The Person She Loved Was Not Him

The day Lumis and Asaya returned was the day Nemara felt she could finally rest once again. They’d spent nearly a month in that dungeon, before Lumis suddenly walked right on into the common room that their dorms shared. There were large rooms spread out across the floor, and Nemara personally shared a room with both Halla and Clementine, while Lumis shared his dorm with Ova, and the three new students would’ve already been assigned their rooms once they arrived. Everyone got to choose their roommates and could switch whenever they wanted, so it was usually a lax space where everyone got along, but as for right now? Mostly everyone was huddled up inside the lobby as they all stared at Lumis upon his entrance, and Nemara couldn’t help but fret over where Asaya was and whether or not she was okay.

Lumis seemed to read the expression on her face, and merely gave a small sigh, walking deeper into the lobby as he met all their curious gazes. “We’re fine, we both survived. We made it to the fifth level before our power alone wasn’t enough.”

“Wow, so she actually helped you get two levels lower?” Ova grinned, messing with his long pretty pink hair that draped over his shoulders, his long bangs that curved around the sides of his face being twirled around a long, slender finger. “What else happened?”

“Hm, I don’t know what you’re expecting. It was a pretty normal dungeon run,” Lumis shrugged innocently, pretending not to know what everyone was edging after until Viper stood from his seat, the tendrils of snakes in his hair elongating towards him as the man reached out to trace Lumis’ jaw, who merely kept on his perfect smile, as if this happened every day.

“My dear Lumis, I think you know what we’re asking for,” Viper hissed, circling around Lumis’ backside as fingers trailed on his neck and shoulders, dancing along muscles and thick veins popping from the tall elf’s neck, who was somehow not losing his composure. “You’re her old childhood friend, and you managed to tag along with her inside a dungeon after she claimed she was going to solo it as far as she could. You must’ve gotten that sweet little human girl’s permission, otherwise the teacher wouldn’t have let you follow, since only one person can solo a dungeon at a time, yes? And you must’ve seen a lot, and observed plenty, right, Lumis, my dear? Can’t you give me a few sweet drops of info? We’ve all been waiting ever so patiently.”

“Ha. You look so creepy when you’re trying to be intimidating, Viper,” Ova laughed off, to which the snake-like man merely gave a smug grin.

“Eheheh, thank you, Ova,” the man giggled, his threatening aura immediately disappearing after receiving such a compliment, that wouldn’t have been a compliment to anyone else. But oddly enough, Viper liked creepy things, and so he naturally emulated his special interests with glee.

But Lumis wasn’t having it with any of these odd intimidation tactics, and merely sidestepped Viper to walk over towards the couch Nemara was sitting on with Clementine, sitting on the far side of her as he thought over things to say. The entire room could see his mind turning, and Nemara wondered just what he would’ve managed to find out about Asaya in just a month. It was true the three of them had used to be very close, and that they’d been a tight knit group for years, but even she wasn’t so certain how much information she could figure out about the current Asaya. Talking to her certainly wouldn’t work, as had been proven. And looking at her friend’s face, who was patiently wracking his mind for knowledge, she naturally assumed he must’ve had similar bad luck.

Though, she was still slightly surprised when Lumis opened his mouth, capturing the attention of everyone in the room as he finally spoke about his experience in the dungeon. “It was odd,” he began simply, and Spike merely huffed from where he’d stalked into the room, having spotted Lumis and Asaya come back and silently followed. “She summoned this being named Elkan to her side, and had him fight for her. All she had to do was say his name and a request for assistance, and her hand began to glow, when suddenly, he was right there. Though, I’m not quite sure what it must’ve been, since we already concluded it wasn’t summoning.”

“What else happened?” Clementine prompted patiently, and Lumis gave a somewhat shy smile.

“Well, I’ll just call him a summon for now, but… the first thing she and Elkan did was argue,” he shrugged, Nemara taking that in slowly. “He seemed to have a will of his own, but he always did what she told him to, regardless of whether it looked like he wanted to or not. He could’ve been under some sort of binding that made him follow her words, but I wasn’t sure at the time,” Lumis finished blandly, and Halla frowned from where she sat on the armchair across from them.

