Chapter Volume 1, 33.6 - The [Stalker (beginner)]'s confession

Volume 1, Chapter 33.6: The [Stalker (beginner)]’s confession

TL: flarewk

[Stalker (beginner)]’s confession:

When was the first time I’m being mindful of An Jun Cheng?

I of course remembered that point rather clearly, it’s during the first high school semester, at the seating arrangements.

Due to lot draws, I was seated at the sides of behind him.

Actually, I wasn’t mindful of him from the start, not even knowing about his name. I think that the others in the class were also probably like me as well.

Having a low presence, rather aloof, not wanting to be in contact with others, it’s just like wanting to oppose that evidential-forming opinion of ‘Humans are just a bunch of grouping animals’, always being alone by himself.

It made people unconsciously think, wouldn’t he feel lonely at all?

Thinking back right now, that’s probably the origin of me being mindful of him for the very first time.

But at that time, I was merely a little interested into him, but not till that point of wanting to always be attentive onto his every movement.

If I was to speak about that opportunity of when I was extremely mindful of him……….there probably weren’t any at all.

It’s just that, my seat was perfectly placed at the sides of behind him, so long as I tilt my head, I’ll be able to see him, and furthermore, I loved to look at the blue sky outside the windows too, so I would had often noticed onto him.

Initially, I was able to notice some very tiny details, like he would be able to write with both left and right hands; when refilling pencil leads he would always insert from the sharp edge of the lead; the squarish eraser after being used on and on it became circlish already; his notes would be copied rather neatly, just like it being printed out from a printer; will look at his phone during free periods in between lessons, usually looking at epubs or manga……….

From the start of last time, I’m that sort of person who’s very mindful of details, hence it wasn’t strange that I would have observed him to that extent when he was placed within my sight……….

Only that whenever I looked towards him everytime, there would always be some new discoveries, hence I gradually begun to look forward to glance over at him.

Just like looking for something interesting; it’s a rather normal thing to do, right?

Afterwards, everyone in class found their own cliques, and basically on those seats around them were essentially their acquaintances, but as our corner had him plus Jiang Xue Qing-tongxue, it caused the atmosphere to be a little awkward.

Xiao’ Ying wanted to let me swap seats to right in front to seat beside her, but I rejected it.

Why did I reject it? Even though by sitting together with friends, conversing together would be a more delightful thing too………..if I really had to declare it out, perhaps it’s because I’m already rather used to this seat, and I wouldn’t feel bored anymore when I looked at him from time to time.

He really was a rather strange fellow indeed.

Always very attentive to whatever he does, not a shred of negligence being just like a robot’s, having his own fixed pattern and habits.

Seeing him, I would be able to feel a ferociously strong presence of myself.

He didn’t have that kind of confusion a person of his age would have onto their future, only a steady; step-by-step; plan according to his laying out; gradually walking towards a future that belongs to only him.

Seeing him, I would unconsciously feel that humans should be living just like that.

Afterwards, I slowly began to be mindful of him.

Knowing that his name was called An Jun Cheng, and that his grandpa gave him that name………..

Knowing that his father was a surgeon, his mother a okuribito, which was why his personality would be so aloof……….

Knowing that he had two meimeis, his meimeis was equally as old as him, but didn’t have any contact with him at all in school……….

Knowing many things regarding about him……….

But at that time, he’s just only like an observing specimen from my point of view. It’s just like observing a plant or some kind of small animal, merely being interested in his way of life and his pattern of movements.

This sort of mentality had its changes once again when it was the first time that our prior exam had concluded, during the grade distribution.

I who was being called out went forward to collect my results.

Xiao Zhen-laoshi handed the academic transcripts and exam sheets to my hands. I received it and glanced, the results on the transcript were just barely over the average grading borderline, my ranking was perfectly the 200th rank.

Uuu………..I’m too overly mindful of An Jun Cheng, resulting in not paying enough attention in class.

“Lan Hua-tongxue, your results have declined already~, if this goes on it’ll be very possible for you to drop out of the second grouping then! Recently, you looked to be rather unfocused, was it due to some worrying thoughts?”

Being asked like that by Xiao Zhen-laoshi, I immediately became a little panicky.

“Eyy? It’s nothing reallyy……….”

“Is it? In any case, if you have any troubles feel free to just discuss with me over it~.”

“Sure………..”

It’s impossible to discuss with the teacher for this sort of things too, ahaha………..

“Jun Cheng-tongxue~”

“Mm.”

An Jun Cheng aloofly responded, stood up from his seat and walked towards the pedestal. Seeing him walking here step by step, I had no idea why, but I’m unable to move my body already!

Just like that, after brushing shoulders against me, I finally regained my movements. Within my heart I kept thinking, my expression wasn’t very strange, right? He didn’t realize that I was always noticing onto him, right?

