To fight or forget

Harris's POV

I barely make it up the front steps. My insides feel like they've been ripped from my chest and out through my ribs. Closing the door I lean against it trying to catch my breath but it only seems to get shorter with every audible gasp.

I sink down to the floor by the shoe rack. My head spinning like the gravatron ride at an amusement park. What is wrong with me?

I hear Theo's voice before he comes into view. "You're home early. I thought you were staying out with Ja..." he says rounding the corner from the kitchen.

His eyes catch sight of me slumped on the tiles before he finishes saying Jazz's name. "Jesus, Harri. What happened?" he questions. Panic written all over his face as he runs to my aid, couching down by my side.

He's talking to me but I can barely hear him over the thud of my heartbeat ringing in my ears.

Ba boom. Ba boom. Ba boom.

A hot fever flushes through me branding my neck and chest with a blotchy red rash. It burns yet somehow I am cold and shivering which causing my teeth to chatter.

"Harri, what happened?" Theo asks again craning his neck from his kneeling position to look through the glass panels of the door to SJ's car which is still sitting in the drive. "I'll kill him! What did he do to you?"

"Nothing," I manage to manage to wheeze out.

"Harri, you're scaring me. I'm going to call Mum!"

I grab Theo's arm pleading with him not to, "please don't. I'm okay." I fake a smile and gesture for him to help me stand. He shakes his head not wanting to agree but obliges anyway.

Rising, I feel my legs and arms tingling with the familiar sensations of a panic attack.

It has been years since my last attack and I thought they were a thing of the past. Stupidly, I thought I had outgrown them.

As my legs tremble, barely able to support my own body weight, Theo helps me to my room. All but carrying me up the stairs brfore placing me on my bed.

His jaw tightens, making his cheeks hollow. "Harri, I know we don't always get along but I am your brother. Please tell me what is going on? I can't bear to see you like this."

Laying back on the pillow I stare at the ceiling as my breath slowly returns to normal. "Theo, it was nothing. Just a panic attack."

"Harri, you haven't had one since we moved here. Something must have set you off. Please tell me what did he do to you? I won't do anything, I swear. I just wanna talk."

Hearing the anger in his voice I do my best to calm him. The last thing I need is for Theo to go on the rampage. "Theo it was nothing. I could feel it coming on so I asked Sen-- SJ, to bring me home. I guess with all the changes lately I was due for one," I say as reassuringly as possible.

Part of me wants to yell at him. Like why is he choosing now to act like a brother? He hasn't cared for years. But the weight of my eyelids hits has me fighting to keep my eyes open and I don't have the energy to fight him and my tiredness.

He stands to leave, "hmm. I don't believe you but if you don't want to tell me then I guess I can't make you." The hurt evident in his tone.

I pull the covers up under my chin using them to wipe dry any remaining tears from my face.

"H, I know you think I don't care about what happens to you, but that's not true. You're always so sure of what you are doing that I guess I figured you don't need me... Anyway, I am here if you want. Literally on the other side of this wall," he declares knocking lightly on the wall that separates our two rooms.

"Thanks, Theo," I mutter, still processing his admission.

As he closes the door I stop fighting the urge to close my eyes and fall into a deep asleep. However the vivid dreams which fill my slumber ensure  I do not feel well rested when I am woken some hours later by my Mum banging on my door demanding I get ready for school.

"I'm not going," I protest, covering my head with the duvet.

I feel my Mum's presence as she walks into my room, pulling the cover back exposing my still fully clothed body curled up in the fetal position.

"Have you been crying?" She asks as if my swollen eyes had not already given her the answer to her question.

I look back at her and fight the urge to burst into tears again as my eyes begin to water. "Mum, please don't make me go."

"Harri, what's wrong?"

"Please, Mum. I don't want to talk about it," I mouth in between the sobs I'm no longer able to contain.

My phone beeps from my nightstand. Drawing both mine and my Mum's attention to the display which highlights twenty two missed calls and a bunch of text messages I've yet to open.

"Please," I beg again.

My Mum's tone softens, "Okay. I don't have to be at work until eleven so how about we spend the morning together? You can get your hair done and we can have breakfast together."

I bury my face in my pillow.

"I promise. Pancakes always help mend a broken heart," she coos as she rubs my back like she did when I was a toddler.

I lift my head and look at her in confusion, "how do you--"

"--how do I know? Please, Harri. I am your Mother. It's my job. I know heartbreak when I see it. I was sixteen once too."

After a few reassurances that she wouldn't ask me what happened I reluctantly agree to go with her. After all, I did need to do something about my fudging re-growth.

I text Jazz to let her know I would not be in. Omitting any mention of SJ before I shove my phone into my drawer so that I'm not tempted to reply to any of his messages.