“Is it some form of mind control?” the albino woman wondered slowly, tapping her fingers against her arm from where she sat, legs and arms crossed as her black lace gown flowed forward. But eventually, her jaw clenched and she clicked her tongue, and anyone who looked at her could tell Halla was incredibly angry. “Is she some kind of child? Doesn’t she realize this isn’t some game? It is with honor and responsibility everyone should reveal their power and abilities, to create a sense of trust and comradery. How arrogant can she be to ignore this upheld tradition?” she seethed, red eyes flashing as Druyn slumped further, sliding down on the ground until his head hit the seat of the couch he’d been leaning against.

“She did seem kinda arrogant,” he remarked dully, staring up at the ceiling with dark turquoise eyes that seemed tired more than anything else. “Y’know, with how she snapped at Nemara. Sounded kinda full of herself.”

“Ugh, I already told you, that had nothing to do with arrogance,” Nemara growled out in Asaya’s swift defense, sighing into her hands as she felt Lumis’ concerned gaze piercing her. “She said that as a targeted attack for me specifically. I can assure you she would be very friendly towards any of the rest of you, presuming you’re also friendly to her.”

“Isn’t she the friend you got into a fight with, though?” Ova remarked from his place on the floor, crisscrossed and leaning forward onto the low table as he kept fiddling with his bangs. “Four years ago, right? People can change in four years.”

“Mm, I understand your point, but she hasn’t really changed all that much,” Lumis felt the need to speak up, and Nemara looked to him for help as he gave her a small smile. “Despite being secretive, she seemed to be generally distrustful, but not malicious. In fact, while we were there, I’d go as far as to say we’ve firmly reestablished our friendship. She just needs time to settle in, and I’m sure she’ll become more open as her stay progresses,” he finished sternly, solid in his stance as Halla turned to glare at him.

“It’s impossible to be friends with someone who hides so much of herself,” she gave a demeaning hiss, but Lumis said nothing as Spike watched, sharp ruby eyes flickering between every person in the room.

“Well, I have to agree with Halla on this one,” Druyn sighed, still staring blankly up at the ceiling as his hearing zeroed in on who to pay attention to. “Secrets aren’t good for trust unless they’re held for a reason. Is there really any good reason to hide your power? Now, hiding your weaknesses I’d understand, but we’re not asking to know about any of that…”

“I do agree that it’s an odd thing to want to hide,” Clementine piped up neutrally, Spike’s eye twitching as he watched how this consensus was forming.

“Oh come on, I think it makes for a nice game! Even if it might not make sense,” Viper smiled happily, mindlessly allowing one of his snakes to playfully bite into his green finger, not even flinching when the small fangs sunk deep.

And Spike just couldn’t handle it. He remembered Asaya’s words from when they’d been back in the dungeon, where he’d seen her face up close for the first time in four years… he remembered how she’d snapped at him, and how she'd appeared to have gotten some of her confidence back. After all, she wouldn’t have engaged him in any of their banter if she’d still been feeling insecure. She would’ve just shut down, like she had before. But this time, she’d actively met him where he was, and when he’d asked her about her magic…

“Oh, what, so you’ll start respecting me again if I get some flashy power?”

It was clear to him why she was hiding it. It was as clear to him as an early summer morning, and even if he didn’t necessarily approve of her anymore, it still irked him to see things unfold this way. Asaya was finally recovering her sense of self, so if she needed to be a little secretive, then so what? What was the problem? Spike might be annoyed she wouldn’t tell him the truth, but it wasn’t his job to judge her for it! And Lumis, who had just claimed they’d reestablished their friendship, was doing nothing to defend her! Not even Nemara, who had supposedly been Asaya’s best friend all those years ago, was saying anything in the face of all these insults! It pissed him off!

