This Is My Duty

Entry Eight

ASHLYN NEWMAN

This Is My Duty

The book fell shut in my lap. I blinked at it. A sigh left my mouth. I squeezed my fists together and kicked. Wow. The bliss of finishing a good book was insane. If only I had someone to scream about it too. She- She’s busy. I rolled onto my stomach. The emptiness of a book hangover started to creep in. It only took me a day to read. I yanked out my phone, hoping for a sequel. What’s going to happen to Alex and Shauna? Ugh! What the fuck?! I swiped away the notifications attempting to slow down my journey to happiness. I couldn’t think about anything responsible.

Rain drizzled outside my bedroom window. I left it wide open, letting the cold air push out the heat. The quiet hum of the fan above kept me company. I preferred laying in bed to wasting my money and time at the casino. The smoke wasn’t great either. My grandmother would rather do exactly that. I wasn’t planning on going into any more debt either. A bachelor’s degree wasn’t cheap, despite what she thought. I typed my card number and punched my mom’s address. My grandma had started to get suspicious about all the strange packages on her porch. I rested on my arms and swiped through countless TikToks waiting for the confirmation email I recognized all too well. I swiped past one about a gawky looking teen mimicking Skyrim(?) characters. I jolted up. A scream curdled my blood. Oh, hell to the no. I gripped my iPhone. I slowly brought my face to the window.

My grandma’s house had been built in the middle of nowhere on the curve of the bay. Cold water crashed onto the rocky shore. There were street lamps for miles, just occasional headlights. The only neighbors I had were out of town picking up their son from college. To the left was just an empty Airbnb. I gripped the bottom of my window. I held my breath as I turned the flashlight on. Light illuminated my porch. Anything past the freshly stained white railing was swallowed up by the darkness.

Soon, I wouldn’t have to worry about living in the boondocks of fucking L’Anse. Being in Michigan was bad enough and then adding the fact I was in a drug town. Twenty two fucking years was long enough. The old logging town didn’t have anything for me except a couple of family members. Even my best friend distanced herself from me nowadays. The city would be so much brighter. So much faster. Free from all their questions and concerns of my lifestyle. Four hard years. The city would be all worth it once I drove past the exit sign. Forgetting them. The memories. The pain. The childhood moments I chose to forget about and the ones my brain wouldn’t let me remember.

Another scream, much louder than the first one, forced my hand through the screen. God, don’t let me die before I leave. The fabric split around my wrist. I didn't care about how mad my grandma would be. I’ll be gone soon enough. I can handle a couple of days of silence. Maybe. I’ll be gone anyway. She’ll ignore me then too. I jutted the light forward. Heavy raindrops started to pound against the deck. Lightning flashed. A hand reached toward my car. It landed on the handle. I shouted, stumbling back onto the ground. My new phone went crashing to the ground. A crack split into it. Thunder boomed and shook the roof, rocking my legs. I dragged myself back to the window. Lighting struck again. A man hunched himself over the hood of my car. He screamed again.

“Help!” Bitch, fuck no! “Please! Gods, please! The next plane, I am not ready for it!” I am a nurse to help people. I’m a nurse for money technically but helping is a great pro. Oh, fucking shit!

I didn’t waste any time throwing a coat on. I booked it outside. Rain overwhelmed my hearing. My crocs squeaked against the gravel driveway. Rocks kicked up, sticking to my exposed legs. Flash. Red drained down my hood. His face twisted and contorted. A stick stuck out from his lower stomach. What the actually fuck? I think there must have been something in the air. Later on, Carter and I talked about it once. They bring danger and adrenaline. They change the chemicals in your brain to do things. Medically, it didn’t make sense but at the same time, I don’t think many things make sense. Crazy things, they made you do it on your own whim. No, he loved me. That’s why I did it. At that moment, I tossed aside self preservation and threw his arm around me.

“Oh, thank you!” He cried.

“Yeah, yeah,” I groaned.

The heavy fucker leaned into me as we hobbled into the small home. Did your dad fuck a giant? The man struggled up the stairs. I strained against his weight trying to pull him up with me. I kicked the door open. He stumbled from my arms and onto the couch. He gripped onto his wound. Water blood dripped onto the white carpet already staining the brown cushion he sat upon. Well, my grandma’s going to fucking kill me! The window’s nothing at this point! I’m gonna die before I’ve lived.

