Chapter 164

It almost looks right. The frosting. The succulent sweetness of the cake. Even the specially made candle small enough to be tucked into the top.

The flame flickers on the wick, illuminating nothing on this fine day that doubles as my birthday.

“I’m 12,” I say, looking down at my half-eaten cupcake. I pluck out the candle and perhaps out of habit, Finn immediately takes it from me and tucks it away god knows where.

“You are, your highness. Congratulations,” Finn says in an even tone, not allowing for the slightest hint of emotion to infiltrate his tone. The fox has fully grown into a politician, cloaked in a somber blue that is at odds with the impending summer.

“Do you know why I wanted to meet with you on this day?” I ask the newish Duke. He almost looks the way he used to, if I don’t focus my eyes on the family insignia decorating what could almost pass as a navy blue royal guard uniform.

“I must confess, I do not,” he admits.

I smirk to myself. “Good word choice. As fate has it, I wanted to confess something to you.”

.....

“I did not think you still held me in your confidence, your highness.” He sounds like the verbal equivalent of a door to the face.

“I do not,” I lightly toss his words back at him. “Although I’d like to think that I once did.”

His expression finally softens. “Then why are you here today of all days?”

“I get reflective of the past on my birthdays.” I pause to scoop up some frosting into my mouth. “What, want some?” I ask as he stares at my crass behavior.

“I’ve already eaten breakfast. What is it you wish to confess?” It’s not amusement, but a darker expectation settles into Finn’s features. I belatedly realize that he expects me to confess to Lord Bromely’s murder. Can you believe I’ve almost already forgotten about that dead man?

“Before you get your hopes up, it’s not about murder. I’m innocent of that... debacle,” I say, waving the matter away my hands.

“Yes, the emperor saw to that.” It’s obvious Finn was against my father’s tampering with the case.

“Your Eminence,” I softly call, making light mockery of his new title. “If you are so foolish as to still believe that I am the culprit of the murder, in the same way I was “the culprit” of Sir Gregory’s poisoning, you should renounce your position and retire to Avernall Castle as you are unsuited for this game.”

“A game?” He lets out half a chuckle from the corner of his mouth. “Is that what we call murder under strange circumstances now?”

“It’s what we call a firstborn son who joined the royal guard as a tactic to get close to the emperor and now enjoys unprecedented prestige nearly rivaling that of a famous House,” I fire back without missing a beat. If it weren’t for his young age at the time of joining and his natural charm, I doubt Finn could’ve found a place for himself in the elite battalion. I take a bite of cupcake to the sound of his silence.

“When you are free you should look into Sage’s background. I am rather curious as to where the empress accidentally found a girl child who loathed the former chancellor enough to blow her cover and truly kill him. She hasn’t said a word in the prison, despite how diligent the torturers down there can be.”

“You must’ve bribed her very well.” It’s an offhand statement, with no weight behind his words. He’s listening.

“And I once thought you were clever,” I sigh. “We are straying from the point.”

Finn regards me for a full minute, as if to read my face like a book. Just when I’m about to open my mouth and tell him that if he wishes to read, the Imperial Library is a 15-minute walk east, he opens his mouth.

“You aren’t lying.”

“Perhaps the fox hasn’t lost his touch,” I say in lieu of a simple yes.

“Fox?” His brow wrinkles as I finally let him hear the nickname I’ve had for him since the moment I laid eyes on him in Bianca’s shack.

“When you were younger you always had a devilish look and demeanor. I’d imagine that’s why we got along so well. But now you’ve learned to sheath your claws. So boring...” I sigh.

“There can only be one fox in the hen house and I didn’t wish to intrude on you, your highness.”

I let out a huff of air that could pass off as a laugh before earnestly looking up at one of the first people I was acquainted with in the palace. We’ve had enough conversational foreplay for me to delve into the real deal now.

“I’m a Traveler, Finn. The very thing you were quick to condemn an unnatural. I’m one of them.”

His face twists into a myriad of emotions. A shred of platinum blonde hair, worn long like my father’s, falls between his eyes but he doesn’t notice.

“You wouldn’t tell me this without a reason,” Finn finally says, tapping his chin and slowly looking back at me. His master poker face is back on, I can’t even tell if he’s disgusted, curious, or pissed. In a strange way, it is comforting. I’ve grown far too good at knowing what anyone is feeling at a mere glance.

I shrug. “Maybe I would.”

