CHAPTER 16

I woke up and found myself lying down on a bed. It seemed like my room had changed. It was all white again. I took a deep breath and realized I was back in the same room. In front of me stood a white door.

It was open-ajar. Curiosity struck me again, so I had to leave the white bed and approach it. I grabbed the doorknob and swung it open, but only when a swarm of butterflies took me by surprise. It charges in my direction like a rouge wind, each trying to get inside the white room. I screamed in horror, which made me step back. I even lost my balance and fell to the floor in a sitting position. The door gives in and opens wide from the force of the butterfly's sheer number.

An image of a standing man emerged from the cluster of butterflies. My eyes squinted from the emanating bright light, too. When my eyes adjusted from the shining light, they widened in surprise, and I couldn't believe who was standing before me.

With his hands in his denim pockets, Hector stood away from me. He was staring at me with a smile I'd longed to see. I wanted to approach him and see if I could embrace him tightly, but I forced myself to push that thought away, and instead, I closed my eyes. "Enough, please!" I exclaimed while clutching my forehead.

Didn't I already finish everything about us? I have accepted it wholeheartedly. When I opened my eyes again, Hector's image turned into smoke, almost translucent from the emanating light.

The light dispersed, and in a swift motion, he became a burnt image of a man. In horror, my body hair stood up. The burned man grabbed me by surprise and locked my body in his arms. The sheer terror I felt had turned me numb, and I almost forgot to struggle. The only thing I did was scream out loud. My whole body trembled as if everything I felt was madness.

I opened my eyes again, feeling like I could jump out of bed. That's when everything I see changes all of a sudden. My first impression is the dark surroundings and the ceiling of my bedroom. I look around, take deep breaths, and give myself time to calm down. This bad dream again. I rise from the bed and sit. It is still dark inside my bedroom, and I have no idea what time it is.

The silence is ear-piercing, except for the buzzing sound of the air conditioner. I only realized that Eric was sleeping beside me with his back facing me. My eyes widened again as I realized he was fully naked. I lifted the blanket and covered his entire body. I shrugged, wondering how he could stand the cold. I gazed at his face and gently touched his cheek. Why, after months have passed since Eric and I became lovers, do I continue to experience nightmares? Didn't I finally free myself from the chains of Hector's past?

When I got out of bed, I noticed I wasn't wearing any clothes either. I laughed inside and went to the closet to get my bathrobe. It was still dark outside my window, but I had no intention of going back to sleep.

I went to the balcony and contented myself with sightseeing. It was only four in the morning when I saw my wall clock. The cars' honking became audible as traffic was already building below the condominium building. The air still felt chilly from the rain last night. The sky, jet black just a while ago, was turning gray.

I went inside and sat on the sofa. I took the tablet and turned on the Wi-Fi. I became inquisitive again about my recurring dreams or nightmares, whatever they were. I searched on Google for their meanings.

Door—In your dreams, a door symbolizes new opportunities, changes in your life, and a transition from one stage to the next.

I cupped my face and brushed my hair back. I continued reading while furrowing my brow.

Visitation Dreams: Your subconscious mind does not create dreams; a non-physical being communicates with you while you sleep. They are different from regular dreams because they feel natural and vivid, as if a loved one who has passed away has indeed visited you.

I took a deep breath. Hector was just a thing of the past. I am slowly starting to forget everything about him so that these dreams may symbolize transformation and freedom.

In visitation dreams, loved ones may appear perfect or much younger and free from illness, which brings reassurance.

Two hands grabbed me by the shoulder, taking me by surprise. "You're up early." Eric was there.

I turned around and noticed that he was only wearing boxer shorts. He gently massaged my back, and I couldn't help but close my eyes.

"I can't sleep anymore."

"Is there a problem?"

"None. Don't mind it."

He stopped what he was doing and kissed me on the forehead. "Let's have breakfast. We need to prepare many things today."

I nodded and left my tablet on the coffee table. We went to the kitchen together and cooked breakfast. Eric has been frequently staying in my unit for almost a week now. It feels like my life has started over again. I'm still getting used to him. He drives me to work every day.

We were preparing for our planned trip to Batanes. This is our first time going to such places, just the two of us, without our friends knowing about it. I want to spend more time with him because this is what I want to happen—to be happy in every aspect of my life now. I lost this after seven years and want to make up for it.

I once again forgot about the bad dream and my worries about it. Wherever Hector may be, I hope he was also happy for me.

***

"What is dissociative identity disorder, more commonly known as multiple personality disorder?" I said. My radio program "Clinic Online" was airing. "This is a condition where an individual collides with two or more personalities. Experts don't consider DID to be an illness. It is more psychological. When an individual undergoes physical or sexual abuse, it can be a traumatic experience, particularly during childhood.

Kuya Drei also spoke, forming a tandem as we explained the condition to our radio listeners. "Experts first used the term multiple personality disorder, but in 1994, they changed it to dissociative identity disorder to better understand the condition. Previously, people often misinterpreted it as a contagious disease akin to a virus. Experts brought patients to mental institutions and administered harsh medical treatments, believing they would cure them. Over time, experts' thorough research debunked that belief."

It was an ordinary day for me, but I was happy with how my life was going in the direction I wanted it to. Eric said he often listens to my radio program, even though he frequently jokes that some parts are boring. But the truth was, he said, that hearing my voice on the radio made his day complete. He doesn't visit my unit on Saturdays because he reserved that day for a meeting with his clients. Since I'm at the radio station on Saturday, I go home alone.

"DID is different from schizophrenia and bipolar," I explained once again.

My eyes dart toward the desktop monitor right in front of me. I noticed a comment from a netizen keeps popping up on our Facebook Live. His name is Marco de Leon, which has already caught my attention. He kept typing those words repeatedly, and it's getting annoying, especially to our listeners.

HELP ME

I furrowed my forehead. The guy was unstoppable, as if trying to get attention from Kuya Drei and me. Some of our listeners couldn't hide their annoyance. Some even reported them, but I have stayed firm about not paying attention to them.

I carried on with my explanations. "There are various treatments for DID, such as psychotherapy, hypnotherapy, and other alternative therapies like hydrotherapy or herbal medicine."

I couldn't help but glance at Kuya Drei, and our eyes met. I spoke to him using my eyes. When Kuya finally addressed the issue, I fell silent for a moment. "Mr. Marco de Leon, if you have any problems, please call us on our landline. We have posted it on our Facebook page. We are ready to listen to your problems."

I shrugged my shoulder, absorbing the reality that there are people like that on social media. People have nothing better to do in life. But after Kuya Drei speaks, the comment disappears, catching me by surprise when he responds to Kuya Drei.

We had a staff member, who I could see from the large glass window in the next room, talking on the phone and giving us hand gestures that the anonymous guy was talking to him. I became curious and couldn't help but look at his Facebook profile. But I was disappointed to find out he was using a dummy account. I take a deep breath. I can't help but start to worry about these kinds of people.