“What the hell happened? Hunting accident?” I didn’t really expect an answer. I ran to the bathroom. I jumped to my first aid kit and every other random thing I bought for the nursing program. Why the hell did my brother put it up there? I filled my arms with towels and disinfectant. I returned and saw him gripping the end. He groaned as he gave a weak tug. Feathers and blood poked out from his fingers. Again, dripping on the fucking furniture. It’s not bow season? Is it? Jesus, if he brought fucking inbred wood cannibals to my house he’s dead. I smacked his hand away. “You’re gonna yank it out of yourself? Yeah, right.” I raised my brows. “This is my job! Let me do it!”

I pulled it with little warning. He screamed out as blood gushed onto the floor . The clean floor! I wiped it away with some random hand towel. Let’s just skip the paperwork. I pulled at my needle. The thread slipped into the hole with ease. I stabbed into the edge of his skin again and again. Methodically I repeated the process. Sweat poured from his forehead. He cried harder. I kept going until the blood couldn’t escape anymore. I dumped alcohol onto another towel. I dabbed away the infection waiting to happen. He was too weak to shout anymore. I grabbed my gauze and plastered it onto him.

“Now, who the fuck do you think you are? You got blood all over my grandma’s new carpet! New carpet!”

“Kray…” He gripped my hand. Thank you. Thank you, truly. You have saved me from an unpleasant demise. What is your name?”

“Ashlyn Newman.” I looked down at him. He looked like he had just stumbled out of a Renaissance festival. A pair of brown trousers hugged his waist. A purple shirt made of silky smoothe lace stuck against his wet chest, stained red from his insides. Messy hair stuck to his tan face. He reached forward. I didn’t fight as he grabbed my hand. He kissed the back of it slowly. My skin pressed against his smooth face. He was like a storybook. Blood rushed to my face as I gulped. I ignored the red stain across my freshly tanned hand, trying to focus on the situation before me.

“I am truly indebted to you, Ashlyn Newman.” He looked into my soul. “What is your desire and I will grant it?” If only I had known.

“Grant? You’re laying on my couch dressed like a medieval times fanatic. How about you just tell me what you’re doing here?”

“I fell through a Portal.” He spoke like he was serious. I stared back unamused. This sounded like some story she came up with. “My father is the God of Soulmine, the Controller of Souls. He was throwing a party in order to find a fiance for myself.” He shook his head and scoffed. “At first he suggested Morgan Virtanen but The Souls have mercy on me if I would have said yes. I would have rather went to the next Plane. I thank them for having her disappear with a couple of Elvish serving girls. A bard even tried to talk me into something but I refused him as well. I found him rather annoying. He was extremely handsome but I would not have told him that knowing his personality… For a Tumma, he was very forward. So, alone and tired of being paraded to all the single nobles on the continent from female to male, to those who did not conform, I left. I changed into something more appropriate to travel and decided a trip to Kapinar was in the cards.” He whispered the last sentence. He looked around waiting for an arrest. “I do not know what came over me, a sense of adventure or mourning for the past, I long for those days. But I teleported there-”

“This seems crazy!”

“Please, just for a moment open your mind to all the fantasy stories you have ever heard, ever read. I landed in the streets of the enemy. An inn nearby was in turmoil. Arrows flew through the air like dragons! I tried to help but I was struck. In the chaos, I wished for the stuffy party and drunk nobles. It had been nearly two decades since I had seen battle! The panic filled my magic once more and I teleported. Two in one year is unheard of let alone a day. I landed here, a Fringe town.” He looked around my house. “It has been years since I have been to the New World.” He smiled widely at me. “I have never seen someone more lovely as you, here or Tenebris. It makes the pain pleasant.”

“You’ve lost too much blood. You- You’re hallucinating,” I stumbled over my own words.

“You clearly have not been told the truth of this town, this place.”

“What truth would that be?”

“Come with me. I will answer any questions you have. I will grant any wish or idea you have had.”

“Are you fucking crazy?”

