Beautiful Fiend: Chapter 35

“The strongest fucking girl!” Xi shouts as I hit the bag again. “Come on, Bil’s!”

Even though Dickie hates having him at the gym, his words give me strength, and I accelerate my punches as the ten seconds bell rings out.

“Come on, come on! Quicker, kiddo!” Dickie shouts over Xi.

The bell rings at the end of the five minutes, and I step away from the bag, panting. I wipe my forehead with my forearm before letting my gloved hands hang by my sides.

“Fuck, I’m exhausted,” I huff as Xi comes over with water.

“No water!” Dickie barks as he slaps the bottle away. He doesn’t allow water between rounds during training. That way, it’ll feel like a real help during the competitive fight when I do get water. “How long will you keep coming to my gym?”

“Until she feels safe going out on her own,” Xi snaps back.

“I can pick her up from your house and drive her back after training.”

My stepbrother crosses his arms and juts his chin at Dickie. “The fight is in two days. You lasted almost two months, you can last another forty-eight hours.”

“Please, can we focus,” I intervene, putting myself between the two.

They silently stare at each other before Dickie finally turns to me. “Alright, get in the ring. Let’s spar.”

I remove the boxing gloves and put my MMA mittens on, but Xi’s words stick in my exhausted mind.

It’s already been two months since I broke up with Caden. Two months of ignoring his constant calls and messages. Of sending Xi or Dad to the door every time he comes to the house.

Everyone has grown so protective around me I don’t do anything on my own anymore. And Xi has become my personal bodyguard. The worst thing is, I’m so grateful for it I don’t know how to thank him.

After what happened with the Kings, I’m terrified for them to come back for me. They were going to end me, I know it. Jade and Sawyer’s hatred for me knows no boundaries. I was ashamed to admit it to Xi. When I finally opened up to him about my fear of being alone on the streets, he swore he’d be glued to me until I was ready to be on my own again.

Nothing, and I mean nothing, stops me from thinking of Caden. Not when I’m with my loving family. Not when I’m fighting. Not even when I’m asleep.

My dreams are too often his body against mine, his wicked smile, his magic kisses. I’ve woken up too often from touching myself while moaning his name. He’s cursed me to love him forever, to a broken heart and an aching need to be near him. He’s put his mark on me, more than literally.

No one has seen the tattoo saying he owns me under my right breast. Practically everyone has seen the crown that’s been added to my NSC dagger because it’s glaringly visible when I wear my tank tops or sports bra. While most people stayed silent, Xi lost his shit. I couldn’t tell him I didn’t even want it on top of everything. I just stayed quiet and took his wrath about how I was the worst decision-maker, that I couldn’t have gone for a worse boyfriend, a worse person to fall in love with.

Thankfully, he didn’t add that he would have been a much better choice. He knows where we stand on that, but he only stopped scolding me when I exploded into sobs.

He apologized many times for going too hard on me, saying that he was just furious on my behalf and couldn’t stand to see me heartbroken. I let him spoil me with food for upsetting me. Even though it had to fit within my diet.

When my round of sparring is over, I’m bent in half, wheezing, while Dickie talks harshly to me. “Two days, and you’re dead after a few rounds? I hope for your sake you’re planning on knocking out Killer Clover in two.”

After the Kings beat me up, it took me three weeks to get back in the ring. And even then, I couldn’t spar and risk being hit in the face. I fully healed two weeks ago since nothing was broken. I’m fucking tough; that was my only luck. That and Ethan getting me out before they could do more damage.

I’ve only had two weeks of actual training. Dickie doesn’t say it, but I can see he thinks it’s not enough. He thinks I’m going to get crushed in that cage.

What he doesn’t understand is I need this more than I’ve ever needed anything in my life. This is not about escaping the North Shore anymore. It’s about leaving Caden behind. If I ever want a normal life again, I have to.

We train for another two hours. Until I’m so exhausted my legs are shaking. After a shower, Xi drives me home.

We settle for dinner in the living room together because Dad and Aisha are out, and Emma is dealing with whatever shit she needs to deal with for NSC. She no longer shares anything with me, keeping me away from any news on the Kings.

We’re eating some leftovers and watching TV, but I can feel the way his eyes keep coming to my neck, so I finally turn to him.

