Chapter 11

Khushi

I should have known he'll be like this. I should have known. He's always been like this. But still, Devi Maiya, I don't know why I expected something else from him. Something different. Something good. Why did I thought he would understand me or anything that's not effecting his family. I really am a stupid like everyone calls me. I don't know why I keep thinking Arnav ji would not do things like this but when he does either I am always surprised or disappointed and hurt.

I looked up at the stars with a soft sigh as I pulled my dupatta around me tightly while looking up at the stars blinking in the night sky. I had somehow mananged to walk away from Arnav ji after that conversation today, but I had honestly thought that maybe, maybe he would try to understand my point of view for once. But no. He made me remember again that he cares about no one but his family. And I know that I'm at fault. I should have never trusted Shyam ji just because he saved me. I should have be smart enough to expect this. After all this is how the world works. But I was too stupid for my and my family's own good. I ruined it all like I have always done. Like...

"O Sanka Devi, what are you doing out here at so late?" Bua ji's voice interrupted my line of thoughts and I turned my head to look at her over my shoulder. She stood at the top of three steps leading down at the backyard from the house, with her hands planted on her hips.

I smiled lightly. "I couldn't sleep."

Her expression shifted and her eyes softened before she dropped her hands on her sides than she walked down the stairs and took a seat beside me. I looked up at the stars in the night sky. Bua ji didn't spoke for quite a while before I heard her softly sigh and say, "Our home already feels empty without Payaliya." Pause. "Then it will grow more empty and silent once you also will get married. And we old people will be left on our own."

I looked at her. She had a sad smile on her face. So I tried to lighten her up. "Arre, Bua ji, I'm not going anywhere. I will stay here with you old people and I will continue tormenting you and make your life a living hell." I meant every word I said, because I don't really think I can actually live without them. "So, don't worry. I plan on growing old with you old people." I smiled broadly.

Bua ji huffed out a weak laugh with a soft shake of her head before saying, "You will have to get married someday, Sanka Devi. Life is too long alone for one, and to live it alone might sometimes feel like a punishment. But if you find someone, that someone can turn this punishment into a blessing by just existing next to you."

I pressed my lips briefly then I wrapped my arms around Bua ji's shoulders from her left and rested my cheek on her shoulder and I asked softly. "What happened to you? Why are you talking like this suddenly? Are you alone?" I smiled slightly as a thought popped on my head and I let go of her to look at her properly. "We could get you married, Bua ji. We'll find a Fufa ji for you." I grin excitedly at her. "It will be so fun. Amma, Babu ji, you, our new Fufa ji and I. We will all live together!"

Bua ji's eyes widened at my words before she outbursted, "Pagla gayi ho ka?! What are you saying?! What new Fufa ji?! You only have have one and he died. Understood?"

I pressed my lips together briefly and nodded before I tried again. "But you were saying that life is too long to stay alone so I thoug—"

"Arre, I was saying that for you, Sanka Devi! Not for me."

"Pur—" I tried to justify again. Because my intentions were pure. Maybe they came out a little wrong and weird but still.

She glared at me and pointed her index finger at me. "Chup! Don't say things like that again. Samjhi? Especially in front of your Amma and Babu ji."

I pressed my lips again and nodded again briefly before I opened my mouth after sometimes but Bua ji beat me to it again.

"What is going on between you and Arnav bitwa?" She asked changing the topic and looked at me while pinning me with one of her narrowed eye looks.

I look away, pulling my dupatta around me more tightly and shook my head as I said, "Nothing. What would happen between him and I? Nothing happened. Nothing at all." Which as true. Partially.

"Hm." Pause. "So you both don't have any kind of any feelings for each other?" She sounded skeptical. Does she knows something?

I shifted slightly, suddenly uncomfortable in my seat, as I shook my head.

More silence.

Hai, Devi Maiya, what is happening? Why is this happening? Why is suddenly Bua ji asking this? Did she suspected something? Did she heard something from someone? Does that mean more people have been suspicious of us? But there is nothing between us what could people possibly be suspicious of? Hai, Devi Maiya! What is happening? Why is—

"Stop talking to yourself in the head and lying to me." Bua ji scolded. "And only I know about this nothing that's been going on between you and Arnav bitwa. Anyone with eyes can see this nothing happening."

I didn't respond. Because if I did then I had to lie. Because there is something betwen Arnav ji and me which is beyond explanation. But that something feels wrong after tonight. After he took off my tainted glasses once again. But I didn't say any of that to Bua ji, because I would be lying then. And I don't want to lie to her, but either did I wanted to confess. Because confessing the feelings would mean admitting it and I didn't wanted that. Not after tonight.

So I quietly responded with, "Sometimes it's better to avoid the obvious. It's good for everyone."

Bua ji remained silent for sometimes before saying, "But what's good for everyone might not be good for you."

I forced my usual joyful smile and looked at her as I said, "Everything will be fine as long as we all are together."