: Chapter 22

I’ve been staring at the drafted email to the HR department for the hospital in Albuquerque for the last hour—typing and erasing and editing things over and over and never being satisfied. I still worry that it’s crazy to even consider sending it; I haven’t been able to find the courage yet to even broach the subject with Mackenzie, and after putting my foot in my mouth a few days ago at her place when the subject of dinner with my mother came up . . . it makes me wonder even more if I’m doing the right thing.

It’s unlike me, doing things on a whim. But then again, can I really call it a whim? It’s not like I haven’t been agonizing over this very thing for weeks, at best. And now that I have the added revelation of realizing the depths of my feelings for someone who is supposed to be my mate—continuing to ignore this looming fork in the road has become harder and harder to keep doing. As ill-advised as it may seem, I know deep down that unless Mackenzie tells me herself that she no longer wants to participate in this . . . new territory we’re exploring, there is no possible way I will be able to physically part from her.

Mackenzie Carter is in my skin now. She lives in my blood. Without ever intending for it to happen . . . my pretend mate became the very woman I’d like to spend the rest of my life with.

And maybe it’s too soon to think that way. Perhaps someone more sensible than me might theorize that it is simply biology and our DNA that draws me to her—but it doesn’t change the fact that every cell in my body seems to have modified itself to complement hers. Almost as if the organ in my chest no longer cares about its basic functions of moving blood through my body and oxygen to my brain—no, apparently now it just beats for her.

I make a self-deprecating sound as I run my fingers through my hair, wondering when in the hell I got so emotional. A short time ago, I would have laughed at someone for saying the things going through my head right now, or at the very least looked at them like they’d grown a second head. And yet . . . I don’t feel any sort of cringing embarrassment at my own thoughts. If anything, coming to terms with my feelings has only filled the lonely spaces inside me I hadn’t realized existed, leaving behind a warm fullness that somehow makes it harder to breathe and yet makes breathing . With that in mind, I return my attention to the email in front of me, telling myself that I will draft this, save it, and then the very next time I see her tell Mackenzie everything going through my head.

Well, maybe I will save a certain four-letter word for a later date, given that there’s a good chance she might run screaming if I voice it out loud after only a few short weeks. Still, I can tell her that I want something real. I can hope beyond hope that she might want the same. The conversation with my mother last week flits through my mind, and I try to cling to her advice.

I really, really hope that she does.

I can’t say how much time passes with me still agonizing over one email when a knock sounds at my door, and given that Mackenzie has already gone home for the day, I barely glance at the door when I bid whoever is on the other side to come in. I can’t say that anyone than Mackenzie would be a welcome presence in my office, if I’m being honest, but there’s a particularly special wave of distaste that washes over me when I see it’s the person I want to see right now, or ever, for that matter.

“Noah,” Dennis greets me with a pleasantness that feels entirely fake. “I was hoping you had a minute.”

I frown instantly. “I’m actually kind of busy right now, Dr. Martin.”

“Oh? Well, I do hate to bother you.” He practically pouts as he shuts the door behind him anyway, his face saying otherwise. “But it very important, so . . .”

I sigh, pinching the bridge of my nose as I turn my chair away from my desk. It’s probably better to just let him have whatever moment he’s trying to have here so he will go away that much faster. I just have to be sure not to let him get to me like the last time we ran into each other.

“Okay,” I say resignedly. “What is so important?”

“It’s actually pretty embarrassing,” he says, looking uncomfortable but in a way that, again, doesn’t feel real. “I really hate bringing it up at all, you know . . .”

I feel myself getting irritated despite my resolve. “Then just spit it out so I can get back to work.”

“Right,” Dennis says as a slow, unsettling smile creeps across his face. “Well. You see . . . I’ve had a dilemma for a while now, and I don’t really know how I should handle it.”

My jaw ticks. “What sort of dilemma?”

“Well . . .” I can see it a moment before it happens, the way his features shift into utter glee, like he’s been planning this moment for longer than I could possibly know. “I was wondering what I should do about you and Dr. Carter lying to the hospital board about your pretend relationship.”

I feel my blood run cold. My mouth parts as I struggle to make words, my brain feeling scrambled. “What?”

“You heard me,” he says, his earlier pleasantness gone and in its place nothing but thinly veiled contempt. “You lied to the board. You and Dr. Carter aren’t mated at all. Which means you purposely lied about your designation your unmated status to keep your job. Don’t know how you roped poor Dr. Carter into all this, but I guess it doesn’t matter, now that she’s complicit.”

