But Was Power Really Worth It

The group project wasn’t all that difficult from the sounds of it. They would have two weeks to prepare, and by the time that was over, they would essentially be playing capture the flag with the other three teams, that consisted of Lumis, Spike, and Clementine... Viper and Halla... as well as Nemara and Druyn. The winning team would receive bonus points, and everyone would be graded on their individual capabilities as well as teamwork.

It all seemed easy, yeah? To Asaya, anyway. She’d always been good at team exercises. And since her teammates were Willow and Ova, this meant she could finally get to talk to the lonely person who seemed to be hiding all the time! She’d been wanting to approach them for a while, but never found the right moment. So this was perfect!

It just, well... it didn’t look like Willow had the same thoughts. They were hunched over themselves on the ground, nibbling at raw fingernails that were bitten all the way to their skin. Their moss green eyes kept flitting around every which way, and Asaya resigned herself to observing them quietly, before putting on a bright smile and inching herself a little closer.

“Hey there, Willow! You remember me, don’t you?” she prodded gently, Ova’s gaze traveling over to watch her and the way she initiated. “I’ve actually been meaning to talk to you, but I can never seem to find you. Are you shy?” she smiled pleasantly, Willow startling the moment their name was called as they blinked rapidly, urgently shifting their curled legs as they fumbled with the collar of their dark green sweater.

“Ah, yeh, yes… something like that,” they agreed smally, averting eye contact as best as possible as Asaya remained friendly.

“Well, that’s okay, I promise I don’t bite,” she assured them lightly, before appearing to come to the realization that it was false, as she nodded her head slightly upwards. “Well, actually, I guess I do. Sometimes, I think. Like when strangers start bugging me and get super annoying. But you look pretty nice, so I don’t think we’ll have a problem,” she eventually concluded, Ova giving a small snort as Willow just nodded along absently.

“You don’t make that sound very convincing,” he snickered, Asaya politely ignoring him as she remained firmly in her spot next to Willow. It made him want to roll his eyes, but he stopped himself from doing so as he faced both of his teammates, placing his hands on his knees as he gathered their attention. “But anyway, we should be focusing, so let’s get to the point. The thing we’ll be talking about is our general plan and strategy, yeah?” he questioned directly, deciding to take his role as leader as seriously as possible. After all, while he did want the good grade, he also wanted to showcase his abilities as a senior member of this class.

“Then here’s what we need to establish today. Asaya, you’ve been very clear that you don't want to tell us the details of your power, but is there anything you can tell us about what Elkan does, since it seems he does most of the fighting? And Willow, I get your power is some sort of illusion thing, but could you describe more on how it works? I’ll explain any questions about my magic as well, and then we can coordinate a plan to use all of our powers to the fullest. So, who wants to go first?”

It was almost eerily silent as both Ova and Asaya turned towards Willow, as if wondering if they’d take the bait and respond. But the antisocial individual merely shrunk further into themselves, as if avoiding the question altogether, to where Asaya had to give in and go first instead, although she didn't seem to mind. “Elkan’s powers are pretty simple,” she explained cheerily, voice tinged with a certain earnestness that Ova found cute.

“He controls the energy that flows within all living things. When he sends out those energy blasts you’ve seen before, those are all excess energy floating around the world’s core that he harnesses and uses. It also allows him to heal himself and others, as our bodies are all made up of that same energy, which he manipulates. So, theoretically speaking, he could totally control somebody like a puppet on strings, but he’s not quite that powerful quite yet. And as of right now, the only other things he can do are sense lifeforms when they’re nearby, and he can tell where someone is just by sensing their energy.”

She really did seem so invested as she dumped all of that information on them, and even Willow’s long ears perked slightly as their attention was caught. Asaya was happy to see them so interested, and gave them a kind smile as the person flinched, ears flattening back against the sides of their face as they shied away.

“Hah, wow, that sounds kinda terrifying, but also impressive,” Ova laughed pleasantly, and he really did mean those words. Usually, people wouldn’t know so much about their magic at this stage unless they were one of the rare types that came with instinctive knowledge of how to use it. But Asaya’s understanding of Elkan’s magic and abilities sounded so personal and intricate, like she’d built him from the ground up herself. But Ova didn’t really think too much about it, as he wasn’t very interested in thinking about something he had no stakes in, and smoothly moved on. “I think his power is perfect for being the one to guard the flag. Since he can basically map out all of the lifeforms in relation to where he’s at, no one would ever be able to sneak up on us!”

