm.

"I hope she is. I disappointed her a lot in the past so I hope this will make up for it." Y/N smiled weakly as she faced Nayeon. The older girl's hand is still on Y/N's arm caressing it and the distance between them is very little, making their hearts beat faster. They stared into each other's eyes for what seemed like an eternity, getting lost in it. They both know they still love each other, maybe even more than they used to. Nayeon's eyes slowly travelled to Y/N's lips. She really wants to kiss her right now, but she doesn't want to make things awkward. Besides Y/N seems like she isn't ready for that yet. If she were ready she would have already approached Nayeon, just like she promised she would. So Nayeon just tried to control herself, but before she knew it, Y/N put her lips on the teacher's ones. Nayeon was taken aback at first, but kissed back immediately when she realized what was happening. The kiss was slow and full of love, showing each other how much they missed one another, savoring the taste of each other's lips. When Y/N realized what she was doing she immediately pulled away.

"Uhm, I think I should go now. It's getting late." Y/N stood up.

"Y-yeah. You should go now." Nayeon stuttered. They're both blushing from what just happened.

"I'll show you out." Nayeon stood up as well and followed Y/N to the door.

"Text me when you're moving out, so I can come and help." Y/N said without looking at the older girl.

"I will."

"I'll go now. Bye." Y/N said awkwardly and left Nayeon's apartment. As soon as Y/N left, Nayeon cheered in happiness. Y/N was the one that initiated the kiss, does this mean that she's ready to come back to Nayeon? Does this mean that she still loves her? Nayeon is just very happy that it happened. She missed Y/N a lot. Even though Y/N thinks she's still not the person that Nayeon deserves, Nayeon thinks she exactly is. Y/N is everything that she ever wanted.

When Y/N got home she started to panic. She can't believe that she actually did that. Maybe Nayeon didn't even want it at all? How could she just do it so spontaneously without Nayeon's permission?

"Yah, why do you keep walking back and forth?" Tiffany asked when she saw that Y/N was walking back and forth in the living room, which is something that she does when she's either nervous or when she's panicking.

"I did something fucked up." Y/N admitted as she still walked back and forth.

"Oh my God, what did you do?" When Y/N said it like that, Tiffany thought that Y/N did something bad so she instantly became worried.

"I kissed Nayeon unnie."

"Wait, what??" Tiffany smiled. She's glad that Y/N didn't do something bad. "Why are you panicking, though? Isn't it a good thing?"

"No, it's not." Y/N shook her head repeatedly.

"How is it not? Didn't she kiss you back? Did she push you away?" Maybe the reason why Y/N is panicking is because Nayeon rejected her.

"No, she did kiss me back." Y/N replayed the scene in her head. Nayeon didn't pull away and kissed back so she doesn't think that Nayeon disliked it.

"Then what's the problem? Wasn't it your plan to win her back?"

"It still is my plan. But like I said before, I will only go back to her when I become the person that she deserves and I'm not there yet. Aish, I shouldn't have gotten so close to her." Y/N sighed in frustration.

"Yah, Y/N what else do you want to do to become that person?" The older girl just can't understand what else Y/N wants.

"I don't know. I'm just scared. I am pretty happy with how I am right now and I do think I deserve her if I keep going like this but what if something happens and I go back to my old self? I don't wanna hurt her again."

"Well, then test it." Tiffany suggested.

"Test what?" Y/N furrowed her eyebrows.

"Test if you'll go back to your old self or not."

"And how am I gonna do that?" Y/N doesn't quite underdstand what the ex-guardian is talking about.

"Face your past, Y/N. I already told you this before. The only way you'll know if you've really changed is if you face your past. Go to your old neighbourhood, meet up with your gangster friends and maybe you should even visit your dad. If all of that doesn't do anything to you then you'll know that you won't go back to your old self in the future, but if it does do something to you, then you'll know that you still have some work to do and that you shouldn't go back to Nayeon yet." Tiffany explained. Y/N kept silent. Tiffany is right. The only way she'll know is by facing her past, but she doesn't know if she's ready to do that.

"You don't have to do it now. Just do it when you're ready, but you'll have to do it eventually. You can't run away from your past forever." Tiffany smiled weakly as she patted the girl's back.

"I'm going to go to sleep now. Don't think about it too much and also stop panicking. It's obvious she still loves you. It's also obvious that she's happy with the changes you did to yourself. Don't make her wait too long or she might be gone." And with that Tiffany went to sleep.

Y/N knows she's gonna have to face her past eventually, but she finds it very hard to do. She worked very hard to become the person that she is now, so she's scared that facing her past will bring her back to her old self. But if she wants to win Nayeon back, she's gonna have to do it. Maybe she can start doing that by meeting up with Taehyung and going to that neighbourhood. One thing she will absolutely never do is visit her dad. She never ever wants to see him. Meeting up with the gang members and going to the neighbourhood should be enough to see if she's really improved or not.

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Y/N is in her bed right now and she's trying to sleep but she just can't. She's thinking about her kiss with Nayeon and she's smiling like a freak. Even though she was freaking out just an hour ago, she's actually glad that Nayeon kissed her back.

On the other end Nayeon is doing the exact same thing. She's also laying in her bed and smiling like a freak. Isn't it annoying how there are many people who are in love but aren't in relationships while there are people in relationships who aren't even in love? These two love each other to death. There were many circumstances and many reasons why they shouldn't have loved each other. Their relationship was never the typical relationship to the outside world and they both knew that it would never get accepted. First of all Y/N was Nayeon's student, which is already pretty unacceptable to most people. Then there's the age difference and the fact that they're both girls. Let's not forget that Y/N comes from a gangster family and her father is the biggest criminal out there. There were many reasons to stop loving each other but they never did. They never stopped loving each other and if that's not what you call soulmates then I don't know what is.

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A/N: First update of 2021 aaaah. I'm so proud of Y/N's character development, let's hope she'll keep that development after facing her past. Please vote and commentttt.