“Dennis,” I say dazedly. “There’s been a misunderstanding, we—”

“I don’t think there’s been a misunderstanding at all,” he chuckles. “But by all means, keep lying. It will only make it that much worse for you when I go to the board and turn the both of you in.”

“You’re wrong,” I say more forcefully, trying to keep my expression even. “Mackenzie and I—”

“Are liars,” he laughs. “Yes, I know. Listen, there’s no use in denying it, I heard your little pretend mate talking to her friend before you carted her out of the hospital for what I’m sure was a great time.”

Heat floods my chest, and I clench my fists to keep from reaching for him. “I think maybe you misheard.”

“I didn’t mishear anything,” he says. “It was pretty clear from their conversation. Now, you can come clean and we can move on to what comes next, or you can keep lying, and I can walk out of your office and go straight to the board.” He clicks his tongue. “I imagine that will be a big surprise for Dr. Carter.”

My heart is pounding so loudly that it’s possible Dennis can hear it, panic clawing in my chest. I realize immediately that I am a thousand times more worried about the idea of Mackenzie’s career being affected by this than mine, and because of that his threat cuts deeper, making me tense. I sense there’s little reason to keep up the charade; it’s obvious Dennis has sunk his claws deep into this discovery. I have no idea what sort of scenario resulted in Dennis overhearing Mackenzie, and I’m not even sure it really matters. All that matters is that I save her from any repercussions, if I can.

“There’s no need for all that,” I try, my instincts going into overdrive to protect her. “She isn’t the one who you dislike so much.”

“That’s true,” Dennis says thoughtfully. “It would be a shame to damage her career like that just because you dragged her into your lies.”

“I never lied,” I argue.

Dennis laughs outright. “I think the board would see it differently.” He clicks his tongue. “Submitting a false disclosure form to avoid a reprimand over your application omission? How would that look with your cushy new job in Albuquerque?”

“How . . .” He’s managed to knock me on my ass twice in five minutes. “How do you know about that?”

“I don’t think that matters, does it?” He shrugs. “What matters is what you do next.”

My mind is frantically sifting from one scenario to another, trying to find a solution for this, but every different way I look at it all leads to the same place. I know that no matter what I do Dennis will make sure this ruins both myself Mackenzie for good measure; I always knew he hated me and wanted my job, I just never knew he would stoop to such levels to get it.

Actually, as surprised as I am by what’s happening, I definitely don’t find Dennis stooping so low all that surprising.

“What do you want, Dennis?”

He crosses his arms. “You know what I want.”

“If you knew I was leaving anyway, why not just wait until I’m gone to take the job? Why threaten me?”

“Because you’re thinking about not taking the job. Isn’t that right?”

I try to keep my expression blank, but I can feel my eyes narrow. “What makes you say that?”

“You’re not the only one with friends in high places, Noah. You’ve been dodging them for weeks. Pussyfooting around on giving them a straight answer. I think we both know why that is.”

“Do we?”

“Of course we do.” His Cheshire cat smile nearly reaches his eyes. “Because you actually started fucking Dr. Carter.”

My blood rushes in my ears, and I shift in my chair, my body starting to move without my say-so.

He holds out a hand to stop me. “We all heard about her going into heat downstairs and then you carrying her out and disappearing with her for three days. I mean, she’s gorgeous, don’t get me wrong, but it seems idiotic for someone of your intelligence to do something as stupid as sticking around just because you’re finally getting some ass.”

“You might want to be careful about what you say,” I warn. “Or I won’t be able to be as civil about this.”

“Right, right. Big scary alpha. That will look even better for you, won’t it? Mauling a fellow employee because you couldn’t hold your temper? By all means.” Dennis snorts, looking down at me. “You’ve waltzed around this hospital for years acting like you own the damned place. You think just because Dr. Ackard treated you like a little prince and recommended you as his replacement that you’re some sort of genius. I’ve been here three times as long as you, and that job have been mine.”

“It isn’t my fault that Paul thought I was better qualified.”

“He only thought that because of the way you kept your head up his ass for so long. You charmed him right into this job, didn’t you? Took everything that should have been mine.” His glee is gone, looking disgusted now. “And now you think you can turn your nose up at an even opportunity that you most likely don’t deserve so you can hang around for steady sex? No. You need to know how it feels when things don’t go your way.”

I take a deep breath, trying to calm the roaring in my head. “I’ll quit,” I tell him. “I’ll take the job. We don’t have to involve Mackenzie at all. You can have whatever you want.”