“I was thinking the same thing!” Asaya exclaimed eagerly, clapping her hands together sweetly, before they both awkwardly eyed Willow once more, who was busy chewing on their nails again. They seemed hesitant to speak, but when Asaya reached out and gave their shoulder a small tap, their back jolted straight as they began to sweat even more. “Hey, it’s alright! We just wanna know a bit about your magic,” the doll-like woman soothed, and Ova briefly wondered if this was really the same jaded girl he’d had a snarky back and forth with just the other day. Asaya seemed to be toning herself down to make Willow feel more comfortable, although he wasn’t sure it was working, as they only seemed to get more nervous no matter what she tried.

“My, my power?” Willow stuttered out, pulling anxiously at their long sleeves with diamond patterns sewn on the hem, refusing to make eye contact as they stared nervously into their lap. Although, from what Asaya remembered about their introduction, she didn’t think this shy person liked their power very much. Whenever they talked about it, they always seemed so down and distraught, and that only became more evident once they finally started talking. “Um, my power… is hallucinations. I can warp the way you see, hear, smell, taste, and feel. But, but I already told you that on my first day, so… so you’re probably looking for, for something more…” they fretted, eyes beginning to jerk around as they suddenly reached a hand up. Their mossy eyes were blown out wide as they struck their palm harshly against the side of their skull, not even flinching as the action seemed to flip a switch, and they began again, Asaya and Ova watching in an uncomfortable shock.

“It’s hallucinations, and I can give them to a lot of people at a time. However, I’ve never gotten an exact count or limit, because when my power goes out of my control, it can grip an entire crowd into a mass hallucination, and I've never stopped to count how many it was. I also can’t control what kind of hallucinations I give… I can only control the overall feeling of it, but even then, I don’t have too much sway. That’s why Lumis had such a gory hallucination, if he told you about it... where his arm got chopped off by a large grim reaper. If it were up to me, I would’ve done something much lighter, but since I’d been focused on trying to win at the time and was very anxious, it turned into something more brutal.”

They finished their small rant abruptly and quickly, their voice oddly rushed as they managed to avoid any stutters. However, the moment their eyes jutted to meet Asaya’s, their shoulders quickly hunched again, and they went back to mumbling. “It’s, it’s not very convenient, I know… and sometimes it just does wild things, which is why I was, was recruited… because I’m dan, dangerous, and that’s not good,” they muttered meekly, raw fingers scratching at their thick sleeves the more they were forced to talk. “I, I probably won’t be much help to the team… I’m not very, very comfortable… using my power yet, so… um. I’m probably going to hold you back,” Willow wobbled, voice growing weaker and weaker with every strained breath.

And Asaya couldn't help but feel sad for them. Her entire life, she’d always been eccentric about what kind of power she would get, and nearly broke into pieces when she thought she might not have gotten one. Surfacing with the powers of creation had reinvigorated her, and had given her much needed life and purpose, a reason to breathe. To think someone could be so scared of their own magic… the very thing their soul was supposed to be molded around.

She wanted to say something, something that might comfort them, or something that might get Willow to see the bright side of their abilities. She couldn’t imagine what it was like not to be inspired by your own soul’s reflection, which was what someone's magic was. It just felt foreign to her.

Though, in the end, Asaya just didn’t know what she could possibly say to bridge this distance. She was too caught up trying to imagine what it could possibly be like to be so estranged from yourself, and she was getting a bit lost in her own overwhelming anxiety that the strange thought caused her, when Ova rushed to her rescue with charm and tact.

“Alright, thank you for telling us a bit more. Though, how much of your power are you actually comfortable using?” he prompted swiftly, voice almost diplomatic as Asaya turned to him, attentive. That was a good question, one that needed to be asked. It was better than letting her mind spiral because she couldn't understand a different perspective.

But Willow merely hung their head even lower, looking more like a kicked mop of greasy hair as they curled further into themselves. “Um… I’m not sure,” they admitted weakly, arms crossed over their knees, and they squeezed repeatedly at their small, spindly arms, the pressure comforting.