I was fucking crazy. I helped him to my bed, a total stranger. I put something in front of my door so my grandma wouldn’t barge in and see some giant. He slept for an hour. I sat beside him. A fever set in and I fought it. A cold rag firmly rested on his forehead. I cleaned his wound routinely. I forced vitamins and other pills down his throat. Once it was over, he slept soundly. I slid my back against the wall and stared. How am I going to explain this? Who am I going to explain this to?

He woke up another hour later. My grandma hadn’t returned yet. The night was still young, especially in the casino. His head cleared up momentarily. He padded the space beside him. I shook my head at first. Our eyes met. His calm hazel orbs pulled me. The scar through his other eye didn’t bother me for a second. It seemed natural on his face. A handsome look, like a Prince. He held out his palm. I didn’t grab it. I sat down beside him. His body warmed up my soaked shirt. He grabbed my sleeve, rubbing it between his fingers.

“You will catch a cold. I had a jacket in my bag-” He turned and remembered where it was. “Let me grab it from outside.”

“No- Stay.” I roughly shoved him back down. “I’ll just change. Also, that’s a myth but whatever it’s fine- You wouldn’t know that- Apparently you’re from Game of Thrones.”

“That is a wonderful book.” He frowned for a second. “A friend gave me copies of the first and second one. He- He was kind.” His finger ran along his scar. “You know? I tried to stop it all but what was done was done.” I stared at him.

“Do you want to talk about it?”

“It is not of your world. Not of your concern. Unless-” He shrugged- “You would like it to be?”

“No.” I changed his bandages.

He fell asleep again. I changed into a cropped tank top. It was the most comfortable option out of everything in my closet. I watched his eyes flutter. Are you dreaming about your friend? Boyfriend? You seem kinda fruity… Scar from a knife kink? I laid down beside him. He was three times my size it seemed. Maybe he’s half giant like Hagrid. His shirt was unstrung at the top. It revealed a small patch of dark, frizzy chest hair. I turned to my other side and stared at my wall.

My room was nice. It was peaceful. I didn’t need thousands of pictures of posters or paintings. Like some other people. I liked my white walls. I liked my single strand of fairy lights. I reached forward grabbing a small stuffed tiger. I hugged the animal, resting my cheek against it. His fur felt soft beneath my fingers. I knew I’d miss my dad once I moved but he could always visit. He hardly left town so it would be good for him to travel. At least, that’s what I thought at the time. It’s a favor.

“Do you have nightmares?” I turned to answer. He stared at my blank ceiling. I shifted onto my back. Our shoulders pressed tightly up against each other on the twin.

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“I have this nightmare- It’s recurring and fucking weird- where a man is chasing me through the woods. It’s always super dark. He’s blind and deaf but he knows where I am. I’m scared. It’s cold and wet. I run as hard as I can but it’s not enough. He always caught up to me. Right before he shoots his rifle, I wake up.”

“Oh, my. That sounds awful.” He cleared his throat. His eyes were still up at the ceiling. “I have a nightmare. It is recurring as well. I can’t get rid of it. I’m in the middle of a field, snow is falling all around me. On my left, two people are fighting and on the right two more people are fighting. Each fight contains one of my friends. I can’t decide. I can’t decide who to run to. When I try to move, my feet are cemented in the ground. Finally, I wake once they both have passed.”

My grandma came home. I couldn’t respond. She was shorter than me, which meant she was really short. Her steps walked down the hall. She stopped in front of my door. I held my breath. Kray remained motionless. For a few seconds, I held on for dear life. She finally moved and shut her bedroom door. I sighed with a quiet laugh. I looked down. I had gripped his hand. I still tightened my fingers around his. He looked at me, into my eyes.

“Tell me about your dreams.”

“I- I-” My throat became dry. My book rested on the nightstand. “I want to be rich. I want to travel. I want to live in the city.”

“I want to travel. I want to save people.” He looked at my hand, still in his. I slowly unhooked the two of us and rolled back over. I shook against the sheets. “Who are you, Ashlyn Newman?”

“Not a Princess.”

