06 | Unspoken Feelings

~~~~~~~~~~Mahadevan~~~~~~~~~~

It's been totally 2 months since Anjana and Krishnan are married. After their marriage, I have not seen Sandhya.

It actually felt very good to see her actions and behavior in the wedding. She was matching my outfits and was purposefully trying to initiate some conversation with me.

May be she has a crush on me. What if I am mistaking her signs?  I don't want to come to any conclusion.  I too tried to initiate some conversation with her but it seemed to be an herculean task for me.

I was afraid of what Krishnan might think if he comes to know that I am having a thing for his best friend. Sighing I attended the call from Vicky and we were conversing some random topics.

He is my best friend. We have so many things to talk and most of the time nothing useful to talk, still we talk a lot.

Will our friendship be retained the same way even after we are married to our partners? I have heard wives change men and they don't allow their husbands to go on outing anywhere with their friends.

Only God knows what kind of person I would get as my wife. If Sandhya would be my wife, I don't think this would be a problem. She too has a friend and she might understand my point as well.

Currently, my conversation with Vicky drifted to his engagement preparations.  Actually I was teasing him. Remember??  I once said, you should not believe the guy who says they are not interested in marriage. Now he is the one who is going to get engaged first.

Vignesh: "ok. enough of teasing me. what's your story with that flat nose?"

Me: "Flat nose? who?"

Vignesh : " don't try to act smart. That flat nose Sandhya. I know you have a liking towards that flat nose"

Me: "Dei.. don't call her flat nose. She has a small nose I agree, but not a flat nose"

Vignesh: "parra.. sir ku kovatha..(oh see how you get angry) Ok.. are you not going to proceed further with her?"

Me: "I  don't know if she thinks the same way as me da"

Vignesh:  " ava uyir nanban nu othan thirivaney avanta help keka vendiyadhu dhaney"

(Why can't you ask about this to her so called best friend?)

Me : "Avana.. therila da.. kekanum" (that guy?? I need to ask him yet) I replied with lack of enthusiasm.

Later I realized what he said.

Me: "Dei.. Krishna enga veetu maapilai da.. mariyadha kudu"

(You mean Krishna??.he is the groom of our family. He is my brother in law da give respect)

Vignesh : " sss. I hate this word Maapilai.. Even Neeraja's father is doing too much calling me that way.."

Me: "But that does not" He cut short my sentence.

Vignesh : "Ok .Ok.. don't do too much. Even you have addressed him without respect often while we were talking. Anyway, this all will stay within us.. I will not call him without respect okva"

Me : "eee. seri machi..nan pesinadhayum nee soladha... podi payan da avan mapilaiya poitan adhanala vanga ponga solanum "

(ok.. don't disclose to anyone about me calling him without respect. He is very younger to us, still being the son in law for my family I need to address him with respect)

We both were discussing about what to do next and how I should approach Sandhya. While discussing  I heard my mother call me. I disconnected the call with him stating I will talk later.

"Deva"

"yes maa.."

"now that your sister is married, we have started seeking alliance for you. In Anjana's marriage, one of our distant relative forwarded this profile for you"

"maa.. but"

"we have already seen the horoscopes and everything is matching. The girl said she wants to talk with you alone before we meet her. So here is her phone number. Discuss with her and let us know for us to proceed further"

I am surprised. I did not know my parents would be this fast to start with my alliance. But strangely why do I feel like that? Anyway I have plans to get married. Then why do I find it difficult to accept the fact of marrying another girl?

I know me and Sandhya have not spoken with each other often nor spent time. I have developed feelings for her. When and how, I don't know. Is she really interested in me? Or is she just crushing on me for a time pass? I am not sure and I should not come to a conclusion without knowing.

I don't want to ask her number from Krishnan, fearing he might think bad of me. I did not find the guts to ask her number directly, when we both met for the few times. Anjana is not the option in my list as there is a high chance that she might blurt out to everyone.

With a confused state , I went to meet the girl my parents had selected for me in the restaurant.

~~~~~~~~~~Sandhya~~~~~~~~~~

Its been 2 months since Krishnan is married. And that Brutus forgot that he once had a best friend named Sandhya.

That stupid did not even have time to pick my call nor message me. All this revolving around wife will be only for first 3 months after that guys would start saying "wives are torture. they always fight, they always nag bla bla bla"

Uff. Being a single child has its disadvantages. The only friend I had is busy with his new wife. I don't have siblings nor a boyfriend to time pass.

