Count the days.

Samantha

The next morning is terrible. Sleep didn't come easy with all the anxiety and guilt that I have built up over the course of the last 24 hours. When I did finally fall asleep, things weren't any better.

So when I woke up to the sun peering through the window, I breathe a sigh of relief, knowing that I'm done with the hellish night. But I don't realize is that I've barely started my walk through the pits of Hell itself.

I lay in bed for a few minutes, mentally preparing myself for the day. I roll over on my bed and look at the wall with windows. No lights and no movement. It's been like that since last night. It has me worried.

Throwing the blankets off my body and rolling out of bed, I make my way over to the house in the wall and peak inside. The bed's unmade and yet I can't find the small human who occupied it last night. The drawers are shuffled and opened with clothes dripping from them. My eyes wonder the house, looking for the girl, but she's nowhere in sight.

My heart slowly picks up as it seems Caesar is missing now.

"No," I mutter in shock. I open the door with the band and stick my hand inside. Opening the other doors in the house and feeling around for the small girl. "No, no, no, no."

I open the closet. She's not there. Then I reach for the bathroom door to open it. It opens on its own though. You'd think I'd breathe a sigh of relief seeing Caesar standing there in the bathroom,hair in a towel, wearing a sports bra and underwear.

My heart stops completely though. My hand frozen in place, still reaching for the door.

Caesar doesn't bat an eye or blink.  She pulls off her towel, snakes her way through my fingers and heads for the closet.  My hand twitches feeling the smooth skin of her leg brush against my thumb. The sensation causes a tingle to travel up my arm, making me blush.

Caesar doesn't seem to notice or she just doesn't care. Why would she after what I've done. The girl pulls out a pair of pants, a plain t-shirt, and a jacket. She gets dressed as if I'm not there.

I pull my hand out of the house and watch as Caesar pulls on her pants and reaches for her shirt. For someone so small, she's well built. Not like those jacked body builders, but she got some tone to her body.

She pauses for a second to make eye contact with me. Her eyes narrow into slits, like knives. The first look she's given me today, but her facial expression doesn't change. The girl walks down the stairs and heads into the kitchen to make breakfast.

I bite my lip, wondering if I should apologize now or later. It won't make a difference I believe.

"Caesar?" I say, my voice cracking from the pressure.

The girl, again, doesn't acknowledge I'm there. She pulls out a gallon milk, a bowl, and some cereal. I get the hint that she wants to be left alone, but I wanted to try at least.

"I'll come back later." I say feebly before getting up and walking away.

Throughout the day, I give Caesar her space and try again when I'm getting for bed. The same thing happens again though. Caesar doesn't acknowledge me. Not a word, a look, or motion that tells me she sees me. She simply stares at the tv screen. It's not on so she's blatantly ignoring me.

"Please, Caesar!" I plead with the human. "I made a mistake and I'm so deeply sorry for it! I should have listened, but I was just scared that you'd..."

My words die in my throat when I see that she's gotten up from the couch. I hoped she'd finally do or say something, anything to acknowledge me! She can blame me, yell at me, be angry! Anything! literally anything!

Nothing.

She walks towards then up the stairs to the bathroom to change. It causes cracks to form in my heart and for emotions to twist and knot in my stomach. I hate this! And yet I know I deserve it.

My lip quivers and a lump forms in my throat again as the bathroom door shuts. Again, I rest my forehead on the wall and begin to cry.

The next day

Today isn't any better.

I wake up before Caesar does and wait patiently for her to do the same. It takes longer then expected though. The girl goes to the bathroom, gets dressed, and walks down the stairs. I reach for the door and open it as Caesar reaches to bottom.

I hope that'll get her attention and it does, but she closes it instead and goes about her morning. All while I watch with a hurting heart.

I  leave the girl alone again, getting ready for the day myself and eating breakfast. When I come back and check on her again, Caesar is sitting on the couch staring off in th distance just like she was yesterday.

She looks like a doll, sitting there lifelessly. No expression on her face, no movement except for the slight rise in her chest, proving that she's alive.

"Caesar?"

She doesn't move. It's the same thing today too. It's beginning to make me nervous. Questions churn in my head as I stare at the girl on the couch. How long can she do this for? Is it some form of survival? Can I snap her out of it? Most importantly, how can I help her?

For today, I leave the girl alone. Holding on to hope that she'll eventually snap out of this funk.

One week later

"I think Caesars depressed, Ashley." I say to my best friend on the phone. "She doesn't talk to me, like, at all and refuses to notice me."

