• so close yet so far •

(the cuties omg)

toya pov //

I meet Akito outside of school once it finished, so increadibly greatful I can see him. I'm so lucky that I get to have somebody like him with me.

"Hey!" He smiles. I ruffle his hair as he drags me all the way to his house. He yaps on about different things on the way, stories and drama he heard from others or things that happened to himself.

We go through his door and I get taken upstairs, his hand holding mine tightly. My eyes widen, looking down at our conjoined fingers.

He turns around to me and hesitated before throwing his arms around my neck, his face buried into me as he shuffled to get comfy.

He won't admit it, but I know how much he loves physical touch. I trace my hands down his back and hold them around his hips, pulling his body up close to mine.

I don't know if I'm crazy, but I feel his face heat up. Is he blushing? God, I really hope he is. I am too.

I lean my face down and kiss his forehead affectionately. He makes a small noise and holds himself closer to me.

"Do you like that or something?" I laugh quietly, doing it again. He nuzzled his face under my chin and I hold him in my arms, rubbing his back.

"I'm here. I'm here with you." I whisper. I go over to the bed and lay down, him with me as he laid on top of me, his head on my chest. We are spooning, and he seems to like it.

I don't say anything, but he's such a little spoon.

He smells so nice- like the perfume he always uses, combined with fresh flowers.

Pheromones drive me fucking insane. I'm going to leave even more head over heels for this guy and I know it.

I rub my hands up his back, holding him like he's mine and nobody else's. By the signals his body is giving, he loves it.

He makes another small noise, his cheek burying into my collarbone. I angled down to his forehead and pecked it, stroking his hair.

"Toya." He says, hesitating.

"Nevermind." he looks away.

"No, no. What was it about?" I stroke his hair, tracing my hand through the fluffy ginger.

He looks up at me, his hands either side of my chest, before I watch his eyes trace down to my lips.

I blink slowly, the silence between us the equivalent of sexual tension. I lean forward slightly, him too, our face centimetres apart as I rise my hand to his jaw.

I can feel the breath from his slightly parted lips on mine, and my head tilts ever so slightly as I close my eyes.

I feel him brush against me, our lips touching gently but nothing like a real kiss. Just as I go to pull myself further onto him and actually do it, Ena barges in.

Akito shoves me away, leaning back himself.

"Ay was that what I thought it was?" Ena squinted.

"Nah there was something on his face. Peice of glitter or some shit." Akito said to her.

What just happened..?

"Oh." Ena looked at me.

"Anyway. Are you going to the lantern festival?" She asked.

"Yeah we are going." He responded, looking at me.

"Ohh okay." She nodded.

"What's up with your boyfriend?" She signalled to me. I'm looking at Akito with a soft expression, blush on my face as my eyes scan all his features.

"He's n-not my- get out!" Akito demanded, and she laughed and left the room.

"Is that seriously all she needed?" He sighed irritably and went down to my chest again, cuddling up to me.

"What just happened?" I ask, stroking his hair.

"Something I shouldn't have let happen." He replies.

I hesitate for a second.

"Why not?" I say quietly, looking away.

"Don't worry about it." He smiled, holding me close again.

"Okay." I trust him. There was probably a reason. I think. Yeah.

akito pov //

I grit my teeth.

Don't fucking pity me.

I don't want his closeness, I don't want his lips. I don't want any of it if it's to make me feel better about myself. He knows I'm ill but has no idea what with.

He just wants me to feel better.

I pause, thinking.

Why is my head like this? Cant I just believe that he really meant it? He looked like he did. What if I just confessed now?

No. That's stupid, and also embarassing. I'd be forcing my feelings onto him. He'd probably hate me at the end of it anyway.

His hand continuously runs through my hair, my cheek rests on his chest, my arms wound around his torso.

"I'm going to have to go in a minute, because of my dad." He said gently, the vibrations of his voice mesmerising me.

"Awh. Okay." I say. My tongue traces over my lips.

"I'd stay for longer. I'm sorry." He whispered, then paused.

"You should stop licking your lips. You do it a lot, and it dries them out more." He blinked.

Does he look at my lips or something?

"Try this." He handed me lip balm, cherry flavoured. He's used it before.

I apply it on. It starts tingling, so I pull a disgusted face and wipe it off quickly.

"Ew. That was terrible." I still have an annoyed face on me. Toya laughs softly.

"Weirdo." He mutters, looking at me up and down.

I climbed off of him and he rose up from his position. I blink drowsily and yawn, stretching out.

"Get some rest. I'll message you tommorow morning for the festival." He smiled, ruffling my hair again.

"We can sort a time then." Toya explained. I nodded and he waved at me as he walked out, grabbing his backpack. He slung it over his shoulder and strolled out.

I heard the front door shut, and I cough, the rasp still there. It's normal now.

Small spots of blood land on my pillow, dripping from the corner of my mouth.

My chest feels like it shifts, and my eyes widen as I shoot into my bathroom. I cant breathe. Like at all. Oh my god. I'm being strangled.

I itch at my neck, swallowing. I jam my eyes shut, my thoughts spiralling. Is this it? The death?

After a few seconds it clears off, and I dig my nails into my palms as I throw up two entire sunflower heads, alongside a shower of yellow petals, and of course- blood.

I look at what I've done on the floor, the horrifying sight. The redness is all over my hands. I realise something is trailing out my mouth.

I bring my hands up to it, realising it's a loose stem. I close my eyes and breathe in, grabbing a hold of it as I tug it out.

I do it fast, without thinking. I get rewarded with handfuls of blood and gagging, shivering at the stem in my hand.

"That's fucking disgusting." I whisper to myself. I dump the flowers in the bin. I cant flush it down the toilet anymore, I'd just straight up block it. I use a cloth for the stains, sniffing often.

I sit for a moment, before I look down at whatever is over my shirt.

I groan annoyedly and take it off, putting it in after the flowers in my bathroom bin.

I sigh and turn the shower on hot, needing to wash myself off. I feel so dirty right now, it's not even funny. The water runs through my hair, as I cleanse it through.

I sort of just stand there for a moment, contemplating everything. The water runs down the sides of my face and snaps me back.

I blink dully and dry myself off, getting into a new change of clothes.

I do what Toya said and I rest, closing my eyes, despite the time being pretty early.

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1303 words

shorter chapter, i don't want to drag it on because i already did i little in this i had to go back and add things to create length cause i was not leaving it at 800 words

so, how we feeling about second to last chapter? expect the next chapter to be anything from 2000 to 3500 words i don't know yet but uh

yes

dances around ‼️💯