Story time

I led him down a path that I haven't walked in 5 years. It's exactly as I remember it but with the small addition that changed my life.

A small gold plaque. That's all it is but it represents so much more than that. It symbolises a life. A life that was cut short, a life that changed mine.

Luke hasn't uttered a word.

I watched the swing sway back and forth in the wind. A gentle reminder of what it used to do.

I can remember it as though it was yesterday. Giggling, her blonde ringlets blowing behind her as she rushed towards the swing. This was our special spot, our little secret. My dad put that swing there for me when I was younger, no one uses it anymore so I thought it would be perfect her. She loved it. Every chance she got she would ask if we could go there again.

Her once bubbly personality that inhabited this area now represented by a ghostly swing and a plaque on a tree.

I could feel the tears welling in my eyes. Coming back here was like pulling the plug that I put to bottle it all up. Luke wrapped me in his arms and pulled me into his chest. Slowly rocking us back and forth. My mum was right. I have to tell him, he deserves to know.

After I let go he walked towards the giant oak as I wiped my eyes. His thumb brushed across the engraving as he slowly read out what was written.

"Alexis Caitlin Smyth

2007-2010

You would be here today if Heaven wasn't so far away"

He turned around to face me and he looked broken. His voice cracked as he spoke

"Wa-was she yours?"

It was like he's a house of cards and i'm the wind. I thought I was vulnerable but it looks like he's ready to crawl into a ball and cry his heart out. It's so unusual to see a big tough Alpha such a wreck but when we're together it's like our normal rules don't apply. When he's around so are my emotions, there's never a dull moment with us.

I walked towards him and wrapped my arms around his waist.

"No"

I could see him visibly relax. I rested my head on his chest as listened as his heartbeat sped up. I couldn't stop the grin that spread across my face.

"You hear that? It only happens when you're around." Literally butterflies everywhere. Knowing that you have that affect on someone, it's just. There are no words to explain it.

"I told my mum about us and she told me I had to bring you here. She's right, you deserve an explanation. I know I over reacted about the whole kiss thing and I find it hard to love, after what happened. I do have my reasons and well this is it."

I felt Luke rock us gently from side to side again, one arm wrapped around my shoulders and the other rubbing my back.

"Alexis was my niece. My older Brother, Sam and Vanessa were high school sweethearts. They were each others first everything, love, kiss, relationship and as it turned out, child. Or so we thought. They fought a lot and we all put it down to the stress of having a child. But after Alexis was born things got bad. Vanessa started going out all the time, she started doing drugs. I had to watch Sam try and pick up the pieces. All he could say was that it's just a rough patch and that he loves her. Love, it was all in the name of love. Love of his girlfriend, the mother of his child and his beautiful daughter. Until one day, Sam had had enough and tried to take Alexis away. That's when Vanessa confessed. She had been cheating on him with the man that got her into drugs, she was just using my brother because he was popular, she didn't have to work and her family approved. The worst thing was that she told him that Alexis wasn't his. But in our hearts the gorgeous brown eyed toddler, who was named after me, was family. No matter what the DNA test proved. Sam had been more of a parent to her than either of her biological parents."

I took a deep breath. I know what's coming next. The scene replaying in my mind. The what if's? The buts, the what if I did that different's.

"Sam took her to court. He wanted custody of Alexis. He proved that Vanessa was a junkie and her father nothing but a ghost in the wind yet he had not legal right. His name wasn't on her birth certificate and she's not biologically his. So in the courts eyes he had no rights yet it was ok to leave Alexis in the arms of an unfit mother. Vanessa let us see her but it was mainly to babysit when she was out partying. She was not fit to be a mother but yet she was. Alexis was the sweetest child you could ever wish for. One day we couldn't babysit.

We were in the hospital, Sam broke his arm and I fractured my ankle........he was chasing me and I fell out of the tree but he broke my fall.

The next morning we got a phone call. Vanessa had left Alexis in the bath while she snorted something. She passed out and left my niece in the bath. Alexis slipped underwater and with no one there to help her she drowned."

I had to stop. I needed to calm down. "Shhh princess, it's alright. Whenever you're ready."