“Maybe you would,” he agrees, perhaps recalling my crazy crackhead energy that rears its head at the most inopportune times. Possessing a somewhat impulsive spirit has both saved me and brought me trouble countless times, a double-edged sword I’m more than happy to wield.

“So how old are you?” he asks rather calmly.

“Older than my siblings. Older than you,” I smirk.

“That explains a few things,” Finn chuckles. I feel a weight fall off my shoulders. In a way, telling someone the secret I’ve been carrying for more entire life and not getting met with revulsion, is the best gift I could ask for. But unfortunately for Finn, he is right.

I did tell him this for a reason.

It’s almost as if Finn senses the lie in my words, for he stiffens and considers another good point.

“If you really are a Traveler...” he contends, “Then you aren’t really the daughter of the emperor. What other interests do you have? Do you covet that which you should not?”

I sputter out a laugh. “Just say it outright, Your Eminence. Am I not loyal to my father? Do I wish to overtake Augustus and take the throne?”

“Don’t call me that. Simply address me as you once did – simply as Sir Finn.”

“You are no longer the Sir Finn of the royal guard. I am no longer that helpless Princess Winter. But... I will oblige.” I cast a cursory glance at the scenery. There is but a lone statue of my grandfather and some green foliage to be seen. This is a good spot to divulge secrets as any prying souls can be seen a great distance away with these open grounds.

“Do you not consider me a threat? To so generously relinquish this information to me without any warning or threats?” Finn asks, still suspicious.

“I don’t think so little of you, Sir Finn. Maybe I was tired of keeping a secret. Maybe I just wanted you to realize that like myself, most Travelers aren’t looking to cause mayhem. They just want to survive in the strange new world they’ve woken up in.” I speak in a taunting manner, although a hint of raw emotion still escapes.

“Survive? The bond between royal parent and progeny is already weaker than most, without being exacerbated by the fact that you are in fact, not his daughter. What if survival for you results in something worse for His Majesty?”

His voice is less stern than before. But it is hard to say whether he is truly moved or not.

The past few years have shown me that Finn possesses many layers and many faces. That is why I want him on my side before I fully embroil myself in the politics of this world. Having a shrewd character would lend much security and credibility to my dealings. However, acquiring such a character requires the sacrifice of my greatest secret.

“That is the second time you slander me by claiming I am not my father’s daughter. Take care with your words,” I scold, not taking kindly to him insinuating that I wasn’t the daughter of the emperor. I’m not as offended as I appear, as his thoughts follow the natural progression one would expect following such a revelation. However, such ideas must be firmly squashed in the cradle, lest they grow to become terrifying rumors that I cannot unentangle myself from.

“My apologies, your highness. I misspoke.” He bows his head with his apology, but I steamroll past it to my next point.

“Think about it from my much smaller shoes, Sir Finn, if you’d prefer to believe that I don’t care for the emperor. What do I stand to gain in being disloyal to my father?” I carefully point out. “I am his bastard, and a daughter at that, the youngest of his four known children. In what world can I inherit something that is not given to me by him? As he made me, the emperor can similarly unmake me. Cast me back to the streets, to obscurity. Or worse.”

There is no need to elaborate on what ‘or worse’ means as the not-so-false rumors of the terrible deaths that befell extended members of the imperial family still roam the streets.

“You are the promised child, your highness. Although the emperor would never harm you, such an act would be condemned by the Holy Church,” Finn counters with less fortitude than before, my coarse words backing him down from his charged insinuations.

I smile grimly to myself as the duke unknowingly echoes the exact reason why I had fought tooth and nail to acquire the promised child status for myself, even before finding out that the prophecy was true and I was actually the promised child. And although it is true that my father has technically never harmed me, his utter indifference during my early years and our lack of a relationship has caused me great harm and hardship in this life.

“Understand this. My interests and my father’s interests are one and same.” I firmly impress upon him. This is true, for the most part. Give or take a few key principles.

“I was born into this world. Lived as Winter since before I could speak. I am no different from anyone else, except that I came into this world with the memories of another life.”

“Not love? You are simply bonded by similar interests rather than familial affection?” Finn asks. He is not so na?ve to believe that, so I’m not sure why he would pry. Chewing on my last bite of cupcake in an annoyed manner, I swallow fully before staring at him like he’d just told me 2 + 2 = 5.

