Not exactly love letters

*Luke's POV*

It's been a week. She's just been lying there for a week. Motionless.

I would do anything just to see her eyes sparkle again with mischief, anger, anything. I just want to see her smile, the small dimple that appears in the corner of her right cheek when she gives you a genuine smile, or the tears that well up in her eyes when she laughs too much. Oh her laugh.

Her words echoing in my head. "This is all my fault.........Goodbye"

How could she blame herself for this? She didn't ask for any of this. It's all my fault. Me. Not her. She didn't ask to be mated to a screw up but she was put with me and in the short time I could call her mine she changed me. She changed me for the better. I was a new man. I was stronger, faster, happier, better.

Michael told me she was bloody lucky to be alive. She made it out without a broken bone but her body went into shock with this already adding to the preexisting trauma, her body went into shut down mode to cope. He could not believe it. After seeing the state of the car himself and all the factors in the accident she should have a few broken bones but all she has to show for it is a sprained ankle and a few minor cuts. She is one tough broad.

I've left Zach in charge while i'm here which is practically 24/7. I remembered what she said "the pack before me, before us."

So I focused on that and tried to make her proud. So I'm being a real Alpha for the first time since I went into that spiral just before I met her.

Her clothes were ripped so Bonnie changed her into the shirt she left on the end of my bed. I would never even think of touching her without her consent. I was raised better than that and it would only make her hate me more.

Bonnie walked in to give Alex her daily cleaning. I was just about to walk outside and give them privacy like I always did. I usually just attended to pack business and make sure the pack is ok. Something I should have been doing all along. But something caught my eye.

I saw something sticking out from under the bed. I leant down and picked it up. It was an envelope with my name written on the front. I was momentarily confused but then it all came back. She left a note along with the shirt.

I left Bonnie to it and walked to my make shift office. I sat down and prepared myself. I'm not going to like what this says. I prepared myself and opened the the envelope. There were a few sheets. Her writing was so neat where as mine looks like a spider running on a hot plate.

I took a deep breath and began to read.....

"So Luke if you're reading this then I actually managed to finish it and leave it for you. I would've preferred to say this face to face but I know that i'm not strong enough to do that. So this letter will have to do.

They say it's better to have loved and lost then never to have loved at all. I don't know what you would consider our dysfunctional relationship but for me it's the closest thing to a proper relationship I have ever experienced. I don't know if all the feelings and everything we felt was just because of some bond but thank you anyway.

This isn't disney. I wasn't expecting a happy ending. So i'm ok with it and you should move on. I'm nothing special, you'll find someone better, without the cracks.

Now. I've been training your pack for the last month or so. They are good. What I expected if I took you for an example. You need to focus on your pack. They are your family. They are more important than whatever we were. So pull yourself together, I know you can do it. Don't let anyone die because of what happened between us. You don't need me to make you strong, you might need a Luna but you can choose any girl.

That's all I have to say, I think. So um yeah. Goodbye, have a great life. Please make up a story if Rose and Simon ask about me. I don't want you to break their hearts. The rest of them? You can tell them that I just wasn't strong enough and i'm sorry for that. I guess the Moon Goddess just made a mistake.

Ps. I also included two songs that I wrote during all this. You can do whatever you want with them. You can burn them, tear them up whatever makes you comfortable.

-Alexandria "

Is this what she really thought? That I could just forget her, that I could move on. That the Moon Goddess made a mistake. She said she knew about werewolves, she read books about us but she obviously doesn't understand that I can't do that. Now that i've found her. I can't let her go. I won't. It would kill me if she left. Literally. The pain of loosing a mate is nothing compared to anything anyone could imagine, especially if it's by choice. Rejection by a mate is horrible. It's what you see in horrors. I need to get her to understand all this. I won't guilt her into staying but I will unlock that chest of emotions for me that I just know she's hiding.

Curiosity over took me as I looked at the two folded sheets.

Songs that she wrote about us.

All her emotion and passion put onto a page. I felt like I was reading her diary. I saw how she sang the night of the Banquet. She didn't do anything by half. She poured everything she had into her singing. I know she also co-wrote all the songs.

I slowly flattened the sheets out. The first one "Big Girls Don't Cry" made my chest tighten. I could feel Damien whining inside me as I kept reading. It was the second one that really screamed Alex alright.

Red

Loving him is like driving a new Maserati down a dead-end street

Faster than the wind, passionate as sin, ending so suddenly

Loving him is like trying to change your mind once you're already flying through the free fall

Like the colors in autumn, so bright just before they lose it all

Losing him was blue like I'd never known

Missing him was dark grey all alone

Forgetting him was like trying to know somebody you never met

But loving him was red

Loving him was red

Touching him was like realizing all you ever wanted was right there in front of you

Memorizing him was as easy as knowing all the words to your old favorite song

Fighting with him was like trying to solve a crossword and realizing there's no right answer

Regretting him was like wishing you never found out that love could be that strong

Losing him was blue like I'd never known

Missing him was dark grey all alone

Forgetting him was like trying to know somebody you never met

But loving him was red

Oh, red

Burning red

Remembering him comes in flashbacks and echoes

Tell myself it's time now, gotta let go

But moving on from him is impossible

When I still see it all in my head

In burning red

Burning, it was red

Oh, losing him was blue like I'd never known

Missing him was dark grey all alone

Forgetting him was like trying to know somebody you never met

'Cause loving him was red

Yeah, yeah, red

We're burning red

And that's why he's spinnin' 'round in my head

Comes back to me, burning red

Yeah, yeah

His love was like driving a new Maserati down a dead-end street

I was just trying to process it all. All the emotions, everything. My head was spinning. I couldn't breathe. I need to go for a run. The pain is overwhelming. It's like someone is standing on my chest. No wonder Alex's body gave up.

I just ran, and ran. Trying to run off the pain, the anger and the self hatred. I just started howling. Damien had full control. Once it started to get dark I headed back. I need to get something to eat and then just like every day i'll sleep on the chair at the foot of Alex's bed.

I got comfy and took one last glance at her before trying to get some sleep. She looks so peaceful, so calm.

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*Alex's POV*

I got a weird sensation starting at my feet and travelling throughout my body. It was like pins and needles. I looked around. I have no clue where I am.

Everything is spinning. Then suddenly it all became clear. It's the lake. The lake where the wolf would visit me in my dreams. It wasn't like the times before. I used to feel safe. The blue eyes used to calm me but there was no sign of them. Not this time.

I felt like I was being sucked in, suffocated. My breathing increased. You don't need water to feel like you're drowning. A voice made me pull to the surface.

"Goodnight princess."

It was so familiar but so far. Whoever it was instantly stopped the prickling and asphyxiation.

I began to regain control of my own body. I finally felt like I was in charge not just watching from the side lines.

My eyes slowly began to flutter open.

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Author's Note :

Next one is going to be filled with sexual tension, feels and emotions.

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