19 Saudade

My leg is all healed now. And so is my head. Thanks for waiting on me. Hope you have have been doing fine. The chapter is unedited but hey, at least its up. :)

Don't forget to vote and tell me what you think of it :)))

My slumber was rudely interrupted by the rapid knocks on the door. Two helpers in peasant dress caused the ruckus. Both their chins dipped in respect as they curtsied to me. I spot the taller one blushing out of honor at my morning glory. I poke my head and then walk out to an empty foyer- not a single soul in sight other than us three. Shoving my hand inside I retrieved my broken pocket watch to shockingly realize how late I was.

I had slept through the bells, the horrendous noises and hoots the boys make as they pass my room, the morning and into the noon- I had dozed off through it all and made it to the supper. How pleasant was it to be unhinged from it all? But then I smell something pleasant- I smelled of something convivial and thus rushed in the happenings from the night before for me to foremost realize that I had slept in my damp clothes and hair, and the fragrance was from the scented bath water I had slipped and fell into.

More and more nightmares from my reality threatened to pour in, but I looked at the girls in question. I see their badge of Snow gleam, pinned down their shoulder- there are from Moranas service, I read that much.

"Our lord has ordered us to carry you and your belongings into white cliff palace in immediace young sir," one said while the other intertwined "May we?"

My suspicion is a silent choke as words barely spill out from me.

White Cliff- Moranas den.

I am contemplating the odds as the girls stroll in like crawlies and begin to coddle with my side of things. I pick up the silver cage in which cerin sat idle and hug it by my chest, she never whistles except when she senses danger like that in the orphic, they can detect natural calamities and evil use of power in person. I have read about them within the vast collections of the Falls library- impressed by each trait I had taken care of this little bird after Slate had returned her to me.

"Is this yours sir?" the shorter girl asks holding out a wooden comb with flowers carved in its handle. The only feminine item I own to brush my long tress.

"Yes," I say as she puts it inside my knapsack with a smile. I bet they both would share some snickers after I am gone or make up a story about my imaginary lover - spreading the story like wildfire across. I conceal my urge to know more, but I don't. I remember his last parting words clearly-

'Use this for your blisterings hands and don't be late for tomorrow's class'

I hadn't done both.

And now, I am permanently being escorted to his territory.

With all due, I learned something new about highbornes. They are- impeccably impatient. Like a child.

No.

Like a hungry animal.

Once they had my bags stocked they wait for me to move. I don't. For a moment I think I am going to fight against the unnecessary orders tested upon my patience. But has ever it changed them? No. It never would. so I walk with them like a string is attached to me- pulled, tugged, and dandled by its owner when they see the use of me. It's the same building where valutare sits, where I had met Arran the other night.

The girls take a different route, much light and grander than anything I had seen. The chandeliers sparkle like dots of diamonds and the statues of their forefathers are so white that I worry they would catch dust if stared too long. I could not wonder anything more prominent than this place to be the heart of white cliffs manor. After a mazd of turns and stairs, the girls open a copper door to an enormous bedroom. my jaw slacked as the girls caused me to move in.

"We did our best to prepare this chamber in your greeting as Our Lord had asked, if a preference that is missing please do command us to cater you" they lowered their head and joined their finger by their stomach while I remained in the process of putting my jaw into place. I want to make them go, but I don't know how to be polite about it. My mind needs to unravel this mysterious hospitality from my mentor despite knowing my truth.

I am terrified of what he would ask of me in return.

"Sila, kenci... you both can leave" as if the voice in my head jumped to life, I hear him behind me. When I turn, he stood much closer than I had anticipated him to be.

"yes my lord," they say in unison- their soft footsteps travel through. I step back when shifted across, going back to the door he bolts it shut. The cerin lurches in the cage - I place it on the bed, searching my bags for her food under the keen eyes of Erix that causes my palms to sweat.

"She is not hungry," he says right when I open the little door to her house and pour some wheat in. As he said, she barely pecked at it. "She is incensed because of me" the grains slither between my fingers, scattering on the coop's floor. I had to resist the impulse for staring at him. he was a very handsome man and I, a girl couldn't for her life lie on it.

