Chapter 30 - "I love you, Cory. But..."

Courtney pulled her car through the parking space so that she faced the school. As she cut the engine, she saw Micah stepping onto the curb.

He looked good. The outfit he wore was one he'd sent her a picture of the previous night, asking for her approval. The message had delighted and saddened her. Delighted because he was taking initiative in his own style. Saddened because if he kept going then one day he wouldn't need her.

Courtney sat back. If this were a classic teen movie, Micah would stop, slowly spin around, search the parking lot for her, and smile when their eyes locked.

Strangely enough, this was exactly what happened: stop, spin, search, smile.

There was only one problem, Micah didn't smile at Courtney but Max.

So much for a teen movie classic. Courtney sighed. Though in this instant maybe it did hold up since Micah was smiling at the girl he liked.

Max joined Micah on the sidewalk and the two of them stood there talking, both wearing smiles in full view of Courtney.

Yes, thank you, this is how I wanted to start my day: watching Micah smile at Max. How did the universe know this is what I needed and provided! Really, just the best thing ever, thank you.

Do you hear the sarcasm, universe?!

Courtney took in a breath and let it out. My apologies, universe for raising my mental voice.

Even though she was aware it made something in her chest wiggle with discomfort, she watched the pair. Micah looked happy, at ease. He smiled a lot but then again Courtney felt like he always did. Was this smile different? Did it have more meaning than the ones he'd shared with her?

Do I look as pathetic as my inner voice sounds?

Oh jeez, I hope not.

Courtney's passenger door opened and she let out a squeak and covered her mouth with her hands. Miguel slid into the seat next to her and closed the door.

"All right," he said. "I feel like this needs to be talked over."

"Give a girl some warning next time, won't you?"

Miguel stared at Courtney, bewildered. She didn't know why he was bewildered, she was the one who didn't know why he was sitting in her car. Do not steal my bewilderment from me, Miguel.

"Courtney," Miguel said. "I've been standing outside your car for the last minute and tapped on the window a couple of times."

Oh, fair enough he should be bewildered. I've thought 'bewildered' too much at this point.

"I got in," Miguel continued. "Because even though I said I didn't want to know what was going on with you and Micah, I feel like I need to step in before you get creepier for staring at him."

"I wasn't being creepy."

"You are one set of binoculars short of stalking him."

Courtney gestured emphatically to where Micah and Max stood, right in her line of sight, so perfectly in her line of sight she'd have to go blind not to be able to see them.

"They're right there and I was only looking out the window."

"Yes, a common occurrence for you. To sit in your car in the school parking lot contemplating the greater world. You're not me."

"Fine, you have a point there."

"So..."

So nothing. What could Courtney say? Actually, she could say a lot of things but how many of those things did she want to say, that was the question.

"Who is he talking to?" Miguel asked.

Well, that was the easiest opening Courtney had ever been offered.

"That is Max," Courtney said. "The girl Micah does like."

Miguel scrutinized Max and Courtney knew exactly what he saw, what anyone would see if Courtney and Max stood side by side. There could not be two more opposite people.

"I see," Miguel said.

"I'm glad your vision is so good."

"And you're certain about his feelings for her."

"Is anyone ever certain about another person's feelings?"

"Philosophical but not the point I'm driving at. Could he have feelings for you?"

Naturally. We've spent enough time together but how deep do those feelings run? Ah, therein lies the heart of the problem.

"I don't know. Sometimes when he smiles at me I think so but..." She motioned to the pair. "He also smiles a lot and at other girls, so really I don't know if the smiles he gives me are anything special at all."

"I see."

Miguel rested back in the seat and mindlessly ran his hands through his hair looking like some old philosopher. Not sure how much help a philosopher will be when it comes to the hearts of teenagers. Aren't old philosophers unmarried and sort of cantankerous? Love doesn't seem like it would be their thing. Not the issue right now. Focus, Cory.

On the curb, Max took a step away from Micah and nodded in farewell. As she left, Micah turned back to the parking lot, his gaze searching. As he got closer to spotting Courtney's car, Courtney sucked in a breath, grabbed Miguel's shirt, and dragged him down with her as she hid.

