• nicknames •

akito pov // first person

Toya Aoyagi has a girlfriend.

My chest genuinley feels like it's been sat on, it aches so badly. I want to pull it all out and shred it to bits.

What's worse? He persistently questions me about eating. I didn't ask him to worry. He never did before. He shouldn't now.

Actually, scrap that, it's most definitely not worse. I'm confused why I feel so achy inside. It's not like I love toya.

...Right?

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I walk into my spanish classroom. Toyas girlfriend waves at me. She has brunette pin straight hair, and dark brown eyes. Her skin is clear, and she has eyeliner on. She's decent looking, not like some of the ratty girls you see around.

"Hey. Akito, right? Toya's best friend? I'm Hana. He doesn't stop talking about you." She said warmly. I smile at her, blinking as pain wells in my head and heart, my chest tightening.

This is terrible. She's actually a nice person. I don't want to be horrible to her because she is with Toya. She doesn't deserve that.

"Yeah. Nice to meet you." I respond, and she smiles at me. She has that kind of smile that makes you feel the need to do it back. Hana really isn't that bad.

But she took Toya. I swallow down the sick in my throat, sitting down as I bite my tongue. The teacher starts the lesson while I zone out, looking through the window.

//////////////

The clock finally ticks to 9:50. I feel like that was the worst hour I've ever experienced. The teacher dismisses the class with a wave of his hand. Toya is waiting at the door, smiling at Hana. It's okay, I know it's not for me.

I smile at him and brush past.

"Hey. Aki." He takes a pace toward me, and I turn around. Stop calling me that. Using nicknames is for all those cute relationships, who kiss and hug and shit.

"Wait with me for Ana." He blinked. Oh. He uses nicknames for her. Of course he does.

"I'm good. I gotta talk to the music teacher before lesson." I walk away. That was a lie. One damn blatant lie.

I walk into one of the private bathrooms and lock the door. I lean my head against the wall and bite my teeth down over my fist, leaving teeth marks in the fragile skin.

"Fuck. Fuck." I whisper, tearing up. I sink down the wall, wiping my eyes viciously. Why am I upset? I don't own Toya. He's not mine. I breathe out and violently hit my own leg, frustrated.

My throat tingles. I cough a few times, and i realise it sounds a little raspy. Maybe I've just got a sore throat..? It happens a lot, I'm a street singer.

I breathe out and stand up, brushing myself off as I sling my bag back over my shoulder and walk out. I head into the music class and sit in my seat.

I should've seen it sooner. Instead I was blind, and let myself push too far, and now I've left myself hurt. I should've seen the closeness of them, their interactions. But I was dumb and stupid, and ignored it, hoping that Toya would automatically guess that I lov-

What?

I don't.

He comes in and sits next to me. I feel his foot tap onto mine, but I pull it away as quick as it lands on top of mine.

"Aki, are you good?" He frowned. The stupid nickname again.

"Yeah yeah, I'm fine." I look at him.

"Your leg is shaking again." He points it out and I stop it, fiddling with my own hands instead. I don't want to sit next to Toya. I need to distance myself, because I dont want to have to put up with hurting every time I see him with Hana.

"You're tense. Something is definitely up. Tell me what's wrong otherwise I cant fix it." He looked at me from the side.

"Okay, well, I don't want you to fix it." I snap, before I withdrawal, regretting everything. I want to apologise but I can't find the proper way to word it. It's like the words are all there, everything is need to say is ready, but got jumbled in my throat. I swallow, looking away out the window.

"Okay, class. Partner up for this activity. You'll be working digitally on the computers, on an online music composing website." The teacher explained. I feel my heart sink a little when I watch Hana and Toya exchange glances.

The class gets up and he has no hesitation, heading over to her immeditely. I was.. hoping for him to at least consider me? No. That's selfish. I cant think that.

"Heyy! I wanna go with you." An smiled, sitting down next to me. I smile at her. I don't realise my nails digging into my palms, so hard that i draw blood.

"Hey, stop. What're you doing?" An pulled my hands away from each other, putting them down on my legs. I sit back and cross my arms. I look over at Toya.

He's laughing and smiling with Hana, pointing at the screen and it's different images and colours. That should be me. An looks where i'm staring at, and realises immeditely. Her finger pokes into my leg hard and I jump, looking back round at her.

"Hey!" I demand irritably. I side glance Toya. Did he even think about me? At all? Or is it just Hana now? I cough again, but harder. It's like something is stuck in my throat, and it refuses to budge.

"Is this about Toya?" She asked. She looks sympathetic. Why? Don't sympathise me. That's only for people who are weak.

"Yeah." I say quietly, fiddling with my thumbs on my lap. I look up at An and we exchange glances. I tear up.

"Oh Akito." She tilted her eyebrows and hugged me, her arms around my neck as I buried my face into her shoulder. I sniff in, and suck it up. I'll only get upset with nobody else to watch me.

"I'm good." I say, pulling away. Suddenly a concerning factor crosses my head. Does Hana know about Toyas dad? If she doesn't, that's a hard situation to deal with. I'll have to ask him at some point.

He looks over at me and waves, and I smile, before looking away again seconds later. I feel so sick. I dig my nails back into my palms, but An takes my hands and rubs her thumbs over my knuckles.

"Stop doing that." She said seriously, looking at me directly.

"You didn't have it like this with Kohane. Right?" I ask, and she hesitated before shaking her head.

I look down and away. She works on the project we have to do, and I join in half way through. It works eventually and we submit it in. An fist bumps me and I smile weakly, looking at the floor.

I swallow down bile, I want to burst into tears and scream until my throat folds inside out.

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1188

(1122 chapter one 1188 chapter two you don't know how good i feel about this shit)

anyway in the next chapter i'm probably going to focus more on a toya pov realising something is def up with akito 😊😊

guys they are gay i swear down

💗

(hi emi)