Chapter 79

I smooth my hands down my ivory wedding dress. It’s classy elegance, and the understated top is lined with a simple sleeveless fitted bodice and tiny pearl detailing. It has a full wispy floating skirt and layers and layers of chiffon puffing out to a full-length cloud of loveliness. It’s a fairy-tale princess dress that matches beautifully with the elegant engagement ring twinkling on my hand, sparkling in all its glory.

I admire my flawless natural make-up in the mirror, touching up my nude lipstick. My tawny hair is wild and curled in its loose, romantic style, tiny tendrils hang around my face, and I appraise my reflection with pride.

I look beautiful! I feel beautiful and serene. There is no fear whatsoever.

I look like a woman hopelessly in love, about to marry the man of her dreams.

I am that woman.

I slide on my satin ivory stilettos that almost mirror the shoes I used to adore so much. It feels weird to be back in heels after so long, and I turn around, hearing movement from the room behind me, alerting me to tropical blue

eyes catching mine in the reflection as I straighten up.

“Oh, my God, Ems … God, you look stunning,” Sarah holds back a tear, touching her eyes with a tissue and waving her hands to save her mascara from running as I watch her in the mirror behind me. She’s wearing her fitted aqua bridesmaid dress, and her messy blonde short hair is pinned up in a loose half-up style like mine, and I’m overcome with a huge surge of love. Her bright blue eyes are heavy with emotion as she watches me intensely in a way that has my heart lifting with excitement.

“It’s happening, Sarah.” I smile widely, a tremor of passion rippling through me. My nerves are tingling, my stomach is fluttering, and my knees are turning to mush. I spin around, lifting my delicate veil, and let my eyes skim that flawless silhouette in the mirror, flat stomach once more and a body that looks like it never changed. I’m hit with that familiar tug of emptiness at no longer feeling her life growing within me.

The vacuum of emptiness inside never leaves me, but I smile to myself weakly and push it down, lifting my chin defiantly, looking like old PA Emma, yet so different in so many ways. This is my happy day; no tears unless they are ones of joy. I remind myself that I’m not going to cloud this day with running make-up and emotional breakdowns unless they’re related to taking my vows.

“Oh, my God, Emma.” Leila bursts into tears when she sees me sliding into the room behind Sarah. They only left me for a few minutes so that I could step into my dress, yet they’re acting like this is the first time they’ve seen it too, even though they were the ones who helped me choose it.

It took me endless shopping trips to find the perfect one and constant boring fittings with selfies that Leila just had to litter over Instagram. I banned Jake from using any social media the entire time we planned the big day for fear of trending posts giving away ideas of which shops I was heading into and people snapping sneaky photos of me trying on gowns in shops. Leila saw them on more than one occasion and promptly chased them off, but pictures would still find themselves all over the social media sites. After all, the world still loves their Carrero hotty, and his hashtag on anything wedding-related seemed to top the bill weekly.

“You’re ruining your make-up.” I chide Leila softly, but she shakes her head and smiles back through a wave of tears. Her eyeliner is already making a quick exit down her face.

“Daniel likes me looking like a train wreck nowadays … Will just turn him on seeing me with mascara down my chin again.” She sniffs, and Sarah starts fussing with the hankies, cleaning Leila’s face up in a desperate attempt to salvage her perfected makeup. Leila is so hopelessly cute when she cries, and I agree with her on the Daniel point. The boy clucks around her like a mother hen anytime she bursts into tears. Daniel is turning as hopeless as Jake nowadays and never far from his lady’s side; gone is the Hunter of old who partied and messed around with women galore. Leila is his world.

“I think the fact that you’ve done nothing but cry non-stop since he got you pregnant means he has no choice but to love that train wreck … Invest in waterproof mascara.” Sarah chides, and I watch as Leila runs a hand over her bulging bump. I am hit with another hint of rising tears and a small tug of envy. Her growing bump is twins, much to Daniel’s shock when they found out she was even carrying. That day I thought we needed an ambulance for him since he passed out in the doctor’s office.

I run my hand over my own flat stomach automatically with a sharp internal pain in my heart, the familiar wave of emotion I get every time I realize there’s nothing there anymore. I was warned that it would take a long time for the feeling of emptiness to go away, and maybe not until I try for another child, but even the thought of having another baby brings fresh tears to my eyes. The hormones are still messing with me even now. There is gut-wrenching heartache at the emptiness of my body, so I try to push it aside mentally with a deep inhale, slowly letting it back out.

“Guess I’ll have to marry him now then, huh?” Leila dabs her face with Sarah’s tissue and sniffs a little to reel in her tears. “He’s asked enough times, and I’m only saying no because I’m such a mess all the time. Why would he want this?” Leila sighs back her tears again and tries to limit the damage to her face with a compact, squinting at it disapprovingly, then dabbing manically over the streaky areas to fix it. I predict it will happen many more times today.