"OW!" Miguel yelped, but Courtney didn't let go of him. "What are you doing?"

"If he looks over and sees us staring it will be weird."

Miguel glared at her, their bodies bent awkwardly, their noses inches from each other.

"Yes, and this isn't awkward."

"It's the lesser of two awkwards, okay?"

Miguel sighed heavily and took hold of Courtney's wrist to wrench it away from his shirt. Which, she held on so tight damage would most likely come to the shirt.

"No," Courtney said. "He can't see us."

"Fine, but let go of me."

Courtney released Miguel and waited for him to betray her and sit up. If he did so, well... some betrayals could never be forgotten or forgiven.

Luckily, their friendship was secure as Miguel didn't move. Well, he did move but only to a more comfortable position, one that was a little further from right in front of Courtney's face.

"Since we are crouched in a car in order to avoid your crush seeing you," Miguel said. "I feel like this is the moment where I'm supposed to tell you to give it a chance, tell him how you feel, be brave, and whatever."

Courtney stared at him with a mix of horror and disgust.

"Please don't break character, it's rather disturbing." She shifted so she could raise her hand because talking without hand gestures was harder than a person would think. "Miguel, let's look at that facts, shall we?"

"If we must."

"I have never put my heart on the line before. I've only ever been in one relationship in my life and Aiden approached me. I've flirted countless times but flirting does not present an adequate pool of experience from which I can derive knowledge on relationships. Wouldn't you agree?"

"I would. Proceed."

"Now," Courtney said. "Let's look at the situation from a business standpoint."

"Sounds logical."

"Facts: Micah asked me to help him get Max's attention. His feelings for her were to such a degree that he let me overhaul his closet. He was brave enough to talk to her while she talked to Bad Boy Blake. He chose to get his haircut, on my suggestion but his own decision. He hasn't let it be known that his feelings for her have changed in any way. Finally, if Max is his type, then there are no grounds for me to believe I would be someone he'd like."

Courtney held Miguel's gaze with serious intensity. After all, she was speaking of her heart and as far as hearts go they're pretty important. Putting one on the line should not be taken lightly.

"Now," she said. "With that information, what would your response be?"

"I'd advise you not to invest. You'd lose your money."

Or heart.

"What will you do then?" Miguel asked.

Right, next step. The step that is next. A step that proceeds the last. A foot placed before another. A motion taken that follows a previous motion. Steps steps next next.

"I have no idea," Courtney said. She shrugged. "Continue to help him and play out the classic unrequited love scenario?"

"Sounds depressing. Have fun with that."

"Thanks."

"Can we sit up now?"

"No! He could still be looking."

"If he was, he'd be staring at an empty car and that would mean he'd look only slightly less stalker-ish than you did."

"Still," Courtney said. "Can't take chances. It would look weirder to him if we suddenly popped up."

"We can't stay here all day."

"I don't know, I have snacks in the back seat."

Miguel and Courtney screamed as someone knocked on the driver's side window. Lynn peered in with a confused smile. Courtney looked at Miguel.

"Very manly scream by the way," she said.

"Shut up."

"What are you doing?" Lynn asked, raising her voice to be heard through the glass.

"Deciding the fate of the world," Courtney said.

"Can I join then?" Lynn asked.

The bell rang, stirring students into motion.

"We have to sit up now," Miguel said.

"It was good while it lasted." Picking up her backpack from the floor, Courtney sat up. As she reached for the door handle, Lynn retreated a few steps. "The fate of the world will have to be decided by someone else."

"Probably best it isn't decided by two teenagers," Lynn said.

"True. We don't have enough knowledge or experience to make a decision that affects billions of peoples' lives."

"Let's face it," Lynn said as she removed Courtney's crutches from the backseat for her. "We barely have enough of that to make our own decisions."

"Why does it suck so much to be a teenager?" Courtney asked, taking the crutches from Lynn.

"Not a kid but not an adult."

"Well, except for Miguel but he's an enigma."

