Chapter 18

Andre

I stared at Joelle, shocked and angry about what she was saying. That wasn’t what we agreed to. It wasn’t how this was supposed to go. She was only here for a little while, not forever. Why was she talking about moving? About changing everything. It wouldn’t work. She would change her mind or resent me or leave. Everything would end.

Plus, she had a life. She had her mother and a job and a life in DC. Didn’t she?

I realized as the silence of the house around me sank in that I didn’t actually know. Joelle had been evasive when asked about her life in DC, even to where I didn’t know she was from there until Landon asked her.

“Andre, what is wrong with you?” my mother hissed.

I snapped out of my thoughts and focused on Joelle and my mother. Mom had her arm around Joelle, protecting her from me.

“I’m sorry,” I mumbled. “I just…” I spared a glance at Joelle, then turned and walked out of the kitchen.

My mother called after me, but I didn’t stop. I walked outside and sat on the porch swing. Alone.

I closed my eyes and fought against the feelings building up inside me. It should be good news that Joelle was thinking of staying, but it hit me like a punch in the gut.

She didn’t tell me. She told my mother. Was that why I was upset?

I shook my head.

I was mad she was moving. I was scared she was moving for me. She was talking about changing her entire life for me.

We’d only known each other for a few weeks. Not nearly long enough to develop the kind of connection that made people move. The connection that made people stay.

Every single relationship I’d ever had ended. They weren’t right, and I knew that, but sitting at the table as my parents talked about falling in love, I knew the truth.

People always did what was best for themselves.

My dad pursued my mom, changing everything to get closer to her. It was always a sweet story, but it landed differently now. He was willing to do whatever it took to capture my mom’s attention because it was what he wanted. It worked out for them, but if she never returned his affections, what would have happened?

Maybe it didn’t matter. But maybe it did. Because what if Joelle did the same thing, then changed her mind?

A few weeks together wasn’t long enough for a decision like that. It was too big. Too much. Those decisions… They couldn’t be made lightly. I knew that too well.

The front door opened, and Molly ran out, followed by Landon.

Molly jumped up next to me and climbed my shirt until she could lick my jaw. I supported her and leaned into her snuggles.

“You two have a weird relationship,” Landon said.

I shrugged.

“What happened?”

I sighed and slammed my eyes closed. “I don’t know.”

“Okay, well, my perspective is the woman you’ve been head over heels for said she’s moving and you freaked the fuck out. Why?”

I leaned back, stretching my head back and staring at the porch ceiling. “She can’t move here for me.”

“Who said she is?”

I thought back to what I overheard and realized he was right. “She might not have said it, but why else would she move here?”

“Start over? New life? Friendships and job opportunities and a simpler existence? Just to name a few options.”

“She’s from a city. She has a job and her mother and I don’t know. Fuck, I barely know her.”

“And that means she can’t decide to move here?”

I rolled my lips in to stop the words I wanted to shout at my friend. ~What if she upends her life for me, then resents me for it? What if the one relationship I want to work out implodes because I’m not good enough? Because I’m not enough?~

“I’m certainly not the right person to give out relationship advice, but I don’t get what’s going on. You’ve always said you love love. You want to fall in love and have a family and all that shit. Why are you crapping on that possibility?”

“Because it ends. Because it always ends. You and Reegan were supposed to be forever. Get married. Every relationship I’ve ever been in has faded to nothing. And then my parents. They’re celebrating this great love, but my dad almost died. He was in the hospital for weeks, and when he came out, he wasn’t himself. He was…” I stopped talking to control the waver in my voice.

“He’s still here,” Landon said.

“Yeah, but he won’t be forever. Seeing him like that… I had to do everything for him. I had to feed him and bathe him and get him dressed. My mom couldn’t lift him, and she had to work so they could afford his insurance. But what if that’s me one day? What if I end up in the same situation and I have no one?”

“Why does that mean you’re pushing Joelle away?”

“Because what if she doesn’t want to stick around for something like that? What if, when I need someone the most, they leave?”

Landon opened his mouth, but nothing came out. He closed it again, then shook his head. “Then she wasn’t the right one for you.”

“I bought a ring,” I confessed.

“For Joelle?”

I shook my head. “No. For Emma. We were together when my dad had his stroke. I thought she was the person I was going to spend my life with. We talked about next steps. About moving in together and getting married, a future. She was younger than me, but she’d been focused on her career and wasn’t in a hurry to settle down before we got together.”