“Will you fucking stop?” I snap. “I know it’s there. I don’t need your eyes on it all the time. Fuck, I can feel you seething silently, and it’s a constant reminder.”

The Kings’ crown that Jade left on me doesn’t hurt anymore unless I’m showering with hot water, or if I scratch it by accident. The scars are still an ugly red. They’ll turn white with time, leaving me with their mark forever. As if the tattoos Caden had given me weren’t enough.

“You know I tried to find Sawyer,” he says low. “The motherfucker has been hiding, knowing we’ll end him as soon as we find him. Fucking coward.”

“Jade did this. Not Sawyer.”

“Jade is untouchable.”

“Why?” I snap. A certain rage engulfs me. “Why can’t she fucking be killed?” My arms swipe the entire coffee table, sending the plates and glasses flying before I stand up, pacing the room. “The bitch has had it out for me for months. She attacked me with her friends. She tried to fucking end me. You keep talking about Caden and Sawyer, but it’s her fault.”

I don’t know why I put so much of the blame on her. Growing up as a girl, we socialize in a society that blames everything on women. We learn to condemn each other for the mistakes of men. For the times they purposely hurt us.

On the North Shore, the violence between women is like nothing I’ve ever heard of anywhere else. It’s more than cattiness and gossip. We go for each other’s throats. We go for the kill. I was hurt when I was just a teen because my sister and Kay were arguing over a man. Sawyer beat me up and threatened to rape me, but it was Jade who carved my skin. And I am raging at her. Because—no matter how much it shouldn’t be this way—that’s my first instinct.

It’s not right, but she’s the one I can afford to blame. She’s the one I could kill with my bare hands. She’s an easy target for me and anyone else around me. It’s so wrong for me to think this way. I am aware of it, but at the end of the day, I’m not trying to be the bigger person. I’m trying to survive in a patriarchal, broken town.

“Billie,” he scolds me. “Keep your energy for your fight.”

“Fuck!” I scream, throwing whatever was left on the table against the wall. “Why?”

“Because,” Xi says calmly as he gets up too. “No matter how mad they are at her, the brothers love the fuck out of her.” And by the brothers, he means the stepbrothers, Ethan and Elliot. “And they’re not letting anyone near her. I’m pretty sure they’re planning their own type of punishment for her.”

He approaches me carefully and wraps his arms around me. “We’ll avenge you, Bil’s. I promise,” he whispers as I let myself fall into his embrace. My head lands against his chest, and I feel the tears returning.

I can’t fucking stop crying. That’s all I’ve been doing for two months. People are walking on eggshells around me, avoiding the topic, but I’m the one who always ends up bringing it up. I’m the one who ends up in tears.

Because that night was fucking traumatic.

Because I want revenge.

Because I miss Caden.

Every time he sends me song names and a time, I go to check it. I’m weak, and I check exactly what the lyrics say despite ignoring him and never answering. I know how sorry he is and how much he misses me. That’s what makes it the hardest. We could have had it all. And he fucking ruined it.

“Let me kill Caden,” Xi whispers against the top of my head. “Just give me the go-ahead, Bil’s.”

I give him the same answer I’ve given all of them a hundred times.

“No,” I rasp. “Leave him alone.”

And he will, like every other time. Because he doesn’t want to break me further than I already am.

When I go to my room, I open my conversation with Caden. It’s just texts from him. He sends me something almost every night at the same time, and I watch as, without fault, the three bubbles pop up at the bottom of my screen.

I know the song he’s talking about. Like the heartbroken girl I am, I go to my music app and put the Good Charlotte song on.

I listen to the lyrics he mentioned and don’t even stop the tears when they spring to my eyes. I click the repeat button on the song and lie down in my bed.

Fuck you, Caden King. For making me love you so much that I suffer every day.

“Oh my god,” Emma says, bouncing on her toes and shaking every single one of her limbs. “Bil’s, I’m so stressed right now. I can’t take this.”

I roll my eyes at her, shaking my head despite a small smile spreading on my lips. “I’m the one going in the cage, not you.”

“Yeah, I know.” She stops jumping and starts biting one of her acrylic nails instead. “But this is everything. Your whole life depends on this.”

“Not helping,” I mumble.

“I’m pretty sure they don’t call her Killer Clover for no reason, you know?”