And I would think that this would be the end of it, but Dennis looks unconvinced, clicking his tongue. “Yeah, see—That’s not going to cut it, I think.”

“What more can I possibly do?”

“Well, you see . . . I’ve met your ‘mate,’ as you know. She’s smart. Too smart. Something tells me she isn’t the type who would take this lying down. I think we both know she would have a lot to say about you just up and quitting on my say-so.” He looks annoyed when he adds, “She’s very protective of you, for whatever reason.”

My heart flutters with something other than rage for the briefest of moments.

“I don’t have to tell her the specifics,” I urge, still trying to save this.

Dennis makes a face. “Yeah . . . I can’t really leave that much up to chance. Blackmailing isn’t exactly a good look for me.”

“Then what the fuck do you , Dennis?”

He smiles again, that same awful smile that says he’s getting every terrible thing he’s ever wanted, and I would give anything to be able to tear it right off his face right now.

“You’re going to have to end things with Dr. Carter.”

I feel the air leave my lungs. “Pardon?”

“I think it’s the only way to be sure that nothing goes awry.”

“Absolutely not,” I scoff. “I won’t.”

“Aw,” Dennis coos maddeningly. “That’s so sweet.” He throws up his hands. “By all means. Don’t. I’m sure she’ll be fine when the board finds out she lied on a disclosure form. Eventually. She’s, what, a year out of her residency? Your career might bounce back after a scandal like that, I mean, you a genius, after all. I wonder if Mackenzie would be so lucky?”

Hearing Dennis say her name makes me want to break something, and I grip the arms of my chair to keep me grounded, just to ensure I don’t fly out of it and wrap my hands around his throat.

“She doesn’t deserve that,” I say through gritted teeth.

“I have no doubt. Which is why you’ll do the right thing and end things. Free and clear.”

“There’s no way that she will just accept me ending things out of the blue. She’s too smart for that.”

Dennis throws up his arms in another shrug, still looking pleased with himself. “I guess you’re just going to have to be convincing then. Aren’t you.”

“I could tell the board about the blackmail,” I say as a last-ditch effort. “Mutually assured destruction is at play here.”

“Hardly,” he snorts. “You think they’ll care more that I found out about your little scheme and you to come clean more than they’ll care about your lies? You and I both know you don’t have a leg to stand on.”

I’m vibrating with rage and frustration and even fear at the idea of what he’s asking me to do, knowing he’s put me in an impossible position. Dennis senses my struggle, and possibly even my murderous intent—stepping backward toward the door with his hands outstretched.

“Just think it over,” he says. “I’ll give you tonight to decide.”

“If you hurt Mackenzie,” I warn, “I will rip you apart.”

Dennis flashes me one last smug grin as he opens my door, raising his shoulder in a nonchalant gesture. “That all depends on you, now, doesn’t it?” He gives me a pointed look. “I’ll expect an answer by tomorrow, Dr. Taylor.”

I count to ten in my head as he closes the door, trying to keep myself from chasing after him. Even without ever having felt violent urges like I’m feeling at the moment, I know if I touched him right now it would end with me in prison and him in his own blood. Every cell in my body is concerned only with protecting Mackenzie, the idea of her being in jeopardy sending my senses into overdrive.

I know that Dennis is right, that Mackenzie would certainly have a to say about his threats and would most likely kick his ass herself and throw her entire career away for my benefit, because that’s the kind of person she is—just as I know that’s something I can’t allow. Dennis’s taunts about her career being so new are one hundred percent valid; there is a good chance she ever recover from something like this. All her years of school, all her hard work . . . just gone. All because of me.

I don’t know how much time passes before I’m able to sink down into my chair, my rage ebbing and giving way to bone-deep defeat that makes my body feel heavy. It’s unfair that I’ve just opened myself up to another person, especially a person as special as Mackenzie, only to be told I have to give her up. And what’s more—that I have to break her heart in the process.

It’s a bitter reminder of all the reasons why I worked so hard to keep people at arm’s length for the entirety of my life leading up to the last few weeks—having wanted to avoid complications like this. I think I had actually deluded myself into thinking that I could have it all, that things would work out for the better, and I could have someone see me, actually me, and keep them. I’m realizing now that it was nothing more than a fantasy. That I reached too high and now I’m paying the consequences. Strangely, I don’t care about any of the dangers that are looming over my head, not concerned in the slightest about what might happen to me.

Because all of it pales in comparison to the woman I’m being asked to give up.