The Girl She Wanted to Protect

In her earlier memories of her, Asaya was always happy. She was also loud, nosy, and somewhat obnoxious. She stood out among all the other kids for her creativity and wonder, and she was always trying to drag everyone else into her world of abstract colors. Even when they were young and innocent, too naive to understand what any of it meant, Nemara could clearly remember Asaya always being praised as a miraculous wonder, someone who was sure to develop a wonderful power for her unique personality.

Others saw her as a prodigy of sorts. She was artistic and proud of it, and she always wanted to show off her colorful drawings or her poetry or her pranks. Even when she did something that got her into trouble, like pouring tubes of paint into the pot of stew the school chef was brewing that morning to try and make it colorful, she was still always praised for it in a way. Because kids who stood out like she did got amazing powers. That’s just how it was.

Nemara herself had never been looked at that way as a child, had never been adored the way Asaya was. She was just known as a quiet and awkward child who didn’t contribute much to her class, and who was forgotten about by most because of it. Even Asaya never really noticed her much at first, despite how much Nemara had always noticed her.

She just thought Asaya was kind. Nemara had never really known how to talk to others, or how to communicate with the other kids in her class. They’d all known each other since they were three or four years old, depending on when their parents put them in school, so most friendships had already formed by the time they were six. And Nemara noticed how everyone wanted to be Asaya’s friend, and she could see why. With the few conversations she’d had with the other girl, she did too, but she was too shy to approach her.

“Wow, your eyes are purple too! We match!” was the very first thing Asaya had ever said to her. She’d been so open and friendly, her soft, lavender eyes sparkling as Nemara’s mind internally processed that the statement was factually wrong. Asaya’s eyes were lighter and more pastel, while Nemara’s eye color was a deep, dark violet. That was in no way matching. But Asaya had just looked so excited about it that she didn’t have the heart to say anything, and merely gave a meek nod.

They had a few conversations after that, and Asaya was always nice to her. Once, when Nemara ran out of ink for class, Asaya was the one who gave her more without her even needing to ask for it. She’d been quietly brewing on how to garner the confidence to go ask the teacher for more ink, when suddenly, there was some more being slid right onto her desk, and Asaya was smiling above her with that pretty, angelic smile she always wore. “Here you are! You looked like you were a bit upset, so I got some more for you! You’re welcome!” she’d giggled, flashing a peace sign with her fingers before running off back to her seat.

It was moments like these that Nemara understood the hype around her. But she didn’t necessarily relate to it the way others did. Most of the adults around them called Asaya their town’s godsend, that she would be the one to earn a great power from the universe and make them all proud, all because she was so vibrant and unique. But Nemara just appreciated her because she was always nice. To her, she thought everyone always liked Asaya because she was such a nice and happy person, nothing more. So maybe she didn’t truly understand the hype at all. But it was possible she understood Asaya better than any of them, even despite that.

She felt it was important to consider that Asaya was a social butterfly. She didn’t really have a specific person or group she hung out with, and she flitted around towards everyone at least a little bit. Nemara felt lucky enough that she would get addressed by Asaya at least once a week despite how meek and quiet she always was, the other girl was simply that outgoing. Yet, one day, Asaya seemed a little quieter than usual, but no one else seemed to notice.

That day, Asaya had been keeping to herself more than normal and was busying herself with a stack of paper and a bunch of black ink. That wouldn’t be too out of the ordinary, since she was always coloring or doodling of some kind, if it weren’t for the way she was only drawing a bunch of lines over and over again on the paper in different patterns. To Nemara, it seemed more like she was trying to quickly pass the time during school, and she wasn’t trying to go out of her way to answer questions or to make her presence known like she usually would. Instead, Asaya just drew line after line, stubbornly ignoring it when she got ink onto the table. It was odd, she felt.

Before then, Nemara had never tried initiating anything with Asaya before. She just thought it was unnecessary. Asaya would always talk to her a little bit, and she was satisfied with that. It’d never crossed her mind to try and ask for more, even though she wanted it. It just didn’t feel like it was within her place to ask, not when there were plenty of other better people Asaya could spend her time with that suited her personality, whims, and spark much better.