His anger was bubbling on the surface so ferociously, he didn’t realize it when it popped, and Druyn had to dodge a spike between his legs as Ova screeched when one surfaced to his side, but Spike didn’t pay any attention to that as he yelled, “How is Asaya the arrogant one here?! It might not make sense to any of you why she’s hiding her magic, but who are you to assume it’s for anything bad?! Aren’t you the ones acting arrogant, acting like you know her when most of you haven’t even spoken to her once?!” he growled, more spikes popping up around his feet as he glared at all of the stunned onlookers.

“You don’t know her, and you don’t know what she’s gone through! You don’t know what motivates her to hide these things! So why don’t you shut the hell up instead of acting like you know what’s best for a person who hasn’t done anything to hurt you?! Does her hiding her magic really pain you that much?! Is it going to send you to an early grave?! Are you gonna collapse and die?! Are any of you bastards that weak?!” he spat, chest heaving as he got out the rest of his words.

He didn’t notice how everyone was looking behind him, their attention divided but caught, and as he allowed his emotions to simmer back down, the spikes he’d summoned eventually faded to where they’d come from as well, Ova letting out a visible sigh of relief as he clutched his soft pink hair, slowly settling back down beside the table as he shot a nervous glance towards Spike.

“Uh, no offense, so please don’t take this the wrong way, but…” the pink-haired man wavered, blue eyes locked onto Spike’s ruby red as he spoke what everyone in the room was thinking. “But, uh, I thought you didn’t like Asaya? You’ve done nothing but argue with her, and when I asked you about her earlier, all you did was spew insults…” he trailed off, Spike’s eyes flashing all over again as he stomped his foot, spikes breaking out from the top of his black leather boot before fading back behind it into his skin.

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“You’re right! I fucking hate her guts!” he roared, confusing everyone even more as he pointed at them all in reprimanding. “But at least I can respect her privacy like somebody decent! I’m not trash!”

And he really meant every word of that. He hated how Asaya lived, how she’d holed herself away, how she’d shut out the world, no matter how close someone had been to her… but if she was going to reclaim herself, and if she needed to hide her magic to do that, who was he to stop her?

Maybe Spike wanted to see her get redeemed. Maybe that would mean a lot to him. And maybe, just maybe, he wanted to fucking die on the spot when he heard that high-pitched giggle coming from behind him, his face flushing the same color as his eyes as he turned to her like some feral cat. “Asaya! Who said you could be here?!” he pointed dangerously, small spikes peeking out from his wrists and arms as his mind stuttered.

“Aw, that’s right, Spike, you’re not trash. And I’m here because this is the common room,” she smiled brightly, greatly uplifted by those words the spunky man had just yelled at everyone. And she’d heard most everything. “You tell those arrogant bastards! I’m just an innocent little girl! Haha!”

“N… no! You’re a witch! I’ll fucking roast you on a spike!” he screamed, Asaya shrugging in her amusement as she walked right past him.

“Alright, duly noted. If I ever want to die, I’ll come to you!” she clapped happily, the room watching her in horror as Spike’s face turned crimson.

“No! Don’t do that! What the hell is wrong with you?!”

“Ahh, stop screaming, you’re hurting my ears. I just came to see if Lumis was here,” Asaya groaned dramatically, pretending to cover her ears as Spike faltered, finally quieting down as he kept balling his fists up again and again. And everyone practically blanched when Asaya turned to Lumis with a huge grin, pointing a casual finger towards him as she spoke playfully, “Lulu, nice to see you again! And so soon! I came to ask where the key card to my room is!”

“Huh? You don’t have it yet? Then where did you shower at?” Lumis frowned, Asaya merely looking at him like the question was incosequential.

“Um, I just wandered around the school until I found public showers. I brought a change of clothes with me and my own lotions to clean myself, so it wasn’t too much of a hassle or anything,” she shrugged, but she quickly caught on that something was wrong with the way everyone was ogling at her, as if they couldn’t believe what they’d heard. “What? Am I not supposed to do that?”

And Lumis sighed awkwardly, head in his hands as he slowly stated, “Asaya, those bathrooms are always open during the school day… and since everyone has a shower in their dorm, those showers are barely used… no one, um… walked in on you, did they?”

