Metamorphoses

Entry Seven

THE SHIFTER

Metamorphoses

My mouth hung open just slightly. It twitched. Dead, nothingness behind my eyes. The only thing coming from them was a few weak tears. I did good? Didn’t I? I gripped my chest, running a finger across my scar. I was on the bed with nothing but a pair of boxers on. Her shouts pierced my eardrums. She called me a whore even though she was the reason I was one. I was every derogatory thing her small village mind could think of. I stared past her. I tried to focus on the outside world. The woods were just behind a thin plane of glass. If I ran, I could find a Portal home- No, I was a monster. I gave her more to use against me. I never paid attention to her. I talked back. I tried to defe- I tried to explain myself but she used it as an excuse to get louder. Her hand gripped my throat. I’d die if I didn’t shut my goddamn mouth.

I didn’t know what I did to set her off. It seemed like everything I did was wrong. I continued to mumble out incoherent apologies. I was so quiet. So weak. She just groaned and told me I never validated her feelings. I was self absorbed. I only thought about myself. I was just a bad- No- Yes- I was a bad plaything. A bad pet. I asked her what I did. I took too long eating. My eyes widened. I just stared. My hands started to shake. My entire body ached, I tried to tell her I wasn’t aware it was a problem. She spent hours with those soldier friends of hers. They would shout and drink, poaching the wildlife. She wouldn’t talk to me for days. She would leave me alone in that cabin. I had no cuffs but I couldn’t leave. She told me it wasn’t a big deal. I just wanted it to stop.

I apologized to her. I apologized for everything. I apologized for making her yell at me. I apologized for not telling her. She just rolled her eyes. She told me I didn’t care about her. I couldn’t hold it in any longer. The dam broke. Tears poured down my face. She cackled at me. I could feel her glare. Why are you crying? She taunted me. You’re such a baby! I should be crying, bitch! Such a stupid person! My hands gripped my head. The pain pressed against my skull. I couldn’t deal with it any longer. I just wanted to die. It would be so much easier if I just fell asleep forever. But I didn’t- I made them do those things.

His voice snapped me from my trance. It was deep and brassy. It kinda reminded me of an over zealous vice principal. Ashlyn always gushed about how sweet it was whenever we hung out. Morgan sat down beside me. Her legs elegantly crossed. Her eyes went wide. She pulled my fingertips to her face. The cold air stung against my exposed nail bed. I- shit. Blood bubbled up. It drizzled down the sides of my fingers. I felt a piece of nail stick to my upper lip. I wiped it away with my wrist. I stuck my hands inside the pocket of my hoodie. I lowered my head. I wanted to sink into myself and disappear within my top. You are so disgusting. She probably thinks so. You’re nothing. I raised my small eyes. I waited for her to make a backhanded comment.

“Ears,” She spoke softly. Her voice was deeper than mine and so elegantly more feminine. It was like a sultry melody or a romantic poem. Kray continued to boom his giant speech. I’m sure it was chill inducing, if I listened. She pulled out a small leather pouch of water. “It will sting but I want to rinse the blood off, okay?” I made no motion. Like I was a child, she took my hand from my pocket and started to rinse my fingernails. “Ashlyn will heal it, okay?” I stared off. “Hey? Ears? What’s going on in your head? Is it about yesterday?”

“Nothing. I don’t know. I- It’s nothing.” My voice was small. So small. So hushed. So tiny. I forced a smile onto my red face. I would get those moments of deep regret. Deep shame. I hated myself for it. I hated myself for everything about it. It buried itself so deep within my core I was forever infected. I should have left sooner. It was fucking awful. “I’m fine.” My nose flared. I pulled my near frozen fingertips into my chest. I turned my attention to Kray. The sooner we get over this, the sooner I can be normal. There’s a cure. I nearly broke. A knot formed in my stomach. I wish I wasn’t like this anymore.

“Unfortunately, that is why I must leave you,” He finished with a heavy sigh. “Juno’s letters only grow more irritated-” Morgan scoffed- “and I must return at once. My duties are much more important. The next two nests are near Heart.” He fished through his satchel and pulled out a rolled up piece of parchment. “I have a map of Midnight and Kapinar. I have taken it upon myself to label all known nests.”