Courtney closed her door and the girls set off towards the school. Like the enigma he was, Miguel hadn't waited for them or made one last comment to Courtney about her current situation.

But what was there really to say on the matter? He'd said it all. Investing would be inadvisable. It was as clear as that.

"What are your plans for this morning?" Lynn asked.

Finding some excuse to visit Juan and Sophie because I know Micah will be there and spend the time trying to access his feelings while not giving too much into mine and overall feeling ridiculous about the entire situation. Yes, definitely answer with that, that doesn't sound pathetic in the least.

"What's up?" Courtney asked.

"I could use some advice with the squad. We're hitting different personality problems and you're so good at solving those that I could use your wisdom. I figured we could talk while cutting leaves."

"Of course."

It seems being pathetic will have to be postponed. I'll let my secretary know.

******

When the bell rang, Courtney slowly packed her things, knowing the lunch bell gave an energetic burst to even the most sleepy of students. For her, it meant she wouldn't have to wait long before the room was cleared and she could safely leave.

As predicted when she finished zipping up her backpack, she found the aisles clear. She pulled on her backpack and picked up her crutches. As she walked, she made a conscious choice to put weight on her ankle brace, feeling a tiny bit of hope that with each attempt it got easier.

"How are you holding up?" Ms. Reynolds asked.

"Currently by two crutches but in the future, I hope it's my own two feet again," Courtney said.

Ms. Reynolds chuckled. "You are always able to have such a positive attitude. I admire that."

"I thought of going for a more depressing angle but found it really didn't fit with my overall aesthetic."

"The world needs more people like you, Courtney."

"A takeover of blondes, that will be the day."

"A takeover of positive people."

Courtney smiled. "That does sound better. Have a good lunch break, Ms. Reynolds."

"You too."

Outside, Courtney turned her steps to the quad and a comfortable lunch table where she could sit. Comfortable might be a stretch but it was better than remaining on her crutches.

The comfortable, but not really comfortable table would have to wait though as Courtney spotted Max approaching. Seeing the hesitancy in the girl's manner but her direct path to Courtney, Courtney stopped and waited.

"Hey," Courtney said, cheerily.

Max seemed to be thrown by Courtney's easy greeting. Always been this person, Max, you merely chose not to see it.

"Hey," Max said.

Not matching Courtney's cheeriness but honestly, Courtney never expected that she would.

"Look," Max said. "About yesterday..."

Courtney said nothing, waiting. I ran the last rodeo, Max. This one is all yours, so take it away cowboy...cowgirl...cowperson?

Max took a deep breath. "I want to apologize...what you said. You were right and...I hope you can forgive me for...well, for being a bitch."

"No."

Max stared shocked at Courtney.

"If you want to apologize for being hurtful, judgmental, and condescending then sure, I'll forgive you for that. But putting a vague label on your actions such as bitch actually downplays how you've treated me since the day we met."

For a second, Max only stared at Courtney but then nodded, looking abashed. Which was such an odd look on the girl who outwardly appeared to be tough and untouchable in her all-black attire. Miracles do happen.

"Yeah," Max said. "You're...you're right. So can you forgive me for being hurtful, judgmental, and condescending?"

Courtney smiled. "Of course."

At Courtney's easy acceptance, Max seemed uncertain but relieved. She crossed her arms and shifted her weight.

"How are you able to let it go so easily?" she asked. "I was really mean to you."

Courtney shrugged, an action she found awkward with crutches. Note to self: stop shrugging, it looks weird in your current state.

"You were," Courtney said. "But it was like every time you talked to me you told me my hair was blue. It's not and you sounded like an idiot."

Max flushed deeply. Yup, it's as embarrassing as you think, Max.

"Oh," Max said. Again she shifted. "After yesterday I realized that..."

"You were taking out your hurt from your previous friendship out on me?"

Max blinked, startled. "Yeah, I did."

"I'm just happy you had a reason and weren't judging me purely based on teen fiction and movies."

"That could have also played a factor."

"Well, for your view of the world let's hope it was only minor."

"Yeah."

The pair stood there for a moment longer, stuck in a bizarre limbo of at peace but less than acquaintances. Finally, Max backed away.

