CHAPTER 27

The wind's chill in Tagaytay cuts through my sweatshirt, but I don't mind. I'm on a bicycle I rented from the hotel at seven a.m. This was my daily routine when I was young, and now I miss it deeply.

Pedaling feels effortless, no matter where I go. The cold bites at my skin, but sweat still trickles down my back. As the fog lifts, Taal Lake and its crater island gradually come into view, a stunning sight that makes the early morning ride worth it.

I stop and dismount, catching my breath. My body buzzes with energy, blood flowing vigorously through my veins. I sit on a concrete barrier and gaze at Taal Lake. My mind, however, drifts away, and the beautiful scenery fades as old memories resurface.

***

"Mommy, I'm still going to your graduation," Hector pleaded, leaning against his red Toyota Innova. I turned away from him, my fists clenched. "The frat needs me for this medical mission. It's a rare opportunity, and I've wanted to join for so long."

"Medical mission! Your face!" I snapped, my voice breaking as I wiped tears from my eyes. "You're just meeting someone there!"

Anger surged through me, hot and fierce. He hadn't even told me he was leaving, and it was only days until my graduation. I wanted him by my side, just this once.

"If you don't stop talking like that, I'll do it," he threatened, his tone hardening.

I felt a mix of fear and defiance. "Then go ahead! I don't care. We're breaking up."

"Fine, break up with me if that's what you want!" he yelled, his face tense with frustration. "You know, you're such a drama queen! What more do I have to do to prove myself to you? Please, Ara, you're graduating in psychology, but you're so narrow-minded."

Tears streamed down my face. "Go to your medical mission if it makes you happy. As time passes, you're losing time for me."

"When? When have I not had time for you? Damn it, Clara! I've been by your side for six years."

I started sobbing uncontrollably, covering my face with my hands. "I can't take this anymore, Hector. Leave me. Let's end this," I said, walking away.

His angry shout and a loud thud echoed behind me as if he had kicked his car. I didn't look back, hurrying away from the university.

***

I snapped back to the present, tears blurring my vision. That was the last day I saw Hector. Two days later, I admitted to myself that I had been immature and hadn't listened to him properly. I knew about the medical mission, but I was selfish. I wanted him to prioritize me on my graduation day.

But sometimes, we cannot fix mistakes once they're too late. Even though I received good news today, I feel no joy—the pain of the past returns, making everything seem unreal. Hector is alive, but he has amnesia, a wife, and a child. How did things end up like this? When I finally moved on, he returned as if nothing had changed.

My world, once rebuilt, is crumbling again. Fate feels cruel as if it wants me to remain in pain and regret despite my efforts to do nothing wrong.

I took another leave from work; it's the only solution I can think of now. I left everyone who loved me, especially Eric. I forced myself not to answer his calls. I can't pretend everything is fine; I can't think straight.

I might end up with psychosis, hallucinations, or even schizophrenia. My thoughts spiral uncontrollably. I wish I could pause time. I don't want this suffering to continue. I'm tired of crying, but my heart seems to have a life of its own. It cries whenever it wants, even when I'm already struggling.

The next day, I walked into the yard of "Our Lady of Lourdes Church."

"Dr. Ara?" A voice called out.

I stopped and turned around, surprised to see the familiar figure standing a few meters away. "Father Dan, it's you. How are you?"

He was short and somewhat chubby, likely around sixty, but he carried his age well. He had been the spiritual adviser for the radio station and had his program before leaving to focus on his duties as a parish priest. I never expected to find him here.

"I'm doing well. Thank you for visiting our church," he replied.

I approached him. "I don't even know why my feet brought me here."

"Ah, that only means one thing," he replied, looking up at the sky. "He knows exactly what you are up to right now."

We sat on an antique wooden bench in a quiet part of the church.

"Why does fate sometimes play tricks on us?" I asked, unable to hold back my question.

"Fate doesn't play tricks," he replied. "If it did, living in this world would be a big joke. Our Lord didn't intend for our lives to be a joke. He created us with love and is serious about it."

I listened quietly. Sometimes, I question God's existence, too, but Father Dan's words were comforting.

"Why did He let me suffer over someone I thought was dead but is alive?"

I started breaking down again, unable to hide my pain from Father Dan. He observed me, likely trying to understand my turmoil.

"Clara, our Lord doesn't want us to suffer. We feel pain because we are human. Do you know that He sympathized with your sadness? If He could, He would hug you because He wants you to be strong in facing fate's challenges. He was always there by your side, but our hearts refuse to believe it."

"What should I do now? The person I thought was dead is alive. Regret consumes my heart after learning everything. I can't accept it... because it hurts."

"Clara, if a voice in your heart tells you to be strong, that's Him speaking to you. Try to reverse your feelings; instead of grieving, try to be happy because this is good news. Let's not drown our hearts in sorrow. When you hear a voice asking how you are, respond. He is there beside you, leaning on you. Who knows? He might be guiding you to what you should do. Just have faith in Him."

***

The golden rays of sunlight pierced through the hotel balcony, casting a warm glow over the tranquil scene. As the thick fog slowly lifted, the peaceful ambiance enveloped me, revealing the serene expanse of Taal Lake once more. Its waters shimmered in the morning sunlight, a breathtaking sight unfolding as the day began.

I stared blankly at it, but suddenly, I smiled. I liked what Father Dan said—a voice from within. Now, I know that we are never truly alone. He has restored my faith in Him.

As they say, God is closer when we are weak or wounded. When we are alone, He is there, wanting to be by our side. Perhaps during the times I blamed Him, He accepted all of it because He understands the pain we feel in life. Now, I also know that miracles exist, and they come when we dare face life's challenges.

I leaned on the railings and closed my eyes. I took a deep breath and inhaled the fresh air. I opened my eyes and looked up at the sky, the orange hue gradually revealing itself as if saying, "Clara, while there is life, there is hope." I bit my lip and nodded to myself.

Tomorrow, I will return to Manila and accept the challenge. I will help Hector through treatment for his condition, including any legal issues he may face. I need to get close to his family. If his memory returns, I am prepared for whatever may happen. This time, I accept that things can never return to how they were.