“When they get crossed off, will we be powerful enough for a cure?”

“Yes.” He smiled down at me. “You all should have enough energy to fix the Rift Morgan caused, as well, and return order to the Empire.”

“The Rebels will finally take down Darth Vader,” I whispered. Ashlyn snickered.

“We’ll return order to the galaxy!”

Ashlyn kissed Kray, rather passionately. She pulled him down and he lost a quarter of his height. He happily scooped her up into his giant arms. The short blonde squeezed him hard. Afraid to release him, she held on for dear life. Her nails dug into his arms. I smiled at the love birds. When they finally let go, their eyes held one another’s faze. Kray’s large hands held her tiny waist. She rubbed her thumb along his fuzzy face. They kissed one last time. A final goodbye.

Kray pulled himself onto a gray horse. He turned back around. His eyes darkened. He looked longingly at her. A light squeeze around the horse sent the large beast into a light trot. Each crunch made him smaller and smaller. Eventually, he completely disappeared down the trail.

Her arms crossed as she sat down. I plopped down next to her. She fiddled with the strings on her cloak. Her white tennis shoes pressed down, smushing the slush. I pulled a piece of gum from my pocket. She took the wintergreen stick and started chomping. I bit into my own allowing the flavor to freshen my breath.

“How are you feeling?” What a stupid question!

“Not great.” She shot me an arched brow. “He’ll make his way back though… Maybe.”

“I’m sorry.” I scratched my neck. “You definitely will see him though! He loves you! He really really loves you!” A slow nod came from her. I swear she almost shook her head no. “I was in a long distance relationship before.” My cheeks heated up. “It was definitely hard but you can do it. You guys seem great together.” I hope he really is- I mean you guys are great. Of course, truthfully I had only known them for about a week, a week and a half maybe (it’s kinda hard to separate the days), but they seemed good. Neither of them seemed depressed or tired, but that could be faked. They seemed happy. “I’m here for you. If you wanna talk, or just fuck around and find out, I gotta couple of movies saved to my phone- The battery is almost dead though. I’ll have to charge it.” I laughed.

“You didn't come through completely naked. When I officially moved here, I forgot so many essentials.” She waved a finger at me. “That includes a solar powered charger, I managed to snag one from a merchant for a heavy penny.”

“Holy yours works fast!” She watched as I promptly hooked my phone up. I scrolled through YouTube and found some videos I saved. We laughed at the stupid Pitch Perfect compilation my YouTube downloaded for some reason. Albeit a very accurate and useful download. We just chose to ignore the thousands of murder podcasts as well, sticking to the lighter arrangements. Morgan poked her head into the tent not too long after.

“Feeling better, Ears?” I gave her a quick nod. I earned a smile from the Princess. It seemed a rare sight. “Vincent is struggling to break down the tent… He does not have much expertise.”

“So…” Ashlyn dragged out. “That means you’re gonna do it? As in you, Morgan?”

“He needs help.” She looked at me.

“I don’t think that’s accurate.” I crossed my arms with a smirk.

“I need you to help him.”

“Close but not it.” She frowned and turned quickly out of the tent. We both giggled, or cackle is more like it. I plopped my phone down and turned to the blonde. “I should go get my stuff ready. I have witnessed things. Interesting things.” I raised a serious facade and grimaced. “Shadow is very bad with his hands. Almost as if they’re paws.” I snickered at the dumb joke. She stared at me. I thought I was rather funny.

Kray left me with a large pack for my tent. I shoved the cover into it and closed the top. I tightened the straps around my newly gifted horse or stolen horse. I already gave him a name. What a cutie? I couldn’t help but grin. I scratched Strider’s head. I named him after a particular Ranger from a particular trilogy. Was he a gift if he pulled our carriage? I kissed his giant cheek before giving him a variety of snacks. He neighed happily as I peppered pats across his back. He ducked down. His big nose broke through the cold water. He drank happily from the wooden bucket. It looked so refreshing a ting of jealousy propped up.