But seeing her upset didn’t bode well with Nemara, either. And no one seemed to notice. Kids still walked up to her and talked to her, before walking away bored when Asaya didn’t respond. Any of the kids who tried to pester her longer were shooed away by the adults, who merely reiterated over and over again, “Shh, Asaya’s in the zone, she’s probably creating something amazing! You shouldn’t bother the artist when she’s working.”

But was that really what it was? Nemara had watched Asaya work, paint, and create from across the room all the time, always greatly intrigued and curious about her art, and this didn’t have the same flair or joy. It just seemed… dull. Disheartened. Sad. But no one else seemed to notice, which Nemara didn’t like. So if no one else was going to say anything, she figured she would have to.

That’s why she waited until it was time to go outside during their break before she approached her. And she saw the way Asaya picked up a stick as a couple kids tried talking to her, and she watched as her small face tilted itself into a smile that was all too forced, as a cracked laugh escaped her.

When she looked back on this moment, Nemara still didn’t know what had come over her. Asaya clearly hadn’t looked happy, and she could sense those kids were making her uncomfortable, so she just dashed up and took one of Asaya’s small hands, pulling her along as she exclaimed in a voice that felt so out of character, “Follow me!”

“Huh?” Asaya had stumbled, nearly tripping as Nemara ran her away, before she quickly caught her rhythm and joined her, not really questioning anything as she was led to the side of the field near some bushes, where she was dragged around to a spot that was away from the prying eyes of students and teachers alike. Nemara kept this place all to herself, since no one else ever wanted to hide like she did, but Asaya’s confusion was evident as she looked around between the bushes hiding them, absolutely stunned. “Um, Nemara, why did you bring me here? Did you need something from me?”

Nemara remembered asking Asaya a few years later what she had first thought of her for barging in and dragging her off to her favorite secret hide away, and she remembered how Asaya had laughed in her face and said she thought she was being kidnapped by a crazy person. Nemara liked to laugh at it too, thinking about things that way. But what came next was the important part to her. It was when she’d gotten her first clear look at Asaya, truly and fully. With the way she extended her hands to grip onto Asaya’s shoulders, their mismatched matching eyes meeting as Nemara stared seriously at her, before she questioned urgently, “Asaya, are you okay?”

“I… what?” was Asaya’s initial reaction. Confusion filled her face like water fills a cup, growing more and more convoluted as the cup began to get more and more filled. Until her confusion turned into something like relief, Nemara’s serious, concerned stare reaching her heart more than anyone else ever had.

All the other kids liked to idolize her because the adults did, so Asaya had never had anyone she particularly wanted to be close to in her class. Nemara was nice, but she never put herself out there, so she’d looked over her for a long time. But in that moment, Asaya had felt so incredibly seen she couldn’t help it. No one besides her parents had ever noticed it when her cup was overflowing. No one before Nemara had ever seen when she was upset, or if they did, they never asked her about it. Asaya had never been asked if she was okay. But now…

“No,” she croaked out, tears spilling from her eyes as Nemara’s face morphed into shock, and she didn’t know what to do when Asaya threw herself at her, hands wrapping earnestly around her back as she cried into Nemara’s shoulder, completely letting herself fall apart the moment she’d been prompted to. She cried, and cried, and cried, and to this day, she remembered everything Asaya had been upset about.

Some man she’d never met before had approached her and told her that he was going to be betting all his money on her to get some powerful magic, and that he was counting on her to pull her weight and not let him down. Several people had also told Asaya they’d be betting money on her and that they all expected great things, and the pressure had been getting to her.

She just wanted to do what she wanted to, she didn’t want to be hounded by all these people counting on her to do well. She just wanted to have fun. She wanted to be herself, she didn’t want anybody to rely on her. What if she failed? What if she lost all their money? Would it be her fault if that happened?

In all truth, Nemara hadn’t really known what to say to any of that. She’d barely even heard of this betting phenomena that took place, and it didn’t make much sense to her. Why would people bet on children below the age of fifteen, picking and choosing who they thought would get powerful magic? Nemara didn’t see why anyone would want to do that. It felt unfair to the kid. And she could see that even clearer with Asaya, but she still didn’t know what to say. All she’d done was hold her and let her cry all she wanted. It was the first time she’d felt such a driving instinct to protect and guard that it’d nearly consumed her. And after that, Asaya had never let her go.