I liked books. I liked dark romance novels with morally gray love interests. I enjoyed painting with my friend. Her mother owned a pottery store we used to paint at. Well, she used to own a store. They still owned it but it was something else. The space below their apartment had turned into a temporary room for my friend while she waited to move. California. That’s fucking far. It didn’t matter how far it was though. She didn’t want to talk to me. I didn’t want to talk to her. After everything we did… I sighed. Seven years ago, I was just a freshman in high school. Seven years ago, I had a homemade ankle bracelet around my foot. She stopped making them not long after she started. She didn’t do much of anything it seemed. She didn’t talk to me that was for certain.

“Who are you?”

“I enjoy tea and find flutes grating to my ears. I have never been a huge fan of cellos. I find animals rather adorable. Shifters make me smile as well, they are so playful despite everything.”

“A what?

“They are Elves who can turn into animals.”

“Of course they are.”

“Anyway, I broke my wrist when I was thirteen. I only recently learned to ride a horse and I’m poor at math.”

We laid in silence. Normally, I would have been passed out by then but I stayed up unable to close my eyes. He stayed up too. I shifted so we were shoulder to shoulder once more. My fingers grazed the back of his hand. He opened it. I refused. Seconds turned to minutes and the sun rose. The storm had passed. Light slowly peeked into my broken window. The goddamn carpet!

I jumped from the bed. He grabbed me. His large hand wrapped completely around my bicep. I turned around. His eyes widened. His damp hair had turned into an unkept rat’s nest. A faint dirty line of scruff ran across his chin. He let go of me quickly. He started to apologize but I laughed it off. I couldn’t stop laughing. Maybe he thought he broke me. The Prince just stared in complete panic.

“Are you telling me the truth?”

“I could not lie to someone with your eyes.”

“I’m ready.”

I stared at him. I glanced at the stack of books on the ground. I’ll pick up my new one later. I looked down at my hands. I planned my entire life. This wasn’t a part of the plan. Not at all. Unaware. Uncaring. I grabbed his hand. He smiled as we did the impossible again. I disappeared into a world unknown, leaving behind only a bloody stain in my memory alongside a broken window.

I forced the memories to the side. My life from before was just that, the past. It was time to focus on the present. I leaned on the back of my hands, cracking my knuckles at the same time. Carter shuffled next to me. Morgan sat on the other side of her. I looked at my new Elven friend. Where do I know you from? Kray told me time moved there the same way it did here. A whole year… I wonder how long she’ll stay with her. God, I haven’t thought about them at all- She did this to me. She’s just like her. Carter had a brother. A younger one. I had an older one. Is he engaged? Married? Does she think about them? Or does she forget? It’s easiest to forget. My ears perked up at the sound of the riff off. I watched until Morgan sent a sharp middle finger at Carter’s laptop.

“They were robbed! ‘It’s’ is the same as ‘it is’!” She screamed. “Everyone fucking knows that! I don’t think I know of anybody who does not! I would have won!” She crossed her arms with a huff. Another tantrum right on schedule. I can’t believe she wanted to marry Kray. Like he’d give her the time of day.

“There are two more movies, Princess. ” Carter smirked and the older woman scoffed in her direction. I just rolled my eyes at the banter. Get a fucking room. “Maybe they’ll win one soon enough. In the second one, they do a great job.” I sent her a side eye, both of us knew the tragic truth.

“Can you just tell me?”

“Where’s the fun in that?”

Carter pushed herself from in between the two of us, towards the edge of my bed. She hugged her legs and watched the movie intently. Morgan stayed planted at her spot towards the middle. Her eyes turned a couple of shades darker. Carter’s hand reached backward slowly. It gripped the older woman tightly. My eyes wandered down to my own. This was the first time I had ever been away from Kray. Truly away from him. He traveled but most of the time I was right beside him. Juno was always getting hurt and Kray didn’t count as a healer at all. It didn’t come naturally to him like it did to me. I think it was my knowledge that made me so powerful. All I really had to do was whisper the medical names or ailments and electricity would shoot through my hands. It healed whatever I touched. I placed one above my heart. You are so fucking cheesy.