And Ova waited for anything else to be said, for any other clarifications to be made, but Willow was eerily silent as the two stared at them, waiting. And when nothing came, Asaya finally felt the need to say something as she leaned closer towards the wilted person, attempting to be lighthearted as she proposed sweetly, “You said you could use your hallucinations on multiple people, right? I think, if me and Elkan were to protect our flag, you’d be a good person to go and take away other flags from everyone else! You could cause the entire group to all hallucinate, and then Ova could dive in and take the flag before running off. And then we could repeat!” she suggested brightly, Willow turning up to stare at them miserably, a slightly pathetic look in their mossy green eyes as they sniffled.

“You… you really think I can do that?”

“Mm, well, I’m sure you know your magic better than I do, but it’s worth a shot, isn’t it?” she smiled, happy to have at least given the poor person some hope, if nothing else. Hope was a good thing to have, after all, and Willow seemed like they could use it.

Ova, on the other hand, was thinking about things a bit more rationally. Willow clearly didn’t have a real grip on their powers, by the sounds of things, which made them a particularly volatile teammate, even if they didn’t intend to be. They were like a ticking bomb with a lit fuse, slowly sparking down until they inevitably exploded. He needed to at least see how much of a handle on things they had.

That was what a responsible team leader would do, right? And hell, Ova was pretty responsible, wasn’t he? He’d gotten into Soul Star Academy at the early age of fifteen after only having had his powers for a few months, and he paid for his mother’s expenses with his allowance so that she didn’t have to sell her body in the profession she’d been sold into as a young girl. He took care of a lot of things, didn’t he? He should be able to take care of this too. It was only natural. Perhaps that was why he’d come up with what seemed like a good idea to him, shifting himself to face Willow at a better angle as their attention was caught.

You could be reading stolen content. Head to Royal Road for the genuine story.

Man, they sure were an ugly mop of a mess, and it was clear they lacked basic hygiene. Their hair wasn’t clean and was instead matted to their head, their dark skin looked oily and grimy, their clothes had a small stench coming from them that made him want to hurl. He really wasn’t compatible with this mop here. Ova prided himself on looking good and taking immaculate care of his body and looks, but this Willow here… just looked like they’d given up on it. Why was that? Weren’t they aware they looked like a mess? Surely anxiety didn’t make someone unhygienic?

He didn’t know what to think about that… all he knew was that he was a bit put off, but continued with his thoughts regardless. “So, since you’re a bit iffy with controlling your ability, why don’t we test it out a bit? You can use it on me and we can see what happens, yeah?” he offered, Willow’s eyes widening to the point they bulged, nearly popping out of their face as Ova wondered how in the world they’d managed to look so bug-eyed. Kudos to Asaya for being able to look beyond someone’s appearance, but Ova tended to think that the way someone cared for themselves said a lot about a person.

Still though, at least Willow didn’t seem too opposed to the idea, even though they wilted significantly. Their shoulders slumped all over again and their features twisted into a pout, but they didn’t get the chance to voice their discomfort before Asaya grabbed more onto their shoulder, oblivious to the way they tensed up, and exclaimed loudly, “That sounds like a good idea! You could try it on me, too, and we can see what happens! Maybe we can even see if you can get us to experience a certain feeling of hallucination, like you said! Maybe a happy one!”

It was such a pure, innocent suggestion, Ova couldn’t help but slightly ogle at the woman as she smiled so freely. Was this really the same jaded girl who had accused him of trying to talk to her to get some money? Why was she acting so much more open with Willow? Why did he feel like he’d just lost at a competition that never existed to that ugly mop of sweat and grease? Ugh, but it wasn’t like Willow was a bad person, and they clearly meant well, so Ova decided to try and stop dragging them in his head as he nodded along with Asaya’s enthusiasm. “That might be a good idea. Try putting the both of us under a hallucination, and let’s see what you can do with it.”

“Uh, um… you mean like… both of you, and try to control the, the feeling of it?” Willow repeated, stumbling slightly over their words as they processed what was being asked of them. They felt like a lot was riding on their shoulders. The plan Asaya had suggested clearly centered on them as a big puzzle piece, didn’t it? Willow didn’t want to let them down. They really, really wanted to do their best for their team. If the three of them failed all because they were too incompetent, they’d feel utterly horrible.

Really, all Willow ever wanted to do was help people, but their power always made it so difficult to interact… so, if this time, the way to help was to actively use their power to succeed, they should at least try, shouldn’t they? It was their responsibility, in a way, wasn’t it? Thinking about it like it was their sacred duty to contribute to the team was the only way Willow managed to slowly nod their head, long ears anxiously wiggling as they clutched at their soft pants. “Ah, alright. I’ll try my, my best.”

