A punch to the throat

Harri's POV

I type a message and simply say, "hey..." But I delete it yet again.

I don't know what is wrong with me. It's like I want to reply but my fingers won't let me click send. No matter how many times I try.

I throw my phone on the bed and brush my hair. I decide to go with a standard middle part. I'm starting to get used to the change. It might even suit me. I guess I shouldn't be surprised. After all I am a natural blonde.

I throw on a pair of ripped jeans and a thin layer of eyeliner. I can do this today, I tell myself when I look in the mirror. I don't really believe it but after days of moping around the house I'm ready to go outside. I think I might even be ready to look everyone in the eye. Even Cleo.

I mean surely they've forgotten about the whole thing. I mean it's high school, right? There is bound to be another drama to talk about.

First things first though, I need to tell Jazz. It doesn't feel right keeping this from her. I know how it felt when SJ kept it from me and now I'm literally doing the same thing to her. The whole thing gives me anxiety.

That and I haven't heard from SJ in a day. Maybe he's already forgotten about me and moved on. At this stage the only thing that gives me hope is his Twitter feed. His tweets seem to indicate that he is upset and I'm strangely relieved.

I absentmindedly bite the skin around my nails just thinking about it. Accidentally biting a little too much tearing the skin, making my finger bleed. I gently suck on it to stop the bleeding and the inevitable sting.

"Oi, H. Did you need a lift?"

I turn and see Theo standing in the hallway outside my room. "Really? You're offering me a lift to school?" I query while still sucking the blood off my finger.

"Yeah. I thought... well. Do you or not?" he grunts, as the air deflates from his shoulders.

I do feel bad. He has been trying lately but I still can't help but feel a little guarded around him. "Why are you being nice to me now?" I ask in a friendly tonecmaking sure to not sound like I am accusing him of anything.

He looks at me for a moment and takes up position leaning against my door frame. "Dunno, H. I guess you're not so bad."

"Gee, thanks."

"You know what I mean, Harri. I think we're a lot more alike than I either of us first thought. And I don't mean because we're both blonde again," he laughs.

I offer him a smile. "Okay, fine. I'll be down in second," I say waving him away.

I take moment to compose myself. Taking a few deeps breaths in and letting them out slowly. I grab my bag and pick up my phone from my bed. One new text. When I see it's from SJ I almost drop my phone. Does this mean there is hope?

The message simply reads, "Hey...."

"Hey..." I type back before my mind tells me I shouldn't.

I wait a few moments but get no reply. I curse under my breath at those annoying little dots at the bottom of the message, begging them to start moving but they stay in perfect formation. I guess he doesn't want to talk. I can't help but feel empty at the thought that I've blown my chance.

Theo toots the horn and I run downstairs, jumping in the car, my shoes still in my hands. I don't want to start this truce with Theo off on the wrong foot. Making him wait is sure to do that. We drive in silence until we pull into the school car park. Each of us too scared to say the wrong thing.

Jazz is parked directly in front of us. Theo's shoulders tense as she runs towards the passenger side of the car, letting out a heavy sigh as she yanks open my door.

"Woman! You came!... And you've showered!" She squeals, pulling me into one almighty hug. Her bangles clanging.

"Thanks for bringing her," she whispers to Theo as I push her off me and step out into the air.

Locking the car he tries unsuccessfully to look unaffected by her presence. "No prob, she was starting to scare the neighbours," he jokes. Deflecting from the awkwardness of the situation between them.

"Hey! I'm right here and I can hear you!" I cry, not seriously offended.

Theo turns to leave, "Hey, Harri."

"Yeah, Theo?"

"Do me a favour? Don't listen to anyone today. Okay?" I eye him curiously as he shuffles on his heels, "they don't know what they're talking about. The rumours will die down soon enough."

I shoot Jazz a glance to make sure she's hearing what I am hearing. Her wide eyes dart back forth between Theo and I. He slings his backpack over his shoulder. "Okay, well see ya' round."

"See ya," Jazz and I reply in a stunned unison.

Great...so even Theo knows about the SJ thing. Although I'm guessing he, like everyone else, thinks its just a stupid rumour. I mean who in their right mind would believe the Senna Jagger was my boyfriend? Was... I think as that familiar ache returns to the pit of my stomach.

"I'm so happy you came today," Jazz chimes, linking her arm through mine bringing me back to reality.

I take my books from my locker, doing my best to ignore all the stares and whispers from people passing by, even attempting to cover my face with my hair. Though she doesn't say anything about it I know Jazz sees them staring too, although something about her hair flicking tells me she's enjoying the attention a little more than I am. That's not to say she doesn't try her best to protect me from it, after all she did snap at some kid who was staring at me, telling him that he, and I quote, "smelled like hot dog water."

Which for Jazz is just about the worst thing I've ever heard her say.

"Hey Jazz, I have to tell you something," I admit, the guilt of keeping this secret gnawing away at me.

"Okay. But maybe after Grayson's class? I don't want to be late."

"Seriously who are you?" I tease relieved that I can put off telling her about SJ's and Jackson's secret identities for just a little bit longer, but taking some comfort in the fact that I tried.

She giggles. Twirling on the spot. Hands waving in the air. Bangles clinking, orange skirt twirling. "I, Harri. Am in love. I'm a changed woman!"

My stomach twinges at the thought. She's in love with someone and she doesn't even know their true identity.

"How do you know its love?" I ask.

"You know when you have trouble remembering what life was like before that person came into your world? When you can talk for hours and lose track of time and never run out of things to talk about? When you feel nervous but excited just at the sound of their voice? When you think about them all the time. When you think about them even in your sleep. When the thought of living without them rips you apart. When without them you feel empty, like half of you is missing. Because it is. Because they're the other half to you whole."