I turned around at my bed. It was too big for just me. At least I had company. Morgan was nice enough even though she nearly married my boyfriend. It was hilarious how much everyone knew about her. I had heard more stories about her sex life than I ever cared to know. The maids in Kray’s castle constantly talked about Sorrow. Apparently, most marriages were open in that kingdom. Not everyone had Morgan’s drive but no one judged the people who did. Bastards didn’t matter either. It was about age most of the time though sometimes families picked their heirs. If the bastard was the oldest for two houses, they tended to let the bastard go to the highest title ensuring they would not get both. Obviously, one would think that would create problems. Many disgruntled partners would kill children to ensure their own would prosper. Many people were blackmailed in order to keep their own children alive. Most were devout followers of The Sorrowed. I didn’t know much else about it other than promoting prostitution and drinking.

Kray’s religion, or lack thereof, was strikingly different. Many in Midnight believed at least a little of it. I heard from Carter that the Frozen were including it in certain passages of their tomes. Kray and most of Soulmine believed this life was a stage. They were all working to make this stage as best they could before they moved on to the next one. I found it funny because there were a decent amount of individuals that did not age. Age worked so strangely in the Old World. Kray said the essence of those who had already moved on escaped their bodies. Upon death, Miners, Kray called them, would collect them into gems. The gems would grant magic, power, and immortality at a price. If you choose immortality, you can no longer have children. Those born with it naturally, like Elves, could only ever stand having a couple of children. Kray explained that Elves could hardly handle two let alone any more, or else it would be dangerous.

“Morgan.” My head turned toward her. “Since you’re the Heir, you're not immortal, right?”

“That is not how that works exactly.” She thought for a moment. “My grandparents are great sorcerers and so am I. Our blood is thick with magic, we do not age. We’re Vivaxin. As for my father, he has benefited from being with my mother and yet he still ages. But- It is true that those who choose immortality then lack the ability to have children or heavily struggle to conceive. There is a chance it will happen. Adoption is allowed though. It will happen for me, though, it must. I love children. If I wanted- If I so choose, there is a way magic would allow me to have a little one.” She leaned down on her elbow. “In the case of my line, my grandfather wants blood to be the second Empress. He and my grandmother have lived too long to sire another child. My mother is not considered part of the line. The Emperor will never allow my father to be that powerful. I am the oldest of my siblings so I will sit on the throne. My younger brother, Goergie, will be king of Sorrow one day as it is my father’s will. Though, I believe the succession may have to do with my mother chronically cheating on George. I heard around the time I was conceived she was fond of a man from the Capital. As for immortality, you must either own a gem, be incredible at magic, or be like one of our dear little Elves… I have another brother, Tyler, my baby Elven brother. He drinks most days. Who doesn’t just want to drink and forget about the responsibilities of the world?”

“I used to daydream constantly,” Carter started. “I would daydream about living in a world where magic existed but then I decided I couldn’t be here anymore but I also couldn’t be there. I prayed to God and then Icerion to take me somewhere else. I smoked a lot of weed. I still do, before anyone judges me many Frozen monks consider it a religious drug. I got stuck in a loop of playing games, TikTok and listening to music. I really didn’t see a future. I kinda still don’t know what I’m gonna do. I just need to be cured. Sometimes, don’t you think that you were given the wrong life?”

“The wrong life, yeah.” I nodded. “I had my whole life planned out before this. I was gonna move to New York and get a giant dog named Cotton. I had a best friend who was going to be a reporter in the city.” My brow furrowed. “Now, I don’t know what I’m doing. I thought it would come to me by now but I guess I just have to keep taking it day by day.” I stretched my back and took a step down. “Let’s go see the stars.”

The stars appeared so much closer here. The alien constellations formed different shapes up above. A large constellation formed a giant sword. I didn’t know any of the stories but I knew it was named Heartache. To the side, Zahyn looked up mournfully at it. He held a small chain to his chest. Carter’s jaw dropped slowly. Her eyes darted from star to star. I remember the first time I witnessed them. I was completely amazed at all the different sparkles. There were so many different colors. There were blue dots, yellow dots, and dark red ones.

“Have you ever seen the northern lights?” I asked Carter.

“All the time.” She smiled. “I could just walk onto my deck and see them. They danced along the tree tops.”

“Do you want to go back home?” I shifted in the snow.