That was the day Asaya said they became best friends and never left her alone from there on out. That was when she began dragging Nemara into all of her schemes, made her join her disastrous pranks, and invited her to her house every day once school ended. She’d felt slightly honored to learn that she was the first friend Asaya had ever invited over. But still, Nemara would always and forever remember that day as when they had bonded into something inseparable. That was when they became a pair, and the teachers started paying more attention to Nemara because of it.

She joined Asaya in putting multi-colored handprints on the school walls just because the other girl had asked her to, not caring what kind of trouble they’d get into for vandalizing property that didn’t belong to them. She listened to Asaya read the books she’d written until it got late at night, and they’d braid each other’s hair in the morning when they woke up. Asaya’s hair used to be much longer back then, her blond locks falling all the way down to her hips, with a small wave and bounce near the ends.

It was also when Nemara began to be put under scrutiny, but she didn’t care. She didn’t mind if the other adults tried nitpicking at her personality, calling her bland and unfit to be Asaya’s companion. She didn’t mind the way other kids accused her of leaching off Asaya’s potential and status as a prodigy the older they got. She didn’t mind what anybody else said, as long as Asaya didn’t hear about it.

If you stumble upon this tale on Amazon, it's taken without the author's consent. Report it.

She did her best to protect Asaya from all those rumors and harsh words, because she knew it would bring her down. And more than anything else, Nemara wanted to protect her. To protect her happiness, to shield her light, and to preserve her kindness. That’s all she wanted. She never expected things to go so wrong.

“Hello? Hellooo, Nemara? You there?” came a loud voice, tinged with a kind of annoyance that felt so unfamiliar. And she had to remember that... ah, yes. She’d messed up, and now things were like this. Having to blackmail a contract out of Asaya just so she could spend one day with her a month.

Usually, Nemara would never resort to blackmail, especially not with Asaya, but… it had been baited right in front of her. It’d been too tempting an idea, and she’d managed to extort a little bit of Asaya’s personal time because of it. So although she felt like she was being a little bit morally ambiguous, Nemara had no regrets.

“Yes? Do you need something, Asaya?” she questioned as she held several different bags in her hands, all filled with different beauty products and ingredients. She had no clue why her old friend was going on a buying spree for all these different lotions and shampoos, but the day Asaya had designated for them to hang out had turned into this.

And she could only look down and balance the bags on her arms as Asaya shoved more hair lotion into the bags, which only made things heavier. “I’m adding these.”

“Oh, alright… are you sure I can’t use my power?”

That’s right. Nemara’s power was telekinesis. She could wrap a sort of magical violet essence around objects and make them float and control their movements. Whatever her violet mist touched would fall under her control to do what she wanted with it. The only things that were difficult to take control of were humans and elves, as their bodies were filled to the brim with fresh mana, that Nemara had trouble harnessing. It was a slight drawback, but she'd always appreciated the practicality and flexibility in her magic. In the past, Asaya had always said it suited her well. However…

“No way. You’re going to suffer while you’re forcing me to spend this day with you,” Asaya bit back, and Nemara had to repress a sigh as she kept moving. This had to already be the third store, and she was running out of space for her arms. Why did Asaya want all of these materials anyway? It seemed a bit much just for her. But, then again, she had been getting pretty close with Ova lately, so maybe this had to do something with his influence.

Still though, this day was here to bridge the gap between them, so Nemara needed to make use of it while she could. She’d have to wait another month until she could again, after all. That was what gave her the courage to shamelessly speak up, “Are you getting all of these for Ova?”

“Hmm, Willow, actually,” Asaya corrected smoothly, casually looking over a small container of shampoo, checking the list of ingredients carved into the wooden box. “Though, Ova did tell me what to look out for, and what I should buy. I’ve always been pretty into taking care of my hair and body, but my knowledge is nothing compared to his. He’s such a diva.”

“Oh… honestly, I don’t know Ova well. I just know how his power works, so I figured he’d know a lot about how to keep yourself looking clean,” Nemara commented, scanning some of the small wooden bowls that handed out free samples. She kind of wanted to try some, but as her hands were currently full of large leather bags filled to the brim with wooden containers of ingredients and lotions, she resigned herself to only looking.