“It’s not bad~, your improvements are very huge, this time you’re the 201th placing! If you just work a little harder, you’ll be able to enter the second grouping~!”

Xiao Zhen-laoshi stood on the pedestal as she patted An Jun Cheng’s shoulders, with her expression looking to be rather delighted.

“Wah, isn’t that guy too unlucky already? He actually was perfectly at the 201th placing, he must be hating the person in front of him to death.”

Coincidentally heard the interruption of a brownish dyed hair, frivolous looking Meng Fa.

(TL: Meng Fa is a person’s name)

Is that so……….?

I unresistingly turned around to look at him. His back was facing towards me, hence I didn’t know what kind of expression he had.

Would he feel rather aversed? Would he change into hating me? Would there be a change in his unchanging expression?

Whenever I thought that he perhaps would have changes due of me, I would have a sort of being filled-up feeling………..was that a feeling of achievement?

I dumbly sat back onto my seat, with that feeling not dissipating yet, while my heart inexplicably throbbed. Perhaps there’s somewhere within me that had became strange already.

“Yeahyeah………..”

“Don’t just show out an expression of disinterest every time okayy, actually if Jun Cheng-tongxue was to work a little harder, breaking until the first grouping won’t be beneath you too!”

“Xiao Zhen-laoshi’s too overestimating on me already~, when did I become that impressive.”

“Heeh~ Really~”

“Of course it’s real, I’ve already done my very best. Also, the night self-revisions seemed to be rather interesting too.”

Very interested in him. Very interested in him. Very interested in him.

I’m extremely very interested into him already!

I became very, very interested into this sort of person like An Jun Cheng.

I didn’t know why I was so interested into him, even though he’s such an obscure person, being a completely opposite existence of a popular bishoujo like me.

Although being incomparable to that peerless elegantly talented Ji Lian Bing, but I’m still rather confident about my looks. I’m a Lv5 bishoujo that would make men turn around their heads in unison whenever I walked onto the streets~!

But he probably wouldn’t even know what my name is too………..

I gradually became a little interested onto knowing his opinion about me.

Who knows, he actually was rather interested in me?

——Concealing these feelings all the way till now, I’m unable to endure it any longer, I wanted to just tell you this. Actually, towards Lan Hua-tongxue, I……….. (a girl’s heart overthinking mode)

Kyaaa~

Cough cough……….no, what am I thinking exactly……….being grown up till now, I had never yet felt that kind of emotions before……….was his feelings the same as me right now?

Spent a huge portion of a day always looking onto him……….used even more time than before onto observing him.

And when I realized that only I alone was looking at him, another type of emotion filled me up. That, probably would be possessive urges.

Only I was looking at him, only I was gazing upon him, only I was mindful of him, only I……….knew his true value!

Others definitely wouldn’t know about him, others definitely wouldn’t understand about him that well. It’s just like a secret that exists only between me and An Jun Cheng………..I was drunk within this one-sidedly possessive urges till the point of being inextricable already.

However, on last Thursday, I who originally thought that the calm which would continue on forever, had received an impact.

After I chatted a while with Lian Bing-tongxue, he walked into the classroom.

He was almost late that day. If it’s the usual, he would be entering the classroom between 6.54 to 6.56 am, but today he stepped into the classroom just as the bell rang.

I’ve always been looking at him since the previous half of night self-revisions, and so I deduced that something must have happened after the night self-revisions ended.

I who had already been extremely familiarized with him noticed out his changes at a glance.

I had a distinct feeling…………that it’s slightly different already.

The feeling he gave to people was slightly different already.

Was it because he had grown taller? Or was it because he had turned more mature? Or was it because he had obtained experience?

I just felt that he became even more charming already.

My heartbeat suddenly increased.

Eyy? What’s this? What happened?

If this goes on then he’ll definitely notice it……….but I’m unable to move away my vision anymore, only wanting to always stare at him.

It can’t be, it can’t be that he wanted to confess to someone? Ever since he entered the classroom, judging from that frantic expression he had, I had a feeling that he’s hesitant about something.

Who knows, he wanted to confess to someone, right? Who knows, it might be me?

——Actually……….Lan Hua-tongxue, I’ve never ever told you before, but I……….like you! (a girl’s heart overthinking mode)

In the end………..the confession happened, except that Jun Cheng didn’t confess to other people, he was being confessed to instead………..

Why, why did Lian Bing-tongxue………… (a girl’s heart been shattered)

In the end, it’s not only me alone gazing onto him already?

There’s other people who were also interested in him, and furthermore it’s Lian Bing too……….

I hate it, my feelings really hated it!

There’s a sort of feeling, that the sanctuary within my heart became tainted, it’s really painful………..it’s really painful!

Why, did it become like that……….

It’s me, it’s me who was first, even though it was me who was first to do it……….no matter if it’s being mindful of him, gazing onto him, or even liking him as well!

Eyy? Like?

Like……….it’s like that, huh………..I like him.

