CHAPTER 12

The vacation is over, and I have returned safely to my condo unit. I decided to extend my leave from work, including my radio program, to allocate more time for reflection. With nothing else to do in my unit, I started cleaning. I began with the closet in my room, which had almost become a storage space for everything I had hidden away. A rolled-up black eco-bag on the side caught my eye. Curious, I took it out and was surprised by its contents.

Over the past years, I had been so engrossed in work that I had no idea I had stored some of Hector's belongings there. I took them out one by one. The first thing I found was his checkered polo shirt, which I remembered giving him on his eighteenth birthday. Next, I saw his plain royal blue baseball cap, his favorite. His jersey tank top and matching shorts were also there, with "Villanueva number thirty" printed on the back. He used to wear these during our university's sports festivals when he played basketball for the dentistry department.

My eyes then landed on a yellow paper bag. Inside was the Russ teddy bear he had given me. The stuffed toy was still in excellent and clean condition. A sweet smile formed on my lips as I recalled its story. I took the teddy bear from the paper bag and held it in both hands, looking at it carefully. I will never forget the day he gave it to me.

***

"Surprise!" Hector exclaimed, appearing at my bedroom door, waving a Russ teddy bear. He had texted me to go out, but I had the flu. The sudden suspension of classes forced me to commute home, and I arrived soaked from the rain. I remembered Hector calling and scolding me more than my parents, saying I should have asked him to pick me up at the university. He had gone home to Bulacan because Mommy Gloria and Daddy Ben had just returned from abroad.

He tried to travel to Manila to see me in my condition. I thought he'd be disappointed in me for neglecting myself, but I couldn't believe what I saw when he arrived.

I managed to smile even though my entire body felt fragile and feverish. "Oh my gosh, it's Teddy."

I needed him then, and I was genuinely grateful to his parents for letting him visit. When he sat beside me on my bed, I took the teddy bear and hugged it tightly as if I had returned to my five-year-old self.

"That's my minion, Mommy. He'll take care of you now."

His baritone voice showed a hint of concern as he stroked my hair while I stared at the teddy bear, squeezing its fluffiness.

Our attention shifted when Mama and my sister Mia entered the room. "Hector, son, we're leaving now. Take excellent care of my youngest, okay?" Mom instructed.

Hector suddenly stood up and saluted. "Ma'am, yes, ma'am! You can count on me."

My mother chuckled, leaving me speechless.

Ate Mia said, "Make sure you do, Private Villanueva, or else you'll have a hundred push-ups later."

Given their eccentricity, I wasn't surprised that Ate and Hector had such a strong bond. "Ma'am, yes, ma'am. It is my sole duty to protect Miss Clarissa Montemayor!"

"Okay, carry on," said Ate Mia. I just rolled my eyes at the two of them. Mom couldn't stop laughing as she left my room.

Ate Mia gave Hector the "I'm watching you" sign, pointing two fingers at her eyes.

Hector was still standing and saluting. I just shook my head at him as Ate left my room with a basket. "You and Ate are a perfect match, Daddy. Both silly."

He sat next to me again. "Don't worry, Mommy, I'll take care of you now."

He kissed me on the forehead, and I couldn't help but feel giddy. He left my bed and the room, and I wondered why. When he returned, I immediately smelled the porridge. Mom must have cooked it. He placed the tray of porridge on my study table, along with a glass of water and paracetamol.

He took the bowl of porridge and sat next to me again. "Taste test first, Mommy."

He tasted the porridge while I took pictures of the teddy bear with my flip phone. I must have spent five minutes doing this until I noticed Hector still gorging himself on the porridge.

"Daddy, is that really for me?" I pointed out. My eyes widened because the bowl was almost empty.

Hector eats like there's no tomorrow. "Oh! Sorry, Mommy. Mom's cooking is just so good."

I put my flip phone beside me and hit him with the teddy bear. "You're so mean! That was supposed to be my porridge."

He just smiled while dodging my hits. He finished the porridge until there was nothing left.

***

"I'm sorry, Teddy. I used you to hit Hector," I said, a sad smile tugging at my lips. "He was such a silly, mischievous guy."

I paused, pulling myself back to the present moment. Suddenly, I laughed alone, realizing I was talking to a teddy bear.

Sitting on the floor, I leaned against the closet, lifting my knees and hugging the teddy bear tightly. Then, my face was warm again with my tears.

I remembered what Tita Cecile told me. She was right: I had spent too much time stuck in the past, wallowing in memories. I was tired of being this way, crying every time I thought of Hector. Will it always be like this?

I stared at the teddy bear and gave it a silent nod. I placed it on the floor and left my bedroom, searching for a black plastic bag in the kitchen. When I returned to my room, I opened the bag and started putting things inside—the teddy bear, his polo shirt, cap, jersey shirt, and shorts. Everything that reminded me of Hector.

It was time to let go. Life is short, and I choose to be happy now.

***

I stood in front of the railings on the rooftop of the condominium building, leaning my arms on them. The Ortigas skyline stretched before me, framed by the blue sky above. Tears still shimmered in my eyes, but I resolved that this would be the last time.

For the final time, I conjured Hector's face in my mind and closed my eyes.

I thought of his expressive eyes, which never lied. I could always tell if he was angry or happy. His smile brightened every moment of my life back then, and I used to caress his thick hair while he slept. I would start to forget his nose and his lips—little by little.

I needed to let go and have no more regrets. "Hector, goodbye."

After seven years, I finally said those words.

***

I got in the car, left the condominium, and headed to the columbarium. I arrived at ten in the morning and immediately found a quiet place. The scent of candles filled the hallway.

I placed a powder blue box on the shelf below Hector's epitaph. Inside were his ring and school ID. After that, I stood up and looked at it.

I remembered how I used to watch Hector as he slept and caressed his warm face. I couldn't believe that now I was caressing a cold object, his epitaph.

I suddenly turned to the hallway, sensing someone else was there. I even thought there might be a ghost. I laughed alone, followed by an echoing sob.

"Hector, am I going crazy?" I whispered.

I left the columbarium and gazed at the blue sky. Wherever Hector is now, I hope he is happy. I hope he has completely set me free. I admit I will never forget him. But I still need to move on with my life.