I'm outside, sitting on the pool's ledge with my legs in to water. My hair is done up in a bun and I'm wearing a bikini so I can get a tan going and maybe just try and relax, but no matter what, I can't stop thinking about Caesar.

"Or she could be pissed and giving you the silent treatment." Ashley responds nonchalantly.

I shake my head. "No, Caesar will let you know if she's pissed. This is different. It's like she's not even alive."

There's a long pause on the line.

"Have you been giving her some sunlight?" Ashleys asks.

I can't help roll my eyes. "She's not a plant, Ashley... but she does like the outdoors, doesn't she."

"Bingo!"

Maybe some sunlight and the scent of the forest will cure some of her depression. It's worth a shot, what else do I have to lose.

I thank Ashley and tell her goodbye before hanging up and getting out of the water. I throw on a robe and tie it around my waist while entering the house. Cold air washing over me as I tiptoe up the stairs and enter my room.

Walking up to the house, I bend down at the knees and peer through the window. Caesar is on the couch as usual, staring at nothing.

I bite the inside of my cheek nervously."H-hey, Caesar," I start off. "I'm going to take a small walk through the forest, would you like to join me?" Now I wait for her response.

A few minutes of silence tick by. Just as I'm about to give up hope, I hear the faintest mumble. My heart picks up its pace. Although I couldn't hear what she said, I'm happy that she at least said something.

I take her faint answer as a yes and unlock the door. "Alright, come on."

I reach in and pinch the back of Caesar's shirt and lift her off the couch then slowly pull her through the door. She doesn't fight or agrue. She just goes limp as I do so.

I set the girl down on the palm of my hand and bring her close to my face. She looks worse then I expected. Her eyes sunken in and she's pale, sickly pale. Caesar doesn't even look like she's trying to take care of herself anymore.

A sigh escapes my lips. I know she doesn't want to talk and I doubt if I ask if she's okay she'll answer. Also it's a dump question to ask given her state.

"Let's get you some fresh air." I say as I hold the girl close to my body and begin waking back outside.

The air is hot like Summer should be. The sun at its peak with the birds chirping in the woods behind the house. It's always peaceful to hear the birds and feel the sun on my skin.

"It's a nice day, isn't it?" I say to Caesar.

Caesar doesn't answer.

I sigh and forget the notion of trying to strike up a conversation with the girl. I won't be able to get her to talk. Caesar is going to do that on her own accord.

We begin to walk down the stone paved path. Every now and then I take a peak at Caesar to see she's showing any liveliness like she did the other night.

She's as dead as ever.

Watching Caesar be this way is breaking my heart. Not even the forest is bringing her back to life. What have I done! If I knew that she'd act this way after our argument, I would have never gotten mad.

We stop at the clearing where the tent was set up. I take a seat in the cool grass and stare long and hard at the area around me.

"You're never going to forgive me, are you." I say, stating the obvious.

"Why would I..." Caesar answers weakly.

My heart squeezes. I always knew that would be her response and yet it still kills me to hear it.

"Caesar, I'm sorry-"

"No, you're not."

"But I am!" I cry out, tears filling my vision as I look down at the human in my hands. "I hurt you so, so bad!"

"Hurt me?" The human whips around, a dark look covering her face. "Hurt me?!" The girl pulls off her shirt, showing me her scar covered body. "This is hurt! What you did was different! You ruined me!!"

My lip quivers. I deserved to be yelled at! I promised I'd fix Caesar, that I would never hurt her like the other giants did. I was right, I didn't hurt her like other giants. Here I am, causing more damage than the scars that rake her body ever could.

"I-"

"And don't give me  another one of those weak and pathetic apologies! I don't want them!" She growls. The human slips her shirt back on and turns around with her arms crossed. "You only say them to make yourself feel better..."

She's right. The apologies are shallow and weak. I've only thought about myself and how I felt since the beginning. All out of fear of losing Caesar the way I lost Tex. Daniels was right! I shouldn't have treated her like she was Tex.

I lower my hands to the grass and slide Caesar off my hands. There's no way I could make this up to her with words. My only salution is to let her go.

"You chose to stay last time you had the opportunity leave," I say with a choked up throat. "This time, you can go... I... I won't stop you either." I tell the girl as I wipe the tears out of my eyes.

Caesar glares at me. She doesn't believe me and I don't blame her, but I'm keeping my word this time! I'll let her leave and if she needs anything to make her life better out there then I'll provide it without hesitation.

The human turns away and starts walking towards the tree.

My sinks deeply into my stomach. It's wishful thinking that she'd stay, but I know that this is the only way I can apologize for what I did. I deserve this. I deserve all the heartache and pain.

A fierce scream snaps me out of my sorrowful thoughts.

