Twenty-five

I hug my jacket closer to my body and walk towards her. It's only early September, but it feels like fall is already there and it's chilly outside.

Four days ago, it wasn't that chilly. But four days ago, everything was different. Somehow, it feels like everything has changed, but I have no idea what did and what else stayed the same.

I sit on the bench. Hanna turns her head towards me, her eyes widening. She relaxes when she notices it's me.

She looks better than yesterday. Her hair looks fresh and curlier, and she applied a bit of mascara. There's still a bruise that I can see on her cheek. There's a tiredness present, and a bit of confusion in her features.

"Hey," I say after a few seconds of hesitation, turning towards her.

Hanna looks at me for a moment before she opens her mouth. "So you're an agent," she states calmly, eyeing me.

I stay quiet, not knowing what to reply. I just nod to the obvious.

Hanna smiles a little. "I knew you were different. I just didn't know what really differentiated you from the others. I mean, you were clearly stronger and not afraid at all of the situation."

"That's not totally true," I finally say, shaking my head. Hanna furrows her eyebrows. I continue. "I wasn't not afraid. And I do have fears. I just... keep that to myself."

"Well, If I've noticed something, is how afraid you are to open up to someone." She pauses, looking back in front of her. "But maybe I'm wrong."

No need to lie here. "That's kind of true. Consider yourself lucky. As an agent, I think I opened up to you more than I probably should have."

"Why?" she demands, genuinely curious.

I thought about that before and the truth is that I don't know myself. I could have talked to anybody in that room, but Hanna was there and somehow, I felt she was different.

"I don't know," I reply, shaking my head. "I'm sorry you were kept in there, and I'm sorry for all of these women, too. I hope they'll be okay."

"Because of you, they will."

I let out a dry laugh, looking ahead of me. Kids play in the park. They look so happy, have no care in the world, and they certainly don't know how this world is a fucked up place and is crueler than what it seems. "I didn't do anything."

"You saved them from another day in hell," Hanna says, her voice louder than earlier. I glance at her to see her green eyes filled with sincerity and determination.

Not wanting to talk about that, I shake my head and change the subject. "What are you going to do now?"

Hanna tenses and crosses her arms. She sighs and smiles a little. "I'll try to go back to my normal life. I guess."

"And what do you do?"

"I try to be a writer? Kind of." She laughs, shaking her head. "I think my future is kind of messy."

So is mine. That is if I even have a future. I don't like thinking about it, because with the life I have, who knows how many tomorrows I have left?

"You have a boyfriend?" I continue, and then realize how none of this is my business. She could ask about my own life, but she doesn't. Since she knows about what I do, she doesn't even question me with anything else. I kind of appreciate it.

Hanna looks down at her hands, and I see a sad expression crossing her face before it's gone. "No. There's nobody."

We stay silent for another moment. I can't help but glance at her again, and that weird thought I once had suddenly comes back again.

"You know, that might be crazy, but I think that if you want to... you could stay here." I pause, and she looks at me with surprise and confusion. "You could enter my crazy world, but I understand if you'd prefer not to. It's better to live a normal life, I guess."

Definitely better. I have no idea what I'm thinking, but this girl gives me good vibes. The kind of vibes for an agent. She survived this place where The Circle kept us, and I didn't ask how long she was kept in there, but I know she stayed there for a long time.

Hanna shakes her head, smiling with an amused expression. "Me? An agent? That's funny."

She pauses, her eyes narrowing on me. "I thought you didn't want anything to do with friendship."

I scoff, crossing my arms. "I don't. I do things better alone. Caring about someone... it's dangerous."

She nods slowly, but she doesn't take her eyes off of me. She's thinking about what she wants to say next. That's a great quality. Hanna seems like a smart woman and probably could do great things for the North Agency.

Finally, she turns her body toward me and talks. "I don't know you that well already, but I have a feeling that's not true. You might try to push people away, to convince yourself that you don't love anyone or care about anybody, but that's not gonna stop them to love you."

I open my mouth to object, but she cuts me off. "And if you really didn't care about anyone, you wouldn't have helped me. I'm alive—we all are—because of you. So thank you."

I swallow the lump in my throat and wonder what the hell to say. I don't want to accept that. I don't want her to thank me, or to make me feel like I'm worthy of love and kindness and happiness. Because I don't think I am.

I stand up and turn towards her. She looks up at me as I take out the small device from my pocket.

"I have to go, now. Got a lot of things to take care of. If you ever need anything—or think about what I proposed to you—use this." I hand her the device. "It's like a phone. The Agency will know it's you."

Hanna stares at the phone in her hand before she looks up at me. After a few seconds of hesitation, she nods.

She lets out a breath. "What am I really supposed to do, Sophia?"

Maybe she's asking what is she supposed to do with her life, or with the proposition I gave her, or anything else going on. Either way, I give her the same answer I gave her a few days ago.

"Survive," I declare, before walking away.

*

I knew it wouldn't take long before he finds me.

I sigh, walking past Brandon to go into my dorm room. He follows me inside.

"I have a lot to do, Brandon. We have a lot to do," I say, taking off my jacket before turning to face him.

He closes the door behind him and leans against it, crossing his arms. Muscular arms.

Jesus. What the hell am I thinking, right now? Okay, he has arms. Get over it, Sophia.

"We should talk. You barely said anything about what actually happened since you're back," he says, staring at me while biting his lip.