“You’ve never mentioned her.”

“When Mom called about Dad’s stroke, I panicked. I broke down. I thought I’d never see him again. That he’d be gone before I could get here.”

“Understandable to worry about that. But you made it. He’s fine.”

I nodded. “Yeah, but when that happened, Emma told me everyone dies, and I needed to get over it.”

“Whoa,” Landon said, jerking back.

“She was never a very emotional person, and until then, I saw that as a good thing. She was focused and driven, she didn’t have close ties to her family, and she was fun. We could go anywhere and do whatever we wanted. But when I needed to come home, she couldn’t understand why.”

“Not everyone is like that. It sounds like you dodged a bullet, though.”

“I did, and I know that now, but I was going to marry her. I thought she was my future. Instead, she refused to move here with me. Said it wasn’t what she pictured for her life. I realized I barely knew her.”

“And Joelle saying she was thinking of moving here brought that all up?”

I nodded. “Yeah. I mean, what do I know about her? She told you she’s from DC. She never told me that. I don’t know what she does for a living or what brought her to MacKellar Cove or how she’s paying for her stay. I don’t know anything about her, and now she’s moving here? And she’s telling my mother.”

“Okay, but—”

“And there was a guest at the Inn when I picked her up who said hello to me like she knew who I was. I’ve never seen the woman before, but she was talking to Joelle and knew who I was. I mean, it’s weird, right?”

“I think you’re spiraling. Talk to Joelle. See what’s going on with her. Don’t decide she’s like Emma before you have a conversation.”

“She’s not like Emma. Not even a little bit.”

“What do you mean?”

I glared at him.

He laughed. “You’re all kinds of messed up.”

“Don’t I know it,” I mumbled.

Landon inhaled slowly, letting his breath out in a huff. “What are you going to do?”

“Apologize?”

He snorted. “Yeah, but after that?”

I shook my head. “I don’t know.”

“Do you want her to stay?”

I huffed a laugh. “Yeah, I do.”

“Maybe you should tell her that.”

“I probably should, but…”

Landon sighed heavily. He got it. He knew the risk of putting yourself out there. Seeing what he went through with Reegan only reinforced my fears.

People did what was best for them, regardless of who they hurt.

“Let’s go back in. Your mom has dessert,” he said instead of trying to convince me to talk to Joelle.

“I’ll be there in a minute.”

Landon nodded and let himself back into the house. I heard the questions before he closed the door. And Landon telling them I’d be inside in a minute.

I scratched Molly’s back and kicked to move the swing. She clutched my shoulder with her claws.

“Ow,” I breathed, slowing the swing so she didn’t freak out. “Sorry.”

She meowed and bumped my chin with her head.

“You’re not going to leave me, are you?”

She meowed again and licked my jaw.

“Thank you. Too bad you can’t give me a bath if I ever need it.”

She licked me again as if to prove otherwise, and I chuckled.

“Okay, fine, you can. But can you feed me?”

She bumped my chin again.

“Okay, we’ll keep that a one-way thing.” I sighed and tried to get my head on straight. “I need to apologize to Joelle. And my parents. Got any advice?”

Molly meowed loudly, then jumped down and went to the door, looking back at me as if to tell me to get it over with.

I heaved myself off the swing and opened the door. Molly ran ahead of me, and I trailed inside, finding my mom and Joelle sitting together in the living room.

Joelle’s gaze found mine, and it gutted me to see the pain in her eyes.

My mother’s, on the other hand, just held anger.

“Joelle, I apologize for my reaction. It wasn’t you, I promise.”

“It’s okay,” she whispered.

“No it’s not,” my mother said. “He owes you an explanation.”

“Mom,” I whined.

“You had no right to speak to her like that or to make her feel as though she wasn’t welcome here. I raised you better than that.”

“Yes, you did. And I will explain everything to Joelle, but maybe when we’re alone?”

“Oh,” Mom said, as if she just realized she didn’t have a place to ask for the explanation. “Well, I guess if Joelle is okay with that, it’s fine.”

Everyone turned to look at Joelle.

She forced a smile and nodded. “That’s fine.”

I saw in her eyes that she wasn’t going to be so forgiving when we were alone, and she was right to feel that way.

Dad brought out the cake they ordered, a duplicate of their wedding cake like they got every year. We all sat and ate cake and pretended I hadn’t ruined the entire evening by acting like an ass.