“You’re asking me?” I look at her with a knowing expression, saying you ‘do remember the crazy mess I’ve been this past year?’

My recovery from a head fracture and small brain bruise was a big ordeal and included a very long and messy recovery. I had a lot of counseling to deal with my past and the emotional aftereffects of what Vanquis did to me. Recovery involved rehabilitation in getting past some of the brain damage I incurred from the incident, such as impaired balance, bouts of severe low mood, and awful headaches for months on end. My crying and psychotic behavior consumed me these last few months and tested everyone’s love around me. It has been a very trying period in my life, and Jake has been my absolute rock throughout, the perfect fiancée with the patience of a saint.

Now I’m throwing myself into my new path and studying to become a counselor for abused children within Sylvana’s charity. I want to be a beacon of hope and a hand to guide children to a better life. I want to do for the Sophies” of the world what Jake did for me. It was hard to study and go to classes, still seeing my therapist weekly to keep on top of everything while aiming for a new future. Jake supported me in everything and finally let some of his authoritarian side relax.

“Well, Leila, you’d better hurry up because my wedding is in a month, and you’ll be the only single one of our trio.” Sarah has given up on salvaging Leila’s make-up and instead hands her a wet wipe. It’s a safe bet to say Leila has looked better, but it’s no surprise that her cute face can pull off the smudgy look any day of the week.

I gaze at Sarah’s flawless, happy face and smile at the radiance I see reflected at me. Marcus surprised everyone by proposing to Sarah, rather publicly, at her birthday bash, which Jake organized for me as a thank you to Sarah for being my friend. The proposal was beautiful, and I admit that Marcus is right for her. Sarah was bowled over, not only by my public appreciation of ‘the girl who loved me when no one else did and persevered anyway’ but the sheer spontaneity of Marcus’s proposal. She didn’t see it coming at all. None of us did, except maybe Jake. I’m sure Marcus had a few whispered conversations with Jake to organize the whole thing.

“Okay!” Sarah turns to me and takes a deep breath. “Ready?” She holds out an arm to me bossily, the only one who seems to be organizing things today, and I tilt my head with a final breath. I don’t feel any nerves or inner doubts I’d been expecting to sweep over me when this moment arrived. Instead, I feel impatient knowing he’s out there waiting, picturing those devastating green eyes smiling back at me and his unbelievably kissable mouth.

“Feels like I’ve been waiting for this for an eternity.” I smile and allow my best friends to guide me from the room, one on each arm, out into the hallway. They pick up my dress to avoid catching it on the door.

We make our way down the hall, and I’m met with the almost unemotional face of Giovanni Carrero. He extends an arm to me with a smile and a nod, his eyes appraising my dress, and I slide my own into his. He smiles wider and brighter, inclining his head approvingly. This is about as far as the man ever gets with any real show of emotion, but I get it. I know him better nowadays, and I smile, sighing with indulgence at the father-in-law who is so completely loveable. It has taken some time to figure out this rogue enigma, but I’m sure I have some understanding of him now. After all, we’re similar kinds of people. The type to be more reserved in affection than Jake and Sylvana and subtle in how we show it to those who don’t know us well.

“Ready to walk me down the aisle and present me to your son?” I nudge him gently, a little affectionate grin on my face and that huge warmth runs through me when I see a little softening of his stern focus. The subtle tells that underneath the cool Giovanni exterior beats a warm and loving heart.

“Of course. I can imagine nothing more I’d rather be doing today.” He winks, smugness appearing on his face, and I shake my head at him. He reminds me so much of Jake at times, but I know neither would ever admit to it.

“Glad you feel that way.” I lean up and plant an impromptu kiss on his cheek, with no qualms about bestowing loving affection on my family members, even the males. From the corner of my eye, I catch his eyebrow twitch, much like Arrick’s, showing a betrayal of flat emotion. My happy heart is too full of warmth and excited energy today, and it must be rubbing off on him.

“Well, I didn’t go to the bother of losing an assistant and sending her back to my son on a whim.” Surprisingly, he winks at me because he’s not a winker … and that’s twice now, but I’m more astonished because of what he said.

“What?” I blink at him nonplussed, thinking I maybe misheard him and can’t quite compute what he’s saying. I blink at him while gripping his arm tightly and look confused.

“My son was in pain and hiding from what he wanted most,” he says so factually, looking down at me, “I put you back in his path, so he would stop being a coward.” Giovanni grins, and all words leave my brain in an open-mouthed silent gawp, realization dawning on me so suddenly that I am rendered speechless.

He sent me back to Carrero House? Making me believe that he would fire me if I didn’t … an ultimatum that led us to where we are now.