"There's nothing to say. I'm the damn Bird. We shouldn't have left that quickly. We should have found the one who's the Master. I was actually so close to see him and talk to him. To know what he wants from me."

When there's no reaction from Brandon, I keep going. "Did you see him, though? We need to find out who—"

"Sophia," he finally cuts me off and I lean against my couch, glaring at him.

"What?"

He starts to walk towards me. "I saw a few men back there. The Master could have been any of them, but I didn't notice. I was too busy thinking about getting you out of there."

I narrow my eyes. "Well, you shouldn't have thought that. I was fine."

Brandon blinks, stopping a few feet in front of me. "What's going on with you?"

I let out a breath. "Nothing, Brandon. Like I said, we have to do something—"

"Hey." His expression softens, and he takes another step towards me. I don't like that. "I know all of this is stressing you out, and what happened probably affected you a lot. You can talk to me. Tell me how you feel, besides the fact that you want to catch that bastard."

I blink. "I don't feel anything."

He tilts his head, staring at me intensely. "That's a lie you love to tell, don't you?"

I give him a cold look. "That's not a damn lie."

Brandon takes the last step before he's right there, close enough to touch me. And what's shocking is that he does. Touch me.

His fingers brush my bare arm, and I jolt in surprise. There's a shiver running down my spine as he keeps running his fingers up and down my arm until they wrap around my hand.

"You didn't feel anything?" he murmurs, raising his blue eyes to meet mine that are narrowed in annoyance.

I breathe slowly. "No. Where is Nova?"

He releases my hand and looks me in the eyes. "I broke up with her."

My eyes widen in shock. I didn't expect that answer. At all.

I stare at him to see if he's joking, but he's clearly not. His face is serious, and he seems to wait for my reaction like it matters.

It shouldn't matter.

I straighten up and walk past him. Then I turn around. "I'm... sorry. Um, I mean—why?"

He turns around and joins me. I need distance, but it doesn't seem like he understands that. Or cares.

"She wasn't what I wanted." He pauses, stopping to walk when he's standing in front of me again. This time, his eyes darkened, and his voice is deeper than usual, more serious.

Then he says something that could probably change everything if I wanted to.

"Ask me what I want, Sophia," he says, tilting his head down to look at me, hovering me since he's taller, and his breath fans my face when he gets closer.

Holy shit, no.

Shaking my head slowly, I force myself to articulate the next few words. "Not sure I wanna know that. What is the real reason why you guys broke up?"

He sighs, and I feel it. That indicates how close we are.

"We got into a few fights. She didn't appreciate all our efforts to find you." His jaw tightens. "Whatever. I think I realized a long time ago she wasn't the one, but..."

His eyes meet mine. I quickly talk. "Did she leave the North Agency, or...?"

I would be lying if I said it wouldn't make me happy. I don't think she helped that much for anything since she joined. And we all know the reason she was here in the first place is because of Brandon.

Brandon shrugs. "She was angry and left. I don't think she officially left the Agency, but I don't know exactly where she went."

I raise an eyebrow. "And it doesn't bother you?"

"She wasn't what preoccupied me the most, Sophia," he declares lowly, tucking a strand of hair behind my ear. "You were."

I let out a helpless breath and close my eyes for a moment. No need to wait any longer. I cut straight to the point.

"You know we can't be together, Brandon," I say, opening my eyes again. He's already looking at me. "We won't. I don't feel anything and... I don't do relationship of any sorts anymore."

Brandon scoffs and shakes his head. "That's bullshit and you know it. There's still something between us, but you don't want to admit it to yourself."

I glare at him. "No. There's nothing—"

My breath catches in my throat when he suddenly comes even closer and wraps an arm around my waist, bringing me to his chest. My fucking heart skips a beat and then it's my heartbeat that accelerates, and I curse the world because Brandon surely feels it.

That triumphant smile on his lips answers me. Then it's gone, and he leans towards my ear.

"Stop fucking lying," he says in a raspy voice, his other arm coming around me.

I shake my head furiously, pushing him away. I take a huge step backward and glare at him.

"This is wrong. Love is dangerous. What happened four years ago should have never happened, and it happened because we weren't focused enough. It happened because we were together. We were too young and in love and—"

"Fine! What happened four years ago was a mistake!" he shouts, throwing his hands in the air. "But what we had wasn't a mistake, Sophia. It wasn't. "

I feel breathless and I don't know why. We both are, with the way Brandon's chest rises and falls rapidly, his eyes fixed on mine.

I don't know what to say anymore. I can't deal with this. And then it suddenly feels like I'm suffocating, and there's no air left for me to inhale.

My eyes close and I shake my head. I know he's walking towards me again, and this time when he stops, his hands find mine. Gently, slowly, he raises them and places his palms against mine. I open my eyes. It reminds me of the past when we would compare how bigger his hands are. Cheesy things young couples do. But we did it anyway because it felt normal, and with our lives that aren't that normal, it felt great.

Brandon rests his forehead against mine and whispers, "We weren't a mistake."

I know he means every single word. But I can't do that... I can't...

I shake my head and Brandon leans back a little. His hands still hold mine.

"So damn stubborn." He lets out a sigh before his forehead meets mine again. "I'll tell you something. It's a secret. Alright?"

I stay quiet.

"All I want to do is to push you against the damn wall and kiss you all the time, because Sophia..." He pauses, meeting my eyes with such an intense gaze I feel myself shivering. "You're all I can think about."

*

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