“Alright, that’s enough,” Dickie growls. “You’re out.”

“What?” Emma snaps. “Dickie, I’m her sister. She needs me right now.”

“You’re freaking her out. Plus, I need to wrap her hands.” He steps to the side, and I say hi to the referee behind him. “Come on. Out of here,” he insists.

“I think it’s best if you go to the main room.” I nod at Emma, agreeing with Dickie. “I need to get my focus on.”

“Fine. I love you. Good luck. I’ll be out there the whole time. Blink four times in a row if you need me to come help kick her ass.”

“I love you,” I laugh as she exits.

I show my hands to the ref, proving I’m not hiding any weapons and then Dickie starts wrapping me up. We’re being watched the whole time. Taylor comes in at some point, wishing me good luck, and to say he’ll be watching me. That he’s excited to see me kick her ass and get the contract started. It warms my heart that he’s got so much hope in me.

When we’re done and the ref leaves, Xi comes in. Dickie glares at him. “You better not distract her before her big fight.”

“Only here to wish her luck,” he smiles. “Can I have her for a minute?”

Dickie turns to me. “I’m gonna settle in your corner, kiddo. You got this.” He grabs my shoulders, leaning down and looking into my eyes. “Who’s the best?”

“I’m the best,” I smile.

“I said, who’s the best?” he repeats.

“I’m the best!” I say a little louder.

“I can’t hear you!” He starts shaking my shoulders from side to side, and I giggle.

“I’m the fucking best!” I shout.

“That’s my girl. I’ll see you out there with your guard up or your fist in her face.”

He gives me a huge papa bear hug, and I feel the emotions ready to wreck me. “No matter what happens out there,” he says, my head buried in his chest, “I want you to know I’m so proud of you. You’re the daughter I wish I still had, Billie.”

Tears prick my eyes, and I hug him tightly before pushing him away.

“Get outta here,” I rasp before the tears come falling.

As soon as he’s gone, Xi takes my wrapped hand. I can’t move it properly with the MMA gloves now on, but I feel his warm skin against my fingers.

“You’re gonna destroy her,” he smiles. “I can’t wait to celebrate.”

“I’m fucking unbeatable,” I chuckle. “Almost.”

“Everyone falls down at some point. It’s all about how you get back up.”

I nod. “Yeah,” I exhale loudly.

Feeling my uneasiness, he tightens his hold. “You’ve got nothing to be scared about.”

My nodding increases as I let myself believe it, my head getting back into the game.

“I love you, Bil’s. I know you know…but I fucking love you. Even if I never have a chance with you again, I’ll always be there for you. No matter what.”

“How could you fall in love with me?” I laugh as I shake my head. “I’m not right for you. You love the Stoneview girls. The preppy bitches who will wreck your back with their manicured nails.”

“Mm,” he nods as he bites his lower lip. “Those fucking Stoneview uniforms. They kill me, you know?”

“Aren’t you too old to love girls in uniform?”

“Come on, I’m not a creep. Silver Falls Uni still has a uniform. And they’re very legal girls.”

“Okay, I’m done trying to save you. You’re gonna end up with a real bitch who will hate all of us, and we’re gonna have to tolerate her at family dinners. Fucking great.”

He explodes in a laugh and hugs me.

“You didn’t answer my question,” I say softly against him. “How?”

“How could you fall in love with Caden?” he returns. “He’s not right for you.”

I stay silent. He really shut me up there.

As soon as he leaves, I go to look at myself in the mirror above the sink. My hands grab the edge of the sink, and I stare into my own eyes.

“You got this,” I tell myself. “This is it.”

“I really think you got it,” a voice comes from behind me.

I gasp as I turn around. Ethan is standing right behind me. I attempt backing up further, but I’m already against the sink.

“Xi!” I call out, except Ethan is on me the next second, his hand slamming against my mouth. I grab his arm, yet I don’t defend myself. I can’t risk it, not minutes away from the fight of my life.

“I’m not here to hurt you. I swear. Just calm down and hear me out.”

My heart is hammering against my chest, but I nod slightly.

“I’m going to take my hand off. Do not scream.”

I nod again, and he lets me go.

“I’m sorry I scared you,” he says calmly. “I had to talk to you.”

“What do you want?”

He steps away, giving me space so I’m no longer stuck against the sink.