Caesar has stopped walking, staring at the treeline. She turns back to me with anger on her face and tears in her eyes.

Caesar

I still fucking care! After all she put me though, I still care about her and my heart just can't let go of those emotions. She betrayed me! She's hurt me so much more than any other giant could! And I still can't walk away from it.

I flop down on my knees, feeling weak just from walking. I've nearly starved myself to death from the mixture of emotions that pleagued my mind for the last week and a half. Hell, it's more then that! Ever since I got here, my emotions have been all over the place and I can't explain why it's happening!

"Caesar..." A shadow looms over me.

I expect a hand to scoop me up and whisk me back to the house where I'll be stuck there for the rest of my life. I can't live like that anymore, but I know I can't leave either. The wildly deep connection I've made with Samantha is holding me back. It's like I can't comprehend living without her now.

"I hate you." I spit out in rage. A swelling wave of emotions overcome me. "I fucking hate you! I hate what you've done to me! I thought I knew what I wanted, but ever since I got here my brain has been a scrambled mess! I can't make a clear decision without thinking how it affects you! Why?! I don't know!" My voice cracks as the angry tears begin stream down my face. "I don't know why I care you about you, I just... I don't get it!" My head feels dizzy from how much energy I exerted in one fell swoop. I think I'm going to puke. "I don't get it..."

Samantha's face wears a mask of shock and surprise from my outburst. Her mouth opens to say something, but nothing comes out.

I can't hold my emotions back anymore and I start to cry again, just like I did the night I was going to escape. I don't know what wrong with me! No human in their right mind would stay with a gaint, not willingly at least. So why can't I just leave? Even if I knew I couldn't survive, I'd still want to leave anyway. If it were anyone else, I'd go! But it's Samantha.

The giantess who didn't listen when I tried to defend myself. The giantess who jumps to conclusions. The one who finally broke me so bad that I don't see a point in living anymore. But I can't let her good actions go unnoticed either.

She has given me more freedom this last month and a half then any other giante ever has in the last four years. She's come to my rescue on several occasions and hasn't punished me for any of my actions or badmouthing. She cares about me! As much as I hate to think about a giantess caring about me, Samantha does.

A gentle digit wipes my tears away. As Samantha pulls her finger back, I stop it by grabbing on and pulling the finger back. I hold her close to my cheek as I cry. I can't go through this again and I definitely don't want to do it alone either.

Samantha uses her other hand scoop me up off the ground. It's never felt so warm and inviting before. It's probably because I am a delusional mess right now.

The giantess brings me to her shoulder for a hug of sorts and rubs my back as I bury my face in the fuzzy robe and let all my emotions out.

"I've put you through so much and it's all my fault," She admits while comforting me. "I've always been a terrible listener when angry. I put my own feelings before you, Caesar. Because I was afraid that you'd end up like Tex. And... and I couldn't go through that again." Her grip tightens. It's more of a comforting squeeze. "But I've made things worse. I broke your trust and I don't deserve you anymore."

She doesn't deserve me anymore that's for sure. My heart aches for her some reason. It's empathy I guess. I know what it's like to be played with and hurt. Maybe that's why I can't let go of her.

Give her a second chance. My heart tells me.

My mind says otherwise though. No! Leave while you still can!

I bite my lip and grip the robe tightly. These thoughts, these emotions will never leave me until I figure out why they are here in the first place.

"Samantha," I speak up, my voice weak and raspy. The giantess pulls me away from her shoulder and holds me up to her face. My chest squeezes from seeing the puffy red eyes. "I want to give you one more chance."

The watery puffed up eyes have this gleam to them now. The girl wipes her tears away from the news.

"What?..." she mutters in disbelief.

Honestly I'd be in shock too.

I nod slowly, wiping my own tears away. "I can't survive in the woods, but," I let out a deep and exhausted sigh that's full of emotions. "I can't keep living like I'm some pet... it's tearing me up on the inside."

Samantha chews on her lip, fear consuming that gleam in her eyes.

"Look," I say. "This is a hard decision for me to make too, but I'm putting enough faith in you to make the right decision too."

The giantess averts her eyes then turns her entire head. She's fighting her own fears and emotions. It's not hard to tell either.

She squeezes her eyes shut, the battling emotions coming to a head. Samantha exhales and opens her eyes. "Okay," she looks at me with a soft smile. "I'm sure we can figure something out."

I let a small smile crosses my face. I don't know why, but I get the feeling that the future will be brighter.

"Oh, and Caesar," Samantha says. "You can call me Sam."

My smile widens a little more. The future will definitely be brighter.

Published 02/29/2024