“I know you are a loyal subject so you need not respond. But can you truly look at the imperial family and think we are bonded by something like love?” I can’t stop the laugh that comes out at the l-word, sounding like a jaded soul rather than an adolescent child.

After being cheated on by my fiance and treated like trash by this family until I displayed some usefulness, I’d be a fool to place so much weight on a mere emotion that can change faster than the seasons.

“There is also marriage.” He looks me in the eye as he says this.

“What? Marriage?” The 180-degree turn our conversation takes is more jarring than a slap to the face.n/ô/vel/b//in dot c//om

“If you were to be married, your interests would align with that of your husband’s. There is no guarantee that whomever you will wed would have the same interests as the throne. So forgive me, your highness, but that still casts doubt on where you stand,” he concludes, sounding pleased with his reasoning. Sometimes I forget that I’m in an era where women are accessories to their fathers and husbands until moments like this.

“What if I were to wed you, Your Eminence?” I return with a verbal slap of my own. “Tell me, would my interests still be in line with that of my father? Would the interests of the duchy of Avernall still be in line with that of the empire?”

I finish off my cupcake as Finn stands there in stupefied silence. I suppose it’s not every day a kid you’ve known since they were five jests about marrying you. Or maybe he also hears the Law and Order music thundering in the background.

“Well played, princess. You are wise beyond your years,” he replies, throwing in a clever albeit backhanded compliment.

“If only my governess thought the same,” I grumble. “Can you believe I have to go through school a second time?”

We both share a quiet laugh. It feels good to have that reprieve from this charged conversation.

“That’s a blessing, your highness. I look back on my school days quite fondly,” Sir Finn finally says, causing me to roll my eyes.

“But of course. Education for lads such as yourself must be far more entertaining than the drivel I must learn. History, etiquette, philosophy, and music,” I drone, listing the dreaded subjects off on my fingers.

“I must know...” I look up at the royal guard I had once viewed almost as tenderly as I see Maria and Emma, his face both foreign and familiar. Politics and power complicate and alienate relationships in a way my humble existence in my past life kept me safe from. “...Other than the opportunity to grow close to my father, why did you not attend the Imperial College?”

“If I tell you...” Finn leans in like he’s about to share and I can’t help leaning in as well despite myself. Instead, he throws another curveball into our chat. “...You will never know what Lord Bromely spent his final days doing.”

I peer up at him with an incredulous look, but he is sincere. “I am a fair man. You divulged something to me. I must now return the favor. A gentleman does not owe favors. And you have given me quite a lot over the years.”

“A fox fancying himself a gentleman, what a joke,” I grumble under my breath, not paying much mind to his last sentence that possessed much depth beneath its surface.

“What was that?” His bleach blonde brows lower suspiciously.

“Mmm nothing. Some cupcake caught in my throat. Do carry on.” I make a show of delicately coughing into my palm. In truth, I could really use some tea to wash down that delicious cake.

He raises a brow, but carries on speaking with both hands clasped behind his back. “Lord Bromely was not very idle in his time away from the capital. He was digging through ice up north and skulking around the humid jungles in the east, hunting for secrets better left buried. For some reason, he seemed to think that the answer lay inside Travelers, once your existence was revealed. He was methodically butchering and carving his way through every single one he could get his hands on.”

“Killing them?” I feel sick, but I need proper confirmation.

“In a far more brutal way than the manner in which your maid did him in. In that sense, it is almost poetic that you were the one to deal the killing blow,” he acknowledges with a nod of his head.

“I told you that wasn’t me!” I yell before noticing the cunning twinkle in his eye. Bastard. “Don’t hold out now. What was he looking for?”

“The man’s quite dead now, so I’m afraid I can’t ask him. I had been trying to gain his confidance over the past few years, but the incident at the Chrysanthemum Opera House put all of that to a stop.” Lies, but clever partial ones that can be hidden beneath a veneer of truth. I’m grateful to receive an answer nonetheless.

“Look into Sage’s background, if that is even her name. You may find an answer or two in there before she gets a taste of the same fate that befell the late lordship she obviously bore great ill will towards. It must be something close to home,” I muse aloud, like a teacher gently prompting her student towards the right answer.

.....

Finn all of a sudden hits me with a pensive stare. I squirm a little, standing my ground as I wait for the inevitable disgust and disdain to rain down upon me.

“What?” I wonder if I was a bit too slovenly in eating my birthday treat and now have cake crumbs pasted to my face.

“Tell me, princess. What makes you happy?”