To tell or not to tell....

Harri's POV

I bite the inside of my lip. It's something I do whenever I'm nervous, and something that Jazz is all too familiar with.

"Harri, whats going on?"

I look her straight the eye and continue to bite the inside of my lip. "Nothing, Jazz."

Her brown eyes search mine as her left bro rises so high it almost reaches her hairline. "Don't give me that cannoli."

"It's nothing really." I lie again.

"Is it SJ?" she enquires tentatively.

Just the sound of his name makes he blush. "No," I answer smiling truthfully.

It had been two days since SJ and had "had the chat," as Jazz had called it. We'd been texting back and forth since then but he was busy doing god knows what and I didn't want to push. I had sent him another hilarious Dad joke a few hours ago but hadn't yet had a reply. I wasn't worried though since it's was rarer for me to hear back from immediately than it was for me to wait a few hours or more.

She continues to prod, "Ok, so it's not lov-ver boy. Then what is it?"

"I want to tell you but at the same time I don't," I mutter. I think that once I say the words out loud it becomes real and then it's also out of my hands.

"You're being weird Harri, just say it!" She demands.

"When am I not weird?" I ask in an attempt to change the subject.

She throws her index finger in the air, her bangles clanging. "Good point. But you're being weird-er-er."

"Debatable," I reply dryly.

"Harri, if you don't tell me what the problem is, I'm going too..." she pauses to think about her next course of action. Spotting Theo across the cafeteria she finds her solution. "If you don't tell me what the problem is, I'm going to tell Theo about SJ."

I swear my eyes almost pop out of my head. "You wouldn't dare," I threaten my voice low.

She stands up from her chair. "Watch me."

Oh, shiitake she's actually doing it!

"Hey, Theo," She calls out and waves to him.

Not on my watch, I think as I pull her back down by the hem of her daisy print dress. "Okay, I'll tell you!" I stammer. Part of me is angry that she'd use Theo to get to me and the other part is wondering why she's wearing a Summer dress when we're only a month or so away from the beginning of Winter.

She smiles like the Cheshire Cat. "I knew you'd break."

"Charming. Tell me again why we're friends?" I ask only half-jokingly as I wrap up my half eaten sandwich.

"Probably because I'm awesome," she suggests.

"Nope that's not it," I reply cynically.

"Because you love me?"

"Hardly.."

"Tell me now!" she orders.

"Okay, I'm going to tell you, but not because you threatened me, but because you should know," I tell her sternly.

She smirks, "yeah right."

"No really. Your threats are empty, I already told Theo about SJ." I answer.

She gives me the once over to see if I am telling the truth. "Seriously?"

"Yes, Jazz. Seriously."

"That means you actually had to speak to each other?" She exclaims in awe.

"Yes, we spoke a few days ago. It was awkward as ff—figs."

"I'll bet." She says nonchalantly while looking straight past me. I watch as she smiles and blushes before looking back to me.

Confused, I turn around in my seat and see Theo on the tail end of a wave. When he sees me looking he shoves his hand into his pocket and turns away as if nothing happened.

I roll my eyes at Jazz.

"What?" she exclaims like I didn't just catch her mid-flirt with my brother.

"Ergh, whatever."

"Harri, don't be like that. I know you can't see it but your brother is hot. And not like regular hot. Hot as in he would fit in with the cast of Teen Wolf, hot," she adds as if to qualify her response.

"Anyway, that's what I wanted to tell you," I say ignoring her comment.

Her eyes grow intense. "Go on."

"Theo wants to take you to the Halloween dance next week," I mutter and look away from her.

I hear something that sounds like a dying rat. When I turn back to find the source of the noise I see Jazz in her seat looking as if she is about to burst. She doesn't acknowledge the look of horror on my face but she does manage to squeak out something which I suspect was, "Omg, omg, omg."

"Jazz. Can you put both your arms above your head for me?" I ask concerned that she is having a stroke.

"Harri, I am not having a stroke. I'm....I'm just excited."

"Could have fooled me with those noises you're making," I tease, although I'm far from in a playful mood.

"When did this happen? What did he say? What hasn't he asked me?"

"Calm your farm, woman!"

She finally calms down and looks me in the eyes. "Oh, My bad. Sorry, H. I forgot for a second he was your brother."

"So you like him then?" I ask unsure I want to hear confirmation of what I already know deep down in my gut.

"Yeah, sure. I mean not quite the same as I like Jax, but I mean your brother is here, and he's real. You know?"

"Yeah, he's real. A real jack aa—apple," I mumble.

"Harri, don't worry. If you don't want me too I won't go with him," she reassures me.

"Good."

"It's settled then," she says as she starts to clear her lunch tray.

I look at the disappointed expression on her face. I can't help but feel that I'm being harsh, but it's my brother and my best friend. I mean who in their right mind wants to be the third wheel in that relationship?

We go about separate ways as she has Spanish, while I have a free period. I head to the quad in the hope that bit of study outdoors might make me feel less guilty. As I sit down at the heavily graffitied picnic table my phone buzzes. I breathe a sigh relief as I'd see SJ's name.

"I don't know what did the cookie cry?"  he replies in response to the Dad joke I sent earlier.

"Because his father was a wafer so long."

"Oh, Harri. That's terrible- You've got to lift up your game!"

"Sorry, it was the best I can do.  Feeling a bit flat today." I type honestly.