“I have a family, a fish, a lizard, a dog. A life.” Her eyes glanced at Morgan before darting to the ground. “I love it, I love it there but no matter where I am, I’m this: uncomfortable in my skin, hot to my bones, and dying.”

“I have stuff back there too.” I swallowed. “A family and a couple of chihuahuas from my dad’s parents. I also have- well had a residency lined up.” I stopped for a moment. “A nurse anesthetist. That’s what I was gonna be. I was gonna be the rich fun aunt.”

“You can still do all of that.” Carter looked at me. “If that’s what you want to do of course. Don’t throw away your goals for anyone. That’s why I told Morgan I’ll never stop calling her Princess. My goal is to annoy the living shit out of her.” She laughed. “Umm, but yeah. Maybe do what you want here and you and Kray can do what you want there. I’m just here to get fixed… I guess, right?”

“Well, what do you wanna do?”

“I don’t fucking know. Everyone tells me what to do but then when I’m given the choice, I’m fucking mute. I wanna be like an adventurer or an author or honestly, I just wanna play fucking video games- I don’t know. When I think about everything, I get a headache, honestly. I just wanna feel normal again.”

I laid down in my bed. My hand moved over to Kray’s side. He always slept on his back with his head facing toward me. I was never one to be touchy feely with my friends. I never really hugged him. I never liked to share a bed either. The first night I laid next to him. I wrapped my arms around his torso with no hesitation. His arms wrapped around my waist as I hugged him tightly. I couldn’t help but fall asleep every night on his chest. Fitfully, I tossed and turned. I put on some music I had downloaded. Taylor Swift softly played. Carter let out a quiet cheer from the other tent. How can she even hear that with Morgan snoring in her ears? I forced my eyes shut hoping to drift off.

I shuffled awake. My eyes stuck together. I rubbed them softly, removing the hunk. A yawn left my mouth. As I exited the tent, the smell of bacon hit my nose. My stomach growled loudly. Carter flipped the bacon in the pan. Zahyn complained about how she had taken his food. The Elf just raised her eyebrow and questioned if the Stalker was going to eat it raw. The two each held tight eye contact and took a long sip of coffee. Gross. If there’s one thing the Old World needs, it is a Starbucks. What would I do for a caramel frappuccino? I sat down next to Vincent. He smiled softly at me. He ran a cloth over his sword. The red gleamed brightly.

“Thank you, for the other day.”

“What?”

“You know when the Larken knocked me down? You also saved my life. It’s becoming a trend it seems.”

“It’s my job.”

“Well, thank you. I am going to do my best to do my job.” He sheathed his sword and took a piece of bacon off the pan.

“Hey!” Zahyn screamed.

“You took my journal and read it!” The bard promptly shut his mouth and started munching on his food.

We all packed the campsite. Carter actually packed two tents and Zahyn packed mine. I placed my pack on Snow. I patted her shoulder and peppered a couple of kisses all over my sweet little pony. I climbed on top of the gray saddle. My hands tightened around the horn of the saddle. I hated riding like I truly hated it but Snow was such a good girl. I held on for dear life as she started to trot across the snowy plain.

We had been stuck in the tundra for far too long. I could take one day but two days was far too much but this morning was the third fucking day. My cloak tied around me tightly. It kept me as warm as it could from the cold wind. I couldn't believe Carter had nothing but a t-shirt and a pair of pants. Shifters always seemed like they were fighting a fever. Carter loved her black sweatshirt but she could hardly stand it after a Shift. The only thing that helped was jumping into the freezing fucking lake. It completely baffled me. I shook my head but a smile formed. Trees sprung up in the distance.

Snow perked up and started to gallop. I screamed, unable to rein her in. The trees approached closer and closer. Vincent shouted behind. My back hit a sheet of ice. Snow reared up at a stranger. A different man jumped on top of me. He gripped a knife in his hands. A red steel boot knocked into his nose. Vincent whipped out his sword and started swinging. The blade cut deeply into the man’s stomach. The second man pulled out his own sword. Vincent knocked him down with his shoulder. Instead of stabbing him with a sword, he slammed his shield down on the man’s chest over and over again.

“Holy fuck,” I muttered when it was all over.

“I got you, Ash, it is my job.”