"I'll...uh see you around," she said.

She made it only a couple of steps before Courtney stopped her. Oh boy, this might be a great idea or a really bad one. Here goes nothing.

"Max," she said. "Tryouts for the squad are in a month. If you wanted to give it another try I could give you pointers. Even if you can't stunt, we can always use more bases."

"You would help me? Why?"

Courtney shrugged. Dang, really need to listen to my notes to self more seriously.

"Because I'm not your former best friend. And well, I want to give cheerleaders a good name. Teen fiction has kinda screwed us over and with you, at least this I can make it right."

"I'll have to think about it."

"That's fine."

Max hesitated then offered an embarrassed and shy smile. "Thank you for not hating me."

"Life's too short to hold onto grudges. Also, they cause gray hairs." Courtney flipped her hair. "I mean when the time comes I will look fantastic with silver hair but I plan to put it off for a while."

Max chuckled and nodded before walking away.

Well, that was a plot twist in my day that I hadn't expected but not an unwelcome one. At least no one died or got amnesia all of sudden. Now, to a comfortable but not really comfortable table.

As Courtney rounded the building, she found another plot twist coming her way in the form of Aiden. Contrary to how hesitant Max looked, Aiden didn't have any hint of that. He wasn't bold but purposeful.

"Hey," he said. "Do you have a minute to talk?"

"Yes, but as long as I get to sit."

Aiden surveyed the crowded quad and lack of private sitting space.

"Bleachers?" he asked.

"Sure but if there's a group of guys singing about summer lovin' then we'll have to try somewhere else."

Aiden nodded and Courtney got a sense of his thoughts with the fact that he didn't laugh or even smile. Serious talk then. It had to happen sometime I guess.

Neither of them spoke as they headed away from the noise of the quad. Blessedly, there were no singing guys on the bleachers, only a few readers who didn't mind the sun in exchange for the quiet.

After Courtney and Aiden took a seat on the bottom bleacher, Courtney sat there looking at Aiden, waiting. He'd asked her to talk and logic dictated that meant he had something to say.

On his side, Aiden didn't meet Courtney's gaze, instead he stared out at the football field but not in the way that said he even saw it beyond the thoughts in his mind.

Despite the silence that continued to stretch, Courtney said nothing. Stretching was good after all, it kept a person limber. She wasn't sure how that helped with silence but figured it couldn't hurt it.

"Did you know," Aiden started. "That for a while after I met you I thought of you as Courtney, Lynn's new friend?"

No, but there are worse titles to have.

Courtney didn't say anything, she knew rhetoric when she heard it, especially if it was in the form of a question.

"Then there was this one day," Aiden continued.

He paused and a slow, soft smile appeared. Courtney couldn't help her curiosity. What type of memory would make such a smile?

"You came to school in a yellow dress," Aiden said.

Ah, The Yellow Dress.

"And I don't know what it was about it...You seemed different to me. It was like I was seeing you for the first time." He let out an embarrassed chuckle. "You were like summer, warm and bright. I..."

Aiden leaned over his knees and clasped his hands, still not looking at Courtney. But from her viewpoint, she could see the tips of his ears turning pink. Something she'd never seen before.

"I wanted to ask you out to Homecoming so badly," he said.

"But you didn't."

He shook his head. "Of course not. Back then I was a hundred and twenty pound fourteen-year-old with braces, glasses, and acne. There was no way I had the courage to ask you out."

"At least I didn't go with someone else," Courtney said. "I went with Lynn."

"That was worse. It meant there was no one else I could compare myself to or someone I knew would be a better fit for you. Instead, you didn't date at all freshman year. By the time sophomore year came around and I'd gained muscle from football, got contacts, lost the acne, and had my braces removed I didn't know how to ask you out. When everyone else was dating someone, you weren't."

Aiden raised his head and squinted at the sky. But Courtney had the feeling it was more in remembrance than due to the sun.

"I thought maybe I liked you because the three of us were together so much. I dated other people but found I couldn't do it for long because I felt like I was lying to them. After all, you were always in my mind."