"I was comfortable in my appointed quarters, I don't need this"

"But were you safe?"

I did not have an answer to that. I thread my words like how I touch the tip of my knife- with caution. the morana makes little noise but his existence is loud as a thunderclap. the officials fear him and his decisions- though young, is entitled to make rulings right under the name of the sarkim. He is next to a king. He is supreme.

He is a murderer.

So is the Ezdan.

So is every soldier under the armor protecting their kingdom.

But which assassin do I confide in? what decision do I make before I myself become one?

"Since when is a highborn allowed to be concerned for a curse's safety?" remarkably it's out before I could hold my mock in. A sudden sweep of wind from the open window causes his hair to frail, but I must not forget that beneath his mask of beauty lies dirty secrets that I might not know. But Cerin has lost her energy fighting against the dark tides of Erix and now merely watched him helplessly.

What have you done Erix?

I want to shout.

What else have you done other than what I saw that night?

I would yell.

"what do you want from me?"

I ask.

silence.

"I want you to run away from here"

There's not a moment in between us doesn't burn of curiosity. A flash of something catches my eye, an emotion. A melancholic sadness- a despair that would be similar to mine if I let be. The room is abruptly grey, I look outside the window to see a storm threatening to break. It's torture to remain quiet about what he suggested. It's a desperation to not pry at his reason.

It's an astonishing sight to be held, I see this throat swallow and wash terms he intends to say. Like he is fishing for the right flow to continue. I help him.

"why should I believe you?"

His face tilts like he is contemplating something wisely.

"I do not recollect asking for your trust," he says "Escape before you are made to bleed" he stops speakings for a moment and got on his feet. his eyes were brighter than usual, a spark lits up when the sour curdle of my face smoothened. "Consider me a philanthropist, what I recommend - a charity"

It bites me in all the wrong places, he sees it. The narrow edge in me that's ready to flee the moment I could. He sees that I had unconsciously has inclined to rely on the cursed prince. He has kept me alive so far, it's the least I could do for Ezdan. But Erix is chaos when he stood in front of me, his body stiff as if made of iron. His eyes, were a crashing wave.

"What did he tell you about me?" he is reckless with his whispering dejection. He is exposed to how much he cares what I think of him. Perhaps I was unfair to him. But I wasn't told, I had seen it. I had felt it. The cerin and her mayhem is its testimony.

Erix Morana is a person to steer clear of. To not trust but obey.

"I need you to make me believe you" I don't take his name or honor, now revealed as Helian he knows we aren't bound by conventions. he is free to execute me and I to defy him. He is not my lord, but he is someone who shares a belief.

A belief of mine as he nods, No smiles no witty remarks like him on his normal day- he grabs my hand and undoes the lock to the door. Outside are guards stationed across, with vulture eyes and belted weapons.

A prison out of prison. A cycle upon cycle. A labyrinth.

For the bystanders, I was a pitiful subject to witness in the noon, dragged by a disappointed mentor into where I believe I am taken to. inside me is ticking time leading to what could be questions that steer to nowhere. Could I have angered him enough to kill me with nothing?

Or could it be worse than death? The thing he is about to do to me.

we enter a large room. Empty of resources but a grandiose chandelier hung lonely above. The silk curtains hiding the colossal windows flutter and so does my heart as I await for Erix to extract some form of deadly favor from me.

Like how Ezdan did.

Like how everyone in my life has always done.

"Do you know how to dance?"

he asks, I am stunned.

"No" my choked response raised a small laugh from him, he puts forward his hand after a quick wink.

"if you allow me to teach you how to dance for the upcoming ball- I will give you one thing you ask of me, without a question in sight" His hands encloses around my little waist before a protest could leave me. They compass me closer to him, his smile is a flirtatious recall that how I could be swooned into thinking otherwise. Thinking of them as humane.

But no, I cannot fathom such doubts. I seem to understand them well till yesterday. So what has changed today?

