CHAPTER 11

Melay, Audrey, and Denver caught my attention as they ran toward the sea and screamed for joy. They played in the water, and a group of boys joined them.

Tita Cecile called me to join them, too, but I declined. I kept myself satisfied watching them from afar. As the gentle night breeze touched my body again, it soothed me. So now, I am no longer restless like earlier.

I kept contemplating what Tita Cecile said. As a widow, she had continued living her life to the fullest. How much more can I? Because I was much younger, I still had a bright future ahead of me. Should I forget entirely about Hector now? Is this the right time?

"There you are, alone again?" a voice appeared behind me. I saw Eric standing there, and a broad smile spread across my face. And in my mind, is he the deserving one? Should I let him in?

I replied to him. "The water makes me chilly at night. I'll stay here."

"So if that's the case, can I accompany you here? The water also makes me chilly at night," Eric said.

I tried to contain my laughter again because it was evident that he was making unrealistic excuses. He sat to my left, picked up a tiny seashell, and threw it into the dark seawater before us.

We turned silent for a moment while the laughter and screams of the gang frolicking in the seawater were the only background noises we had. I was not fond of it, so I broke the silence. "Eric, why me?"

Eric bent his head downward, and I stared at him. It seemed like he was embarrassed by my question. It was evident that he was trying to grab the right opportunity.

He answered with a hand gesture. "The moment I first saw you at Binurong Point, I could relate to you. Your sadness and loneliness. I felt a connection."

I couldn't speak back and felt more embarrassed than he was. Eric was frank and said. "Especially when you helped me cope with the challenges I faced. You were the first person I confided my story to. I found a deep interest in you."

I was right. I was the only person he shared his story with. However, his recent breakup suggests that allowing him into my life may not be the best idea. I don't want to be a rebound for the pain he's suffering now. On the other hand, Eric said those words with conviction, and they resonated inside of me.

After Hector's passing, many men courted me, and when I asked them the same question, they all answered that they fell in love with me at first sight. It's amusing because it feels like I'm conducting interviews back then, and these suitors are all applicants.

I started to like Eric, but not because of his attractiveness. I want to focus on something other than his physical appearance. If I follow that, I am no different from the women I see in romantic comedies. They all ended up with an ideal guy, and I don't believe in that.

I need to think carefully before giving him a chance to court me. I still have much to learn about Eric. I don't want to discover that he only liked me because he retaliated for the pain he acquired from Cindy. I want to understand how he would feel towards me if we got to know each other and if his intentions were genuine.

I glanced at him and caught him staring back at me, too. He then turned his gaze in another direction and yawned. Together, we put our gazes back on the dark shoreline again. We both fell silent again, yet in our thoughts, we had a lot to say to each other.

"You caught me with your sadness, Clara. I also felt it." I felt dumbfounded when Eric said that. Once again, his words pierced through my heart. "I'm sorry if I said this to you at this moment. I see you as a lonely woman, not just the therapist who helped me."

Someone has also told me this before. And those guys who used to court me never noticed this about my personality. I remembered who the first man to say this to me was. I was in high school then, and Hector came to mind again.

***

I could still recall Hector singing a song. I glanced at him because his voice was off-key instead of a melody; I only heard squeaks. I noticed his right hand pointing at something, but I didn't know what. Meanwhile, his left hand was on his chest, as if he were serenading someone.

He was in the middle of their group of friends. I could still hear the strumming of his best friend's guitar.

The principal called an emergency meeting for all the teachers, disrupting our class. The whole class was chaotic; everyone had their own business and gimmicks. But Hector stood out from the rest because his voice was so loud.

While everyone else is happy and chaotic, I am in the corner. I sat at my desk, wiping away tears from my eyes. My two female classmates accompanied me, and they both comforted me through my sobbing. I am still holding my 3310 because I just read an SMS from my sister Mia saying that my dog Spy, a shih tzu, has passed away. He was my last dog because I developed a trauma from caring for pets. I tend to form an emotional attachment to them.

"Clara, looks like Hector was serenading you," one of my girl classmates said.

They were both giggling, but I ignored him. At that moment, all I cared about was Spy, and I couldn't stop crying after I heard the news.

When I was a sophomore in high school, my classmates told me that Hector had a crush on me. I chose to ignore it because romance was the furthest thing from my mind. I was intensely focused on my studies and wanted to avoid becoming a target for some of the girls and queer students on campus who also admired him. So, I didn't take those rumors seriously.

I am competitive in our class regarding my studies, while Hector is often on the list of noisy students. The guidance counselor frequently calls Hector after a teacher catches him cheating on an exam. I even saw him paying my classmate to do his assignment.

"Hey, let's start from the top," Hector said. He stopped singing, and someone strummed the guitar. "This is for the person crying over there. I hope you don't cry for your dog," I heard him say, but I stared into nothingness. "He's already gone! He might even be an adobo dog by now."

The last thing he said echoed in my ears, returning me to my senses. Hector was so loud-mouthed back then. My blood seemed to have rushed to my head and added insult to the injury. The whole class orchestrated a loud laughter; even my two female seatmates joined in.

I stood up from my desk and faced him with a huff. I clenched my fists while he covered his mouth out of embarrassment. "Oh! I'm sorry."

I paced forward. "You're not funny!" and give Hector a deserving slap on the cheek.

The entire class fell silent. I remembered Spy's face again and burst into tears. He messed up his hair while standing in front of me. Then, I couldn't stand his face anymore, so I ran out of our classroom until I reached the campus garden. Confused and still disappointed, I sat on the swing and continued crying.

"Clara, I'm sorry. I really didn't mean to," I heard from behind. It turns out that Hector followed me.

I stood up and faced him again. "What do you know about how I feel? You are one dumb jerk."

"I feel you, Clara," Hector answered. His eyebrow tensed, and his lower eyelid puffed. "I feel sad when I see you sad, too, and I choose not to express it to others. The truth is, I just wanted to make you happy."

I shifted my gaze to the ground while continuously wiping my eyes.

"I don't want to see you crying right now. I also find myself crying often in life. I see a reflection of myself in you now, and I only want you to be my friend." His face was an inch closer to mine.

I couldn't bring myself to stare at him. After that incident, Hector and I became close.

***

I shrugged my head and took a deep sigh. The calm summer wind touched my body again as this part of my memory faded. I returned to the present, and Eric was still sitting beside me. "Thank you, Eric. Thanks for your understanding."

"You're just unbelievable. You helped me through what I went through, but it turns out you're the one with more things going on than me," Eric said. I didn't answer.

He cannot know about my past. I changed the conversation. "Your Tita is more unbelievable. It turned out that we have something in common."

"That was good, in what ways?"

"Like we're both the youngest girl siblings in our family."

He smiled at me. "Cool," but there was something different about it.

We fell silent again, each lost in our thoughts. Inside my head, a storm of emotions swirled. I felt lonely and hopeless, yet I knew I could choose happiness if I wanted to.

Eric whispered to me, "I hope to see you again." I turned to him with a sweet smile.

I nod my head, and in my mind, am I ready to let go? My vacation ended with a result that created a new challenge for the next chapter of my life.