"Everything ok? Who do I need to hurt?"

Funny, pretty sure in any other situation Jazz would have said the same thing. "Haha, nothing that bad. Thanks for the offer though."

"You can talk to me Harri, I'm a good listener."

"Careful SJ. You just told me something about yourself." I tease.

"Har Har! Seriously though what's up?"

I think about it for a while. Do I tell him or will he just think I'm stupid for being upset? After I think hard about the situation for a few well-considered seconds I decide just to tell him. As Audrey Hepburn apparently once said, "if you can't handle me at my worst, you don't deserve me at my best."

"My brother wants to take Jazz to the Halloween party." I spill.

"Oh...."

"And Jazz wants to go."

"Ohhh..."

"And they won't do anything about it because of me, and now I feel bad feeling for stopping them." I type in a furious pace.

"But you don't want your brother and best friend to date?"

"My only friend," I clarify.

"That's understandable. What do you think you happen if they did?"

"Theo, would happen. He'd break her heart and I'd have to pick up the pieces and then she'd probably hate me for it." I audible scoff as I write the reply.

"I'm sure she wouldn't hate you."

"Well, Cleo does."

"Valid point."

"You're not meant to agree with me SJ! You're meant to tell me I'm being selfish and to let them date." At least I think that's what he's meant to say.

"Is that what you want me to tell you?"

"No... Yes.... Gah, I don't know." Honestly, why is this so hard?

"She's not your only friend, either. You've got me."

I rub my hands over the keypad for a few seconds. How do I reply to that? Are we even at the heart emoji stage? I decide to keep it simple. ":)"

"Do you want my honest opinion?"

No, lie to me I think as I type, "yeah, I guess..."

"If you say no and nothing happens between them, will you feel guilty?"

"I already do and I haven't said no yet."

"And if they do date and things go well, what will happen."

"I'll lose my best friend." I write meaning it.

"And not your brother?"

"Nah, he was lost a long time ago. Lol"

"Lol. Why would you lose them?"

"They'll forget about me."

"Honestly, Harri. You're not that easy to forget. Trust me."

This time I actually 'awww'd' out loud, before I mentally slapped myself for sounding like Jazz. "Why are you so sweet?"

"Sweet on you!"

Snorting with laughter I write my reply, "Haha. Cheesy much?"

"Lol. Best I could come up with. You put me under pressure."

"Well, I appreciate the effort, SJ."

"I'll make you a deal..."

What is this guy up too? I say out loud to no one. "Ok, I'm listening."

"How about you agree to let them go to the dance together and see how it works out. Just one date. Then go from there."

"Hmmm, but I already got my costume."

"You can still go. You SHOULD still go. It Could be good for you to get out and meet a few people."

"I'm not good with people," I respond honestly.

"You're good with me?"

"Yeah well I've never even seen your face, so you might not even be human for all I know."

"Haha. Trust me, I human. That hangover reminded me of that."

"Okay, so where is the deal part for me?" I ask intrigued.

"If you do that and go to the dance, I guarantee you'll have a good time."

"Oh yeah, and just how will you do that?" I ask.

"Just trust me...."

"Famous last words..."

"Well, what do you have to lose by going?"

"My dignity."

"Haha. Seriously though?"

"Okay, I think about it."

"Good."

"Thanks, for listening." I type with all sincerity.

"Anytime."

";)"

"Wait... wasn't Jazz into that Jax guy?"

"Oh yeah, but really even Jazz, as delusional as she is, knows there is no chance that will happen, plus pretty sure he's got himself a girl anyway."

"Oh really, he does? I hadn't heard."

"Yeah well, all I know if she almost got herself thrown out of Mr Grayson's class yesterday after she threw her phone across the room."

"Why she do that?"

"I tuned out after about ten minutes into her rant but I do recall her saying something about photos of him and the rest of the band going to some club and getting trashed with a group of supermodels." I leave out the part where she spent the next hour and a half stalking them online until she discovered that they weren't in fact supermodels but were, in fact, the sister and friends of one of the other guys in the band.

"Haha."

"I know right. I had to try not to laugh, she was pretty devastated."

"That wouldn't have helped the gummy situation."

"Lol, no it didn't. But then again apparently he is dating someone new every week so she shouldn't be surprised."

"Does she always get that upset?"

"Nah, she's not crazy. Well not normally anyway but when her Dad is here everything effects her a little more. I just roll with the waves." I write, hoping that I'm at least half right.

"Sounds painful."

"I wouldn't have her any other way. Although maybe I'd turn down the perkiness in the morning. Lol."

"Haha."

"Anyway her Dad is leaving again this week so hopefully everything settles down again." I can't help but feel a mix of sadness and relief at this. I know they don't get along but he is her Dad and would like to see them be able to spend more than one minute in a room together.,

"Sorry, H. I have to go."

"Aww, you called me H."

"Is that ok?"

"Better than ok," I write smiling.

"Bye, for now....H."

"Bye SJ." A tinge of sadness washes over me knowing that our conversation is over.

"Btw, H. I like you."

My face burns red. "Haha, so you've said."

"Well, I just wanted to say it again so you don't forget."

"I won't forget- Btw, I like you too, SJ."

"<3"

Oh, so we are up to heart emoji stage, I think as the bell rings, indicating that need to head to my next class. As I cross the quad and back to the English block, a smile is firmly planted on my face. Seriously how does he do that?