Sitting in the chair getting my hair washed and my scalp massaged, my mind replays the night before over and over. How could I be so stupid? Why didn't I see it before? After all, all the signs were there. How could he play me like that? How could I let him play me like that? Did he ever even care or was I just the pawn in some kind of game?

I look in the mirror as the stylist shows off their work, "yeah its great," I mumble unenthused. My Mum gives her an apologetic smile for my attitude but doesn't reprimand me for my curtness.

"Now for pancakes," she smiles grabbing my arm and leading me to a cafe just the way Jazz does on our way to class.

Part of me wants to pull my arm away.  The other part of me knows that it will offend my Mum who is trying to hard to not to ask me for details.

I am just so sick of everyone leading me on, dragging me where they want to go. I have a brain. I am capable of making decisions. I don't need people deciding what is best for me.  I grumble in my own internal monologue.

Mum tucks a piece of hair behind my ears. "I really like your hair this way, Sweetheart" she smiles pulling me from my strop.

I roll my eyes. It is an automatic response to her whenever she mentions my hair although this might be the first time in a while she has said something positive.

I bet she is just being nice. I think as I check out my reflection in the picture frame that lines the cafe wall. I mean, I guess it looks okay...

We sit in silence and eat our pancakes. I start to wonder if I am being a little bit too harsh. I mean he was right, he didn't lie to me. He just didn't tell me the truth. Then again is he even telling me the thruth now or was all this just some sick joke?

"Want to talk about it?" Mum asks as casually as she can pretend she is being.

I shovel a large piece of pancake in to my mouth, "not really..."

She eyes my plate. Twitching at the amount of syrup that I have drowned my pancakes in. There is something to this eating thing. Taking a lead out of Jazz's book I make a mental note to grab a packed or gummy worms before we leave.

"Okay, Sweetheart, this is just my two cents, without knowing the situation. But anyone who gets you this upset is either worth fighting for or worth forgetting. You've just got to work out which category this boy... I'm assuming it's a boy.... falls in to."

Well that was not the answer I was expecting. I mull over her words. To fight for or forget.

Fight or forget?... that is the question.

Mum drops me off a short while later and I head to my room a half eaten pack of gummy worms in hand.

Crawling into bed I pull my phone from my drawer. The first six notifications I see are from Jazz:

"H, I need you!"

"Twitter is going off about Senna and this mystery girl."

"They're in full-on investigator mode."

"Cleo just said the only person she knows with that bad regrowth is you... I told me to shut the raspberry Fanta up. You can thank me later."

"Hahah now everyone is convinced it's you! So funny! Could you actually imagine?"

"Harri, whereeeee are you?!?!!!"

Well, poop on a stick. What do I do now?

Rather than replying I check the rest of my notifications. I shouldn't have because they're mostly from SJ and I just end up in tears again. My nose hasn't even unblocked from my last outburst.

I listen to his voicemails all of which he says he never meant to hurt me. By the tenth I've heard enough and delete the remaining seven without bothering to  listen to them.

He might not meant to but he did I think as I finish my second bags of gummies.

There are texts too. Ones that say the same thing. And one that asks me not to tell Jazz, so that Jax can talk to her himself. To be honest that thought hadn't even crossed my mind.

I consider my options but truth be told she is my best friend and I should tell her. Then again I know that she'll just tell me I overreacting or worse still, revel in his true identity and I'm just not sure I can deal with that just yet.

I decide that I'll tell Jazz when I'm ready and not went it's convenient for him or Jax.

It is here that I make the stupid decision and check social media. Starting with Senna's Twitter. After working out how the app worked I discovered he has over twenty million followers. I didn't even know that was possible. Twenty million.

His last status was posted four hours ago and reads: "With you, I am unguarded. Forever and always."

I can't help but think that I somehow inspired the status but it that was the case that would meant he actually cares...

Reading the replies I can see they're mostly people asking if that is in reference to some new song lyrics. But the further the scroll the more I uncover a number of tweets referring to the "girl at the cafe."

Making my second stupid decision in the last twenty minutes, I follow the tweets only to find that some one has posted a school photo, with the caption, "mystery solved!"

I open the photo to see the full thing. "SHIITAKE!"

It's my school photo.

————-

Author's Note:

Hello wonderful people!!!

The aftermath...thoughts?

Will she forgive him? Will she tell Jazz?

How about Theo... he does care.

And what about the Twitter find? People are starting to get suspicious... will this effect things?

Lastly, new cover!! I've wanted to change it for a while and had a lot of fun making it. Do you like it or was the other one better?

Peace ✌️ love ❤️ and unicorns 🦄

-Trudz