I bite the inside of my lip and listen to her as she continues to ramble. "Sometimes it takes years, months, weeks or even days. And sometimes it's instant. Like BOOM!" She says smashing her hands together like an explosion. Her bangles chiming like the Big Ben. " I guess when you know you just know..."

Then it hits me. My stomach drops and the realisation sets in. I think I know exactly what she's talking about.

Holy shiitake, I think I lo—no I can't.

My mind is a blur. It can't be love, can it? It's only been a few months since we started talking. Jazz did say it can happen instantly. Then again, Jazz says a lot of things.

I'm only sixteen. Well almost seventeen.... what do I know about love?

Well I know that this last week has been the worst of my life. I know that I feel this explicable loss. I know that I don't know what to do with myself when he's not here. I know that despite everything all I want to do is hear his voice. I know that the things that made me happy before he came into my life, don't now that's he's gone.

I know that.... I am in love with Senna Jagger.

Mr Grayson is already behind his desk by the time we get to the class. Jazz is still mid-spiel about love. Not that I've been listening. I'm still processing my own realisation.

"Harri. Jazz. Glad you could join us," he scowls from over the top of his glasses.

I ignore his snarky remark and take my seat, keen to check if I have any new messages. "Jazz," he calls before she can take her seat.

"I was on time, Sir!" she protests.

"Calm down. You're not in trouble, I just need you to come with me. Bring your bag."

The room is filled with oohs and ahhs as Jazz shoots me a look that could only be described as fear.

"Everyone else, stay here and keep quiet!" Grayson instructs. The class falls silent instantly as Jazz follows him out of the door.

No sooner have they left the room than I hear Cleo's nasally voice in my ear. My bones shudder. 'Look who got herself a new hairstyle? "

"What's it to you?" I answer bravely.

"Just interesting timing. We all know that you're the number one suspect for Senna's mystery lady. Everyone is talking about your poor root care."

"Yeah, well it's not me." I lie.

She laughs, a little too hard. "Well, we all know that! What would he want with you when he can have anyone in the world? "

It's the question I have asked myself every minute since I found out the truth, but deep down I know that what we had was real. As I mentally prepare my come back I feel my phone vibrate. I almost drop the thing in the rush to pull it out of my pocket.

"I just thought it was a good opportunity to call you out publicly. I mean I'm surprised you've even managed to get that other guy to like you with that atrocity you had going on... "she continues.

"How sweet..." I mutter under my breath, but not loud enough for her to hear.

"What? No answer?"

"Nope! Why should I bother with you?" I've wasted too much time on you already!" I reply truthfully.

Though she huffs, she doesn't reply. Hopefully that means I don't have to hear her voice again.

I look down at my phone and my heart practically jumps out of my chest. There on the screen are three simple words.

"I miss you."

"I miss you too!" I reply without any of my earlier hesitations.

"I'm sorry."

"Me too! I shouldn't have reacted that way. I was just caught off guard."

"I am really sorry. I was just worried that if you knew you wouldn't want me....Is there any chance we can move past this?"

"You still want to be with me?" I ask, scared of the answer.

"Of course I do!"

"Why? I'm just a girl."

'You're not JUST a girl, Harri...You're the Queen of my heart."

"But you can have anyone you want. Just ask Cleo...." My mind is acutely aware of the wench at the desk behind me.

"Cleo? How does she know?"

"She doesn't. Just that my picture and name are all over Twitter."

"Oh, that..."

"Yeah, that."

"Does that change things?"

"Only the fact I want to punch her in the throat...twice." Not that I ever would...then again I kind of love to see the look on her face if I did.

"Haha."

"You're ok with people knowing  about us?"

"I guess.... I mean I don't have much choice.  This is who you are and I need to accept that."

"You don't sound so sure."

"Well I'm not. You know how I feel about it all that Twitter stuff."

"Oh..."

"BUT"

"Yessss...."

"I'll get over it.

We'll get over it- together."

"Really? You mean it?"

"Yes!"

"I've missed you. Like really missed you."

I read his words, before typing my own. "I've missed you too."

"I have to go. Have something to do. Can we talk later?"

"I'm counting on it <3"

" There is so much I want to tell you."

"You really are a stripper? JK," I really hope that's not too soon.

"lol. No."

"Hold that thought for the next time we see each other." I write nervously. I mean what other secrets is he hiding?

"Ok. I'll see you soon xx"

'Bye, SJ xx"

"I love when you call me that."

"Well, SJ..." I hesitate before I type this next part. But as Jazz says, you only get one life. Better make it count.

"I love you."

Read  9:07am

Left on read?

Left. On. Read!

He left me on read??

I finally open up and tell him how I feel and he leaves me on read?

Maybe it is too soon. What have I done? I'm such an idiot.

I fight the urge to cry and punch Cleo in throat. She hasn't said a word since our earlier exchange but I can practically hear the smugness oozing from her and it annoys me.

I read the messages again.  The words, 'Read 9:07am' stare back at me. Silently mocking me. How could I be so stupid? How could I ever think it was love? And why does this hurt so much?

I can feel my throat tensing up like I'm the one who has been punched in the throat.

I look to my right. Her seat is still empty.

Where the fruit muffin is Jazz?

———

Author's note:

Heyyyyy!! Second update for the day

Thoughts, feelings, emotions? (If any)

Theo and Harri came to a truce.

Jazz is happy and in love... but with who? Jackson or Jax?

Harri is in love?... but he left her on read. Was it too soon?

(This was really important chapter for me in terms of the story line. I was struggling with how this scene would play out- hence the delay. I hope I did it justice.)

Peace ✌️ Love ❤️ unicorns 🦄

- Trudz