When Landon said he had to be up early, I used the same excuse to usher Joelle out of the house. Before we made our escape, my mom gave me one last lecture about my behavior and Dad told me how wonderful Joelle was.

As if I didn’t already know.

I half wondered if she was going to refuse to go with me, but she walked out the door with me and let me open the door for her to climb into my truck.

Joelle didn’t speak to me. She sat silently next to me. Molly was curled up on her lap, getting scratches from Joelle.

I didn’t know where to go, but I knew we needed to talk. I needed to be honest with her about what was going on, about how I was feeling. The mess in my head and why I reacted the way I did.

I ended up at Mountain View Retreat. The tranquility of the place always eased my mind, and Molly loved it. Natalie never minded if I was there, and I knew no one would be around, which meant Joelle and I wouldn’t be interrupted.

Molly chirped at the window, ready to get out and run. I opened my door, and she sprinted across me, jumping out of the truck and racing through the parking lot to where the grass stretched out endlessly.

“Molly!” Joelle called, scrambling out of the truck and running toward where Molly went.

“She’s fine,” I told Joelle.

“But she just took off. What if she gets lost or hurt? How will she know how to get back?”

“This is where she’s from.”

“Where she’s from?” Joelle looked at me like I was crazy.

“She was out here when I found her. Hiding and scavenging for everything. I started working out here a year ago, taking care of the property. She was scared, but eventually she came around, letting me feed her. After a while, she let me pick her up. I took her to Kingsley, the vet. She was little, but she was in good shape. Mostly. Anyway, whenever I come out here, she runs around and tires herself out. She loves it, but she always comes back when I call her.”

“Oh. Um, okay.” Joelle clasped her hands together and rolled her lips in.

I hated seeing her like that. Unsure of herself. And me. “I’m sorry.”

Her gaze snapped to mine, then flickered away.

I exhaled roughly, trying to gather my thoughts. “I… I had no right to get upset with you about moving here. I’m sorry I lost it on you.”

“It’s fine,” she whispered.

“It’s not fine. I… I don’t want you to move here for me.”

She blanched.

“I didn’t mean…” I sucked in a breath. “I like you, Joelle. A lot. And I’m enjoying our time together. But we’ve only known each other a few weeks. I guess I was just surprised to hear you’re thinking of moving here.”

“I’m not moving for you,” she said.

“You’re not?”

“No. For one thing, I’m not sure if I’m moving here, but if I do, I need to move here for me.”

“Okay. Well, good. But…”

“Andre, I’m not looking for a commitment from you. I’m not looking for anything from you. I was just talking to your mom. I’m not… I don’t know what I’m doing, Andre. But it has nothing to do with you.”

Ouch. “I don’t… I’m messing this all up. Dammit. I like you. And I’m not trying to say I don’t want you here. I’m just… Shit, I’m sorry. I’m enjoying getting to know you, spending time with you.”

“I am, too,” she said. “A lot.”

“Good. Then maybe we just keep getting to know each other?”

“That was my plan. I… I don’t really want to go back to DC. My mother… I can’t do it anymore. I need a change. I don’t know if staying here is the right thing, but I know going back to DC is not.”

“It doesn’t sound like being there was a great thing for you.”

She shook her head. “No, it definitely was not.” She chuckled.

I wanted to ask what she was laughing at, but it seemed like there was something I didn’t know. “So are we okay?”

She nodded. “Yes. I wasn’t trying to catch you off guard or upset you. I’m sorry I didn’t say something to you before I mentioned it to your mother. It just kind of came out.”

I reached for her, letting her slide her hand into mine. I pulled her toward me, slipping my other hand against her cheek. “It’s all good. It was all me. I will enjoy having you here a little longer, too. If you still want to see me.”

“Well, I don’t know. I could do with some convincing.”

I pulled her in even closer, nudging her nose. “Is that so?”

“Mmm, that’s helping.”

“Yeah?” I kissed her neck. “How about this?”

“Oh, yes.”

I kissed her lips. “And this?”

“I’m sold,” she whispered.

“Then can I talk you into coming back to my place for the rest of the night?”

“Well, that is what I was promised.”

“Let’s go.” I whistled for Molly, and she came running from somewhere past the building.

Joelle chuckled. “She really does come back.”

“All the time,” I said, tugging Joelle toward the truck.

Crisis averted.