Morgan and Vincent’s luck had drained down the bucket. Morgan jumped on the cloth of her tent. She tried to push it into the bag. Vincent lied across the ground beside the scene. The snow soaked up his red faced frustrations. I approached with my arms wrapped around myself in a tight hug. Morgan grabbed my shoulder, steadying herself. She put all her weight into her feet and jumped. She gritted her teeth. Red swelled in her cheeks. Even sweat dripped from her. Grunts escaped her lips. Her nails dug into my skin. I grabbed her hand and nudged her to get down.

Morgan, stubborn as ever, slowly but surely gave in… After I practically dragged her off. I pulled out the entire crinkled tarp. I started to fold it as small as I could. Then I rolled it as tight as I was physically able to. I pushed everything into the sack successfully. The Princess stared at me blankly. It transformed slowly. She bit her lip and then narrowed her gaze. I laughed and scooped up the bag. She led me over to her horse. The animal made me laugh. The horse fit her perfectly, too perfectly.

The mare stomped her foot down at the sight of the pack. A loud snort erupted from her pink nose. She nearly reared up. A white coat glossed over her, sparkling like the snow in the sun. There wasn’t a blemish on her. She was a gorgeous creature. Piercing blue eyes stared back at me. I could practically see birds fly across them. Her legs were thick with muscle and built for speed. She used the set of four rather expertly, as she walked away from the two of us with a loud huff.

“She said no.”

“Really?” Morgan scoffed.

“What about Vincent’s horse?” I pointed at the giant brown horse. He towered over the redhead.

“He will do it. Guaranteed. I think he has a crush on Vala. A rather torrid affair that the two of them have. It is like something out of a book.”

“Vala? That’s a pretty name.”

“Yes.” She smiled again, brighter this time. A truly rare sight. “My aunt’s name was Vale. I figured it was fitting. You know, she had a white horse just like Vala. Her lover, Freya, gave her the horse as a dowry. She attempted to give her more but what can you give a Princess? I wouldn’t even know where to begin.” Love, homemade gifts, and a good laugh. I don’t know. What would a Princess want? Wait- “They became engaged. I spent quite a bit of time with them.” We walked over to the muscular horse, side by side. I didn’t let her know her robotic mask slipped. I liked it, shoulder brushing against shoulder. “I quite enjoyed my time with them… It may have been my favorite childhood home.” She twisted her expression. “The shortest one.” I strapped the pack to the horse’s back. “Freya used a bow, like you. My father’s sister taught me my first spell. It was the first inkling that I had any ability.” Her expression lightened once again. She formed a small ball of wind in her palms. She tossed at me with a laugh. My hair flew upward being twisted into a frenzied mess.

Did you know this text is from a different site? Read the official version to support the creator.

I pulled myself up onto Strider in a swift motion. He was the largest horse I had ever climbed on. It had been at least a couple years since I had ridden on any horse. It felt awkward. Very awkward, at first but it was kind of like hopping on my bike. Just a very big bike. Everyone says that but muscle memory came back to me.

In no time, I was galloping through the woods. Morgan pulled up beside me. Vala rode hard. Even though she was quite a bit smaller than Strider she walked like she was a whole world higher. I turned to Vincent. The man and the horse moved rigidly as one. Each step was loud and bold. Ashlyn’s horse moved awkwardly. She hugged the reins tightly. She swallowed with each movement. Her eyes closed tightly as the horse picked up speed. Zahyn chased alongside with Shadow padding next to him. He huffed and puffed but eventually got to slow down to a walk. Ashlyn’s nerves caused the horse to slow down which we all matched.

A loud thud smacked through the air. I hit the snow. Strider reared up, threatening to fall on top of me. His neigh was deep and angry. He galloped down the trail leaving me on my back with the wind knocked out. Morgan jumped down from her horse and ran. Just as quickly, she stopped. I whipped my head around. A ragged looking man pointed his bow at her. I growled. It vibrated deep in my throat threatening to erupt even louder. He turned to me. More men and women exited from the trees. A made forced Vincent’s hands behind his back. A woman aimed her own bow at Ashlyn. Zahyn was pinned to a tree. A boot pressed down on Shadow’s neck. A hand wrapped around her throat. A knife pointed at her stomach. The tip of the blade slowly pressed.