But Asaya only snorted at her words, not shocked in the slightest as she kept browsing, looking for something in particular Ova had told her to grab. “I’m not surprised you don’t know him well at all. You’ve always been one to keep to yourself unless you’re approached.”

“Oh, yeah… that’s true,” Nemara agreed, nervously biting at her lip as her violet gaze scanned to the side. She was trying her best to look anywhere but Asaya’s face, because she felt she shouldn’t stare no matter how tempting. But the other woman's face was just so round, with a cute button nose and soft pink lips, with short blond hair that smoothed into the nape of her neck. Her skin was a gentle shade of peach that dusted slightly rosy cheeks, with small, round ears that looked absolutely charming for a human. She was shorter than Nemara, Asaya’s head only reaching the bottom of her chin, and it made her adorable to look at. And with dark, long eyelashes that batted around cute, round lavender eyes, Nemara really needed to remind herself to look at other things.

Though this silence was somewhat awkward. Nemara didn’t know if this was also Asaya’s way of punishing her for everything she’d done and said four years ago, but her thoughts didn’t have much time to spiral before Asaya’s eyes shifted back to her to speak first. “I’m honestly surprised. You’re close enough friends with Halla and Clementine that the three of you share a dorm. How’d that happen?”

“Huh? Oh. I’m honestly not sure,” Nemara shrugged, carefully moving the bag closer towards Asaya so she could put the wooden box she was checking out inside. “Clementine was drawn to me first because she said I had an interesting soul. She said my soul looked like a tragic painting that'd been locked up in a prison cell, whatever that means. And Halla just likes me because I don’t cause trouble, I’m pretty sure,” she spoke bluntly, before her eyes slowly turned down to meet Asaya’s face, who was still looking at her. “But that would change, probably, if we started hanging out again.”

“Hah!” Asaya let out a dark laugh, turning away immediately to brush over some different plants that were being sold. “You say that like you want to hang out with me again, but yet you sound so detached to the friends you currently have. Is there anyone you actually value in your life, Nemara?”

“Well, of course I care about them,” she frowned, slightly offended by that statement as she watched Asaya’s slender fingers check the plants, her touch delicate as she brushed through the flat leaves. “I’m just not sure if I could consider them close. We talk and hang out, and sometimes we talk about our surface level problems, but I’d never talk about deeper things with them. Not like I do with Lumis. Or like I have with you, in the past.”

“Hmm… and what would some of those deeper problems be, then?” Asaya questioned lazily, voice coming out in a drawl as she picked up a pink-looking plant with a dark magenta bulb.

And to be frank, Nemara could tell she wasn’t being taken seriously at all. She still knew Asaya well enough to recognize that. But she wouldn’t back down from this, because no matter what, today was the day she established the fact into Asaya’s mind that she wanted to reconnect. That was why she decided to be as honest as possible and recited her deepest worries that she’d recently confided in Lumis, no matter what kind of face it would earn from her. “The main things I need advice for are how to talk to you, honestly. I know I hurt you, and I want to fix it, but I don’t know how. Lumis always tells me to be patient and steadfast, and that you’ll come around eventually, but I want to do something more meaningful to you that proves it.”

She nearly froze when Asaya suddenly turned around to face her, gaze questioning as she stared into Nemara’s nervous violet colors. And, somehow, the blond woman saw how raw they were. It made her audibly sigh, her hand going to scratch at the back of her bare neck as she looked down, gaze troubled and uncertain before she spat out, “Why didn’t you come check on me?”

“...wait, what?”

“Four years of silence,” Asaya reiterated at Nemara’s surprise, watching as the dark-haired elf flinched at her every word. “I needed you, and you didn’t come to check on me for four years, until I came to you. Why?”

“Um... oh,” Nemara’s eyes widened, suddenly coming to a deeper understanding as she gaped slightly. “That’s what you’re mad about? I thought it was the fight, and that’s why you never came out to talk to me.”