"When we heard it was like everything came crashing down around us. Sam lost it. He blamed himself. He kept playing different situations. If he had stayed with Vanessa he would have been able to protect Alexis. If we weren't in the hospital. Anything he could think of. He just blamed himself.

I watched the pain and guilt eat him alive. I watched love destroy him. Eventually he couldn't take it anymore. He left a note saying how he loved us so much but he had to be with his little angel. That was his final goodbye. It was a normal day until the officer knocked on the door. The note in his hand and the look in his eyes said it all.

I lost all faith in love and vowed never to let anyone in. Never to let anyone get that close. That was the day I lost a brother, the day I lost the last bit of my niece and the day I joined the Marines."

I hadn't even noticed that I was crying. My tears soaking his shirt. Luke didn't seem to care. He just kept me close.

Neither of us said anything. Allowing the sound of the leaves rustling in the wind to over take us.

I've never told anyone all of this. No one. My parents know what happened but they don't know how deep the wounds run. I never talk about feelings or emotions and my go to phrase is 'i'm fine'. So for me to tell him all this is huge and for some reason I feel safe. I hope this won't turn out to be a mistake.

"I love you so much princess. I'll spend my entire life trying to make it up to you. You told me that you're broken, you have all the pieces and I love puzzles. Together, we can put build you back up but i'll always be here in case you fall. Don't let what happened to your brother be your experience of love. Let me show you true love. Just please don't give up on us because of the past."

I closed my eyes and I felt his lips press against the top of my head. "I won't"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

When we got back to the house my mum had the dinner on the table for us. It was steak, veg and chips.

I was washing the dishes when Luke's arms snaked around my waist and he was pressed flush against my back. In between little kisses he whispered

"I love you".

I could feel my cheeks heating up and the butterflies were fluttering in my stomach. He's a real softy. He's my softy.

There was a cough and I just wanted the floor to swallow me whole. I'm never going to live this down and Luke might not live after this. We both turned around and I refused to make eye contact.

"Alex you'll be sleeping in your room and Luke you're sleeping on the couch. It's late and you have a big day tomorrow so lights out in 5"

Yes my dad just called bedtime. When he says lights out it's lights out.

We walked into the front room and there's blankets and pillows creating a make shift bed on the couch for Luke. I noticed an extra set of clothes for tomorrow.

"Um I guess you can sleep in your boxers. My room is up the stairs, the first on on the right. Just to warn you we'll all be up about 6am. Anyway goodnight"

I left him get ready for bed while I went to my room. I brushed my hair, washed my face and got changed into my PJ's. I climbed into bed and stared at the ceiling. No matter how much I tried I couldn't sleep.

I can't take it anymore. I got up and my bare feet padded against the carpet. The door creaked as I opened it. Quietly but quickly I made my way down the stairs. You'd think this would be easy but not with a house full of military personal and a werewolf.

Every few steps I had to stop just to make sure no one was up.

When I reached the front room I saw Luke's large frame sprawled across the small couch. One arm behind his head and the other hanging off the couch. I was expecting him to be asleep but his eyes were wide open and he was just staring at a blank wall.

"Couldn't sleep either?" I made sure my voice was barely audible. After all he does have super hearing. I lifted his arm and wrapped it around me as I laid down on the tiny couch next to him.

He adjusted us so that I was practically on top of him. He secured his arms around my waist and just held me.

I looked up at him

"Will I ever be able to sleep without you holding me?" He chuckled.

It's an odd experience, I can feel his chest rumbling beneath me.

"To be honest I hope not. I know how much you like your sleep, it allows me to hold you for longer."

"What if i'm deployed? And during training? You'll be thousands of miles away and sleep is kind of important."

He just sighed and pulled me closer.

"When push comes to shove we'll figure something out. Now go to sleep, you need all your energy for tomorrow."

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I'm staring at the building. I just have to go inside. I want to, I so desperately want to but I know as soon as I do it will change my life. I'll have to choose between Luke and the Military. Walking into this building is essentially sealing my fate.

His words floated in the back of my mind 'I love you', 'We'll figure something out'. His faith in us gives me hope and the little boost I need to do this. I placed my hand on the door and pushed it open. I was led into a large white room occupied by a treadmill, medical equipment and a desk.