Not again. I won’t let this happen again. No. Fuck now! I’m not gonna lose someone! My heart sped up. I’m gonna fucking kill all of you! Don’t touch HER! An eruption escaped. Like a volcano, heat flashed over my body. Sweat wept from my pores as my skin broke open. Pain rolled over me like smoke.

A choir of shouts rang in my ears. I didn’t recognize any of them. The creature controlling me, inside me, didn’t care. Maybe I didn’t care. Maybe it felt good to rip the man’s hand from his body. His warm blood filled my mouth. Iron coated my tongue. It was sweet and thick like syrup. It felt good as it dripped down my throat. Another growl roared from me. I took down the bastard who dared to aim his bow at her. Fire hit my paw. I crushed the mage’s throat beneath my teeth. Chaos. It let the others take out the rest.

Morgan gripped the tuft of my fur. I felt my heart slow and grow heavy like a rock. My pupils dilated. I leaned myself on her until I stumbled into her arms. A light cloud nearly lifted me off my feet. A tingling sensation rose across my skin. My bones cracked but no pain occurred. Feathers replaced fur. I could feel myself shrinking. I fell up into the air. All my fears of heights disappeared with each flap.

I carried myself high. I dared the fears that stopped me before. I reached the clouds almost instantly. I dropped. My wings closed tight against my torso, wrapping me in feathery protection. My head dove down. My beak pointed toward the ground. Air whistled. Pressure pressed against me. The tree line approached rapidly. I opened my wings. They caught me. I soared through the branches. I twisted and turned. I never felt so weightless. Not even beneath water had I felt so light. I was free. Forget the anxiety of getting home and getting a job. I could fly into the sun.

The freedom grew as did my bravely. Something in my heart shifted. I lowered to the ground. A large lake presented itself before me. Closer and closer I flew to the ground. My bones cracked. I dropped to all four of my paws seamlessly. Snow flew up behind me. I tackled the distance like it was nothing. I leaped into the air. My body flew over the bank, above the water. I cracked my bones again. They snapped and shrunk. Muscles grew. Slits in the side of my neck opened. I torpedoed into the water. I swam around fish twice my size. Some snapped at me. I dodged each time.

Fear of the bottom floated away. Each second, I became more and more daring. The murky depths were nothing. I had always lived in the water. My body was a part of the water. It was my home. I was created for it. I moved faster and harder. The bottom smacked my nose. Soft mud floated around me. Maybe you’re not that much of a fish. Soft mud floated around me. It darkened so hard to see the surroundings. I shook off the strike and moved. My eyes strained against the darkness. Whiskers sprouted from just above my nostrils. They lit my senses on fire. I could feel the vibrations. Small crustaceans buried themselves in the dirt. Playfully, on my end at least, I nipped at one. It nipped back rather annoyed. If fish could laugh, I would think I did. Energy shot through me. I jumped upward. The air hit my body. Droplets floated around me. I turned myself back into a human- No, back into an Elf. I was an Elf. I was always a Kalpea. Even on Earth.

I paddled toward the shore. Without realizing it, I managed to swim myself rather far out, near the middle of the lake. My muscles heated up and stretched out. Blood from my skin washed away in the fresh, cool water. It took me a minute, not too long but not quick, to pull myself onto the snow covered beach. I dripped from my hair all the way down to my boxers. Slowly, they each froze. A cloud of fog flooded out of my mouth. I sucked in deeply, letting the frost enter me.

The cold air could not save me from the full frontal slap of my nerves. I toppled forward and vomited onto the ground. I held onto my stomach. I- It happened again! I liked it… Now, that’s just fucked. Fucking monster. Three times. Morgan appeared from thin air, or most likely walked over when I was spilling my guts out. She laid her hand on the small of my back. For the millionth time, she held my hair back. Once I finished emptying my breakfast, she lifted my face up. Her eyes flashed black. I could feel her possession over me. Light again they turned, and she checked my head, face, and arms for distress. I held in the tears. They were going to kill them. He was going to kill her. A magnet tried to pull me into her. I refused it. I fought it. She doesn’t own me. She opened her arms but I ignored it. No. No. I am not her plaything. I am not some witch’s plaything. It wasn’t a witch who did this, Carter.