Speaking of boyfriend.. I don't even know what Deva is doing. Does he even remember there is a girl called Sandhya who is the best friend of his brother in law?

"adhu  seri en best friend ke enna nyabagam illa.. ivanaa namala nyabagam vachurpan"

(Even my best friend does not remember me. How can I expect Deva to remember me)

It was a boring day. Me and my parents decided to go have our lunch at a restaurant. Its been quite a long time since we all three went out. So it was nice and fun.

Finishing the Lunch, we were about to leave. My mom went to use the restroom, so me and my dad were waiting for her to return. When I casually looked around, I spotted Deva talking with another girl sitting at the last table.

They did not look like a cousins or friends. It looked like a marriage meet. Tears immediately started flowing and I tried really hard to suppress it.

When my mom came, I immediately rushed out and got in to our car. I tried calling Krishnan many times to discuss regarding this but he did not pick up.

I was actually feeling very stressed out and felt like talking with Krishna about this. But he did not pick the call. Then I dialed Anjana.. she picked the call. As usual she started talking something, not allowing me to talk.

But she blurted out an information while she was talking and I heard that well. More than that.. Krishnan was also near her.. I heard him shout at Anjana.. The next minute the call was cut.

I heard Anjana saying that they have started searching girl for her brother to marry . Her parents have found  one and are planning to meet them at their house in the next 2 days.

Krishna did not share this information with me.. Did he think that I would feel upset? Did he not share this with me because of it ? Or did he think that I was not serious with Deva and hence did not say.

Deva too did not understand me.. I agree I did not say openly to him that I like him. But I thought he likes me. How fool I was?

The entire mistake is from my side. Hardly I have met Deva 5 to 6 times. We had shared only max of 3 to 5 lines of conversation in general , nothing more than that.

I don't have Deva's number with me. I could have easily got it from Anjana. But I did not do that. I don't know if she really knows that I have a thing for her brother. Moreover I am not comfortable in sharing these with her than with Krishna.

For that matter, not even Krishna shared me his number. After his marriage, I started to distance myself from him. I felt awkward to ask him to share his number. And I did not have the guts to ask Deva directly. What if he rejects me?

My parents are broad minded and they would not say no for Love marriage, provided the guy is a trustworthy and good person who would take care of me well.

But if Deva.. wait.. why do I call him in short as Deva? If Mahadevan himself is ready to see another girl and not me, it makes me think that he does not get the clue that I was throwing so far at him. He don't have any interest in me.

I let my feelings bury deep inside my heart. I don't want the relationship of Krishnan and Mahadevan to be tampered in any way because of my love. I don't want Anjana and Krishnan to fight anything regarding this and remained silent.

And I am going to distance myself completely from Krishnan as well. Let my love for Mahadevan be an unrequited love.

The next day Krishnan came to my house. He tried to pacify me but I lashed out at him. He apologized but I was not in a state to accept it.

"How come Krishna.. you remember me now? What made you come here?" I asked him sarcastically with anger evidence in my voice.

"Hey its just that.. I forgot.. not like I was purposefully avoiding you"

"I have heard that wives won't allow men to spend time with their friends after marriage. Then how come they would allow a girl bestie to talk.. its ok I understand"

"Hey.. don't talk about my Anja that way.. she has never said anything about us nor restricted me from talking with you"

"Sir I am happy that you are living a good life with Anjana.. and you have a good understanding.. but please do remember you are the same person, who did not believe her and tried to reject her for the same reason before marriage.. That time, I tried to convince you many times , before we met her in the mall. Do you remember?"

"sss. soba.. . what is your problem now Sandhya?"

"I don't have any problem with anyone... sorry for talking about your Anjana .. Hereafter I will not talk anything. I thought you understood me . Its mistake from my side to depend on you."

Its been a week totally since I saw Deva with another girl. Today, my parents made me get ready for the marriage meet with a new alliance my parents have selected for me.

Though my parents are ready to accept love marriage, I don't know what Deva thinks about me. When I know that he does not see me the way I look at him, I can't propose him.

If we both showed mutual interest, I can talk confidently with my parents. But now its of no use. My fate is not written with Deva it seems. I have to accept the fact that he is not for me.

Burying my feelings for him deep in my heart I got ready with a gloomy face.