“I can’t watch my best friend be so miserable another minute, Billie. He would kill me if he knew I’m telling you this, but—’

“Why are you defending him now?” I snort. “You hate me. You never wanted us to be together in the first place.”

“He fucking loves you, that’s why. Everyone has only ever met unhinged Caden when he had no reason to be. The scary guy who destroys everything in his way just because he feels like it. Suddenly he has a reason to live. And it’s all because of you.”

“He killed four people since he met me, Ethan. He hasn’t changed.”

“But now he’s deranged because everything he does is for you. You’ve given reason to his insanity. Do you even understand what that means?”

‘It doesn’t mean shit,” I whisper more to myself than him.

“It means you control him. It means you’ve got his heart in your clutches, and there isn’t shit he can do about it.”

“I’m done with this conversation. You can leave now.”

“I know where he was.”

An ice-cold grip gets hold of my heart, making it so heavy I can barely breathe.

“I don’t need to hear any lies,” I shake my head. “I don’t need any of this right now. A few months ago, I was kicked out of this competition. Now I get to fight again. Fuck, do you even understand what kind of chance the universe has given me?”

“The universe,” he snorts. “How naïve are you? It was all Caden. He’ll deny it if you ask him, but I know the truth.”

I still for a moment, not truly understanding. The interest he’s sparking in me is too intense to ignore. “Fine. Where?” I snap, pretending I don’t care.

“Did you know about his tutoring jobs in Stoneview?”

“Fucking hell,” I snort. “Yeah, I’m sure that’s where he was. Teaching some kids math while your bitch was carving me.” I push him away and go to my gym bag, pretending to look for something. “Thanks for helping him out. You can leave now.”

“Rich Stoneview women paid him for sex. That started before he met you. He was so desperate to get out of here that he did it.”

A sickness I can’t control envelops me. My entire body freezes, and my movements of rummaging in my bag are cut short.

“That…that can’t be true.”

“But it is.” He’s right behind me now, and I force my frozen body to turn around. “You were losing yourself after your defeat. He wanted to get you back into the competition. He convinced the girl who beat you to give you her spot, but she asked for a lot of money. Much more than he could afford.”

He takes a deep breath, and I shake my head. My brain refuses to see where he’s going with this, opting for denial.

“No. That’s not true. No.”

“Fucked up people in Stoneview pay men and women to participate in their orgies. They offered him the money in exchange for a night. That’s where he was. He always had the option to do this job but never took it for himself despite his need to leave the North Shore. He did it for you, though. Didn’t hesitate one second.”

I’m so cold. Why is it suddenly so cold? The shock of it all weakens my knees, and I fall onto the bench, my body trembling.

“He didn’t want you to know because he knew you couldn’t take the guilt. But fuck, I’m done seeing him hurt. I know you’re hurting too. He came back from that night only to find the woman he had sacrificed everything for had been attacked by his own crew. Only for you to shatter his heart when he wanted to make it right. He’s broken, Billie. He’s crushed, and nothing matters to him anymore.”

“That’s not true,” I burst out in tears. “Tell me that’s not true?”

His mouth twists since he can’t actually say that. “Do you know where Sawyer is?”

I shake my head, more tears running down my face.

“He’s in my basement. That’s where Caden’s been keeping him for two months. He tortures him whenever he feels like it, just to avenge you.”

“Fuck,” I sob, my head falling into my hands. I struggle to take a breath before getting up. “I need to see him. Right now.” I’m walking toward the door, my gloves still on, when Ethan grabs my upper arm.

“No. You’re going to fight, and you’re going to win. He lost everything for you. So don’t you fucking give up now.”

“I never wanted him to do this for me,” I cry. “He…he’s crazy. I would have never agreed.”

“Of course, he’s crazy. It’s Caden we’re talking about. He’s fucking insane. So get out there, and show him you were worth it. Then you guys can make up.”

“We can’t make up,” I sniffle. “I can’t live every day by his side knowing I’m the reason he’s broken. We’re cursed, Ethan. Everyone wants us apart. No one ever approved of us.”

“You owe me, Billie,” he says calmly. “I’m using my favor, and I want you to go talk to Caden after the fight. I want you to give him another chance.”

With nothing to add, he lets me go and leaves the room without looking back despite having just destroyed my entire world.