Finally realizing the source of this emotions, my original interest into him had already evolved into feelings of love, which affected my mindset.

I like him!

I didn’t think that it would take such a long time just to realize about this matter. If I was able to discover it sooner, and confess to him a little earlier, then Lian Bing wouldn’t be able to take the first initiative already, right?

But……….now, it’s no use regretting already.

Today, An Jun Cheng will be returning back to school.

I heard that he had fallen from the stairs and thus was hospitalized due to his injury; it’s a perfect timing for me to readjust my mood.

That’s right, I’ve already finished the preparations for confession……….I want to let him know about my feelings!

“Xiao’ Lan~Lan~”

“Lan Lan~ Lu~”

“What are you blindly shouting about! You watched those pervertic animes again yesterday, right!”

(TL: probably an anime song + pun referenced to her name)

“Uuu………..don’t just hit me without warning, you violeeent criminaaal………….”

“What, did, you say~~~”

From a far distance walked over a girl wearing headphones and a boy with a very old-fashioned thick pair of glasses, with the girl using both her arms to clutch the boy’s neck under her armpits. Those people that were so energetic about in the morning were my good childhood friends, Gao Ying Nai and Luo Ying Liang.

“Ai ya? Changed hair style today huh, must have spent quite a while onto it, right? It’s rather cute, heh heh, so your mindset have been fixed, hmm?

“Mm? You’re right, it’s actually a single ponytail today. It gave off some sort of refreshing vitality feel to it too, that coupled up with your originally outgoing personality, the resulting cuteness level have roughly doubled.”

“Wahh………..your review is so detailed, so gross………..”

“Are you not happy with me somehow?

Those two started to bicker again, but I was thinking about other matters.

Carefully dolling myself up like this, would that person also start to develop some interest onto me as well?

Afterwards, I also want to confess to him too.

Passing through the bustling corridor, I tried my best to slow down my pace; the time was 6.55 am, it’s nearly time for him to arrive.

Huuu……….Don’t panic, Lan Hua.

Remain calm.

While I was deeply inhaling, Xiao’ Ying patted my shoulders, as she evilly chuckled whilst saying.

“Lan Hua, he arrived already, hmm~?”

My heartbeat violently contracted momentarily, I was nervous to the point where my inner self was almost about to implode already!

I shut my eyes, and after soothing that rampantly jumping heartbeat of mine, I resolutely turned around!

“………………………………❤”

Spectacles………..spectacles look………….

So cutee! It’s sooo cutee!

Uwa, uwaaa………..oh shit, I really want to take a picture!

I really want to take a picture and set it as my phone’s background!!

Huuuuu………..calm down, heart! Calm down, Lan Hua! Now’s not the time to be delighted, wait till after your confession had been accepted, then it’ll be the time for celebrating!!

“Umm………..Jun………..”

I wasn’t able to call out his name, he didn’t even glance towards me at all.

He directly walked past over my side, and greeted the person behind me.

“Yosh, Ying Liang. You’re rather early too.”

“Err…………”

“What’s the matter? What’s with the look of wanting to take a crap.”

“Nothing……….um, those resources in my cloud drive, I’m counting on you to help delete them already………..”

“What’s with those sudden words that’s like leaving a will behind?!”

Aahh……….that’s true………..

“……….”

I, towards him, was merely just an unacquainted stranger merely; wouldn’t even be greeting each other when we brushed our shoulders.

Even Xiao’ Liang’s position was higher than mine, as I’m not even a friend to him.

It’s always me who was mindful of him, not him being mindful of me.

The single directional pointing arrow (one-sided romance) wouldn’t have any outcome, as we didn’t had anything happening between us at all.

Why………..was it because I didn’t understand him enough?

I’m still not yet close to him?

I liked him, but what if he doesn’t like me at all? Should I give up then? Just watch helplessly as the person that I liked fly towards other places, landing into another woman’s embrace? While I stand alone at a side saying ‘As long as the person that I liked obtained happiness, it’s fine’, while in the middle of the night weeping voraciously?

It’s laughable! It’s so laughably likable; laughably relinquishable; laughably heart-achable!

Those likes, those liking feelings weren’t enough, they weren’t deep enough!

I like you, I like you, I like you, I like you, I like you, I like you! I like your hair, your eyes, your every single actions………..as long as I see you, I’ll feel that I’m seemingly still alive and well. I really like you, really really like you~! In the whole wide world, the person that I liked the most was you!

But these weren’t enough yet, what I needed was even more deeper thoughts!

That’s right, I must love him………..

Taking out even more deeper emotions, casting within even more endearments.

I’m already not satisfied with just ‘looking’ alone, I want to understand him even more, I want to know even more stuff about him.

I want to walk into his daily life, becoming a part of him, being closer and feeling every single moment of him!

………..

Title renewal:

[Stalker (beginner)] → [Stalker (intermediary)]