"Look into my eyes snowflake. The court will be watching you keenly tomorrow and I cannot have my student fail his first test" he begins to move, taking me along in small soft steps. I look into his eyes after stealing a breath. They are infinitely breathtaking to belonging to someone- someone as...someone...

his brows pinch, and deliberation takes in his form at my evident silence and fear, his fingers comb with mine and he spins me into a surprising twirl. Embracing me from behind. He is warm today.

"What has Julian told you about me?"

There is not a flake of his easy persona in his voice, but rather an angry whisper of dismay. I keep quiet because I don't need to be told as I have seen him. heard the crisp crack of ice in a girl's body that he had...

"Sometimes what you have seen could be deceiving to snowflake" he twirls me again, this wise facing me he dunks, grabbing my waist he hoists me in the air for a few good moment almost as if I weight of feathers. I gasp when my feet touch the floor. A simultaneous effect as the room turns cold, freezing air lathers my skin, and fog forms in my breath.

he closes his eyes momentarily, his breathing heavier-

"wh- what is happening?" I ask.

he answers after a click on his tongue and a tilt of his head, his eyes still closed.

"I lose control when I am excessively distracted" when he looks at me again his pupils had darkened and his hair has paled shades lighter. I did not know that a person's energy could morph their physical attributes, but since I had seen it - it could be true.

"I believe what I see"

"You believe what is shown"

The tone of his startles me. The depth in his eyes lulls me in.

"Why does Julian never is seen without his sheath snowflake?" his bare fingers cup the back of my neck, and my skin heats at the contact- he angles my face so that I had nowhere to look at but him. "I won't hesitate to let you have a glimpse of my future, but can Julian do the same?"

I am left on my own to resist peeking into his prophecies. but the flashes are hot- clouding my vision as I am drenched in his not a future but a past. Young Erix, no more than eighteen of age standing at the edge of a roof. His clothing comprises of a simple white shirt thats splattered with blood. I am a ghost in his time as my steps are quieter than a waft. he looks down at his hands and I am certain I hear a sob break through his throat. I go over the sill as his tear-strained gaze looks at the city of Esseth with what I think is malice- it soon goes dead.

As if he wants to be dead.

There's a pull of swap by my neck and the night sky changes to ceiling and soon I am tugged out of trance. I look at him, his features have aged, and they aren't the same that had cried in past. They were innocent and confused. This- this is arrogant and strong.

Who he is might be a puzzle to solve, but he is not my puzzle so I move away from him. Perhaps he is the broken pieces pretending to be polished armor like me. Or he is terrifyingly an unsheathed sword ready to strike.

He is everything other than the boy I saw.

"if staying afraid is your scheme. it shouldn't be me you must use it on" he says gently, and suddenly what I know of Ezdan seems to be nothing of a start.

you see what you are shown

"Ask me anything and see if I deny" he offers, I hustle my mind for abundant needs, and there's only one that I could ask.

"I want to see the Prison Of Dern"

The consequence of my demand has us both surprised. The Dern cell- the prison where the most notorious are held. Where once Arran was kept. where now lay the tie between him and me. But I cannot let my powers to redeem history be known, so I cook up a tale for Erix.

"I have to see if any of you two lands me in prison. It's where I will be taken if my secrets are to be revealed. since you say I believe what is shown, I now wish to see what I want"

his smile falters, but as he promised he doesn't deny it.

"Reach the gates by nine. I will have you someone escort to the -

"I long to see the cell where Arran was kept, I hear it's the most guarded enclosure in Derns, a Tourists entertainer I think. but I wish to walk inside the chasm. I- I want to be allowed in" i shove my trembling hands in the pocket of my trousers, it doesn't go unnoticed by him. But firm to the ground I stand. "Nothing less would I take than this"

"It will be arranged"

"I yet not trust you"

"You will soon"

"You infuriate me"

"Have been told"

he nods his head once, ruffling my hair he turns and starts to walk-

"Practice the steps I taught you from the perspective of mine" he looks at me through his shoulder and smirks

"A charming boy is what they will see, Not the exquisite girl as I do"

You votes and thoughts means so much. So keep them coming. I might just update early ;)