“Oh. Nah,” Asaya shook her head, but the moment everyone let out a sigh of relief, she added innocently, “I noticed the same problem, so I had Elkan stand guard by the door. He was very polite and didn’t look, and I showered as fast as possible for less risk.”

To her, this was a perfectly logical solution. After all, Elkan was designed to be her ideal lover in the book she’d written, where the woman he’d fallen in love with was Asaya’s self-insert, so she really didn’t see a problem with anything even if Elkan did see her naked. But all Lumis could imagine was that tall, sadistic, probably insane elf being near her while she was so vulnerable, and quickly stood up before anyone else could say anything about it. “Alright! That’s definitely not ideal, so let’s go get you your key card,” he clasped his hands tightly together, standing up quickly as he brought her along, Nemara sighing in defeat.

Those showers weren’t meant to shower in. They were clean, but never used, so there were no curtains to give you privacy. In fact, there were many talks between staff about taking the showers out, only to find it unnecessary. Which meant if anyone had walked in, she would’ve been seen, but it was like Asaya didn't even care. She’d merely posted a bodyguard by the door who also probably shouldn’t have been there and called it a day. After all, Nemara did not trust this Elkan character in the slightest. With the way he’d glared at her with killing intent, she couldn’t shake the fact that he was not to be trusted around Asaya, who was oblivious to most things. That was why she needed to figure out what exactly her old friend’s power was as quickly as possible, so that Nemara could properly deduce whether it was safe to leave her in the hands of Elkan.

She couldn’t help but sigh, facing her classmates with a defeated, tired expression, ready to fully prove her point with the new evidence she'd been given. “See? She’s always been like that. She doesn’t think before doing anything. To her, she probably thought she was being smart and efficient,” she grimaced, the awkward silence palpable. “This is why I’m asking you, please... please don’t let her treatment of me cloud you. I promise you I did something to deserve her anger. So just be open with her, and please stop her if she… tries to do anything like that, for example.”

“Oh wow… I kind of want to make certain she got that key card,” Viper smiled nervously, fidgeting with several of the snakes dangling from his hair as he let them all bite at his hand.

“Lumis will make sure she gets it,” Clementine comforted awkwardly, hands stiff in her lap as Spike looked in between them.

“...what. What’s wrong with the showers?” he worried, face deadpan as their expressions made him nervous. But no one had the heart to tell him, not when he clearly had some sort of protective feelings for Asaya, if not anything else… so they all awkwardly went their own separate ways, and Spike was left wondering what the hell that was about, before he eventually figured it out for himself a few days later.

But Asaya was just glad she could sleep in a bed again. She didn’t know why everyone made such a big deal out of her showering in the public restrooms, because while they didn’t have curtains or anything, Elkan had exerted energy around the bathroom to prevent people from entering. There really was no risk of her being seen by anyone, and again, she didn’t care if Elkan saw her undressed. It just wasn’t a problem in her mind. So when she eventually got back to the dorm, and Lumis wished her goodnight after helping her enter her very own room for the first time, she decided she’d leave unpacking for another day, and summoned Elkan to keep her company and explain what the hell had made everyone lose their minds.

“Hm. Clearly they don’t know how efficient I am. Had anyone seen you, they would’ve been killed instantly,” Elkan shrugged with mock innocence, sitting down atop her bed as she sat down next to him.

“How about we not kill anyone,” she sighed, but in truth, she was satisfied. Her reconnection with Lumis had gone more perfectly than she could have ever imagined. He really had protected her, even though she didn’t truly need it anymore, and he still worried and fretted like he always had. Lumis was always such a worrier, someone who tended to have lots of negative ideas pop into his head at the slightest news.

And… Spike. She hadn’t expected him, of all people, to be the one who defended her. She’d just been standing right around the corner, listening to the whole thing with a jaded heart, when… he’d said everything he had. And Asaya couldn’t help but beam. It felt strange, to be understood without needing to say anything. She supposed that, once upon a time, she and Spike really had been that close… but was it even possible to return to that? After everything that happened? After everything he’d said…

She was so caught up in her overwhelming thoughts that she nearly jumped out of her skin when Elkan leaned closer, intense emerald eyes pinned on her lavender lights as he moved his hands on either side of her hips. And he could feel how she froze... see how she paused... and merely gave a slight frown as he leaned in closer, wanting her attention. “You summoned me to keep you company,” he reminded indignantly, not caring how childish he must appear. “So why are you thinking about other people?”