“Perfect! That’s all anyone can ever ask for!” Asaya cheered happily, and Willow’s ears perked once again at such a cheerful tone. And they watched, a strange feeling overtaking them as they felt the need to keep their eyes on the woman as she stood, Ova following suit.

“Alright then, let’s do this. Try using your power whenever you’re ready,” the man urged, Willow suddenly remembering to stand as they stopped spacing out, stumbling to their feet as they tried to focus on the rumbling, overwhelming energy inside them.

Like a rushing waterfall that stormed at the cave of their heart until it burst… it felt like it was always trying to leak through. The strength Willow possessed was immense, and it felt like it was constantly trying to escape the tight cage they’d stored it in. Letting it out required delicate concentration, because if they slipped even the tiniest bit, their power would rampage like a hungry beast, desperate to clutch everyone into its hallucinatory jaws until no one was left unharmed. But if Willow really focused, and only let a tiny sliver of magic slip out of the thrumming lock inside their caged-in soul, it would attract itself to the closest people, and latch onto their minds in a starving frenzy.

But no, this time, Willow also had to try and influence the feeling. This time, they were aiming for a happier hallucination, something that was more lighthearted and wasn’t the grim reaper chopping off people’s limbs. Ahh, think happy, think happy… happy thoughts… uhh, what were happy thoughts again? What made something a happy thought? Oh god, Willow’s mind was drawing a blank.

This was bad, this was bad… at this rate, they were going to accidentally give Asaya and Ova some backwards horrid hallucination, and then they’d realize they were no good as a teammate and yell at them and kick them out and realize what a horrible person they were and bite them and… no, no, Willow, calm down… all you need to do is think happy. What makes them happy?

Ahh, they liked sweaters! Right, they liked thick, warm, and cozy sweaters. Those were the best. They liked peaceful winter days where it was snowing right outside the window, and they could huddle up in a comfy cushioned chair with some hot tea and a book, swaddled up in soft fur blankets near a fireplace for extra comfort. The smell of honey and smoke would mix together in tandem, the warmth from the flame soaking into the blankets that met their skin, with the snowy white expanse stretching on and on in between the small neighborhood houses that lined up in Willow’s small hometown.

Now that would make them happy. It would truly be a perfect day. Instead of being in an unknown dorm room all alone, without their mother, father, and younger siblings to keep them sane. Without their comfy chair, without their father’s homebrew tea… all of it was gone now. Because Willow had a responsibility to people to get their power under control, so that no more people got hurt because of them. It was an opportunity Valentine had given them, an opportunity they should be happy with… but instead, it made them feel like their world was crumbling, leaving them all alone on a precipice surrounded by cliffs and a dark, empty void.

“Ack… oh no,” Willow suddenly jerked out their mind, recognizing they’d accidentally let their thoughts spiral too dark as they watched Asaya and Ova’s faces suddenly begin to pale. Their hallucination had started off dreamy, both of them inside a nice little cottage next to a warm fireplace that reeked of comfort and home… until their surroundings started shaking like a dramatic earthquake, and the ground began crumbling and falling underneath them until Ova fell over, Asaya clutching for balance as their world shattered and disappeared into an empty void, with nothing to stand on and nothing to hold on to. A feeling of immense loneliness crept into the two people’s hearts, and Willow quickly summoned their power back into their soul as Asaya and Ova’s faces calmed, both quickly coming to their senses as they realized what they'd truly experienced.

Asaya was the first to recover, looking very relieved as she stared at her hands for a brief moment, before letting out a small, breathy laugh as she rubbed them on her sides. Ova looked like he was contemplating something, but his concern was more of the fact that he’d fallen over and gotten his clothes all dusty. Ah, but something like that was inevitable, he had to remind himself. They were out training in a forest, after all.

“Ah, I, I’m so... so sorry,” Willow stuttered miserably, their thoughts going in and out of panic as they hovered near the two, hands outstretched and shaking terribly. “I, I tried to make it… lighthearted. But then my, my mind… it started spiraling, and I, I don’t…”

“Oh, no, it’s fine! Don’t worry about it, Willow,” Asaya immediately soothed, Ova letting out a small huff as he stood back up to his feet, dusting off his behind as he smoothed down his silk pink pants. He figured he’d let Asaya handle this one, since she seemed to have handled the plunge into darkness and isolation better than he had. And he had to agree with her as well, especially when she exclaimed earnestly, “And it was also perfect! That kind of hallucination would be perfect to give our opponents when we go head-to-head in two weeks, don’t you think? You have no reason to feel guilty, because it’s absolutely incredible! We might really be able to win the whole thing if you perform like this!” she encouraged, Willow’s jaw moving up and down in a stuttered motion as they tried to process what Asaya was telling them.