At this admittance, Courtney found she couldn't keep looking at Aiden. She'd never known he'd liked her back then. Back then she'd smiled and flirted with most guys, it was what everyone did. Aiden hadn't stood out in any regard.

"Then junior year after football was over and I didn't have the excuse of focusing on practice, Denzel told me if I didn't ask you out he'd shave my head in the night." Aiden smiled at the ground. "I didn't think he'd do it, but I figured it was a good incentive."

The smile faded and Courtney felt held immobile by his viewpoint.

"I was so nervous about our first date I thought I was going to throw up," he said. "I was the first guy you would be dating and somehow that made the pressure all the more intense. But then you made it all okay. You managed to get me talking and put me completely at ease. After that night I was... I was a goner."

Abruptly, Aiden stood and paced to the bleacher railing. He turned and leaned against it, shoving his hands into his pockets. Courtney watched him, feeling a master sailor tying her stomach into a tight knot.

"Sorry," he said. "I didn't mean to ramble. I've...I've been trying to understand what happened...what I did...Why we didn't..." He dragged a hand down his face. "I'm not making sense."

Courtney said nothing. She didn't even know what she could say even if she wanted to say something.

Aiden took a breath and nodded to himself. "Last Friday, when I saw you with that guy, Micah. I started to understand." He met her gaze. "Do you know it was the first time I'd ever seen you look sad?"

Aiden turned his head away. "I was your boyfriend for six months and I'd never seen you cry or look unhappy. Once in junior year, I asked Lynn if you ever lost your smile. She said, of course, you had hard days like everyone else. But you chose to only share that side of yourself with her. When she said that, I realized I wanted to be let into the private side as well. I think it was one of the reasons I finally asked you out. I wanted to know the girl behind the smile."

And he hadn't. She'd never shown him.

After a pause, Aiden looked at her and smiled sadly. "But for some reason you never let me know her. Last Friday...You let someone I'd never seen you hang out with before see that side of you."

Aiden crossed his arms and lowered his head. "I realized why I had felt the need to break up with you without really understanding why. Why I felt so angry and hurt when you didn't even look like it mattered to you."

Aiden scuffed the metal with his shoe and shook his head.

"I think..." He swallowed and Courtney heard the tightness in his voice. "I love you, Cory. But...But I don't think you ever loved me."

Aiden roughly swiped at his cheeks with the back of his hand. He cleared his throat and straightened.

"Anyways," he said, brushing again at his face. "I kinda want to hate Micah but...I guess if I still care about you then knowing you have someone you can be real with should be okay with me."

He blinked hard and swallowed. "I only wish it had been me."

He walked away and Courtney didn't move. When he was out of sight, she blinked and felt a tear slide down her cheek.

**********************************************************************

😳 Wha...What just happened?

*Stares at you*

You read that too right? I didn't imagine it?

*stares at the wall for a long time then at you*

Got any thoughts because right now I think mine are in a puddle. 💬🗯💭😳

I mean, you think you know someone. Aiden was the ex-boyfreind. The one we are supposed to hate because he broke up with Cory and now...

WHAT IS GOING ON! *flops to the floor, lays arm over eyes and moans in despair* Once, just once I would like things to go normally and then everything can be okay in life because we know how it's supposed to go. It would be normal and that would be good.

...

*sits up* What am I saying? Did I just say I wanted things to be normal?! *flails* WHAT IS HAPPENING TO ME!?!

I think I'm having a mid-book crisis! Oh jeez how embarrassing.

Quick! Throws out a question to distract you from my embarrassing moment. FrostFlower16 If you were to write a book about your life what would the first line be?

(Everyone can answer this, I'm just shining a little love and light on each reader from now on. Comment and you could be next to get that love and light)

Please answer while I go deal with my mid-book crisis by buying something expensive or killing someone off in another book.

Don't yell at me! I don't know how to deal with this! I've never heard of a mid-book crisis before so how should I know what I should be doing! Jeez leweez!

U codee, Faallo, Raac (Somali)

Did I do this one before? If so, sorry.

If not, what's one book that made you feel this way?