I sat on the bed and resisted the urge to put on the medical gloves. A woman in her thirties came in

"hello, Alex i'm Dr. Maura O'Shea and I'll be doing your medical check up today. If we get the all clear then you'll go on to be assessed and well you're no stranger to the system. So lets get started shall we."

She gave me a reassuring smile.

She asked me to lift up my shirt, I'm wearing a sports bra so I just took the shirt off completely. The sooner this is done the better, I hate hospital rooms and this screamed hospital room. She inspected my wounds and took notes. I was dying to know what she wrote but I just sat there. She asked questions and applied pressure, assessing the scar tissue.

She took blood and stretched my leg. My reaction speed and hand eye co-ordination were put to the test. In the corner of the room is a Batak. 12 buttons designed to illuminate in no particular order and your task is to hit the button that is lighting. Basically a more advanced game of Whack-A-Mole. It sounds simple enough but it's a machine that will make you feel about 2 inches high.

Next was the treadmill. My dear old friend. Wires were attached to me and Dr. O'Shea gave me an oxygen mask. This isn't going to be some normal run on the treadmill. Oh no. This is going to push me until I throw up or pass out. In my case maybe both.

The speed was slowly increased and the oxygen being supplied to me through the mask dwindling. It's basically an altitude simulator. First your breathing increases, your lungs burning for more oxygen. Your heart races and your chest tightens. Then it's your legs, they begin wobbling and eventually go numb. Your head starts spinning, you see double but you push yourself to keep going. We are trained to keep fighting, to never give up. So you keep going until she turns the treadmill off and as soon as she does you grab onto the bars in a desperate attempt to support yourself. As soon as the mask comes off you cough and your breathing is sharp. Then some people throw up. That's exactly what happened to me.

She checked my pulse and my heartbeat. Her stethoscope cool against my sticky skin. She looked uneasy. I had to lean forward and she listened to my back.

There was a weird beep.

"That's your test results, I also need to get another doctor. Just sit tight."

Then she left. Why would she need another doctor? Maybe it's just protocol. My brother would always say patience is a virtue that I was never blessed with. I hate waiting, especially when it's something like this. It's like when you're watching the X Factor and there's that long pause before the winner is revealed. It's completely unnecessary but the tension and suspense build. Right here, right now, it's nerves. I'm petrified.

To be quite honest I wish Luke was here to hold me and tell me everything's ok. That it's going to fine. Damn him and his charm.

Dr. O'Shea walked in accompanied by an older male doctor. She showed him my charts. They starting pointing at things on the chart and talking. I couldn't make out what they were saying. He walked over to me

"Ma'am I just need to preform an ECG. I'll attach these electrodes to your torso and it will record the electrical activity of your heart."

In about two minutes it was over. They looked at the results and then looked back at me.

Their eyes said it all but I just needed to hear the words.

"Alex i'm sorry but after you were shot in the chest it effected your heart. You have a heart murmur. It is very uncommon in adults. When they recovered the bullet it was in bits. A shard caused a hole in the wall of your heart. They did their best to repair it but the scar tissue has resulted in a heart murmur. Your heart can't pump the blood to the rest of your body fast enough. It causes your hypotension. Now with all these factors i'm sorry to inform you that your service is being terminated on medical grounds ."

The Corp is all I've ever known. It's like i've just been stripped of my identity. I can feel the lump forming in the back of my throat and my eyes glazed over with the tears that so desperately want to fall. My head is swirling. I just feel numb inside. There's nothing. Part of me is screaming with joy because now I don't have to choose, I get to see what happens between Luke and I. I get to act as a Luna, be a proper friend to Bonnie, Zack and Aaron. Then the other part of me is just asking what is the point of everything if i'm not a Marine?

I just nodded, they went through what was going to happen, step by step. Everything would be documented and put on my record. A representative of the Medical Board will talk to me and then everything is taken out of my control. I will receive references to help me get a job.

"By the way sweetie, congratulations."

"What?"

Her eyes went straight from mine to my stomach. I looked down and then Back up at her. What is she on?

"Darling, you're pregnant."

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Authors Note :

If you're confused keep reading, the next chapter will reveal all. Mwahaha

Today I had to alternate between studying and writing so that's why the update took so long.

Christmas exams in less than two weeks. I'll try to update as often as I can but I'll be writing all through the Christmas Holidays.

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