It was… perfect? Incredible? Had people ever described their power so positively before? Well, yes, they had. People always said their power was incredibly powerful, and that Willow could dominate whatever field they chose with such an ability. But was power really worth it when all it did was hurt people? Willow didn’t think so. Their magic hinged on other people’s pain, and they hated that. They wished they’d gotten a kinder power, a softer power, a type of magic that made others feel safe. A kind of magic that wouldn’t make Willow feel like just existing was putting other people in danger. They loathed their power, and they loathed themselves.

But… still, Asaya meant well. And as long as she wasn’t mad that they hadn’t been able to succeed at giving them a lighthearted hallucination, they didn't mind what was said. So they lowered their head slightly, mossy green eyes turning towards the ground as they gave a meek nod. “Okay. I’ll try my best to follow your plan, then.”

“Ahh, that’s good. I’m glad we’ve got this settled,” Ova sighed openly, tone of his voice dramatic and loud as he hopped up and down, thick heap of hair bouncing in his tight bun. “So the plan is that Asaya and Elkan will protect the flag, and Willow will create the distraction with their magic to give me the opening to steal our opponents’. And don’t you worry, because I’ll be the one to take care of any stragglers that might not be affected by the imagery. I’m suspecting Nemara and Viper might have ways to counteract them, being our number one and two, after all,” he threw out logically, and Willow tried their best to blend back into the background as he and Asaya said their goodbyes.

Well, that was that. Their forced time to socialize was finally over. Now they could go back to being on their own, where things were safe. Where they weren’t a threat to anybody. Where their power couldn’t hurt anyone, and they could relax. Although, Asaya hadn’t left yet. In fact, she was staring at them earnestly, big vibrant eyes a bright lavender as she gave a small smile. “Hey, Willow! I was um, wondering… do you wanna hang out, maybe?” she asked softly, taking a small step towards them with uncharacteristic hesitance.

She… wanted to hang out? With them? But why?

Their confusion must’ve shown on their face, because Asaya was quick to explain her reasoning, except this time, she looked like the one who was nervous. Willow didn’t understand what had changed, since the woman had always seemed so bold and straightforward before now, but they listened patiently as Asaya shuffled her feet back and forth on the grassy dirt below. “It’s just that, you’re the one here that seems the most, hm… relatable. I look at you, and I see someone who’s kinda lonely. It makes me want to stick together,” she admitted slowly, eyes inching back up to meet Willow’s once again, hesitation meeting pure shock.

“Huh? I’m lonely? You could tell?” Willow blurted, and they didn’t miss the way Asaya’s eyes brightened with a small laugh, as if she found that amusing.

“Sure. You just seem like you need a friend, and… well, I do too,” she gleamed, and Willow could sense a piece of her voice that sounded like broken shards of glass.

They hadn’t seen that in her before. Perhaps they’d been so keen on avoiding everyone, on avoiding people who showed them kindness, that they’d stopped to observe the people they were supposed to be getting along with. And they now saw that Asaya, as outgoing and friendly as she looked upon first glance, had a certain air of loneliness that couldn’t be matched by just anyone.

It made them pause. Because, well… did Willow need a friend? They’d always made do without one. Their life had been far too complicated for friends. But Asaya already knew what their power was and what it could do, already knew the risks, and yet she was still offering…

“Um. Okay,” Willow conceded smally, meeting Asaya’s gaze properly, for the very first time. And her expression, the moment it lit up at their words, was utterly captivating. They felt like they’d never want to look away again if they looked at it for any longer. “Sure. We can… hang out.”

And they truly had no idea how happy their words made Asaya feel. Because finally, finally, finally, she was making a friend who she could understand on what felt like a deeper level. Even if she didn’t get Willow’s loathing of their magic and soul, she related to their aching loneliness more than anything else in the world. And as her own aching heart was on the mend, Asaya felt the desire to help mend someone else’s, too. So that maybe she could feel more whole, more satisfied with herself. And so that maybe... maybe they could be on the mend together, and make a bond even stronger to match.