“Mm, no,” the blond corrected, shaking her head as she shoved another tray of leaves and roots into the bags Nemara was carrying, using the sudden closeness to have herself pause, contemplating. Contemplating on whether or not she should really be honest. But, well, Asaya could tell Nemara was being honest with her. Being best friends for most of their lives hadn’t been for nothing, after all. So she sighed again, her emotions slightly worn out as she explained slowly, “No, I’ve come to acknowledge we were both at fault in that fight. We both did things we shouldn’t have. What hurt is that you never tried to reach out afterwards,” Asaya finished firmly, solidifying her stance as she met Nemara’s gaze once again. “So why didn’t you? All this time, I thought it was just because you didn’t care. Is that true, or not?”

“No, it’s not,” Nemara blurted, slightly panicked as those words escaped her.

She hadn’t expected that to be the problem. She’d always figured Asaya had been upset about the fight, but… no, she was upset about the silence. That meant Nemara needed to change her approach, but if she were honest with herself, she had no clue what to say. Her mind was stumbling as she tried to find a good reason that would suffice, her mind working overtime as she gave a slight shake of her head, her face looking greatly panicked as she lowered her chin.

“I mean, you’ve always been the extroverted one… I thought, if you needed me, you’d come get me. And since you didn’t, I thought you must still be mad. I was, um… I was planning to check on you, eventually, if you didn’t show up, but… time just escaped from me, and I… lost track of it,” she mumbled, face pale as a sheet as she could only stare daggers at the ground below her.

That wasn’t all of it. There was a specific reason she hadn’t approached Asaya again after their fight. There was an important, very special reason, one that she couldn’t part with. But she was afraid if Asaya knew the whole truth, she’d only get more upset, and so Nemara said those things instead. However, she wasn’t entirely sure if it worked, because when she finally looked up, Asaya was staring at her quizzically, like she didn’t know what to think.

“Well…” she trailed off slightly, voice filled with a sort of disappointment as she met Nemara’s panicked face. “I guess that’s true. You’ve never been confrontational. I just, well… I just thought I was more important to you than that,” she sighed, turning back around as Nemara took another uneven step forward, bags jerking on her arms.

“You are! You are important to me!” she insisted, voice bordering on desperate as Asaya turned back to look at her.

What could she say? What could she say to get that through? Nemara didn’t want to see that look on Asaya’s face, that hurt expression that looked to hold more pain than there were stars in the sky. Nemara had always wanted to protect that face so completely, she’d never seen any other thing she wanted to do with her life. As long as Asaya was happy, as long as she was satisfied, then Nemara was too. Though, sometimes...

Sometimes, what came even before happiness, was someone’s safety. And if Asaya wasn’t safe, then Nemara would not rest until she was. Even if it meant she had to stay away for four long, torturous years. That… that was the truth. That was the whole truth she was hiding. But how could she possibly say that to her? Wouldn’t that just upset her more?

Still, nothing else came out of her mouth. She didn’t know how to face Asaya like this. She wanted to protect her, to hold her, to tell her she was the most important person Nemara had in her life even now, but… she was frozen. And it was a pity that Asaya couldn’t read her mind, as she merely looked away again, dissatisfied. “Sure, I believe you. Let’s just get home to the dorms, alright?” she dismissed, completely changing the topic of conversation as Nemara felt her spirits sink. “I promise I’ll be more open with you, and I won’t stop us from becoming friends again if that’s where things go. But… I don’t think we'll ever be as close as we used to be,” Asaya admitted, her expression looking solemn as she took another step forward, far away from where Nemara’s heart was wailing for her to look back.

So this was how things were doomed to go. She just… Nemara had no idea how to express that Asaya was the most important person in her life. Her best friend. Her one and only. The girl she wanted to protect more than anybody else. She just didn’t know how to get it out. She could only follow Asaya back to the dorms in a miserable silence, barely holding back her own frustrated tears as she forced her face to go blank, shoving down any emotion that might bubble up to the surface.

But she hated it. She hated being this far away from her. If Nemara kept reaching out… kept her hand out there for Asaya to take whenever she wanted… surely, someday, she’d take it, right?

Well… it didn’t matter.

Even if Asaya never took her hand for the rest of their lives, Nemara would never hesitate to protect her… would never hesitate to step in a shield her from whatever dangers she may face... no matter what separate roads their lives led them down.