CH: 90 Control your feelings

CH: 90 Control your feelings

(Jamison POV)

We headed towards the locker room when we entered the building, knowing the long day ahead. Rosemary, I learned, always took her time with autopsies. I learned from the other autopsies tech that there were other examiners they had worked with before they came to work for Rosemary, who would always rush autopsies. I couldn't imagine seeing an examiner rush with autopsies. I know some autopsies don't take as long as others, but rushing with the ones that should take longer isn't good.

"You ready?" Rosemary said, coming out with her scrubs on. I nodded my head as I finished tying my shoelaces.

"Yeah, I'm ready," I said to her as we exited the locker room and headed towards the morgue. Rosemary had given me a rundown of the cases we got today. I could tell she was concerned about how I would be during the autopsy, but I didn't want her to worry about me. We had a lot going on in general, especially with that prick running around. I wasn't going to add more to that plate. I've already done enough autopsies with Rosemary and the other techs. I will be able to handle today's case.

When we walked into the morgue, the techs there greeted us. They already had the bodies out and ready for the autopsies. My stare moved from one of the techs who was speaking to us to one of the bodies that lay on the autopsy table. My heart dropped, and my body went still. Right on the autopsy table was a girl, most likely around her early 20s, with a hole in her head. I could see pieces of the girl's brain in her hair.

"That's the suicide case," Rosemary said, taking my attention away.

"She's so young." I found myself saying softly.

"Mental health illness knows no age," Rosemary said, heading towards the shelves that had all the items we needed to have on for the autopsy.

I followed behind her and ensured we both got our gloves, hair cap, and gown on.

"Alright, let's start." She said, walking up to the girl's clipboard.

"Addison Spencer, age at death 23 years old, race is white, and no known health issues," Rosemary said, reading the clipboard.

"Are you ready?" Rosemary asked me with a soft expression.

"Yeah," I said, standing on the other side of the autopsy table.

"Okay, let's start with the external autopsy. Let's see if she has any tattoos, distinctive marks, or anything that catches our eyes." Rosemary said, lifting the girl's arm.

"She has tattoos on her arms, " she said to one of the techs standing next to us and writing on the clipboard.

"A flower on the right underarm, a butterfly on her shoulder, and some words that say." Rosemary paused, staring at the letters on the girl's arm. I moved closer to see what she was looking at as well. I stilled as I pushed the emotions away.

"The words say 'never give up, keep fighting.' She has another tattoo that reads 'keep breathing' close to her hand. That is all of the tattoos on this arm. It seems like she used to be a cutter as well; there are scars here on her arm that I am holding." Rosemary said. The tech behind her noted it on the chart.

"Jamison, what about your side?" Rosemary asked me. I moved closer to the other arm.

"She has scars here as well. She does have tattoos on this arm. One of them is, 'You can do this.' There is also another tattoo of what looks like a little girl who is sad and holding a mask with a smiling face." I said, not trying to let any of the emotions I was holding back be revealed. I told Rosemary I could handle this, so I needed to prove to her I could, but it would be a lie to say that this case wasn't sad. I've done a lot of autopsies already with Rosemary. Why was I having a hard time with this one? Why was this one getting to me so much?

We proceeded with the autopsy, identifying everything from scars to tattoos, to the bullet hole, to any distinctive marks to, finally, her birthmark.

When we finished the external autopsy, Rosemary asked if I was okay, and I nodded, letting her know that I was. There was no way I could even speak to tell her I was. This case shouldn't be getting to me this much, but it was. She couldn't go on anymore. The battle was too much for her, which made this whole thing worse.

"Okay," Rosemary said softly as she stared at me.

"Let's start the internal autopsy now." She said, handing me the equipment I needed. I took them and prepared myself to start the autopsy with her.

I ensured I turned off my emotions completely while doing the internal one. We measured all the organs that needed to be measured, cut her head, removed the remaining mush of her brain, measured the hole where the bullet entered, and finished up her autopsy.

When I was cleaning up after the girl's autopsy, Rosemary came next to me to analyze me.

I gave her a soft smile, letting her know I was okay.

"Jamison, the other two are worse than this one. I just wanted to give you a heads-up, " she said.

"Yeah, no problem. Thanks." I said to her. She nodded and walked away to the other autopsy table. The body was covered with a white sheet, and I saw that she was waiting for me.

"I'll finish up cleaning for you." One of the techs said, coming up to me.

"Are you sure?" I asked. He was one of the techs who had helped me before, Nick. He nodded his head, letting me know it was okay, and I headed toward where Rosemary was.

The smell of the body immediately hit me as I reached the autopsy table it was on.

"Are you ready?" She asked me

"Yes. Which one is this one?" I asked her, looking at the clipboard.

"The bullying teen violence case." She said.

"Okay. I'm ready." I said.

Rosemary hesitated before she removed the sheet from the body.

I froze.

"What?" I started to say.

"You said it was bullying?" I said.

"This is straight-up murder," I said, looking at the body of the male in front of me.

There were so many bruises, cuts, open wounds, scars, and more on him.

"Yes. You're right it is murder. This was a bullying case that led to murder; this is what his bullies did to him." Rosemary said through clinch teeth.

"Can you do it?" She asked me, making eye contact with me. I looked from her to the body of the boy in front of me.

"How old was he?" I asked her.

"He was 15 years old, he would have been 16 today." She said.

"Can you do this? Jamison?" Rosemary asked again.

"Yeah," I said.

"I can do this," I said to her. She took a pause but nodded.

"Okay, let's start with the external autopsy." She said, turning her attention to one of the techs, who grabbed the clipboard.

I stared at the body of the boy on the autopsy table. The injuries were horrendous; all the bruises and the mark on his neck seemed like he was choked to death. These are what his bullies have done to him. There were old bruises on him as well.

"Jamison?" Rosemary said, grabbing my attention again.

"Yes," I asked her.

"Please change your gloves; you forgot to." She said in a soft voice.

"Oh, you're right," I said, walking away. I went to the gloves box, threw my old gloves away, and put on new ones.

I took a deep breath, counted to 3, and released it before I turned around to head back to the autopsy table.

(*Kassandra Speaks*)

Autopsies are not easy. Many examiners and techs have tried not to show their emotions during their work or let them get to them. Some even use humor to help them with the autopsies or do their job while not overthinking the case. This is not a disrespect as much to the deceased but a way for them to distance their emotions from the case. Of course, some cases do get to them from time to time. This is not to be confused with techs or examiners who are crooks or disrespectful to the decease cases that they get.

The next chapter details the two remaining autopsies. Please vote and comment on this chapter, and consider following me on Wattpad if you haven't already.

As always, thanks for reading.

Xoxo

-Kassandra Vivu