“He choked you!” I screamed. I threw my hands into the air. “I just couldn’t contain myself. I killed him. I would do it again and again. I’ve done it before. I’ve done it again. And again. And. Again. I murdered a shit ton of people because I can’t fucking control myself! There’s something inside of me! Morgan, I am different! Someone changed me! I am not the same! I don’t know who I am! Who am I?”

“Someone who was protecting themselves.”

“I’m a monster.”

Morgan’s eyes widened. I could see her memories in them. Her shoulders tensed. She bit her lip and cast her eyes to the ground. She took a deep breath. Her fists clenched and she looked back up.

“You acted in self defense. It is a lot more than many can say.” She stopped for a beat and brought her hand to her chest. “The night we met was also in self defense. They were going to kill both of us… Or worse. These ones, well they were bandits. Ears, they had a foot on Shadow. Ashlyn had an arrow to her head. This world is not like yours. You can not treat it as such, or you will die. It all happens to everyone sooner or later. You need-” She stroked my head- “You went through something traumatic but it can’t stop you from killing. You need to act or you will die. It all happens to everyone sooner or later. Choose later.”

“Killing, it just happens. It shouldn’t. We should care about those we killed.” I stared past her.

“We are not going to kill when we do not have to.” She presented a single hand. “I pinkie promise. I heard it is a sacred Earth custom.” She smiled.

“Yes…” I stared at the small finger. A shout echoed in my head. Broken promises and threats of violence. “Just a regular promise is fine. We must not break a sacred bond.” I furrowed my brow at my own hand.

“I promise we are not going to kill unless we have to.” I nodded. “Now, did you hurt your pinkie?” She cradled it in both of her hands.

“I- It’s kinda childish.” My cheeks darkened. “Definitely, stupid.”

“I do not think it is.”

“Maybe later, I’ll tell you why I hate pinkie promises.” You already basically cried your fucking life story to her. “Gotta keep this relationship interesting, eh?”

“You have a strange way of talking.”

I slipped the shirt over my shoulders. I left the buttons undone appreciating the wind against my skin. I climbed on top of Strider. I stroked his neck and leaned forward to his big ears. I whispered about how much of a good boy he was. A loud snort came from his sweet snout. I smiled back at him. Sometimes I just want to go home and crawl in bed. To forget everything and everything before this and ignore everything that will come after. I wish I was normal. I glanced at the Princess. She tugged on my reins. Strider trotted alongside Vala remaining in sync with her. He nudged the smaller horse. She pushed him back with a loud huff.

Time passed and passed. Hours passed like seconds. The wilderness captured my attention for the most part. I hardly noticed the sky darkening, or the winds changing to a much harsher speed. We had ridden mostly in silence. A group of introverts and an annoying bard did not seem to make good conversation. The silence finally broke when I complained about how numb my ass was. The Princess joined with a groan. She grumbled about the blisters on her thighs. Ashlyn prayed to no one begging for the hell to end. Vincent and Zahyn were half asleep on the war horse bundled up with one another. Finally, Shadow bounded ahead trying to find an end to the forest.

The tree line thinned. The fantasy turned from green to dark, white, and hints of blue. A white blank sheet of nothing but moving snow presented itself to us. The stars sparkled lighting the way. The large blue star, Blizzard, rivaled Pikkuveli, if that seemed possible. It hung over the east horizon. I urged Strider forward. I wanted to reach out. To hold it in my palms. I stood in the saddle. My fingers attempted to brush up against it. Cold and wet snow cascaded down from the star. The fluffy flakes padded my face. They landed softly on my eyelashes. I sat and let my head fall back.

Unanimously, we decided to set up camp. We were worried the snow might take a turn. One by one the stars disappeared into a dark void, all except for the blue one. It remained prominent and cold, freezing the land below. It produced the snow that surrounded all of us. I felt it in my bones. The crescent moons glowed just enough to be seen. The real show was the star. It shined down on me as I set up my tent. Morgan’s came soon after. Her eyes flashed at me. Dark and cold. I looked away. Red glowed from my face. I tried to pay attention to my other companions in a feeble attempt to distract myself. I began to fiddle with a project in my hands as I observed. Ashlyn pointed at a spot. Zahyn began to step up her tent. Complaints spat from his mouth and yet he still worked. He set up his own much smaller site. He came well stocked with food, more than enough alcohol for two small armies, and strings to replace the ones he had broken.

