No Good Hood

All good things come to an end. Sometimes the end is peaceful and quiet, sometimes you understand that the ending is for the best.

Sometimes endings are like a car wreck. Loud, messy and just a disaster.

Maybe an ending was one you never saw coming. Maybe it was doomed from the start.

She was eighteen now, and things were finally coming to an end.

Hannah wiped down the bar as the door creaked open, and Ponyboy came into her line of view. A late Wednesday afternoon and Hannah had successfully avoided him for five days. Now her luck was running out. Pony stood at the door, staring at her. His eyes looked hurt, but he just looked uncomfortable as Hannah threw down the rag she was using.

"Buck, I'm going on break," she called into the basement.

"You're a bartender, you don't get breaks!"

"Then I guess I'm just leaving!"

"Five minutes."

She sent Pony a curt nod as she started towards the door. A warm afternoon in June, only one more week until school was out and Ponyboy Curtis was officially a high school graduate. He was the first to speak once they stepped out onto the front porch, Hannah sat down on the steps with Pony beside her.

"What's up with you?"

What was up with her? She had been avoiding Ponyboy for nearly a week. No going to the Curtis house, no talking to any of the gang, even talking with Curly was starting to be a struggle. Her mind was yelling at her, filling her ears as she stared down at her hands.

Pony doesn't deserve this. He doesn't deserve you.

She cleared her throat. It was hard to pretend you didn't care when your heart was breaking in your chest.

"It's not your fault, Ponyboy. You didn't do anything to push me away. I've just been thinking-" Biting down on her lip, Hannah glanced up to her boyfriend. Dressed in a track team sweatshirt and jeans, the freckles on his nose and cheeks were becoming more visible. He didn't look like a young boy anymore, nearly eighteen, Ponyboy looked more like Darry than she had ever noticed.

"What's up with you?"

Ponyboy smiled to himself. Hannah was always a little tricky, but that was part of the appeal. Butterflies fluttered in his stomach. It still didn't seem real, but it was.

"I got my application back," he started. "The one I sent to Oklahoma state?"

She nodded, knowing exactly what he was going to say. That youthful excitement was back, shining in the grey of his eyes.

"I got accepted. Well, I got in on an academic scholarship, and then another for my track performance. Put it all together, I got a full ride to university."

His smile was small, almost like he was embarrassed. Hannah just nodded while she played with her fingers. "That's great, Pony. Darry must be real proud of you."

I'm proud of you, too.

He agreed awkwardly before reaching towards Hannah's hands as they sat in her lap. "He is. Now, are you gonna tell me what's goin' on with you? I haven't seen you in days, neither has the gang. Is it because Dal's in the cooler again?"

She ripped her hands away and stood quickly, pushing her hair away as she did so. "It's because I'm not good enough for you."

"Hey! That's not true and you know it-"

She laughed bitterly. "Wake up, Ponyboy. You're a smart kid heading off to university in a month, and what am I? I'm a piece of New York trailer trash." She turned around to stare at the bar behind her, ignoring the pleading look in Pony's eyes.

"I'm eighteen years old with barely any education, I live in a fucking bar...I'm a convicted criminal, Ponyboy. Tulsa's the best it's ever gonna get for a dumb hood like me."

Pony sighed heavily, hand reaching to take hers. "Come on honey, you can't really believe that?"

Hannah turned back to face him, ignoring the gentle way he held her hands in his own.

"Hannah, please. Let's talk about this, okay? I don't have to go to-"

She pushed away from him quickly. "Yes, you do. You have a chance, Pony. It's a chance most of us will never get, an' I'll be damned if I let you throw that away for some girl."

"Hannah, you are the only girl I can ever see myself loving."

"Don't fucking lie to me," she spat. "Maybe you love me now, but what's gonna happen in five years when you're done with school and have a job? A real job? Are you really gonna come all the way back to Tulsa for me? No! Hell, I probably won't even be here, I'll be six feet under by then."

Hands limp at his sides, Pony stared at her. Hannah didn't look angry, or bitter, she looked defeated. It took eighteen years, but she finally realized that she would never amount to anything.

It's for the best.

"So what? You're breaking up with me?"

Don't look at me like that dumbass, now I feel guilty.

"If that's what it takes for you to move on."

Pony was speechless as he made his way off the property. Now standing on the road, he took a final look back. "I love you, okay? I'm goin' to university but when I'm done, I'm coming right back here for you!"

Then he left, and Hannah sunk to the porch steps with her head in her hands.

I love you, okay?

I'm coming right back here for you.

The foreign words in her mind didn't make sense as Pony slowly disappeared into the city streets. The door behind her creaked open as Buck stepped out onto the porch.

"Uh...you doin' alright?"

"You heard that," she croaked. Buck rested a hand on her shoulder and laughed quietly. "I think the entire fucking block heard that, sweetheart."

He was quiet again as Hannah steadied her breath. "Your break just got extended. Dally's outta the slammer and needs a ride back here."

He dropped the keys into her open hand. Hannah walked towards Buck's car parked on the grass before getting in and speeding off towards the station.

"Jesus, what's wrong with you?"

Dallas pulled the door closed as Hannah pulled her foot from the brake pedal and drove down the street. she had cried on the way over here, nothing too dramatic, just a few stray tears and the horrible feeling of guilt slowly growing in her gut. She thought she was hiding it well. But Dallas knew his sister better than that.

"Broke up with Ponyboy," she mumbled. Hannah spoke so softly, she was certain Dallas hadn't heard her at all.

"Now why would you do something like that?"

"He's too good for me, it just wasn't gonna work-"

"That's a load of bullshit. If anything, you're too good for him."

"You're just saying that because you're my brother."

"I'm sayin' it because you're not a pretty crier."

"Thanks, man."

"Anytime."

Hannah gripped the steering wheel tightly as they approached a stop sign. "Pony got accepted to university, a full ride." Dallas bit back a smirk as he dug around in his pocket for his lighter. "Good for him, always knew he was gonna make it."

The two came back to the bar but didn't get out right away. Hannah's grip loosened on the steering wheel as her head fell back, her eyes closed. "He's gonna like university, gonna do real well."

Dallas blew a cloud of smoke into the evening air. "Don't beat yourself up about it, alright? Some people are meant to do great things, like Ponyboy, and some aren't."

"Like us?"

"Like us. We're hoods, Hannah. We fight an' steal an' break the law, but someone's gotta do it. Think about how boring this town would be without us."

The night was calm, light wind shook the trees and their leaves.

"He said he loved me."

Dallas scoffed. "An' you still broke up with him?"

Hannah chuckled softly. "Said he'd come back for me when he finished."

The door clanged shut as Dallas got out of the car and came around to his sister's side. "I've known Ponyboy for a long time, an' he isn't the type to break a promise. An' he knows I'll break his legs if he decides to fuck with your head like he's doin' right now."

They laughed together as they walked up the steps back into the bar. "Yeah, let's see him try to keep his scholarship with two broken femurs," Hannah joked sarcastically. Dallas threw his arm around her shoulder. "Thatta girl."

Dallas paused before they entered. "What are you gonna do when he leaves?"

"Hope he comes back, I guess."

"An' if he does?"

"No one's ever done that before."