“Oh… huh?” Asaya wavered, eyes scanning his face as her cheeks flushed a soft pink, her mind skipping over itself as she felt her insides churn.

Her eyes looked all over him, like she simply didn’t know what to look at. Elkan couldn't help but wonder, was he really that close? Though, he supposed this reaction made sense. The Asaya in front of him was touch-starved and delicate. She was the same person as the lover he’d had in his world, except her experiences had shaped her differently. In his world, his version of Asaya had never isolated herself to such a degree. And getting pulled out to meet this one had certainly been a shock, but he understood her better than anyone else did.

He had seen her memories, witnessed her personality and morals, and could confirm she was indeed the same Asaya he’d known, just with a different life in a different world. That was how Elkan saw things. He was aware he was nothing more than her creation, but to him, the world he’d been written into was still real, and his love for her was still what guided him, even if it was a different version of the woman he knew. He wanted to trap her, to hold her, to kiss her, to make this Asaya his as well, and he leaned in closer as he angled his face with hers… when he caught wind of the pattern of her heartbeat.

She was flustered, and… uncertain. Elkan didn’t think she’d push him away if he really tried to kiss her, and he didn’t actually think she’d mind, either, but… he had to remind himself of her memories, the deeper memories he'd been entrusted with. Of everything he’d learned about her, of all the people she cherished in her life… the person she loved most was not him. Not in this world. Even if that truth hurt him, he couldn't go against it. And so, instead of doing what he wanted, he dived forward and clutched her back, planting a soft kiss on her forehead as Asaya shut her eyes tight, face reddening like a cherry as her breath caught in her throat.

“...Elkan?” she threw out there tentatively, flustered and confused as he pulled her closer, hovering over her body like a protective bear.

“Sorry,” he whispered against her, pulling away as he pushed her down, gently taking the covers and throwing them over her, Asaya’s eyes widening as she suddenly found herself being coddled, his suddenly cheerful smile catching her off guard. “You should sleep! You have your first day of class tomorrow, don’t you? You skipped out on so many days by entering that dungeon with me, and while it was all a good deal of fun, I think you’ll have a lot of precious experiences waiting for you out there,” he smiled, his hand instinctively tracing her face, the face he had traced so many times in the world he’d come from. It took him a moment to remember to pull away, careful smile still plastered to his expression as he urged her. “Go on, get rid of me for tonight. You can summon me tomorrow and tell me about everything that happens, okay?”

“Huh? But… but you…” Asaya’s face burned, her heart thumping in her chest as she forced herself back up, snatching onto his wrist in a hurry as she brought his hand closer to her chest. “But you… you were so close… can’t you stay a little longer?” she wavered, eyes teary and desperate for any touch she could find. Even if he would disappear the moment she fell asleep, she wanted… no, she needed him. She needed him closer. She needed someone to touch her in any small way. “Can’t you hold me, just for tonight?” she pleaded smally, voice tight and fragile as Elkan’s eyes widened, unable to resist as she tugged him onto the bed, opening up the covers for him to slide in right next to her.

And the moment he obediently laid down, not one to disobey his lady’s requests from either world, he felt Asaya nestle up next to his chest as her breathing simmered down, and he instinctively wrapped an arm around her and pulled her in tight. And Elkan wanted her so desperately. He wanted to be with her, to care for her, to love her. But, more than anything… he wanted her to be happy. And he knew that in this world, he was not the one who would make that happen.

Because when it came down to it, he was nothing more than a figment of her imagination. He didn’t exist in this universe’s terms as a real concept. And, as if to prove that, no matter how much his grip tightened around her waist, and no matter how much he engrained her calm, peaceful face into his memory… the moment Asaya fell asleep, his existence lost its substance, and he faded back into the depths of her mind.