“Any requests?” He strummed the instrument. Orange glowed against his face. The shadows danced behind him. “Morgan?” Despite being close to the flames, the Princess’s face hid itself in the darkness.

“I hope you know, I find bards particularly grating.”

“What’s a popular song here?” I leaned my back against a log. My arms rested on either side.

“There are several.” He looked around. “What kingdom? Or continent? Or race?” He smiled. “We have a variety, it seems. We have some Sorrowmen, a Kalpea, I, a Tumma, a wol-”

“I am more than a wolf.”

“Why is the thing growling at me?”

“His name’s Shadow and he’s from-” I stared at him. “Where are you from?”

“Here.”

“Here.”

“Okay, you need help. Mental help. That is quite clear.” Zahyn fiddled with the nobs. “Anyway, we have a Soulminer and a well, you are Fringe as well as Kalpea.”

“I wouldn’t say I’m a Soulminer.” Ashlyn crossed her arms. “I’ve hardly spent any time there. Kray never likes staying in one place for too long.”

“What’s your favorite?” I asked him.

“Ahh… A woman with delectable tastes.” He grinned. “I have lived in Norkden for many years now but I was raised in the caves of the Tumma.” He strummed the strings. “I’ve traveled all over the continent from Soulmine to the tip of Kapinar. Every province in the North Star of Midnight and each kingdom in the Emperor’s grasp. I have been across the Sparkling Sea. I met the Eastern Elves. I have performed for those uptight Upea. I’ve heard more songs than most.” His boasts made me regret my decision. He strummed harder. “I have written things that made maidens week alongside widows. Yet- This- This one… It is my favorite.” He began to sing. Softly. Emotion broke through. A lost love, no matter how unromantic you are, holds a place in everyone’s hearts. The love grew older and older. The immortal begged him to stay. The love refused. Death cannot be fought. He finished on a somber note. Loss and love. Chills traveled down my arms. I glanced over at Morgan. “It is called Ageless.”

“That was surprisingly beautiful.” Morgan stared as she muttered the words.

“Thank you, Princess.” He seemed almost serious if the word could ever be spoken about him. Morgan didn’t even question his knowledge. She just looked. “I have another. This one is a little more uplifting. It’s about a southern Princess and all the balls she attends.”

“Fuck you,” She hissed. The bard sang once again. The song was rather spicy. He told a story about a masked woman dancing and bedding women ball after ball. Morgan gritted her teeth the entire time. She clenched her fists as he sang a particular explicit moment. “I am not a whore.”

“Just a womanizer, Princess.” He chuckled. “So many women and so many stories. I could write an album about you and your bedroom or the stables .”

“Stables?” I shot out.

“Can we talk about something else, please?” She crossed her arms. I shook my head. My face hurt from smiling. A chuckle erupted from my chest. I held my stomach as it started to hurt and all I could do was wheeze.

“I told you, people talk,” Vincent groaned.

Laughter led us to exhaustion. Even the Princess, in spite of herself, chuckled her way into bed. I crawled into my own, placing the small project on the side. I thought of the gifts one could give a Princess. My bones weighed me down and I slumped into the mattress. Shadow jumped in beside me. I scratched behind his ears as he stretched out. His pink tongue rolled out with a yawn. My mind shifted to the morning. My gut twisted. I spent so long with someone who could not even be bothered to treat me with basic respect. I was an animal to her. Did I deserve it? I deserved it. Is this my punishment? I squeezed my eyes shut and inhaled. Fuck. No, you didn’t. I pulled out some melatonin from my bag. I chewed quickly. I wrapped myself up in the blanket. Am I living this life just to get to the next? Or did I live my last to get to this one?

My eyes started to close. I focused on Morgan’s soft snores until they stopped long enough for her to join me in bed. I smiled at the comfort it provided. I listened to Ashlyn kick in her sleep. Zahyn quietly played his guitar, still sitting out by the fire. Vincent sharpened his sword until his arms moved no more. I drifted off, thinking of each and every one of them. I’m here.